So my sister in law is in town. Why is that important?? Because it's time for our annual tradition of pedi/pie day!!! Uh oh....how can I do this? I've had WLS and I cannot engage in such activities!! Awwwww bullpucky! Well, there is a place here in Albuquerque called Flying Star, and they have the best desserts for miles and miles around! Especially the Rio Grande Mud Pie, which is what started our pedi/pie day adventures in the first place.
I did not know how this would go since I'm not supposed to be eating these naughty bits of things in the first, second and third place! So here's what I decided: I conserved my intake to limited high protein items for the morning and only ate what i needed to stay standing upright. Then after our pedi, we went to Flying Star and I ordered carrot cake and coffee. MMMMMMM!!! So I take my huge slab of flour, sugar and fat to the table and cut off about an inch and a half of the pointed end and ate that, and boxed up the rest for my kids. I was TOTally satisfied with- ohhhhh-- approximately 2 oz of carrot cake. I actually FELT like I ate the whole thing because my system is SO not used to that anymore!
(I knew I was full when, on my way to the bathroom, I saw a poster with a picture of a huge burger and a shake and it said "purchase any burger and get a shake for $3.00," and I almost yakked right there!! Oh, the thought of eating that burger and shake was horrible!! I'm sure it came with fries or something too. People really eat that much??? Oh ya--I used to!)
Well, the good new is- I logged it ALL on MFP (dooter69-go witness for yourself;) AND I still had 400 calories (half of my intake) left for dinner and an evening snack! (always cottage cheese and fruit).
So...It just goes to show you- that you CAN have your cake and eat it too!! (Just don't eat the whole thing, and be sure to keep track of it, and don't do it to often, and...and...and.....)
Good day.....goooooood day....
Dear Food,
I know you think I'm stupid for talking to you because...well, you're food and you can't hear me. I just want to tell you that it's been quite a ride these last 42 years. We've had our ups and ups and ups and ups and downs and ups and ups. It's time for our relationship to change. I'm not breaking up with you, because I still need you to live, however, our relationship has to change now. And really....believe me when I say...It's not you. It's me. I'm the one with the problem, so don't ever blame yourself. You're really sweet. And salty. And delicious...OH WHAT AM I SAYING....how can we ever part?? NO!! We must part for a time. Two weeks- no more than five, I promise. When we come back together- things will be different. You must hide your sweetness from me. Don't tempt me further with your refinements. I want to see the REAL you....the one with all the vitamins and minerals and protein...yes...I said protein. Hey, I told you things were going to change. And for pete's sake, stop bringing your friends around! But don't worry...you'll always have a place...sorta...close to my heart...
No, I didn't have a mental break. I start liquids Monday. (siiiigh)
Well, the day has finally come that I have to give up my "GOOD" scale. It is the one that has always told me that I am anywhere from 5 to 10 pounds less than EVERY other scale in the world, rendering all other scales garbage. The doctor, the gym, the surgeon...all of their scales are junk. They're broken. Poo poo. Until now. My good scale is a manual dial type scale, that now only registers 5 or 10 pound losses. I can't hang with that. I need to know the daily ounces of my loss or bounce. (I know, I know. I said I'd never do that, but I don't get all freaked out over it anymore.)
So....my new, evil Weight Watchers brand scale from Costco says I weigh 287!!! Just like all of those OTHER stupid scales! Nowhere to run- nowhere to hide. This means... {GULP} That I did NOT start at 340, but at....349!! AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! I know, I know...in the grand scheme of things, what's 9 pounds? I've still lost 62 no matter how you cut it. It's just that my starting weight and current weight are, well...shifted up a bit. It's almost like I'm not really who I thought I was!! (insert dramatic music here) HAHAHA Ok, I'm being dramatic for effect, but you get my drift. (BIG SIGH HERE;)
Anyway- if anyone has paid any attention to my stats (which a couple of you have mentioned that you have) that's why the change in numbers. I'm finally being forced to face reality. WAAAAHHHH!!!!
Ok, lemme 'splain what your looking at here: The brown thing is my shirt. The denim color is my pants and the white thing is my TRAY TABLE ALL THE WAY DOWN with a couple inches to spare!! The blue tabbie looking thing is MY SEATBELT, not only fastened without an extender, but a few inches pulled out. Then just to be a smart@$$, I went and used the airplane bathroom JUST because I could!! HAHAAAAAAAAAA!!! I love it. Oh, what 98 lbs can do for a person!! Love it. Don't give up, people!!!
Ok folks- I'm going to expose my inner nerd a little here, so don't go telling anyone that I'm not as cool as all that, ok?
I finally broke the 300 lb. barrier and am soooo excited to be in the 200s again. Ok, I'm only at 296, but that counts. So as I lift my eyes to look across the span of the next 100 lbs, I'm feeling a little like Frodo when he and Sam finally get into Mordor and look across to Mount Doom. (After all the spider trauma, of course;) ) All they see is a vast wasteland filled with threatening foes waiting to take them down. But, on the other side....Frodo knows that freedom from the burden chained around his neck awaits.
I know the freedom from this weight is coming. It just looks so daunting right now. Such a loooooong.....rocky....journey. But I'm ready. I know it's not magic, and it's going to take hard work. But when I get there, the relief will be soooooooo SWEET!!!!! I can't wait to cast it into the fire!!
Nerd moment over. Carry on.
I bought a pair of 20's on a whim today and thought I'd just keep them in reserve and try them on every now and then for encouragement. Well...I WAS ENCOURAGED!!! They fit!!! I could NOT believe what I was seeing. My mind still sees 349 pounds, not 285. I'm pretty sure my wedding dress was a 20. I'm going to pull it out soon to see if it fits again. I might wait 10 more pounds for that though....
Wow. I'm still in stunned disbelief!! This is......just....I I I I I...don't have words. I'm giddy!!!
:lol:
Love and respect yourself NOW and live your life and have fun TODAY! Don't "wait until you're thinner." GO..... NOW!
"GET ON YOUR BIKES AND RIDE!" --Freddie
I just have to say...God is good. He's good when things are good and He's good when things are bad. He doesn't change. It's easy for me to be thankful right now because my life is like a freakin' fairy tale! (my biggest problem is that I'm fat. oh woo.) How did I deserve this life??? I didn't. God in His infinite grace and mercy has lavished it upon me. I have to say it gives me some uneasy feelings when I look at the misery around me. I almost feel guilty. My husband, my children and I enjoy relative good health. We have more food and "stuff" than anyone could ever need. It's not fancy, but there's a lot of it. I could go on for days about how blessed we are. And for that I say Thank You Lord!! (I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but it's my blog space;)
On this forum, I've read about more than just surgery and weight loss. I've read about people. Real people with real lives. People who have lost the ones they love most to d.u.i., unexpected death in the family, house fires that have taken away not only possessions, but family as well, people who were abused as sweet little children and are now fighting their own bodies over it, people who put their faith, love and trust into a spouse and get nothing but venom and hatred in return. I've read about the pains and emotions that can go along with this surgery, and the possibility of being hospitalized for endless months with endless complications. I've read about people who are being rejected by friends or family because they've made the decision to become a healthier person. I've read about a LOT of pain. A lot of heartache.
I hope and pray that if the terrible awfuls of this world befall me, I will still have the faith to say Thank you Lord! He is Good! I am thankful for my life and my salvation and I am praying for successful surgery and weight loss. And I have been/am/will be praying for every one of you.
--danielle
I will go to the gym.
I will eat the right food.
I will drink my water.
I will keep doing what I'm supposed to.
(Long sigh....)
Now if my body would keep its end of the deal...... (kicks the dirt)
Pity party over.
So, tonight my husband and I got to go out to dinner with his boss and his boss's wife and another co-worker. It was a lovely evening. We went to a fish restaurant. Not my favorite, but hey, it's something different. Ok fine.
"Oh look- a platter of fried stuff! Oh goody! Who cares that I have an appointment with the cardiologist tomorrow to get cardiac clearance for surgery!! Go for it! Oh, and while you're at it can you please throw in a mojito so I can really spike my blood pressure? Thanks."
And as usual, something sounds really good...I get it...and now I feel like poo! Serves me right. Well, I'm going all crazy with the "saying goodbye" rituals. Donuts, cake, ice cream, fried fish, McD's.
I am SOOOOOO ready to not care about food anymore. I hate this. I hate it. February 13th can't come soon enough.
wah wah wah...sorry....just had to get that out.
I am 31 days, 20 hours and 6 minutes from my scheduled surgery (but who's counting?!). So, as I scour the forum here for advice and information important to pre and post op, I'm seeing something very clearly. Once the surgery is done, it seems that one tends to become quite myopic. The big picture quickly narrows to a tiny pinhole of that exact moment and circumstance and it would seems that life will now only be that way.
Let's look at the dreaded "3 week stall" for example. The more I read, the more I see that the body is trying to cope with its new configuration and trauma of surgery, and when the body is trying figure out what's happening to it, it will often start clinging to fluids or fat or whatever it thinks it needs to keep you alive. The fact that everyone goes through this just confirms that in my mind. Once you are healed more, the body can relax and start running on a regular rhythm again and let go of excess. I'm not a doctor or any kind of medical or health professional, but it's starting to make sense to me seeing it from a distance.
It is for this very reason that I am going to take my scale to my mother's house right before the surgery and leave it there for a month. Sounds crazy huh!!! Well, I know me, and that's the only way I will stay sane. I can tell how much I weigh by the way my clothes fit anyway.
I think if we back up from the scale and the daily "how much do I weigh" routine, it gives us a chance to settle into the reality of "this is my life now" and realize that the weight will come off. Just let it happen. Relax. It doesn't help to obsess over bouncing up half a pound between losing four more. Let go of the minutae of it. Wait a while to see a bigger result. Broaden your scope and just let it happen.
I'm telling this to myself more than anything....
Ok, so I've been lurking around this forum since December 9th, so I though I'd better just get it all out there. Let me introduce myself. My name is Danielle- my friends call me Dooter. (That started when I was young, and someone at my church picked it up again because she liked it, now that's just how it is.) I don't like to be noticed or get attention, so this whole blog thing is weird for me talking about myself, but if it helps someone coming behind me in the process, then it'll be worth it. So be it.
I have a surgery date set for February 13, and Lord willing, it will go off without a hitch, healing will be quick and the life I've been longing to return to in a manageable body will resume and I will spend many happy days with my husband and my three boys doing things that I've not been able to do being weighed down by this body of death. Grim, I know, but that's how it feels. My only solace in this body is that if it failed today, I'd live forever in the presence of the Lord. However....I'm just not ready for that. I've got lots of work to do here first.
Like all of you (I'm guessing) I've been there, done that on the diet circuit. Up and down in weight...ad nauseum. I'm 42, and I figured that if I live to be even 84, I'd have ANOTHER 42 years to live in this body that is fighting me for EVERY pound. I'm done. Done, done, done. Did I mention that I'm done?? Now...I realize this life after surgery is going to be no picnic, but for once my efforts will be rewarded with loss!!!! Now that's gain!! Wait...am I gaining or losing? I'm confused.... Well, what I DO know is that I could lose 200 pounds and not be in any danger of being too thin. I'd be thrilled with 160, but hoping for more.
I can't WAIT to start losing! But know this: I am NOT cool, so I will NOT use terms like "onederland" and "surgiversary." Sorry. These crazy lingos irritate me.
So that's it in a nutshell. I'll be traveling to the next state for the surgery and self-paying, so once I decided to do this, I was able to just make an appointment. All the testing and meetings and whatnot will be done a couple days prior to the surgery. All in one shot. Nice. Then we hang around for a week and come home. Love it. I've been praying about this for weeks and will keep doing so until all is well. I'll also say some prayers for all of you. God Bless.
--danielle
YAY!!! My cardiologist OK'd me for surgery! Says I'm low risk and other than my weight, pretty healthy!! WOO HOO!! I know I don't have any heart trouble, but for some reason I was worried about this being a snag. So...anyway....there's that then..
