Post-op

I am happy to say I am now 5 days post-op lap band placement! These last 5 days have been very difficult, but I know it will be worth it in the long run. I've had to deal with a lot of pain issues and my body not agreeing with the pain medication. When I first got home i was taking Lortab 15ml every 3.5 hours. It was all way too much for someone who has never taken pain medication before. My abdomen was huge and swollen, and I was barely able to pee.

The first night home was crazy, I was in so much pain and majorly drugged. I felt like I had bugs crawling all over my body and was constantly waking up from being 'stung' by the bugs. I can remember the pain of the stings were like little needles and I couldn't get away from them no matter what I did. My abdomen was also itching like crazy. When I got up in the morning and looked at my stomach I had a bright red, itchy rash from my sternum to my pelvic bone. Apparently I called my surgeon's office (I don't remember calling), and they determined I must have had an allergic reaction to hibicleanse (what they clean your stomach with to sterilize before surgery).

Every day has gotten better physically, and I think I'm right on target to where I should be in the healing process. What has been difficult has been the emotional side of lap band. Every time I've been upset about something I've wanted to eat. I haven't cried in years and I have cried now twice in the last 5 days. By taking away my ability to staunch my emotions with food, I have had to deal with my feelings straight on. I knew this would happen, but it doesn't make dealing with it any easier. In a strange way it has been a sort of relief to know that I can still feel things and have emotions. I'm hoping that losing weight/lap band can help me to learn to be more open and vulnerable to other people. I hate admitting that I need other people in my life and that I can't do everything on my own. It makes me vulnerable and open to getting hurt and that is really scary for me. Maybe by taking away some of the fat that I shield myself with I can learn to let other people in again.