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Talking It Through



So it is 58 days to my surgery, and I am finding the time is just dragging, I am so eager to be sleeved by now I think I'l just bounce right into the operating theatre. It is frustrating that these days are plodding past.


I've been seeing my psychologist more frequently than I was to help me deal with food issues as I am determined to try and make this work on all levels long-term. This week we talked about some things that have surfaced, and I had an 'AHA" moment about the fact that I've been subconsciously making myself "invisible" over the years. Being a fat person, for me, means that I tend to do things to sort of fade into the background and in fact piling on the pounds has been a part of that behaviour among others. Ring any bells people?


Seeing the psychologist is costing me an absolute FORTUNE and I end up crying at nearly every session. I've never done anything like this before and I so hope it will clear out all of the nonsense that is my judgemental daily inner voice. Yuck, such a delightful self-defeating inner dialogue- and I've never really been that aware of it. Actually I'm quite simply ashamed of myself for thinking this way for so long.


Any one else talking it through with a professional and getting help that way?


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I did work with my therapist a few years back. It is well worth the time. I realized that I had an internal dialog of self-loathing. I decided that I was no longer willing to say to myself things that I would never say to another. Some of the conversations were started by my mother, who never intended to harm me by worrying about my weight... but things like... no man wants to marry a fat woman... were my daily bread. I no longer had room for rotten words, when I chose to sustain myself with love... with words that I WOULD say to others. We should all treat ourselves with as much kindness as we offer those we love.

I'm so glad you are doing this for yourself. You are worth every ounce of hard work. No one deserves your love more than you!

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