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Decisions and Waiting

Last Tuesday I emailed my surgeon to let him know that I didn't want to wait and see what the band is going to do, I want to revise to a sleeve. He called me back on Friday and said they would submit the paperwork to my insurance company to get approval. This takes 2-3 weeks and then we can schedule a surgery date.   This also puts me in the middle of vacation time hell at work - as my department is very small only one person at a time is allowed to schedule time off. For the months of July and August every available day has already been taken so it looks like I'll need to wait until Sept for surgery. This wouldn't be a bad thing except that with an unfilled band I am STARVING all the time.   My stomach actually growls.....I haven't heard that in over four years and it freaks me out! I've put on a solid 3 lbs this week but I am determined to get a grip and not totally screw myself up over the next 12 weeks.....wish me luck!

Lynn B

Lynn B

 

Sunshine....

Talked with hubby about all the feelings I've got rolling around - guilt at being a failure and excitement for a new option and guilt at being excited. Anyway, I'm feeling much better today, and very optimistic. I tried the band, gave it my best shot, lost 90 lbs and now its not agreeing with me.   Its time to cut my losses and move on - hoping my surgeon can get me approved for a revision - if so I'll be looking to have surgery in September. It would be kinda funny if I ended up with 9/12 as that is also the day I was banded.   Later....

Lynn B

Lynn B

 

Emotional Wreck

So I've been doing a lot of crying lately. I'm having very conflicting feelings about taking out my band and converting to a sleeve.   At first I was thinking - well my band has been good to me, right?? I've lost 90lbs. Yes it can be hard at times. I've noticed in the past year that both my husband and I have been saying "we could have this for dinner but you can't eat it". I guess while living with the band you ignore, or take in stride the things you can't do as part of the price of weight loss. Yes, there are certain things I can't eat but its worth it right? Is there a better option, does it work, and is it worth it? Is eating with a sleeve really better? That ability to eat everything just less of it, kind of what I had been expecting from the band.   The more I read and search the more I say WOW, and now I'm starting to become excited about a sleeve and that is where the guilt comes in. I've raved about the band, recommended it. I feel rather odd now saying, whoops it didn't quite work out how I had planned - isn't that partly my fault, technically the band just sits there, didn't I fail. Who's to say I wont screw up the sleeve to?? My husband doesn't understand and the rest of my close support network was used up with the band - their reaction now is "Well don't you know how to eat right now" - silly people, I've always known how to eat right, that doesn't mean anything.   See now I'm rambling. I have so many emotions rolling around together right now and I'm having a hard time getting a handle on them. I'm happy that I'm getting the opportunity to revise because secretly this is what I've wanted for a while. I've always put on my brave band face but my band and I haven't been getting along for a while and I feel guilty about being excited and then I'm petrified that I'll just fail again anyway. The risks of a leak and general increased risk due to revision is also on my mind........   Then I see the revisions here that are so happy with their new lives - I was like that for the first 2 years after my band - will it last this time?   My horoscope for today is kinda fitting:   You may try to avoid an intense emotional interaction today by bringing the conversation back to the basic facts. It's not that you're disinterested in feelings; you just don't want to be overwhelmed by a topic that you cannot easily manage. Consider setting boundaries in a way that allows you to face your fears rather than run from them.

Lynn B

Lynn B

 

New Here

So I've just this past week found VerticalSleeveTalk.com. My story - had the LapBand in September of 2005 - lost about 100lbs in the first two years and maintained between year 2-3. This still left me with an obese BMI but I'm very active and happy. Then I gained 29 lbs between year 3-4, thinking it was because I hadn't had a fill in years I requested a fill. Shortly after I developed heartburn, I had expierenced a few random bouts the year before but nothing like this. I went back to my doctor at 4.5 years and had an upper gi (thinking hernia...ha ha) and was diagosed with pouch dilation.   At first I wanted to save my band at all costs. It was unfilled and I am waiting 6 weeks to go back for a second upper GI to see how the dilation is doing (doc doesn't seem optomistic). We did discuss my options if the band needs to come out and I told him that the sleeve would be my first choice as I don't want to dump or have vitamin issues. The office is doing a preapproval right now so we're ready to go at the end of the 6 weeks.   I came home and have been researching the sleeve ever since and now I'm thinking that even if the dilation resolves, what are the chances it will happen again? The sleeve is looking better and better all the time. I've read my insurance company's requirement for revision and I qualify so I actually don't think there will be an issue there - Its probably going to cost me about $3000 out of pocket for copays/deductable that I really don't have but I'm gonna find it. I desearve to be healthy, pain free and not afraid to eat.

Lynn B

Lynn B

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