For Women Only....period

This post is for women...or men who have to deal with us after our sleeve. If you are neither, you have been warned!! I am going to discuss that wonderful experience almost all of us have once a month. No, it's not a full moon (but it is said to be linked), This post is all about the PERIOD. No, not the kind that kids no longer know should be at the end of a sentence (thank you text messaging for that), but the nasty, crampy, bloaty, mood changing one. This is one of those VERY HONEST posts that may make some uncomfortable...if you are one of those people, you should leave now!!!

Ok, for all those of you that I stayed with me........

I have never had bad periods. I PMSed very little and only very rarely had cramps. I knew I was lucky and I had no desire to be one of the many women out there that literately curl up in a ball for a week due to the pain and discomfort. I liked my period (as much as any women can like it). Then, I had this surgery.

The day after surgery (while still in the hospital), I started. It came out of nowhere and I was so relieved to hear that many women do experience this. It was much heavier than normal and I was very crampy. I just chalked it all up to having "trauma" AKA the WLS. So, when I came home and it finished I never really thought much about it. That is until around 28 days later. For about three days before I started again, I became a Bi$%h to deal with. I would yell at my husband for any little thing. Even if it wasn't something that normally would upset me. I cried at the drop of a hat. Commercials could bring tears to my eyes and have me sobbing in seconds. Remember the Christmas Folgers Coffee one from years ago? The one when the college or military man comes home? That caused me to tear up when I saw it the first time. Now, it would send me into a sobbing fit. But again, I found an explanation. I chalked it up to all the hormones running around in my system. Then when it started I was back to normal except for the cramps and the way it looked. Don't worry, I won't get too specific. My issue was that it wasn't the same for me at all. It lasted longer, it was heavy, and then sometimes there wasn't any real blood. It was more like the end of a period than the beginning or the middle.

I tell you all this to now tell you how it is NOW. Three days ago, I cried for hours. I wanted to kill my husband and I must have given the, "I can't stand you" look to him no less than 100 times that day. I didn't know why or where these feelings came from and to be honest, I didn't really care. I just wanted to get all those feelings I was having out. Even if it meant verbally attacking the man I love. And that my friends is EXACTLY what I did. The poor man didn't know what hit him. To be honest, I am not sure if he even knows now. I was a crazy, hormone filled, sobbing, runny nose, monster and he was the person I was sent here to attack. And attack I did. Nothing was good enough. He could look at me and get yelled at. He could say, "I love you." and I would sneer and roll my eyes. I was everything I promised myself never to be. I was the woman all men hate....I was THAT woman.

Then, the next day the sky was blue, the clouds were puffy and white, the temp was perfect and I started my period. It was like the "opening of the gate" stabilized me. i was back to myself and not the angry, crazy witch I had been only a day before. Now, so you know, this has happened for the past five months since my surgery and all I can think is, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?????

I truly feel that every month I become possessed. I can't stop myself from saying things or looking at people with despise. I even started freaking out at some kids (in their late teens early 20's) for not stopping to cross the road and almost hitting my SUV. I couldn't just roll my eyes and keep driving. Nope, I had to scream and go off on five boys that were just being that age. I can't control myself and I can't keep the thoughts in my head with out having to cry for hours or scream at unknowing people for no reason. Another example. I went to McD's to get my husband some food. The girl at the window was very rude and I ignored it...that is until I said, "Thank you" and she responded with rolling her eyes and smacking her lips. Then it was on. I proceeded to tell her she could go to a very warm place that doesn't have sand or surf. I also told her that customer service means being nice to people and if she couldn't do it, she should find a new job. Then I drove away, crying, and so angry I wanted to hit something. Now, this is not me!!!! This is the woman that takes over once a month and does her own thing. I can't stop her. I've tried. I have the inner talk with her. I've kept her mouth shut only to have her use a crow bar to open it. I have done everything I know how to do (as a therapist) to not be this mean person and still, NOTHING is working.

So, here's my question for you all.....Do any of you have this issue or anything like it? Are you a different person during your time of month since surgery? Let me know if I'm going crazy and need to see a doc or if this is normal. If it's not normal, be happy I've passed that time of the month *the PMSing" becasue if I hadn't, you might get a piece of the crazy, Bit@#'s mind....and trust me, you nor I would want that.