The Death/ Degradation of my childhood icons...

Current mood:nostalgic

Category: Blogging

So, the other day I was surfing around on MySpace when I noticed an advertisement for The Transformers. Usually, I don't pay very much attention to stuff like this (sorry, Tom....), but a re-make of an early 80's cartoon about robots? I had to check this out. After watching the trailer, I was a little saddened. This new Transformers movie looks very sleek and matrix-like, but....I kinda miss the Transformers TV show. Sure, the animation was kinda cheesy, and there were a lot of plot holes (Like, why did Megatron turn......umm, excuse me.....transform into a giant gun that another robot had to fire? And why did Megatron always giggle whenever somebody pulled the "trigger"? Awkward). I hope at least that the new movie will keep the ultra-cool sound that the robots made when they were transforming (you know what I'm talking about.....that metallic wah-wah-wah-wah). Bottom line, it got me to thinking about how almost everything that I hold dear from my childhhood has been re-done/ re-made. And usually not for the better.

*warning- the following observations are generational, and the younger of you may have trouble following*

I used to be a huge Spiderman fan. I mean old-school Spiderman.....from the "Electric Company". Sure, I had to suffer through two hours of psychodelic hippy-type educational programming before they would show an episode of Spidey, but it was worth it. Now, the Spiderman movies have made, like, a ba-jillion (highly technical term) dollars, and the effects are good, and the plot is engaging, and blah blah blah. The old spiderman was much much better. Why? Because the dialog (which was spelled out in huge word balloons) was simple and always dealt with the moral Du Jour. Also, spidey's web was simple black netting, which was easy to reproduce for at home re-enactments. To tell the truth, Ciss and I still play Spiderman to this day.....perhaps I've said too much...

Exhibit #2....One of the best cartoons of the early 80's was "He-man and the Masters of the Universe ". Ummmm, it was before mainstream America really knew what gay was, ok? Prince Adam was kind of a wimpy sort (viewers knew he was wimpy because of his high-pitched nasally voice) who, by hefting his sword into the sky and intoning "...By the Power of GraySkull...." could turn into a hugely muscled barbarian (whose name was the muy-macho sounding "HE-MAN") that wore a furry loincloth. Said barbarian would then thwart the plans of many evildoers without actually killing anybody. The unique thing about M.O.T.U. was that, while He-Man was supposed to be a secret identity, he looked exactly like Adam, only with far, far fewer clothes. The movie version (starring Dolph "Rocky 3" Lundgren) was only a pale imitation......no, less than that....it was a sick joke.....of the original. Dolph (who didn't even sport the bowl haircut from the TV show, for goodness' sake) sliced and diced his way through the entire movie. Kids, killing is morally wrong......unless the great state of Texas dictates it.

But perhaps the most callous and reprehensible incident comes from the studio jerks who decided to "improve upon" my most treasured memory....namely, Dungeons and Dragons (We in the know just call it......D&D). D&D used to be an exercise for the imagination......a meditation of visualization. Many was the night that I lay awake, thinking of mysterious creatures that I knew I would never have to face in real life. Creatures like Trolls.....and girls. But in a blatant attempt to "cash-in" on the movement, somebody came up with a D&D cartoon. So horrible was this cartoon that I watched only a few episodes. I found myself shouting things at the TV. Things like:

"You can't slay a beholder without the axe of Sheogarath, dumbass!"

"Yeah, like a level 7 cleric could cast that spell..."

"Throw the ring into the lava, Frodo!" (oh wait, wrong show)

I was getting way too angry watching this abomination, so I turned the TV off and got dressed for the senior prom. Strangely enough, I did not score.

So there it is. I find myself anxiously waiting what will be remade next. Will it be that fascinating peek into urban life What's Happening? (Oh, ReRun....the way you dance...) or will be that racially sensitive melodrama Chico and the Man? We shall have to wait........and watch.......