By excited, do you mean freaking out because I have never been under anesthetic? If so then yes. Actually I went to the dentist once for tooth extraction and whatever they gave me knocked me the #$&*# out!
It is vain but I am looking forward to looking good. I am embarrassed by how much I want to be annoyed by male attention. I get none right now. I want to know what it is like to not be able to cross a room without people looking. I have no illusions that I will have a hot body but what I will have is a shape that is not a size 20 and THAT I am okay with.
I turn 40 in March of 2014... and people can snark and comment and judge all they want but on that day, I will not weigh 273 lbs like I did this year. I will not fight to lose and gain the same 40 lbs. I will not cry because I see people losing weight at a great clip and I am in pain from trying to work out and gaining and losing the same .4 lbs every week and not eating anything GOOD. For that kind of progress, I'd rather eat a pepper and onions sandwich or a pizza or donuts every Friday.
MOST OF ALL when I go out with my girls I will not be the fat chick in the back trying not to notice that the dude is complimenting everyone but me. I will not shy away from pictures because I feel like I look like a beached whale next to everyone else, despite having dropped 30 lbs. What world do I live in where I lose 30 lbs but I am still fat?
Never again, if I can help it.
So yeah. Excited. NERVOUS. But really looking forward to the after picture.
I am on liquids through Wednesday of this week. 39 days to surgery. 29 days until I have to be on the 10 day liquid diet, so I am preparing myself. it's actually not too bad. Meal times are a breeze. I hate having to decide what to eat. I do better with limited options, LOL.
40 days to surgery.... and I've been keeping myself busy so that time doesn't stand still.
Keeping up with caring for my skin, trying to improve it. My Clarisonic Mia came in and i've used it twice. pretty cool. Using my Ambi and Garnier lightening creme on the dark spot on my face. Not seeing much yet but it's been just a week, so I have a ways to go before I see something.
My parents are coming to visit next month... they said they were coming, I just wasn't sure when or IF they were coming for sure. They will spend Christmas Eve and Day with me and then go spend time with my Aunt and the rest of the family. They live south of town, about 45 minutes from me. I didn't even have a bed for the guest room so I had to scramble to order something. I also ordered a table and some chairs since I didn't have that either. I'll be putting that together this week and finishing up the bedroom.
That will be RIGHT AFTER surgery! My mom had Bypass in 2001 so she gets that I don't plan on being the life of the party. At least I will get to see them. I have no idea what to get to have here at the house... I won't be able to eat any of it.
Is it bad that I am kind of relieved? I don't really like holiday food. I stuff myself with the few options that I like and then hate myself for it. This year I won't be able to do that.
Anyway, on with the preparation...I tried the Celebrate NS vitamin powder you mix in with a drink........ewwwwwww. no. No way I am doing that twice a day. As far as I can tell, Dr Alvarez only requires his patients to take a multivitamin. I got some Wellesse liquid multi and also one with vitamin c and D vitamin, and also some liquid protein. I figure I'll take all of that that I can get and if I can add it to something else, that would be great.
I ordered a couple of genie bras, an electric kettle (for making unjury protein soup) and a cup warmer to keep it warm since it gets cold so fast. I also ordered a warming pad... is that what you call it? I can't remember. I got one, anyway. I want to also get a binder because I heard that it helps, especially when on the plane.
I am liquid dieting Sunday through Wednesday this week. Actually I started yesterday but I went to brunch first. Dinner was soup and later on I had an Atkins shake and I've been drinking my water. Thursday is our company Thanksgiving dinner and I want to have some of that but I will probably get back on mostly liquids. I still want to hit the 230's by the time I get on the plane. I will be on full liquids by December 10th.
Told my mom about going to Mexico for surgery. She is NOOOOOOOOT HAPPYYYYY. I cannot convince her that Dr Alvarez is high skilled and qualified. She said to tell him not to mess up!
She said she respects my decision and she's happy that Bestie is going with me. They will be here in ATL on the 24th so we'll do Christmas eve, Christmas, and then they'll probably head down to hang with my aunt and cousins and all the good people. I'll be off work, so I'll have a lot of time to rest up and get used to the sleeve.
My security deposit came out yesterday, so no going back now!
SO EXCITED.
Forgot to mention that my weigh in yesterday was 247.0, down from 251. Not too shabby. I did very well on the test days. Next week I'll probably do Sunday - Wednesday. Eating is so much less stressful when i don't really have to think about it. I think I may actually enjoy the 10 day liquid diet!
Spoke with my lender yesterday and verified all the loan info. He said it will fund a couple of weeks before surgery, so around the first week in December! w00t!
Till then I am just really trying not to buy a ton of stuff until I come back. Who knows what I will actually use/need/like and I don't want to waste money. Right now, just concentrating on getting to surgery.
I told my boss yesterday (one of the two people ONLY) that I am going to tell about surgery) and he's excited.
44 days!
I got.......a lotta packages yesterday. An Unjury sample pack, Celebrate vitamin thingys you put in water (I HATE pills, they stink, the smell makes me vom) and some biotin. I shoved it all in a corner cause I had it all shipped to work. Didn't have the chance to look thru anything but I will take a look tonight.
I contacted the loan people cause I hadn't got my final docs yet. She said they don't usually look at files before they are 45 days out from surgery so they would probably look at it next week. And I think my birth certificate is on the way finally so I can get my passport.
Trying the vitamin water additive thingy today. They make water taste so... vitaminy.
Last night I met a friend for dinner but I was still 'practicing' my liquid diet. I had a few bites of Caesar salad and some tomato soup. Other than that I have been liquid since Sunday. I am not too jazzed about eating lunch-- I have some broth here and an Atkins shake, but I might pick up some baked chicken for dinner. I don't want to 'not eat' for 45 days.
Hope to chat with my boss today about surgery and then I will reserve my airfare while I have the cash.
46 Days. Yes I have a countdown timer on my phone and my iPad. I need to know exactly how many days I have to procrastinate getting anything done in time for surgery.
I can think of NOTHING else right now. Everything revolves around Dec 21st. I've given myself a couple of projects to keep me occupied so I am not sitting at home staring at 4 walls, willing time to move forward. Lots of boards to read and things I need to get and lists to make.
I am practicing the liquid diet right now. I need to ease into these things so yesterday and today I am liquid. Next week I will do three days and the following four days etc. I start the liquid diet on Dec 101, I believe. Plenty of time to ramp down. I would actually like to hit the table in the 230's. I am not required to lose any weight but I would just feel more comfy on the plane if I dropped a little bit.
Countdown to Surgery: 47 days!
I can think of nothing but having surgery. I really need time to just speed forward. I've been trying to start some projects so I have something to keep me busy. I am doing NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and I need to go through my summer clothes and bag them, and I have been researching some issues I am having with my skin. I also have a ton of books I'm reading, so I should be pretty well occupied. I think I will set a reading goal to hit X books before I leave for surgery. That'll keep me really busy!
I have been eating like boo boo for about a week. It stops today. I don't even know what I weigh, but my knees tell me I am over 250. I've tossed out what crap I didn't eat. Last night's dinner of meatball parm and garlic rolls was the last decadent meal I will have until Thanksgiving probably. I am practicing being on a liquid diet today. I have water, Atkins shakes, chicken and beef broth and that drink and eat chicken soup.I forgot jello. DANG! Tomorrow.
I should be good go to go today. I'll probably continue it to tomorrow and weigh in on Tuesday. if I could head to Mexico in the 230's, that would be great. My knees would thank me and I would be more comfy on the plane.
Another tip that my bestie gave me: Get a coffee cup warmer! Especially if you plan to eat a lot of Unjury chicken soup, you'll have to sip so slowly that it won't stay warm long. You can't warm it up in the microwave because it will clump and curdle. I plan to get a hotpot and a warmer to keep upstairs because I spend a ton of time up in my room. I am almost never downstairs. And yes, I brought my extra microwave up here, LOL.
I also need to make a list of things I need to pick up to take with me. It takes me forever to get things together so starting now would be a good idea. Today I picked up some long sleeved shirts. I will go get more pairs of leggings and some socks and that is going to be my fashion for those days I am in surgery. I also need some sports bras, because I am not going to wrestle into a Lane Bryant bra after surgery.
Countdown Clock 48 days to surgery.
Went on a bit of a shopping spree yesterday, so a few packages are going to be coming to me in the next week or so. My Clarisonic Mia has shipped and should arrive in about 5 days.
I also ordered some wild growth hair oil, which was recommended by a friend that I call my hair guru. She's really just a product junkie that keeps her finger on the pulse of black hair care. She recommended this stuff for my edges. I'm also hoping to get some thickness back in my hair. Once I have the surgery, I am guaranteed to lose hair so I want to thicken it up a little bit before then. I used to have a lot of hair, but it has really thinned out in recent years.
I ordered a new coat from Target. It'll be the last plus sized coat I buy. It's tight in the arms but I am keeping it because soon I hope to be swimming in it. It'll be a nice gauge to me for weight loss. When that coat is too big I will rejoice.
I also have some vitamins and biotin on the way. Going to start getting in the habit of taking them now.
I went to the gas station yesterday and because I was hungry I let myself buy some junk, so that's all I had for dinner last night. And I have more of it today. What I SHOULD do is throw it away and go to the store and get some protein, some sugar free jello and some water. Maybe later on...... I DO want to start ramping down the junk, because I have 38 days before I will be on a liquid diet before surgery.
Yesterday I went to lunch with a coworker and ended up telling her about the surgery. She and I work closely together so there is no way she won't notice. I will also tell my boss, but I believe that's about it, from work. Eventually everyone will know but I want to keep my plans to have the procedure under wraps right now. Anyway, we were talking about how great the new year is going to be with a whole new me. "Can you imagine," I said. "I could be down by 50 pounds by my birthday at the end of March. That would put me under 200 pounds. I haven't been under 200 pounds since college. That's CRAZY!"
I'm ready for some crazy.
Hi. Welcome to my quest.
I turned 38 on March 25th at a whopping 273 lbs-- the heaviest I have ever been on my birthday. I dieted down to about 243 by June 1.... and then bounced between 243 and 238 ever since. As of this moment I am sure I am over 250.
I have been fat since my teens, so a very long time. I have been as low as 218, but I haven't seen that number since the end of 2007. I haven't been under 200 lbs since I was in high school.
On top of that, I am legally blind and I wear very thick glasses. I am awkward, shy, and painfully introverted. A fun night in is a bowl of popcorn and a good book or all my internet buddies. I know nothing about makeup and most days I don't give a crap what I look like. I don't date at all. Men aren't interested in me even if I wanted to date, so that makes it easy to just not care.
I am scheduled for Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy on December 21, 2012. I've told myself that I have a bit over a year to get my act together and be 'fahn'-- not pretty, not 'okay if you're looking at her from far away', not 'well the fat one has a pretty face', not 'would be so pretty if she was thin'-- FAHN. It's a word that my friends and I use when we mean more than pretty, more than beautiful, more than hot, more than sexy.
FAHN. By 40. I will be there.
Since I have a bit of time before my surgery and I am ANXIOUS about it, I need a project to distract me. I am going through things I want to do to make changes and one of those things is my face. Well, the skin on it. I have facial hair, I have melasma (dark brown patch on my cheek), I have stubby eyelashes, I don't wear makeup and I don't really give a second thought to what my brows look like. Tangentially my hair is frequently just in a ponytail. I don't do anything to it and rarely have the desire to. So to distract myself I am working a bit on my appearance while I prep for life changing surgery.
I have ordered a Clarisonic Mia and I'll be tracking it in Nov to see if things improve on my face. I am also looking to get a scrip for Vaniqua so that I can start stunting the growth of hair. Drinking more water to make sure my skin stays clear, once I get it there. And in general starting to care about myself and my appearance.
My dad was recently in town and preached to me about loving myself. I'm trying, dad. Working on it.
A few befores. May I never be this fat again. I'm the one in orange/ the one in the long dress w/blue sweater
