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My mother...

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deedee

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My mom was not in favor of me having weight loss surgery. She encouraged me to try Jenny Craig AGAIN or look at the serotonin plus diet (even offered to pay for them). Although she did not like my decision, she always supported ME 100%. She sat with my husband during surgery, came to see me each day in the hospital, and came by my house during my recovery to bring me whatever I wanted.

 

Well, over the last few weeks, she has made some interesting comments regarding my clothing purchases. When we went shopping for my birthday I found a lot of clearance Lands End clothing at Sears that was 75-80%. I really wanted to buy some size 8's for next summer, but she said I'd never be that size, that I NEEDED to stop at 12 if I managed to get there. I was having such a pleasant day and was wearing 14-16 at the time, I just didn't want to make a big deal over it.

 

Last weekend we went out together and I was talking about how I ordered a size 10 Lilly dress (since I now fit my size 14 one I've had for a couple of years) because it was such a great deal. She got really upset that I was continuing to spend money on clothes and said, "And how long do you think you'll be that size? Like 6 months?" insinuating that I couldn't possibly maintain a lower weight. I accused her of being unsupportive and left it at that.

 

Yesterday I stopped by to pick something up and she decided she wanted to explain that she does support me, she's just worried that I will lose too much and start to look sickly like my anorexic aunt (one of her sisters). What?!? I weigh 174 lbs. I am at the top of the overweight bmi range. It was good we had the conversation. I think we both understand each better, but I am still just annoyed. I feel like part of her just doesn't want me to set my sights too high and fail (I've been through this before because I am so goal oriented and she worries). I just wish I could be at the end of this journey so that all of this was behind me.

 

Oh, well...it will all be okay, just needed to get this off my chest.

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I'm hesitant to share my decision with my family. My sister asked me over Christmas of last year would I ever consider wls. I kind of brushed it off like if my doc recommended it, I may look into it but not for sure. Truth be told, I started researching wls in september of last year. I think she would be supportive of vsg but I'm not sure if my mother would. I think I haven't told her because I'd rather not know if she supports me instead of knowing that she doesn't (does that make sense?). Once I have my consult I will definitely tell them, maybe even before. But for right now it's so far in the future for me I feel I should keep it to myself.

I'm sorry your mom isn't enthusiastic about you buying smaller clothing. Don't get discouraged or anything. You will reach your goal so continue shopping, you deserve it! Just a thought, maybe you can start shopping with another friend and avoid having those types of convo's with your mom. It seems that you guys are close so that may be difficult. Either way I wish you the best of luck and thanks for welcoming me!

Skye

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Ohhhhhhh how I feel your pain with the mom issue. My mom was banded 2 years ago, and I now weigh less than her. Sometimes, her comments cut right through me. I don't even know how to react so I'm glad y'all were able to talk about it. My mom's latest rant is that if I don't stop losing "I'll wither away to nothing." Plus, her band is a typical fickle band, she can't get to a sweet spot and she's 2 years post op, so she just deals with the stalls, and pretty much diets all the time to maintain. She told me "I'd give anything to lose like you are, but I'm not going to do something wreckless like have 3/4 of my stomach removed." I just sat there dumbstruck.

I know you'll get to that size 8 DeeDee.

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Thank you Skye and Tiff for the words of support! Family relationships are just so complex, but I know I wouldn't be who I am today without those relationships (but I probably wouldn't also have been in counseling either :-)

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deedee, I know what you mean about relationships and especially ones with your family. Sometimes its something within themselves they can't get past and when you are successful or make a big change they don't know how to take it. Its hurtful but hard to break out of the image they have of you. Guess you will just have to show her the new you. Another thing that is maybe hard for her is that you won't know when to stop and get too thin/sick etc. That is another way of being out of control. Oh happy medium!!:)

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