Talking It Through

So it is 58 days to my surgery, and I am finding the time is just dragging, I am so eager to be sleeved by now I think I'l just bounce right into the operating theatre. It is frustrating that these days are plodding past.

I've been seeing my psychologist more frequently than I was to help me deal with food issues as I am determined to try and make this work on all levels long-term. This week we talked about some things that have surfaced, and I had an 'AHA" moment about the fact that I've been subconsciously making myself "invisible" over the years. Being a fat person, for me, means that I tend to do things to sort of fade into the background and in fact piling on the pounds has been a part of that behaviour among others. Ring any bells people?

Seeing the psychologist is costing me an absolute FORTUNE and I end up crying at nearly every session. I've never done anything like this before and I so hope it will clear out all of the nonsense that is my judgemental daily inner voice. Yuck, such a delightful self-defeating inner dialogue- and I've never really been that aware of it. Actually I'm quite simply ashamed of myself for thinking this way for so long.

Any one else talking it through with a professional and getting help that way?