So.....It's an exciting time to be a couch potato. Everybody knows that Direct TV maintains a delicate ying-yang type balance between good channels and channels that suck. Just let that sink in for a moment......think about it....for every "Home Shopping Network", there exists "E!". For every "logo" there is a "comedy central".....

As an aside (and man, didn't I use an aside in my last blog? I really need to come up with a new literary trick) let me just offer up this bit of backstory: Awhile back, MTV attempted to self-balance its terrible regular channel (why so few music videos, MTV?) with the brand new MTV2 (The hype was "all videos all the time"). Then, in an attempt to destroy the fragile Direct TV balance, some terrorist saboteur decided to change the M2 programming to include almost zero music videos! Bastards! All would have been lost if VH1 and VH1 Classic had not been there to take up the slack.....It certainly was a close call......

Now what was I saying? Oh yes, the balance. Veddy veddy important. If too many channels are boring, nobody watches TV. If too many channels are great, people drive themselves insane thinking they are missing something. Lately, things were slowly sliding towards the dull, until a new channel was introduced...Chiller (All scary programming all the time......Schwing! Tumescence!...But I digress...). But as great as Chiller is, there is new king in town.....COURT TV !!!

Court TV is soooo insanely good that I call them "The Scorpians" (because they, like the band, will rock you like a hurricane...). The 2 best things that I have seen lately have been on Court TV: 1) Coverage of the impending Phil "Wall of Sound" Spector trial, and 2) The press conferance announcement of the Anna Nicole autopsy results. Let's examine......

If you haven't seen Phil Spector lately......wow.....Google his image now! He has worn some of the most spectacular wigs known to man. From the "80's perm" to "White man's afro" to "Little Lord Fauntleroy", his wigs have impressed potential jurors from coast to coast. Of course, he may need every advantage....jurors (supposedly of one's peers, mind you) were told the trial might last 4 months. Now, to be a little judgemental, anybody that has nothing better to do for 4 months than to sit on a jury panel is not really my peer...

The Anna Nicole autopsy results (awesome...) were given by the official coroner......Dr. Joshua Perper. To be honest, the findings were overshadowed by one thing: Dr. Perper's massively misshapen head. I defy any reader to watch the video replay and not wonder "Whut in the hell happened to that guy's head?". Either he is on the verge of growing another head, or the crown region has been caved-in by some nameless trauma. Regardless, it was nigh impossible for me to avert my eyes from his noggin.

Ok, I've rambled on for far too long......I gotta go watch some more Court TV