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Lapband Journey

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Simple Pleasures

There are so many pleasures that I never knew in my life.   Simple Pleasures:   Walking or power walking with the dogs on a pretty day. Breathing clean and clear without wheezing. Walking fast and not having to stop and catch my breath before I speak. Walking into a store and buy a pair of pants where the size doesn't start or end with W. Not getting the worlds worst wedgy when wearing short. Not having my full coverage panties (granny panties) turn into thongs. Having energy to not only do what I must but wanting to do more. Not being feeling self conscious all the time. Not being afraid to step on the scale at the doctors office. Being willing to stand up for myself rather than just wanting to fade into the back ground. Having my life not revolve around food.   There are so many more simple pleasures that I am sure I will find as my weight continues to go down, but these are the ones that I am seeing thus far.   What simple pleasures are you enjoying?

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Wonderful Weekend

This weekend was a dozy!   First off Thursday night we brought home a new addition to our family- Molly a 1 year old Corgi/Shepard mix. She is a little bundle of energy and cute as a button. We already have an 11 year old Greyhound that is the best dog on the planet (perfectly behaved!) and two bengal cats, one 11 and one 4. The Greyhouse has asserted her alpha dog status and as has the older cat. The younger cat has gone into hiding whenever the little terror is out.   Saturday morning I got up early and went shopping with my BFF who had gastric bypass 3 years ago. She understand the difficulty of being big and then losing. She help me pick out clothes and I went into the dreaded dressing room. WOW- a pair of 16 pants (not 16 W, but 16 ladies) slid on with not problem and buttoned!! A large sweater fit perfectly in ladies. What a difference wearing clothes that fit make - I felt better and looked better. I went home and put on my new size 16 jeans with my new sweater and by new boots and walked into my hubby's office- he loved it. We went out that night with friends and I felt awesome struting around the mall. Size 16 isn't small, but it's better than the 20's and 18's I was wearing.   Sunday we decided to take our new baby, Molly, and Chloe for a walk. Well, it was more Molly walking us. To be just 30 lbs she can pull 200 lbs like it's nothing. My hubs and I had to take turns dealing with her. Our Greyhound was her usual pefect self- walking right be side you being good. We walked 5.5 miles and the little one never stopped pulling. My arms are sore from holding her back. When we got home my husband, myself and Chloe fell out in the floor and Molly went for the toy box to play. I have a feeling she is my new work out plan. On the down side, she had caused me to fall Saturday night, I wasn't in pain then nor Sunday morning, but after the 5.5 mile walk my knee was killing me and today it still hurts bad. May not be going for a long walk today.   For the most part it was a great weekend. My weight hit 202.0, so I should see 201 by next weekend. I may just make my goal of 199 by Thanksgiving!!

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Confusion

There is much confusion surround WLS surgery and WL in general.   Some people think- oh WLS is easy, now you can eat what you want and not have to worry about it. That is soooo wrong. Actually, I worry about what I put in me more. Rather think about, I have to make sure what I am eating has protien, is healthy, and won't get stuck.   Some, and I have even been guilty of this, think the scale is the only sign of success. What gets me and I have had this confersation with the doc, is that doctors look at BMI only. You get on the scale and they say oh you are over weight- shame, shame, you must diet. They don't look at everything- your over all health. While we know being morbidly obese is not good and leads to many healthy problems, being slightly over weight is another ball game.   I weight 187 lbs, I have been in a 14 for months and now I am starting to move to 12's. While my weight isn't going down, apparently I am toning and my waist is smaller. My wedding rings are falling off my hand. My glasses slide down my nose. Heck, even my socks are big on my feet. So while I see the scale number not moving, something has to be happening because of my clothes.   Some seem to think that WLS is a magic bullett and it will cure all that ails you. No way, I wish my mental fatness was cured. I still feel the part of the fat girl. I am amazed when smaller clothes fit, I still feel huge. I still crave the unhealthy. I still have to fight the demons that make me want to eat when I am not really hungry. The triggers are still there, I just have to recognize them and fight them.   It's funny many people I work say nothing about my weight loss, ignore it. No one says hey you look good or gee you've lost a lot of weight. I know I must look smaller after loosing 60 lbs, but I wish people would notice. I actually like it when people ask, I like educating people on WLS. Some think it's a good thing, other think I was crazy. But, it is my decision, I made it and I believe in it. My band may mess up some day, I may have to have a revision, but for now it's working just fine and I am happy with it.   My brother who is a medic, freaked when I told him. He said I was making a mistake. He worked with some one who thew up everything he eats and he hurts all the time. The band has made his life miserable. I told my brother, that isn't how the band is suppose to work, likely the dude is to tight or is trying to eat to fast and or to much. Now my brother sees what the band can do if worked properly.   So, if people as- yes I had the band and this is how it works for me.

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Have You Noticed.........

Since being banded I have noticed and realized a lot of things about food and myself.....   .........some foods just don't taste as good as once I know the calorie count! I use to love pastries, now I look at them and think - you know that just isn't worth the 250-500 calories in them. And I don't want it.   ........soft drinks just don't hold the appeal they use to. I use to down a couple of Dt Dews a day, now never touch it. Water is my friend and if I need flavor crystal light is great!   ........food doesn't have the power over me it did at one time. At one point I had no self control, but I didn't want to have it- like many say want power is most important. At that time I didn't want to control my intake so I didn't. I just don't think about food like I use to, it's not tops on my mind.   .......I no longer consider not eating certain things giving up on something. Since getting restriction thick breads are a problem. I use to LOVE breadsticks- and I mean I had an unhealthy love affair with them. Now they get stuck, and after getting stuck once on it, I have zero desire to have them again and I'm not really said about it.   ......OMG- healthy foods taste good!!! Eating fresh veggies cooked in a natural way taste better. Food in it's natural state cooked healthy has tons of flavor and make me feel good.   ...... I am happier. Now I don't know if this steams from weight loss (43 lbs in 4.5 months) or if it's from me eating better foods and not over eating. I truly believe there is truth in that if we fuel our body with the correct things it will make us feel better. Processed foods tend to make you tired and blah, but healthy fresh goods tend to give energy and a clear mind.   .....I am healthy concious. Never ever thought I would start becoming a healthy nut, but slowly it is coming. I pay attention to what I eat and put thought in as to what I should choose based on nutrtion not on taste. It's about what is best for my body not my taste buds- ie I choose the healthy options at a resturant even if I am wanting that calorie loaded tasty dish.   ........I am breathing better, I am moving better, my mind is clearer- it's like coming out of a fog. I call it walking out of the fat fog. I lived most of my life eating to much and gaining weight. My mind had become slow and foggy, my asthma was progressivly getting worse, my knees were just starting to hurt when I walked to much and my feet killed me.   ......... I am becoming REAL! I am getting real with myself about my bad choices in the past and reviewing them to prevent me from back tracking. I am recognizing and calling myself on bad choices (it's ok to eat that cake, it's ok not to work out tonight-just one night off won't hurt--- no, that cake isn't going to do anything from me but make me feel like crap, I'm not hungry so no thanks - yes, I need to work out tonight, skipping one night will lead to two, three, ect, so get your butt up and DO IT) I am admitting that my cooking habits of the past were not as healthy as I had deluted myself into believing.   Getting the band thus far has caused a lot of positive things to happen. I am so glad that I made the choice for me and that I committed to it, instead of doing it half assed (pardon the french). Every time I had tried to lose weight in the passed I never gave it my all, this time I jumped in with both feet and said ok it's time to do this. The band is my guide, my friend, my Gibb's slap (those of you who watch NCIS will get that reference), my band is my tool for making the weight loss and the life style change stick. I look forward the the rest of my life with the band and living a healthier more aware life.

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Knowing your Limits

Over the holidays I learned a lot about myself. One, I can easily fall back in to my old habits. I must stick to MY way of doing things for ME to be succesful.   I did very well with things until Christmas day. At my mom's house we had a lot of food and when I say a lot I think we could have feed an army. The breakfast food was left out all morning and I found my self grazing on some of my favs - I had to pull myself away to stop. Lunch was then put out- I did fine eating lunch, but then I ate 2 desserts. By this time I felt like crap and knew I had to stop. I didn't eat for the remainder of that day.   Throught out the remainder of my time off we went out with friends several times and I did my best to stick to the healthiest of dishes, but some of those still aren't great.   I didn't keep up with my water consumption like I should have and that has had effects.   So today I am back at work and back to my normal routine and trying to think back over the last two weeks and learn from mistakes and problems that I had.   My weight is up 4 lbs ( however I have not pottied much at all in 5 days). I do not consider this a failure- some times you must slip in order to learn and better prepare yourself for the future. Some of you may read that and think oh your just kidding yourself, but you have to travel this road your way and me mine.   That 4 lbs along with other are going to come off, why because I am back on my routine. I will be back on my work out schedule, which my hubby and I do together so it makes it easier. I am back to cooking myself which will help keep me away for resturant pit falls.   I refuse to beat myself up over the things I did over my vacation, but I do want to look at them and make plans to avoid some of those pit falls in the future.   To those of you who held strong and managed to lose over the holidays I commend and you and if you did this with ease I further commend you, but I know I am not you and I will fall over road blocks from time to time. And when I do fall, I will get up, dust myself off and start going again.   You only fail when you quit trying!

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

The Roller Coaster Of Band Life

The start of the week my weight was dropping like a rock. I lost 4 lbs between last Thurday and Tuesday. Then I started going back up, 2 lbs, I know it is water weight. I am on the white pills of myBC pack, while I don't have my period I still seem to have the symptoms- this is common I only have a period every 2-3 months.   I just hate the ups and down. I would love to get into a good pattern and say rather than going up and down so much. I know everyone says don't weigh every day, but I use it more to track my progress and fine possible patterns. I am a science girl, so sue me.   I talked to a friend who had her band place a few months before me and she said that she always felt when the plateaus hit or she bounced up a day, she was always terrified that she had lost as much as she would and that was it. I realize that the band life is different from all the diets I did in the past, this is a new way to live, not a short term thing, so I will only fail if I give up and stop living the life.   I am proud of myself that for 2 months I have stuck to eating like I should, and working out. I am enjoying tracking my calories on fitness pal. I ran into a gas station near my office this afternoon to get another bottle of water and find a snack because I was going to have to work late and I couldn't believe the calories in things that I use to eat that I never paid attention to before. OMG- no wonder I am fat eating that crap. I love the fact that I am more attentive to what I am putting in my body now. I am shocked at how horrible I was eating in the past. My attitude has changed completely as to what I consider a treat and what I am willing to treat myself with. I use to eat a pastry just because it was there even though it really didn't taste good, no more. If I take a bite of something and it doesn't taste good, I don't take another bite; it's just not worth the calories. I only wish I had the knowledge before I have now.   No matter what my weight does at this point, I feel like I am successful because I have changed, I am paying more attention to what is best for me.

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

The Plan

I am one of these planner folks and numbers people. It annoys the crap out of some, but that is how I am wired and work the best.   These days I plan my day out each morning. M-F I eat my Special K breakfast at 5:30 am, I get ready for work - pack my lunch and snack. Once I get to work and get settled in, I normally have a few min that I can get on MyFitnessPal and log breakfast, snack, lunch and what I plan to fix for dinner. This way I know exactly how many calories I am PLANNING to take in that day. If we are going to have something like pizza that night I PLAN that in and also PLAN in a workout.   If I plan out my day like this I am much more likely to stick to it than if I just take it as it comes. I am like this in everything. At work I have a color coordinated calendar and my box of color highlighters- People think I'm nuts but it works for me.   I believe that we all must have some sort of a plan in order to be succesful, if we "fly by the seat of our pants" we often end up somewhere we don't want to be.   Just like when going to the market. I sit down before going to the grocery and write out everything I need (I preplan meals for the coming week). When I go to the store I don't allow myself to browse, I get what is on the list and keep truckin. This prevents me from buy those little extras that will derail me and it also saves time so when I get home I can work out.   We plan vacations, meetings, appointments, ect to make sure we get in what we need, with the band it's no different. I you make a plan and post it- for me it's in my handy dandy smart phone (the hubs and I are total tech geeks), but some may stick it on the fridge; either way if you have a plan in place you are more likely to stick to it and be succesful because we hopefully don't plan for failure.   So today I encourage to make a plan and stick to it.

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Change

If you are easily offended stop reading now- here come some tough love!   I am a human, a woman, a wife, a mom to 4 wonderful fur babies, a daughter, sister, friend, emplyee, co-worker and many many more things. I have a big life, but that doesn't mean I need to be big. I am the first person to tell you I am NOT perfect, I have my vices, and life gets the best of me at times.   I use to think I was active - I was kidding myself. I came home from work and stayed there- not moving any more than I had to. I was lazy, I am still lazy, but I move now in spite of it.   If you are like me then I am sorry you gotta get your fat tusey up and move. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same result. Soooo, if you want to and expect to loose weight, guess what you have got to CHANGE!!!!   If you sit on your big butt and do nothing you will NOT loose weight!! If you continue to eat unhealthy things and large portions you WILL NOT loose weight!!!! Sorry, but it is the truth!!!   I am speaking to myself as much as I am others.   I push myself to get up and do things. For instance, yesterday I working in my yard for a bit - planted a few flowers after work. Then made a healthy dinner (tacos - mine with out the shell). After dinner I went to a friends house and treated their yard for fire ants (they are blind and can't see the little buggers). I came home played with the dogs, got a shower, got stuff ready for today, cleaned the kitchen. You know what after all that I felt good and then slept good.   You have to push yourself sometimes to move. If you don't want to exercise find something you do enjoy that gets you moving and DO IT!!! I love gardening. Even though I live in the city, I put in a 20 x 3 row garden in my yard and am planing some yummy veggies (cumcumbers, peppers, tomatos, squash). I plant flowers in my front yard and am working on relandscaping that. I love working with my hands so I am finding ways to do that but that make my body active while doing it. I love walking the dogs so I do that instead of WALKING to exercise. It's all in how you define it.   As far as eating goes, we all got fat by eating things we don't need and to much at a time. To start with I thought if I just cut portions I would be fine - WRONG. I have since learned a lot of things I ate were not as healthy as I once believed. I read labels now. Do I do with out things - some, but not many- Am I unhappy about that - NO. For instance I LOVE alfredo yum oh. Alfredo sauce at a resturant and store bought is really not good for you- full of fat and calories. Sooo, I experimented and created my own healthy alfredo sauce that the hubs and I actually like better. I've also experimented with other recipes and veggies to make them healthier. How do you do this - read a labels, experiment. I enjoy cooking so I get up and move around my kitchen and experiment. I have lots of friends and family who don't mind being gunie pigs. I cook and dance around my kitchen to some good 'ole country- guess what I am burning calories while doing this .   Yeah, I have only lost 55 lbs in 9.5 months- but hey I have lost half of my excess body weight. I am in a size 14- so that says something. Plus I am learning more everyday about what leading a healthy life style means and making small changes all a long.   While it is FRUSTRATING, SUCKY, CRAPPY, to loose slowing after having surgery, I am loosing. Plus, like others have said this is not a race- this is a life long journey.   I will get to a healthy weight it won't be tomorrow, but I just as well enjoy the journey and learn as much as I can so when I get there I can stay there!!   Sooooo, CHANGE already you are worth it. If you are a person who can't make a lot of changes at once, make little ones along the way- they will add up.

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Finally Moving Again

I spent one week at a stand still with my weight. It bounced back and forth between 224 and 226 for a week with me doing nothing different. While it was my TOM, it still worried me. Finally Saturday it started going down. I am back to dropping about a half pound a day. Such a motivation when that scale drops.   This weekend I had two of my 16 year old nephews. They are awesome boys and they love to come stay with my husband and I. Of course with 2 growing boys I was always fixing food, but I stayed on track. We went out to dinner with them and I got the grilled chicken and broccoli - didn't eat all the broccoli, but the chicken was awesome and I didn't leave filling horrible and stuffed. One night I fixed burgers for the hubs and the kids, but instead of having the bun I put my burger (extra tender and lean) with low cal cheese, home made pickles on my plate and ate it with a fork. The kids looked at me like I was nuts, but it was good and saved 200 calories from what I would have normally eaten. This morning when I took them home I stopped at McDonalds to get them a biscuit from breakfast and I didn't get anything, I had eaten my half a cup of cherrios before leaving. Feeling proud of myself for making postive choices.   While I do find myself missing some of the foods I use to love, I am really enjoying how I feel not eating them. I like feeling satisfied and not stuffed. Feeling this good and being proud of my self for making the good choices really is motivating me to make even better ones and continue this path.   Thanks for all those who sent messages of encouragement while I was worried. It really helps to have others who understand supporting you. Banders Rule!!

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Pain in the Gut!

Saturday I went to my sweet little 3 year old neices b-day party. George D. Band allowed me to eat a hamburger, which was very yummy. That night on the way home (1.5 hr drive) I called to see what the hub wanted to do for dinner, since I was getting home late, I wasn't in the mood for cooking. He said come home get me and we will go out. He wanted to go to our place, On the Border, a mexi resturant that we went on our first date at. We both love mexi/southwest food, so it was always a fav. I hadn't been there but once since surgery, so wasn't really sure what to think.   We order southwest tacos. While it comes with the sides of refried beans and mexi rice, I didn't eat those- no room. I ate two of the three tacos they brought and didn't want anything else. The hubs ate my remaining taco. By the time I got to the car my tummy was screaming. It wasn't a pain of being stuck- it was a presure pain. I've never had that pain since being banded. It felt like my tummy was blowed up like a balloon. I got home, went potty, no relief. I laid and belly ached for a while, it took about an hour for the pressure/pain to subside.   I have no idea what caused that- but it was no fun. I worry that the pain/pressure whatever it was could have caused a problem with my band. Since Saturday night I have had no problems. Typically morning tightness, the remainder of the day normal yesterday. I seem to have slight indigestion this morning, not sure what that is from. My breakfast was greek yogurt with a sprinkle of granola.   On the weight side of things- I contiue to weigh in daily- my weight each day bounces between 187.5 and 189.5 in the morning. I so wish it would drop lower, but I know stress effects weight and I have had my fair share of that of late.   Thankfully, my hubs told me this weekend that I he thinks I look awesome and he is very happy with it that I feel great to him. He said he doesn't want an anerexic chick, in his words I still have a little chusion for the pushin- LOL. I am titering between a size 12 and 14 size pant and large shirts. Some large shirts are to big depending on cut. Some pants that were a little snug a month ago are loose now, so I must be firming in places, even though the weight isn't moving.   Just praying today that George D Band is happy and healthy.

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

I Wanna.....

I have always dreamed of being the thin pretty girl that I have never been. Before I started school I was trim and cute, but then I started school and packed on the pounds. No idea what started this, but I am guessing emotional eating. My weight only balloned each year. I was always jealous of the pretty girls and just wished I could be like them.   However, I am pretty happy with the woman I grew in to. I am compasionate, caring, loving, and pretty nonjudgemental. If I had been a skinny girl I may not be who I am now, but now that I am an adult I am ready to bring the outside up to par with the inside.   I don't believe I am a told dog, but I am not Jennifer Aniston by any means. As I lose weight and develop curves, my dimples can be seen, I am losing the extra chins, I feel people can start to see the real me. I am less worried about how people preceive my outside and my inside more easily shine though.   I am fairly certain I will never be a size 2, and honestly I don't want to me. I size 10/12 would be just fine for me. I want to live realisticly, I want to enjoy food, I want to enjoy activity, I don't want to be hindered by my weight any longer.   For years I just ate whatever I wanted and over time I was able to eat more and more. Now I still want to eat yummy foods, but I am learning I can eat less and still be satisfied. I am learning that food doesn't need to be the center of my life.   While I won't be Jennifer Aniston (looks) or Marian Jones (athlectic), I just want to be me in a healthy form. In a form that allow my inside to shine through so people can see the real me.

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

What can I do?

Yesterday, I started to really think about what I can do. This brings many thoughts to mind- the things I can do now since losing 60 lbs, the things I want to do, the things I should do, ect.   Pre-surgery I was lucky, my health was pretty good, but I was terrified of it starting to fail. My knees had just started to ache when I walked alot- they would pop and creek. I knew they were telling me I was to large. I would cut grass and go inside and sometimes passout- litterally- do to over excertion. Did that twice.   Yeterday afternoon it was 92 degrees at my house with 98% humidity and guess what- I pushed mowed my lawn with NO ill effects. It took me 45 mins to cut the entire yard. Then I did some clipping in my flower garden and watered my pepper plants. Then I finally went into the house- and I felt good. I went stratight and got in the shower since I was dirty, wet and smelly. I got out of the shower, got a glass of water, sat down a few min and then back up to cook dinner. I couldn't have do that 60 lbs ago.   I now walk and sometime jog without pain. I can ride a bike for a mile or more without stopping.   I will be the first to tell you I hate "exercise". I put it in "" because I don't like just walking, or just getting on the elliptical or just lifting weights. I like to do something with a purpose that has a end point, like what I did yesterday. I love working in my yard, in the garden with my mom, playing with my neice, walking to go somewhere, even house work.   So I know that since I don't like exercise, it is very important that I move! So even though I have a office job I have tried to set things up where I must move. My bookshelf is across the room with my reference lit, my file cabnet is across the room. I have to stand up and step to my printer. Instead of taking the short cut to the potty I take the long way around. I stand up when on the phone. Movement is movement and it burn energy which burns calories.   Over the last 6 months my weight loss has slowed, but not stopped. On average it seems I lose around a pound to 2 pounds a month. While this isn't what I would love to lose, it is a loss. It is steady and comfortable. I don't feel like I am giving up anything. I feel like the life style I am living is one I can maintain forever. I make better choices, I do follow a give and take rule, I move more. So while I complain and fuss, fume and whine about having not lost as much as others; I am proud to say in 1 year and 1 month I have not gained, my weight has been on a decline. So I think little by little, inch by inch one day I will reach my goal. I may not get there as fast as I had hoped or dreamed, but I will make it.   I can do this, one step at a time.

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Choices

We all say we like choices, but really do we? I mean choices is what got me to 250 lbs. I made bad ones!! Now that I have the band and am working toward losing weight I have choices to make.   While the band does keep me from eating crap and it doesn't prevent me for gaining weight- it does prevent me from eat a lot at the time, as long as it is not slider foods.   Pre-band I made a lot of bad choices. Basically, I ate, A LOT. I would eat when I was bored, I would eat when sad, mad, glad; I would eat when it was "time". Plus, I choose a lot of bad things. Like a milkshake to follow a big mac and fries- just the thought of that now makes me want to hurl. How the heck did I eat that much at a time.   Now I must, in order to loose weight, choose to eat healthy item. I must choose lean proteins, veggies, fruit, healthy carbs if any. These are my choices. Each of us made a choice to have band surgery. After surgery we have a choice, to follow a healthy life style and allow our band to do it's job aiding us in the effort or we can choose to continue down the same path we were on before the band.   In the early days the choices can seem harder. Before I had much restriction, I could still, if I choose, eat a lot; but I made a choice to follow the rules set before me by my doctor. The weight fell of which motivated me to continue.   As I got more restriction with fills the choice to eat more dwindled. If I ate half of what I did pre-band I would feel like I had eaten a cow. I would be uncomfortable and sick. However, as the months past my weight loss slowed and the motivation to continue to path lessend. I can eat whatever I want just not much of it. However, if I choose to put junk in I will not loose weight. If I choose heavy calorie and carb laden foods my weight with either remain the same or go up. So it is still my choice.   Sometimes I wish I had someone beside me every min saying her eat this, you can't have that, walk away, ok that is fine, ect. I just to say well, if I was a celeb and could afford a personal trainer and a personal chef I could loose weight to, but even with those you can choose to make band choices- you could still hit the McD's drive through.   Each day, each min, each hour I make a choice to do right by my band or turn my back on it and it's willingness to help me.   Making the right choice isn't always easy, but that doesn't mean we should take the easy road. For those who say WLS is easy, no, what would be easy would be to have stayed the way I was and continue to eat like I did and gain weight. But, now I have made a choice to change, a choice that I live with daily; but I have to continue to make right choice in this journey.

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

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