It was a long night. 50/11grillion things running thru my head. A plethora of feelings and mixed emotions. Very little sleep.

I’m having 2nd and 3rd and 4th thoughts about this entire thing. Yet another reason I decided to blog the journey – accountability. And the fact that once I let the blogosphere know my plans, by obligation and not wanting to looking foolish, I know ill persevere.

what will become me??

I’d be lying if I didn’t say that a lot of my concerns are about vanity. What the man in my life will think of my appearance sans clothes in a year from now. After all, he’s been here with me thru the thick of it. Or fat of it, as it were. I’ve gained about 30lbs since we met… most post-baby. (Ironically, so has he) But for the most part, I pretty much look the same.

He’s used to my fluff. And he’s a boobman. The fullness of my breasts (which happen to be my 2nd best feature – the first is my awesome firely red mane!) are bound to be the first thing to go. There may be some hope for them, because even at my smallest, I’ve been busty…but I somehow doubt they’ll shrink up “nice & perky” (from training bra to C-cup over the course of a summer…and from there, I rested comfortably at a full D/DD until the last few years as I’ve picked up weight). I’ve seen & heard what happens to the boobs when you lose a lot of weight, and I’m not looking forward to it. There. I said it! *eyeroll*

Now, the other part of my body where I carry the most weight is my thighs. I shutter to think what will become of them aesthetically. But it will be kinda nice to wear a pair of stockings/tights without the burning of my delicate thigh meat from the incessant rubbing together as I walk. I might even be able to cross my legs all lady-like for the first time. A definite bonus! But, will I look like a 97 year old woman?

Of course Bertha the Belly is bound to go missing. But will she go missing hanging down around my knee caps is the question. *face twisted*

I know. I know. I KNOW that this is about health. But my own thoughts about this process are leading me to want to do a lot more research on the mental/emotional space of folks who have lost a drastic amount of weight. I know I’ve gained roughly 50-75lbs over the span of 10 yrs. And it will be nice to be back down to a “respectable” size. But will I be depressed because my body won’t look the same as I did back then?

I’m pretty solid. I don’t have a big Buddha belly. I’m compact. Fairly proportionate. And until I blasted my weight for the whole world to see, most folk don’t have a clue I weigh so much. So I’d like to think that I carry it “well”. But how “well” will I be carrying this smaller figure 365 days from now? That remains to be seen…

All I know is I need to go ahead and buy some stock in the company that sells SPANX, because imma be a foundation/compression wearin fool. *hmmmmm* Maybe if I wear those for the duration of the process, it will help my skin be tighter? Just a thought. Though ill miss my days of traipsing around the house butterballbooty bucketnayket…a smaller me, may make for a more modest me.

But somehow I doubt it! *lol*

you are funny...i will admit i also had those 'Body Thoughts'... since my surgery in Sept my husband has been concerned about the assets going missing. I tell him that is why the Wonder bra was invented. My big concern is the skin and yes i have lost a little over 30lbs and i have seen some sagging in my belly and thighs. BUT i have been told that it take a while for the skin to catch up to the new body, so i have been lathering myself with lotion that claims to tighten after prolonged use.

I have also been told i carry my weight well for the last 10 years ( i gained about 100 lbs) afte having 3 kids including a set of twins i cannot get over my belly. I am working hard at getting down,,,lots of tummy crunches!!

it is a huge change physically and mentaly.... i still struggle everyday...but i do not regret the BAND for one minute because if one reason ---- HEALTH!

I have tried SPANX and i could not fit in a 3x... i refuse to use something that makes me feel so trapped. I will wait till i loose a total of 100lbs ( goal) to see if i can squeeze myself into a Spanx 2x

Good luck and remember that our men love us because of how we carry ourself..whether Big or thin. We can still rock it !!

WOOOOOSAAAAAAAH! I needed to hear this! Thank you! I didn't think it was just me...

I honestly think my husband is having some of his own feelings about the future "new me". Almost like insecurity? IDK...he'll just have to get over himself though, won't he? *lol*