This is not Lifetime! This is, like, a PARODY of Lifetime...

Current mood:fallacious

Category: Blogging

So, I read recently that Ciss and I have a "Lifetime" -esque love story that practically yearns to be shared (Ok, let me first point out that I've actually heard this a lot. Cissy thinks this, and so do the strangers that we meet that she shares our story with (Anybody remember the couple from the Gomez concert?). Secondly, let me point out that my above use of the word "yearns" was intentionally ironic, since "yearns" is very much a Lifetime word.....not so much a Trey word. Thirdly, let me point out this may be my longest use of the parenthesis to date. I've even managed to work in the much-coveted parenthesis-within-a-parenthesis. Impressive, eh?). Well, to be fair, I used to think that too. Upon later reflection, though, I have changed my mind. "But why, Trey....why?" you ask. Good question. What follows below is a list of reasons that refute the Lifetime theory.

1) - I was never an abusive boyfriend that both scared and excited Cissy at the same time.

2) - Cissy's mother never uncovered long-buried dark secrets from my past that would come back to threaten all that I hold dear.

3) - My ex-girlfriend never plotted harm to Cissy in a passionate, yet ill-thought-out plan to win me back.

4) - That scary Wank Wank Wank violin music is not audible when I enter a room with a scowl on my face.

5) - Cissy doesn't have an identitical twin sister that she was seperated at birth from that would later come back into her life to wreak havoc.

6) - Ciss and I never teamed up to investigate the abduction of a local young lady, only to have the trail lead to a white-slavery ring that we broke up using only our bravery and wits.

Oh, sure I could on, but I think I've made my point. If anything, our romance is more akin to a Spike- style movie. "Trey....", you may be saying, "You can't spring a theory like that and have no examples to back it up". Well, actually, yes I could, but because you and I have forged a genuine emotional connection, dear reader, I WILL show how The Trey and Cissy Story could totally be made into a spike-tv movie.

1) - I have a cool catchphrase ("What's up, mothafucka?") that I like to spring when nobody expects it.

2) - Ciss is kind of like my "sidekick". We have witty banter.

3) - Although I have the physical size and martial arts prowess (Aikido, mothafuckas......see how I did that? Catchphrase, my friends, catchphrase....) to be a total badass, I am really a friendly, sensitive guy

4) - Three words: Daily car chases

5) - Cissy is one stone-cold hottie in a league waaaaay above me, yet she's clearly devoted to me, mind, body (hehheh) and soul.

6) - We are considering getting a liscense to carry a concealed handgun. Why? Because we can.

Again, I could go on and on, but I think I've proven my point. Tune in next time when I may compare my marriage to Starsky and Hutch......or maybe LaVerne and Shirley would be more applicable.........