What am I doing?

All of my documentation was forward to my insurance company this week. I was required by my surgeon to do a sleep study last weekend. That was one of the most unpleasant experiences I have gone through in a very long time. Thank God it is done and over! I have found myself trying to eat a lot of different things I normally would not be eating. It’s like I know in the back of my mind I will not be able to eat those foods for a while or never once my procedure is done. Food is starting to become more of a focus for me than I would like it to be. It really takes very little food to bring me to a filling of being full. I am finding myself force eating, and I hate that feeling. It has taken me a very long time to train my stomach that a little can go a long way. I have started losing the weight on my own, but getting the band would be a wonderful thing tool to have. I understand that my mental state has a lot to do with the physical desire to eat even when I am not hungry. My husband did not even eat supper last night, and I noticed he did not give the thought of not eating a second thought. I don't understand why that does not work for me. I do understand that every single person is created and designed totally differently, but I wish some things about me were different! I have a lot of mixed emotions about being band, but I am still so excited at the same time. Does any of that make sense? I know God is going to give me the strength and ability to be successfully with the band. I feel like some of the bad food habits I've tried so hard to fight are trying to over take me once more. I find myself wanting to eat and I am not even hungry. Is that crazy or what? I read someone's blog and they wrote," Being thin taste better than food"! Those words are keeping me focused when I don't want to be focused. I do want to be thin, and that is a greater desire than eating certain foods. Maybe some of what I am experiencing is the anxiety of waiting for my answer from the insurance company! I have waited so long for my day to come so an extra 15 business days is not going to kill me!