So I apologize in advance, I need to rant about this because it's driving me up a wall, and the more I get it off my chest the more I'll be able to let it go and keep moving.
I'm gonna start with saying I know my body is not my enemy, I know that it's retaining water and holding me at my weight because it's scared that I'm starving or something and it's trying to rearrange so it can function well in a low calorie environment. I get that stalls cannot last forever if you are doing the right thing. I know that someday eventually the scale will move in the right direction. That day is just not today.
That being said, it feels like I'm fighting against my body today. I feel hormonal (which I'm sure is normal burning fat and so low cal) and I just wanna get how I feel off my chest, because no one at my house really gets it, sweet as they may be to try to be understanding. I hate that I am stalled for so long so early out. In the scheme of my life 12 days is not a lot, and I will live through this, but right now 12 days seems like a long time. Especially when I am not even quite 4 weeks out from surgery. I was doing everything right, getting in walks twice a day, getting in almost all my protein, keeping my carbs low, getting my water in, and I just don't know what else I can do. Yesterday and the day before I tried eating a few extra calories - keep in mind we're talking maybe 750 calories or something, nothing mind blowing. I thought maybe if I give my body a chance to think that we're not in starvation maybe it would be more likely to let a few pounds go. Instead I gained. And now I am back up to 301. I am sitting here trying not to cry because I know it's so stupid to be upset about something I have no control over, and that is just a number on a stupid scale.
I know that I have to find ways to work through the stress of this, because the only thing stress is going to do is make me retain even more weight. At this point I can't wait to go back to work, if only to be able to get my mind off my weight and my food. Once I get back I will probably be cursing myself for saying that, but it's true, right now I need to have something to do. I feel frustrated because I cannot even eat anything good. No wonder my past diets failed. I have not been sleeping well since the surgery either, and I think this is also affecting my weight/mood. I feel like I'm PMSing 24/7 right now. I know it's stupid to think this, because every post where I've read someone say this they've eventually succeeded, but what if I'm stuck here for months? How will I handle that? I guess I didn't realize this would be such of a mind game - I never expected a stall to last so long 2 weeks out the gate.
Ok - now that I have given myself a chance to let my emotions come out and be a little irrational, it's time to keep on trudging. Since increased calories did not work, I will be working diligently today to keep my protein up and get in extra water. I am not going to let this stall beat me, even if it means I'm stuck here for the next six weeks. So far, I have been letting the scale beat me, but I'm gonna try and keep my focus on tomorrow. I may not have lost today or yesterday, but that never means I won't lose tomorrow. I think I will try and stay away from the forums a bit while I'm going through this process. It's hard to not compare my loss to others and wonder why my body is being so frustrating.
Dear body, I'm not giving up, so please just give in already.