Be still my heart....uh, not literally

Current mood:febrile

Category: Blogging

Welp, here it is at the very end of August. I have been very busy lately, which cuts down on my blogging time. After receiving many, many heartbreaking letters begging me to write more "zany articles of rib-tickling delight", I have a new goal....to blog at least once a month. Cissy would probably appreciate it more if my new goal was to double my income...but i am a man of my word, so 1 blog / month it is.

After vacationing in Florida earlier this month, I am reluctantly recanting my previous blog. You see,

i have decided again that (should the circumstances align just right) Brandi will indeed be my next wife. What follows is a list of the reasons why:

10) - Awesome rack. Oh, I forgot...she likes me to call them "titties"

9) - She makes purty kids

8) - Has a no-nonsense approach to teaching her kids the correct anatomical names for parts of the body, like "Yum-yums", "Tooterbug", and "Penis"

7) - B makes a baked penne dish that will make you murder several people in an attempt to incite a race war. At least, that's how Chuck Manson described it...

6) - She can play foozball like a savant

5) - Has a decent shot at becoming a poker professional. I bet you expected me to make a cheap pun using the word "poker", didn't you? Well I'm a master of the unexpected, baby!

4) - Not afraid to get burned by a stoogie. I can't say any more about that

3) - She knows she can't *CHANGE ME*

2) - Shes ready to turn in by 9:00 PM, leaving me plenty of time to fight crime as a costumed superhero

1) One word: Beva (all I'm gonna say is that it's NOT what you're thinking, ya sickos!)