Sabotage!!!! I see you!

SO its birthday season in the fam again. Cake...cake and more cake.

I find myself eating more and more. Im not sure if I need an adjustment or if my head isnt screwed on too tight but something has got to give.

What I think is really oing on is that I am nearing the 199lb mark and I am freaking out for whatever reason. I did the same thing at the 299 and 250 marks. This needs to be sorted out. I am going to do some really soul searching to find out why I am so afraid of succeeding. This issue comes up time and time again throughout my life. It manifests itself in most endeavours. There must be a lesson that I am not learning in here, because it keeps popping up.

I am going to figure this out and beat it because I am tired of holding myself back from everything. Shite! I wish I could express how disheartening this all is. Out of control.