A little nervous...

In a few minutes, I will be picking up my dad from the airport to go to my brother's rehearsal dinner tonight. He lives in North Carolina and I haven't seen him since a few days after the surgery. I hit the 39 pound mark today and I'm curious to see what he will say. He has seen me at all my ups and downs (weightwise and otherwise) and I know he was very proud of me when I decided to go through with the surgery. Frankly, I'm pretty damn proud of myself too! Lap band surgery is not easy, no matter what anyone says about it, and I know I've done the right thing for myself. Not just for my looks and self esteem, but more importantly, for my health and my ability to stay around longer to bug my future husband

Weight has always been a touchy subject with my parents and me. I've been on countless diet and exercise plans throughout my childhood and teenage years and always felt that they wouldn't accept me if I was fat. It's hard to be 8 or 9 years old and having your pediatrician tell your parents to buy you toys as a reward for when you lose weight. Most kids get toys for getting good grades or behaving well, but not me. Kind of screwed up now that I look back on it. I always felt like less of a person the heavier I got and thought that my parents were ashamed of me. I never had the guts to actually come out and ask but it was kind of obvious. My late mother was never as bad as my father, who I am convinced felt guilty for overfeeding me as a baby and probably thinks that if I'm thin in my adult years that it will absolve him of all wrongdoing. Again, these aren't facts but just my assumptions. Someday I'll work up the courage to ask him. I just wish I could have one conversation that doesn't revolve around my weight, either what I'm doing to lose it or why have I gained so much, etc. Someday I hope it will be a nonissue altogether. I want to worry about who I am as a person and what I'm doing to grow and nurture myself, not what I'm doing to make the numbers on the scale lower. With Bandy's help I know I can get to that place and it's a happy feeling.