Mixed feelings

I have not posted anything in a very long time. When I first joined this site at the end of last year 2009, I was so excited for this process to start and end. I felt like this time would never come to an end for me. As I look back over these last seven months, I really can see my idea of being band has changed for the better. I was so desperate to find a quick fix and this band was going to be my answer. I now realize that the band is going to be the tool yes a "tool" to lose the weight. I have said it so many times before that I understand my responsibility in this whole process, but looking back I really don't think I did. This is my body and I am responsible for the way I take care of it. For years I have not done a very good job of taking care of myself. It is hurtful for me to be able to admit this, but I really have let myself down in so many ways. I have made so many excuses for things being the way they have been with me physically. I do understand and realize that no one else can or will do this for me. I have developed so many health issues (heel spurs, arthritis in my right knee, swollen feet, and a hernia) that are contributed to me being over weight. I do realize and thank God that I could have so many more serious conditions. However, these conditions cause me enough pain and discomfort. It's not easy to say these things, but it helps me to understand my responsibility in my present condition. I do love myself and my entire family, therefore they all deserve better from me. I will do my sleep study this Saturday, and all of my paper work will be turned in to my insurance company. I have met all requirements, and I really don't foresee any reason they would deny me. I am praying to have my procedure done by mid June. At this points in my life, am ready to make a life long change to becoming a happier, healthier {"ME”}! This site has been such a blessing for me to be able to vent if needed and receive the most unbelievable support any person could ever want or need. Thank you Lap Band Family. My journey is just beginning!