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I'm such a failure

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khunt719

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I haven't blogged in what seems to be forever so here it goes...It seems like no matter what I do the weight just doesn't come off. I have been stuck between 224 and 227 for a month now. I have been working crazy hours so exercising hasn't been high on the list of things to do. I am on my feet at work and do 2-15 min walks a day but that doesn't seem to be helping either. I do well during the day but at night is when I am at my worst. It's like nothing will fill me up or satisfy me. Last night I had a ham sandwich on 45 calorie bread, a bowl of lucky charms (which tasted fabulous but didn't meet the nutrition standards), and some white cheddar popcorn. It's like nothing I had would fill me up. The sandwich should have been enough but I didn't stop. I sat there and thought about the cereal until I had to have it. It's like the demons inside of my head tell me to eat and I break down and eat it. It's a vicious cycle that I haven't learned to break. It's just the nights, I started to crochet to take my mind off food and that seems to help most nights but lately it has been a battle and I don't know how to make it stop. I go for another fill in 2 Tuesdays and haven't lost anything in a month so I know the doctor is going to ask what is going on and what am I supposed to say? I wanted to lose 30 lbs 3 months ago and haven't met that goal. I'm still 24 lbs away from that. The weight just isn't coming off. My mother had the lap band done and then had the sleeve done later after they took out the band and she loses without any exercise. Why couldn't I be that lucky? I think I'll go on a 5 day liquid diet this coming week starting Monday and see how I do with that. Even if I lost 3 lbs that would be ok with me. I would have something to talk about when I go to the doctor's. I was taking Phentermine and it wasn't really suppressing my appetite so I switched to Adderall to help with my overeating and ocd. I can't imagine how much I would eat if I weren't on it. Life is just throwing me a ringer and I don't know how to get past it but to starve myself. My calories have been good and I'm burning more than I am taking in on most days so why am I not losing. It seems whenever I overeat I gain 4 lbs overnight and then it takes the whole week to lose it. Could it be water weight? Should I ask for a dieretic? I am totally lost on this one. I don't know what I should do. Maybe the liquid diet will give some results so I'll try it for a week and see where it gets me. Thanks for listening and if you have any advice, feel free to give it. Good luck on your journey.:)

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We all go through this at one time or another. But don't you feel some restriction from the band? Using an appetite suppressant seems to kind of work against what we know about banding?

I had a flat week. I got up a little earlier and walked for about 30 minutes or did the elliptical for 30 minutes. Drank more water. Do situps and leg lifts on the commercials at night. Anything to kick up activity a notch. And log your food. I think you might find you are eating more than you think you are and getting less protein and veggies.

Just a thought. Hugs!!!

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I think it might be time for another fill. I can eat toasted bread by itself but just thinking about taking a bite of a ham sandwich makes my chest hurt. Don't get discouraged! I had a month long plauteau and after a fill, BAM, I lost 10 lbs that month! I'm really a slacker with exercising too, but I try to do weights at least twice a week and I 2nd doing leg lifts or pushups during commercial breaks! :)

Please don't think I'm jumping up on my soapbox, but just a suggestion: I think you should clean out your kitchen and throw away things like Lucky Charms and popcorn. The week before surgery my Dr suggested that I go through and donate almost everything in our pantry. My boyfriend has one cabinet o' junk that I don't look in so I can't be tempted. I have very low willpower when I'm home also. If I buy a bag of Doritios I will eat an entire bag of Doritos. So I just don't bring those types of things home. It's easier than torturing myself everyday and then feeling bad when I eventually cave in.

I'm sure you've heard this a million times before, but try to eat high density proteins first. They take up room in your pouch and you'll feel fuller faster. I try to always keep imitation Krab, tuna salad, rotisserie chicken from the grocery store and other quick fixes in the fridge. When I get home from work at 4 I'm usually starving. Instead of munching on chips like my boyfriend, I heat up a chicken leg or grab a few krab sticks.

Good luck! Remember we're all here to help you and we're going through the same problems!

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Khunt, I agree with Janience, get rid of the rubbish and stock your fridge with fresh sliced cook chicken which we get here in BBQ, Tikka and other varieties. Also suggest getting Crispbakes or otherwise known in the Deli shops as Toasted crisp bread. I'm like Janiece need to eat something as soon as I arrive home which normally consists of 2 x crispbakes with low fat soft cheese spread with garlic & herb, yum. A few months ago I started seeing a Cognitive Therapist and changing my thought process about food and deal with my binge eating, seriously recommend this process. Now into my 3rd week and getting back to my normal self plus planning to get back to the gym on Thursday. Do try and get out every evening for a 40 min walk which has been so enjoyable and not missed TV at all. Keep focused.....

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I would recommend reading "The Four Day Win" by Martha Beck. She's a life coach and talks about the mental struggle we all have with food. I'm only 3 weeks post surgery and wrestling with so many demons it's unbelievable. I thought I was ready but I'm having trouble staying on my "mushy food" diet. It's terrible. I feel like such a failure and I'm only in week 3! I'm sure these are things each and every one of us have struggled with. I've started the book and it's helping-it's along the lines of what madpendelope talked about with the CT. Good luck & hang in there!

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