May 2nd seems like such a long time ago. When I think of how I was feeling that day and how I feel today, it truly makes me so proud of my body. My body that I've abused with a lifetime of overeating. My body that had to wait patiently for years for my mind to realize it was time to make a change. My body that has recovered so beautifully and allowed me to be as comfortable as possible through every last thing I've put it through. I could cry. For the first time ever, I love my body.
The day of surgery, my blood pressure was good. I hadn't been on any bp meds since 8 days prior, per my PCP because my bp was getting too low and I was feeling very faint because of it. I was already so impressed with my heart being able to recover so quickly from hypertension and I had only lost 50lbs. I know that 50lbs is quite an accomplishment, but I'm still in need of losing 200 or more (if I can without skin removal), so it seems like just a post in a very long road.
I'm teetering on the brink of the 300s. This morning, my scale went between 399 and 402 before settling on 400.2. I could very well be in Tres Town when I wake up tomorrow! I couldn't believe it when the digital scale went down to 399! It's amazing. I'm so pleased with everything so far.
So here's my saga of surgery and recovery to present. This is more for my own reflection later, but I thought it might help someone who's starting their journey soon.
I couldn't sleep the night before surgery. Well, I slept, but only for 3 hours. During surgery, my blood pressure went up, so they gave me Labetalol. Immediately after surgery, when I was in recovery, my heart rate dropped to 45. I slept through all of this. In fact, most people spend a couple of hours in recovery, and I slept for 6 hours in recovery instead. My blood pressure was normal and once I woke up, they sent me to my room.
Moving from bed to bed was very, very painful. The nurses had to check me for bed sores and roll me around and I didn't even have the energy to cry. AS SOON as they were done, they gave me morphine. I tried to get comfortable but my back was hurting. My parents came to say hello and visit, but I was tired and it was late, so they left to go home. When my nurse came to check on me, I told her my back was hurting, so she called to get me a new bed. This was a blessing and a curse. The new bed was great, but I had to change beds again! It was an air mattress and so comfy I didn't need a pillow under my head. The nurse so kindly helped me brush my teeth and wash my face from bed and got me some mouth swabs because I couldn't have liquids til my upper GI the next morning. I sent a few texts to friends to let them know I was okay, then slept til morning when they came to take me for the GI.
That upper GI was painful also. Moving was really hard. My tummy is so big and giggly, every movement was painful and sore. When I went back to my room, they removed my catheter and brought me breakfast - beef broth (gross), coffee (why?), orange juice (again, acidy, why?), and green jello. The nastiest of all the jellos. I was pouting thinking there was nothing that I could eat and then I saw - cherry Italian ice cup. HEAVEN! Granted, it was about 3 baby bites of heaven, but I was so happy.
I was sleeping through most of the day when the nurse came in and checked my bp to find that it was 80/40. She walked in while I was sleeping and my heart rate was 40. They put me on a holter monitor and ran an EKG which said I had a grade 1 A-V block and a mild arrhythmia. The on call doc saw me and said he believed it was due to the anethesia and morphine, and that because I was improving, it wasn't a need for major concern. He suggested I follow up with my PCP, who might send me to a cardiologist for an echo, depending on how a repeat EKG goes. I felt dehydrated and a little weak, they tried to take blood but literally could only get drops before my vein would collapse.
I was eerily calm through all of this. My parents weren't going to come visit me that day because they live almost 2 hours from Chicago. I had talked to my parents first thing in the morning and all of this took place after the nap I took after I spoke to them. I'd told them they could just come Saturday when I knew I was going to get released. I didn't even think to call them when all of this heart business happened, because in my mind, I felt like I knew it was just anesthesia and the morphine and I just wasn't scared. I got up and walked around more because they took out the catheter, so I HAD to get up to use the bathroom. I walked around my room as best I could and then just slept. I never turned my TV on ONCE while I was there. Not once!! I made myself drink more water. I made myself walk. And later that night, my bp was up. My heart rate was up. I still have a mild arrhythmia, but the nurse said it's benign and my PCP already knows about it.
My stay at the hospital was great. The nurses and techs were all really genuinely friendly and kind and helpful. The staff at my surgeons office has been excellent, too. My follow up visit was Friday, 8 days post op, and it was good. I lost 13lbs in 8 days. I'm at 17lbs lost in 10 days now. I'm on soft foods now and I cooked myself some soup yesterday, made some protein pudding, and just felt like I was having a normal weekend. I love making soup on Saturdays and having several cups through the day as it cooks more and more. I was able to have that same experience this weekend, but my total trips to the soup only totalled 1.5 cups of soup for the day. That's exactly what I wanted from the sleeve. Yes, I've made and will continue to make many healthy changes in my life. But if I want to have a lazy day of eating, the sleeve will let me do it and still lose weight. I don't have to lose myself in this surgery. Now the "living the rest of my life" begins, and I'm so, so happy to be here.
I'm grateful my body has made it through all of this. I can't wait to see what my body can do when it's lost this weight. It feels nice to love myself again, and the affection will only get better from here!
So, I'd say I'm PRE-pre-op. I'm terribly obese. I can't even tell you how obese because my doctor doesn't have a scale that goes that high. He hasn't had a scale that goes high enough... for a while. I'll be 32 in exactly 20 days and I've been fat my whole life. I've never been happy about that. I've never been proud of it. In fact, I've mostly tried to ignore it and hope everyone else does too. I've literally been the elephant in the room.
I considered surgery so many times in my life. But, I don't know, there was something nagging in the back of my mind saying that surgery was a bad idea. For whatever reason, I decided that I need to do something now. I've already "wasted" so much of my life being fat - because, sadly, I am a total hermit and don't go out, therefore have been single for WAY too long. I have zero confidence when it comes to men. Furthermore, I don't even like the idea of having someone touch me right now. I disgust myself. I know that might come off as totally self-loathing, but I really don't hate myself. I hate my situation. I want to change it. As someone who has tried to keep blinders on about it for years, I actually think it's the healthiest thing for me to look at myself through a strangers eyes. I'm no longer some chubby girl who's still kinda cute. I'm FAT. I don't want to be anymore!!
So, looking around at the various surgical options, I think I really want VSG. I talked to my PCP on a visit 2 weeks ago about surgery and he said we can get started so the insurance will approve it. He's referred people for it before, people with similar insurance as mine. At this last visit, I was also officially diagnosed with high blood pressure (160/90) and he put me on meds to bring it down. I go see him again Monday, and I have a whole bunch of questions written out for him. I've been seeing him for years and he respects me (I think) and he knows I have some medical knowledge (I'm a health insurance underwriter - YES, I'm probably that jerk you hate that declined you coverage) so I'm really hoping to get a better understanding of how the process works and what I can do to speed the process along. I got a referral to a Nutritionist from him on my last visit, I'm calling them tomorrow to schedule an appointment. (the referral came in the mail today - NO, I promise I haven't been procrastinating since 2 weeks ago!!)
I'M SO NERVOUS!!! I talked to my best friend about it last weekend and she wasn't as supportive as I thought she'd be. She's also overweight, but not nearly as much as I am. Despite the fact that we've shared with each other multiple times how unhappy we are with our weight, I really think she sees WLS negatively. She's the kind of friend who will support me anyway, but I just feel like deep down, she thinks I'm making a mistake - and that bums me out. Then again, I was one of those surgery nay-sayers 3 weeks ago, so I can also understand that A, the news was probably a shock and B. I could be projecting. She's got serious issues of her own to deal with, so maybe I'm putting too much value into the conversation!
I told my mom about it today. She was so happy for me! She's also overweight and said, "I've been wanting to do something like that too, but I'm too scared to take the plunge!! I'll let you go first - PAVE THE WAY!" I wish I had talked to my mom before I talked to my friend!!! (Isn't that how it always goes? lol) Anyway, Mom agreed to take good care of me post-op, so I got that part taken care of, albeit incredibly premature.
I realize I've barely dipped my toes in this whole process and I'm already so anxious to do this! I want my life to change. I want to go through what everyone describes here - the ups, the downs, the highs, the lows - I just want to turn my whole life around so I can go run down the street if I want to, or not have to worry about if there's a close parking spot or if that friend's house has a bunch of stairs.. OR ICE IN THE WINTER!! Ugh! I swear, FAT GIRL NITEMARE is falling on some ice and it's impossible to GET UP!! lol - gotta keep a sense of humor about these things, right?
Anyway, I really look forward to this journey. I hope I can stick to it, I hope I can get this done... wish me luck! Hope to find some cool people with a sense of humor to get through this process with on this site, and IRL.
