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My journey

A blog by colorado_chick in General

  • Entries

    20

  • Comments

    31

  • Views

    11,531

About this blog

Every step along the way.

Entries in this blog

Summer Plan

I have two months off for the summer. And I have a summer plan. It's to lose 12 pounds. I have been at a bit of a stand still lately (all my fault), and I'm sick of it. I am so motivated to start!!! Of course, this is only the first day, we'll see what happens by next week.   I live really close to a rec center, so I'm going to go swimming, take aerobics classes, and do some strength training. I am going to log everything I eat into myfitnesspal. I will not over react when I have an off

Eating in public

I still really struggle with eating out in public. I am terrified of having a stuck episode!! I have been banded for 11 months, you'd think I'd have this down by now!   My most annoying thing ... everyone saying, "Oh, don't you like your food?" I feel really badly, especially when servers ask me. They think something is wrong because I eat so slow it looks like I'm not even touching my meal.   I have almost no friends, so I rarely eat out in public. But ... yesterday I went out with a few wo

size 12

I went clothes shopping on my lunch break today. All of my pants are (finally) getting too big to wear. I decided since the weather is getting nicer that I would treat myself to a pair of capris jeans. The cute kind.   My highest size was a size 20. I hated being a 20 because most stores don't carry that size, and since I was too embarrassed to shop in the plus size section, or heaven forbid, a plus size store, I bought everything online. Which meant I often wore clothes that I hated (clo

Half Way There!

I've lost 40 pounds since surgery in July 2013. My goal is to lose 80, so that makes me half way there! Woo hoo!!! I am thrilled with my progress. I truly am ...   But I still don't look any different!! How can that be? I know it's not just me ... no one has said a WORD about my weight loss. Well, two people at work said "you look good". But ... that could have been anything.   I finally reached my mini goal of 175. For being 5'5, I think that is a reasonable "overweight" weight. It

New Year

Happy New Year! I had an amazing holiday. I can't believe how quickly I threw all my healthy eating out the window. I was on vacation for 10 days. For some reason I immediately converted back to pre-band eating. Which is also known as out of control. After I got off the plane, I immediately went through the drive thru and ordered a family pack of fried chicken strips and a side order of mac and cheese. After that I ate non stop. And I had complete mixed emotions - on one hand it felt so

New Scale ... argh!

So, here I was, thinking I've been rocking things lately ... and to celebrate my success I bought a new digital scale. Awesome, right?!   WRONG!!! My old and awesome scale said I was 180 lbs. My new and horrible scale says I am 185.   I think the bigger problem here is that five pounds absolutely devastated me. It made me feel so defeated. I'm the same person, and I weigh what I weigh, no matter what a scale says. I feel like my moods are reflecting what a scale says. And how lame is

I'm Addicted To Food

I'm now done 30 pounds. 30 pounds! I like stepping on the scale now. It had been probably 15 years or more since I weighed in the 180s. Hooray for me!   I like losing slowly. I'm learning a lot along the way. Mainly, I have learned that I'm addicted to food. I think I'm going to go to a counselor to talk about this.   It is so frustrating constantly thinking about food. And it's definitely not normal to love eating as much as I do. It is really comforting to eat. It's the most comfo

Still no restriction!

I had my third fill a few days ago. No difference still. I can't even tell I have a lap band. I think about food all the time, I'm hungry all the time, and I can still eat large portions (although I try really really hard not to). I wonder if I have failed this, too. Getting lap band surgery was my last option. Now what do I do?   On the bright side I have lost about 20 pounds since getting the lap band. That's good. But I haven lost any weight for a while and the fills don't seem to

Second Fill

I had my second fill today. When I was weighed she kind of frowned and said "Oh... I see it's not quite tight enough for you, yet." Ha hahaha. Nope, I guess not ...   I thought I did good losing a few pounds! Hopefully with this second fill I will do even better. Maybe next time she will blink twice at my weight, double check it, and then say "Wow - way to go, superstar!"   So now I have about 5 cc in my band. 4cc from my first fill and 1 cc from this fill. I really really hope this f

All By Myself

I lost 6 pounds in August. All by myself! I did have a fill, but i don't notice any difference ... so that means the 6 pounds I lost this month were all on my own! I am so happy. This really motivates me because if I can lose six pounds all by myself, imagine how much I will lose with my next fill ... maybe 8 pounds!   I can't believe I'm losing weight. And I can't believe how happy I am.

Where is my restriction?? 6 weeks post op ... so sad

I just wish I had some restriction! This totally feels like a diet right now ... Have I failed? Why am I so hungry? Why don't I take smaller bites? Why don't I eat slower? Why can I still eat everything?   My biggest question .... why do I keep reading other people's awesomely amazing experiences on here and think the same thing will happen to me... even when my surgeon is telling me that is not always how it works?!?!?!   Here is an example: People on here who lose 40 pounds or more

First Fill!

First of all, thank you for your comments and support. You have no idea how much that means to me. It makes me feel that I'm not alone and that people are rooting for me!   SO! I got my first fill today. I had to sneak out of work to get it. I was very nervous and sweaty when I was called in the fill room. The first thing they did was weigh me. I gained 2 pounds in 2 weeks. SIGH.   I thought I was going to get my fill from my surgeon, but it ended up being the PA. She is probably

This is so hard!!

So, banded a full month and feel like I'm all healed up (minus a weird really painful incision at port area that popped up all of a sudden) and this is so much harder than I thought!   I think I really need a fill because I can eat anything I want. I try not to ... But I think after a full month of not eating some foods, it's hard to keep things reasonable. I try to eat like a normal person ... but this is just so hard!!!   I do an excellent job of making sure I don't have junk food in my

Huge Fight!

Week four...   My band and I have been fighting all week. It has been horrible!!! Starting on Monday, which was the first week where I started eating "soft" food, I began to get heart burn. And when I say heart burn, I mean the most horrible, awful, painful heart burn I have ever had. Well, I had gotten heart burn just a few times before, and it is never fun ... but this was something truly miserable. One day I even resorted to taking a prescription pill for heart burn which was the size

Day 18 ...

It's been 19 days. Down 10 ish pounds (still not weighing myself every day!) and I think I might be noticing small changes. So, I have these pair of jeans that I got from the Good Will last year. Size 16. Loved them, they fit like they were made for me. I wore them for about 3 months until I started gaining weight, then I put them in the back of my closet because they somehow shrunk.   Well, I was getting dressed this morning and I thought to my self "Hmm, I wonder if it's time to re-own

Day 13

I'm still fine! And I'm down 10 pounds!   Bad news? My appetite has come back. But I'm keeping it in check. It's been about 2 weeks since I've had anything sweet or starchy, and I am shocked to find that I'm not having any major cravings. Yes, when I watch tv and see food commercials, things look good, and I'd love to have them, but those are the only times! Once I start with those kinds of foods, I just can't stop, so I'm happy for now.   I am eating about 800 - 1,000 calories a day.

Day 4 Post Op

Day 4   Best day so far. Was finally able to get out of bed, walk around without crying, and I actually went down stairs today. Yay me! My mom has been great coming over and getting things for me. It is so funny because she always wants to help me get out of bed, because that is the most difficult and painful part - I keep thinking that I will bust the stitches open. So she wants me to grab on to her arm, but she is 63 years old and probably 110 pounds and I am positive I will just break

I did it!!

Dear Self,   Congratulations! You just went through a major life changing event. I know you are ready for the challenges that will come, and you are definitely ready for the successes and victories you will be making soon.   Do you think you're ready for your new life? The one where food doesn't control your life. The one where you can walk into a room and stop wondering if you're the biggest person there. The one where you can stop asking yourself "am I bigger or smaller than her?"

My Consult

I went to my initial consult today. It took three and a half hours. I imagined it very different from what it really was. I was greeted by the receptionist and filled out some forms. She took my height and weight. ERGGGGGGGGGGGg that made me cry. Then a Physician's Assistant came in, took my blood pressure, and listened to my breathing with a stethoscope, which I don't think ever tells anyone anything. But at least she didn't take a little hammer and test my reflexes.   Next, I met with

Should I or Shouldn't I?

I am 90% sure I want to get the lap band, and 10% unsure. I'm certain that my story, my life, my decision is not unique - but it's mine. I am 33 years old, almost 34. I have been 50 pounds over weight for years and years. I have been over weight since the fourth grade. It's part of who I am. I hate it.   For over 20 years, not a day has gone by where I didn't have negative thoughts about my weight and my body. I love myself, I truly do. But I hate my extra weight. I am self consciou

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