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Pirates, Ninjas and Sleeves, The Quirky Rollercoaster Ride of Life

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Bustin' Out The Moves- 80's Style!

Only 14 more days until surgery! Man, I've got so much to do until then! I have to bake a huuuuge vegan wedding cake (pain in the butt), go to my last class/doctor's appointment, start my liquid diet, save the world, clean my house, save the world, work through a weekend as the only decorator (scary!), catch the cat, and then drive 3.5 hours to my parent's house and then 1.5 hours to the hospital that I'm having surgery at. Shew! I'd be tired if I wasn't dancing about in excitement! I feel like I should be singing and dancing to some bangin' music! If my life had a theme song right now, it would be "Can't Touch This" by Hammer. Oh yeah, and bustin' out some bad 80's moves! *giggles*   I've been slowly switching over to liquid diet stuff so that my body wont flip out on the 18th (the start of the official diet). At least I gave up my espresso shots awhile ago. My coworkers told me that I'm not allowed to have espresso, as I'm hyper and too happy even when I'm NOT on it! Spoil sports.... *pout*
Lyra

Lyra

0
 

Insensitivity And Spider-Alien Love Spore Removal

Once again I was battling the Evil Denizens Of Cake and kicking some fabulous creativity butt when one of my coworkers come into The Batcave (a very, very small windowless room that the baking and decorating magic happens in. While the Receiving team may say that THEY have The Batcave and we're The Fortress of Solitude, they're wrong. So ha!) So there I was in The Batcave when a coworker of mine decides to chill out and talk to me. I love to talk and so normally I'm up for a good conversation except this guy is so socially inept and awkward that all the girls in the department cringe. Because he and I are the only people in the department currently not married or dating I think he thinks we have this 'bond of whatever' between us. Kinda like the two amigos against the big, bad world in our search for love and marriage. Except...no. While I would like to be in a relationship, right now I'm crazy busy and I also don't hang my self-worth on whether or not I have a man. Plus, he's really, really socially inept. Anyway, he starts drilling me on why I'm going to be out of work for 2 weeks, that he heard I was having surgery and what was it, etc. Since I have to work with him, and am more of a "Rudeness As A Last Defense" sort of girl, I tried to politely change the subject. Nope, the guy was like a friggin' blood hound. By this time a couple other coworkers had come back to The Batcave and were listening in. Which irritated me to no end. Hello, rude much?!   Well, the week before I had perfected my reply to people like him and so decided to see if it would work a second time. What I ended up doing was first I said that I was getting wings so I could flit around bringing cake to everyone. Instead of taking it as "Def-Con 1 Mind Your Own Bloody Business Or There Will Be Consequences" he asked me again. So what I did was lean forward and say, "It's actually really upsetting ((dramatic pause)). You see I woke up the other night with this spider-alien thing stuck to my face with a tube down my throat ((fake voice tremble)). They have to do surgery in order to rip out the alien love spore before I do my best Sigourney Weaver impersonation from Aliens 3." Yep, it worked again! When in doubt pull out amazing silliness and people tend to edge away from you and leave you alone. Or laugh. Either way they go away and stop asking intrusive questions. Niiiiiice!
Lyra

Lyra

0
 

Why Can't We Pay With Chickens? Or A Goat?

So I recently switched insurance companies to one that will approve my surgery...as long as I have a paper proving that I had another insurance UP TO the day that my new insurance starts. Basically that little sheet of paper means that there is no pre-existing clause to my new insurance and PRESTO approval for the VSG. I've had the insurance guys swear on all they hold dear that this is so. No problem, right? WRONG. My 'old' insurance is about to feel what my boot up it's derriere feels like. I cancelled my old insurance and dated it the day before my new insurance picked up. Well, three weeks later their system FINALLY updated and they said they would send me my Proof Of Insurance paper....dated at the end of this month. I don't need the cancellation to be at at the end of this month, I need it to say at the end of LAST month because I've gone to doctors this month and said that my insurance was Insurance B. If I had 2 insurance coverages for the last month that means I have to go back to all these doctors and submit paperwork showing that I had primary AND secondary insurance for them to bill. So sayeth the law. Now, I'm tickled all shades of pink that I finally have this magical document, but I am less than thrilled that I will have to traipse across the city to different doctors to submit another insurance for them to bill that I dont even have anymore. Especially as my 'old' insurance was crap and basically laughed in the face of medical claims and would just punt the claims to my new insurance.   Seriously, WHY can't we go back to the way that it used to be and just pay the doctors in chickens? How about a goat? I'm a cake decorator and I'll trade wedding, holiday, anniverary, birthday, and divorce cakes for surgery! Pretty please?
Lyra

Lyra

1
 

Sad

*sigh*. My last class before getting my surgical date is next week and I was hoping to have the surgery at the end of March. That way I could have the two weeks off and go back to work for Easter weekend (I'm a cake decorator). I just found out that the first week of April is blacked out for time off. Which means that unless my surgery is 4/9 I wont be able to take 2 weeks off until May because it would interfere with the other decorator's vacation. Damn it. February has flown by and I know March will too....but I'm just so bummed. I just want to have the surgery and get this done. I know that in a few months everything will have worked out...but right now I'm just a little sad. It doesn't help that I've been working crazy long hours dealing with some real wackos lately and am very hormonal right now. Why do people feel the need to treat customer service like crap? I get treated like I'm an idiot when I have as much, if not more, education than many of my customers do. What is wrong with people?
Lyra

Lyra

1
 

Bad Brain! No Cookies For You!

I am Batman. Or rather, Batwoman. No, seriously, apparently I am some lady's hero today who called work all in a tizzy because her pie dough turned out wonky. Forgetting the salt does that. Perhaps one day I'll even look good in spandex and a cape.   Besides my future as a caped crusader I like to think I'm a rather self-aware lady, and I mean self aware beyond the existential belief of both my physical and mental existence upon this plane of reality. Yeah, it's a work in progress but I've given a lot of time (oh, say about five minutes) to understanding my brain and why it prefers to think in shades of purple and glitter (there may also be polka dots) rather than in a more logical and linear manner. Well, I think we can toss "Lyra's Self Awareness Merit Badge" into the trash can. I swear, where does my brain get some of it's thoughts from? Obviously I didn't train it up right and it needs a choke collar and some correctional training. So, here's the sitch...   I was at work today doing my very best to help raise the sugar level in America (I'm a cake decorator, or as I like to say, 'Cake Diva') when one of my coworkers who is a teacher on the side said that she recommended me to teach a class next semester. Now this is good in several ways the first being that teaching one class will help me figure out if this is what I would like to do full time, and the second being that I would make a lot more money teaching than what I'm currently doing. Also, I'm bored and feel the need to stretch my gossamer (and delicately ephemeral) wings in order to expand my repertoire within my profession. So, this is good and I'm confident enough that I think I would be good at the job. However, the first thing that popped into my head was, "Well, if I get the job and as it doesn't start until August, then I probably wont be fat then and so will kick butt." *Beats brain with a rubber duck* What the hell?! Since when is my brain trying to play for the rival team in putting me down? Mutiny! You would think that since my brain is trapped in it's current flesh-mobile that it would be a little bit more respectful of my..er...rubenesque physique. Also, my butt stomping boots work no matter what size I am. It just kinda made me sad that I had this automatic thought about my innate ability vs my size. We get enough of that from the public without having to put up with that inside my own head! Bad brain! No cookies for you!   Okay, one other thing. Why do people, when they see someone like me eating a salad, ask "So, are you trying to lose weight?" I don't go over to skinny people who are eating burgers and say, "So, I see that you're working on that ol' beer gut. Good job!". Today I was eating my lunch (salad) and one of my coworkers asked me what dressing I was using. When I replied "olive oil and lemon juice" he commented that it is great for the middle of the body. *stink eye* Seriously? My middle is not up for public debate. In fact, my middle is under the Witness Protection Program and it's name has been changed so feel free to pretend that it doesn't exist. My reply to him was that, "I don't know what you mean" with my best Clint Eastwood stare. Cue uncomfortable silence and then his quick shuffle towards the door. Yeah, that's right, feel embarrassment and social discomfort brought about by your own clumsy inability to talk about the weather. *rolls eyes*   Tomorrow we're going to the zoo and I'm all aflutter! I do enjoy seeing the penguins and it sounds like a blast!
Lyra

Lyra

0
 

Ekg Done, Huzzah!

So off I toddled today to get my EKG (my last test!) done. I had to wait 1.5 hours for a 5 minute test. I'm a rather energetic lady and so when I be-bopped into the cardiac waiting room I got the "what the hell are YOU doing here" stares from about 85% of the waiting room. For some reason I thought the EKG would involve diode glue and having to chill out for at least an hour. Nope. It was peel and stick stickers and barely getting comfortable when I was told that I was done. Weird.   My support group meeting is 3/8 (only 10 days!) and then they can schedule me for surgery! Whoop whoop!
Lyra

Lyra

0
 

Danger Will Robinson, Danger!

Holy batcrap, Batman! Last night I went to this awards dinner for a friend and the food and wine kept coming...and coming...and coming... I admit it, I ate the hell out of that food. If the food was an enemy army, I not only defeated it, but laughed in the face of it's useless whimpers for mercy. It was amazingly delicious, but at the end of it I was...unimpressed? That's not quite the word that I'm thinking of, but by the end of the meal I got hit with a wave of "this is so not worth it". I'll admit...ever since I've decided to do this surgery I've kinda had an "enjoy it now, within reason, Mr Stomach (I have no idea why my stomach is a dude, since I'm a woman, but eh) 'cause you are gonna be a trim, slim, mushy eating machine soon." Of course, this doesn't give me carte blanche to gorge myself into insensibility...but I did find myself pleased that I'm starting to separate food and emotions. Yeah, it was good (read: scrumptious) but on the scale of "Delcious food vs Lyra's Awesome Life Waiting To Happen" it falls short. Very short. It also isn't as emotionally fulfilling as it used to be. Perhaps it's because I'm taking this step forward to change my life that I've started feeling this way. I still enjoy great food (see pig-like actions above) but it's now more about the taste than "I feel so sad/depressed/angry/bored lets eat a cheeto" that I was (not) rocking before.   So, porky pig-like actions are a thumbs down, but who would have thought an awards banquet would bring about some self-realization? Now I need to go walk a couple of miles and do some (a lot of) "I was a bad, bad Lyra" pilates.
Lyra

Lyra

0
 

First Appointment And Stress And Guilt...oh My!

So today was my first doctor's appointment with Dr. W and he was fantastic! I felt very comfortable and he answered all of my questions without making me feel like I was just another faceless paycheck. His staff are also a bunch of supremely competent and amazing nurses who went to the extra mile to help me schedule some other appointments. Overall, it was amazing and I wouldn't be so stressed except for one thing...my insurance does not cover gastric surgery. At all. Zip, zilch, nada. So unless the doctors and hospitals go back to accepting chickens as a payment method myself and my family (who rock!) are going to have to come up with the money before I 'go under the knife'. That part definitely creates a ball of stress in my stomach, along with an unhealthy amount of guilt. The fact that my folks are willing to scrimp and save along with me for this makes me feel so unworthy. My mom almost brought me to tears saying that this was important for her, because it is important to me and that she would do what she could to help me pay for this. She keeps reminding me that 'where there is a will there is a way' but golly, I sure do wish that the way was a lot easier!   Adios, ya'll and if anybody knows how much a kidney goes for on the black market, let me know! (joke)   ~Lyra
Lyra

Lyra

2
 

"baaaa", Goes The Sheep.

The first days of the liquid diet suuuuucks. Running around the store, making cakes, and working next to a hot oven on liquids only is horrible. Seriously, cannibalism is looking good. Or I'm imagining that my cat would taste good with sweet and sour sauce (joke). *laughs* I was so hungry today that I definitely had a decorating theme going on! I did cupcakes with pigs, chickens, and some very cute and quizzical looking sheep today! They were super cute but everyone was making fun of me for having food on the brain. I hear that by day 3 things get better. I hope so as I feel light-headed and very Ms. Grumpy-pants. I think it would have been okay if the ice cream truck hadn't parked outside my apartment complex with its dastardly song for 20 minutes. I swear the ice cream truck song ignites a rather Pavlovian response in humans of any age! Somehow I don't think that peanut butter milkshakes are on the 'approved liquid list'. Oh well, only 5 more days to go!   The other day was my final pre-op nutrition class, along with my final pre-op doctor's class. The nutrition class was interesting if very, very long. One of the guys in the class pretty much told the nutritionist that he would eat whatever he wanted to, thank you very much. That kinda boggles the mind as it seems like you're setting yourself up for a rather expensive failure. Thank goodness I don't have that mindset.   I have a crazily busy week coming up. Hopefully the days will fly by quickly. Luckily I have plenty of B-rated horror movies to watch on my lovely day off today! Woot woot!
Lyra

Lyra

0
 

Sausages, Cloud Watching, And Dragons!

So I had a thought today about WLS when I was at work. I realized that while I am excited about new clothes, better health, and a more active life there is one thing that would be almost (TMI) orgasmically good. It would be fantastic to come home from work and NOT have my feet, ankles, knees and legs positively ache and swell up. I work on my feet for 8 hours every day as a cake decorator. Sometimes after sitting and then getting back up my feet are so swollen they look like little Italian sausages (the Hot and Spicy kind, of course!) and I hobble around like a 100 year old woman! I actually daydreamed today (while cloud watching! I saw a crab, and Spiro the dragon!) about how having 120 less pounds bearing down on my poor footsies will feel! How maybe my hips and shoulders wont hurt. About how I will be able to enjoy my body, rather than be exhausted by it.   Still no word about the insurance, but I've got a ton of extracurricular activity for the next five days to help take my mind off of everything.
Lyra

Lyra

0

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