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bringin it.

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Lol... Nope..... Waiting Until Next Summer

Decided that we didn't like the terms of the No Patient Left Behind. They will only finance 10,000 (I need at least 15,000) and the downpayment is 50%. I'm a bit more ok with the thought of waiting now, but it still saddens me.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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Captain's Log, Day 4...

I had my final appointment with my surgeon before my surgery on Friday. It was weird to be off routine for my liquid diet, and it caused me to stray from the path that I have laid down for myself. Because the clinic that I am working with is about 2 hours away, I froze one of my protein shakes so that when I got hungry in the afternoon, I would have a cold shake. Well, I froze the shake solid and it wasn't close to being thawed out and It came time to where I could feel my tummy grumbling. So when I finally got home I popped one of my frozen meals into the microwave and waited. And as I waited, Ty made some lumpia for his dinner. After I finished my meal, I made a mistake. I ate two little lumpia. And they were so good. But right after I finished being happy about the taste, I immediately felt guilt. So I got my phone and went to input the lumpia into myfitnesspal I found out that they are 110 calories each. I felt even worse. The only thing I didn't feel bad about was not going over my calories. But I still felt awful.   Then I sat up and said to myself, "I am human, I make choices, some are good, some are better, and some just mean that there is another action to be its companion." So the next thing I looked up on my phone, was when my gym closed. 9pm, so after the food settles in my stomach, I am going to finish the action that I started by eating the lumpia. I'm going to burn those calories and more. I no longer feel guilty, I feel responsible.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

1
 

Through the Motions I Go....

They said that they should *hopefully* know if I'm approved by tomorrow, but they want me to go through the motions as if I am already approved... So that means I start my liquid pre-op diet on Friday. I know I'm going to get through this pre-op diet with no problem....while I'm at work. It's the weekend that is going to kill me. But luckily I get to knock it out early on in the week.   My mom told me that I need to "see" it, when I told her that I was unsure of my approval. Not see my approval, see myself already banded and healthy. So I had a 20 minute pep talk in my car on my way to my best friends house. So here is what I know, what's see.   1. I will be banded in 9 days. 2. I'm going to be able to run a 5k without feeling like I'm dying in August. 3. I will be 100+ lighter on my wedding day. 4. I'm going to be a healthy wife. I. Going to be a healthy mom. 5. I'm going to ride a roller coaster without the fear of not fitting. 6. I'm going skydiving. 7. I'm going to love myself wholeheartedly. 8. My band date is March 15, 2013   Lets hope this works!
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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Faith, Hope, Love Is All You Need

I’m so excited! Hope is the greatest thing in life. It keeps you going, allows you to believe that things are possible! I’m still researching this (my hopeful outcome) and I need to speak with my surgeon about it too, but I think I have found a way to get Banded in December and still get to go to Japan in 2013! There is a facility that does Lap-band and other plastic surgeries and WLS and seems like a great place. I emailed them with some questions, and now I’m waiting for a response, but this has given me hope! Going to Japan was going to give Ty and I the money to pay off the Care Credit card in just a few months instead of the 48 or 60 months or whatever we decided in December. I’m just glad that I’m getting to have my cake and eat it too… hehe
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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Now It Feels Like Christmas Is Coming!

24 more days!     Now I have a good ole fashion Christmas countdown until my last two appointments. And I finally found a distraction, planning my wedding. And now sadly, my next week will be filled with doggy time. I have to get rid of my two dogs due to work and other reasons. Next saturday (the 9th) is the drop off date. BOO so I am going to cuddle as much as I can.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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As I Sit...

on my couch with teeth whiten trays in and smelling the sweet smell of my tanning lotion left on my skin while typing with my new pretty clean manicure, I realize I spend a lot of time and money on trying to look good....to compensate for the fact that I am not skinny.   On Tuesday I'm going to be calling my Weight loss facility and then my insurance company to make sure of the next few things that need to get done before my last nutrition appointment which is on the 25th of Feb, so I hope to be able to be approved and banded in early March. It seems so far away.   So the reason why I am really writing this blog today.... something that I plan on starting to do again and from here on in. When I was in high school I used to eat in front of a full length mirror that was in the dining room. As I was able to see what i was putting into my mouth and how much of it was entering my body. I used to stop eating long before my plate was empty! and I'm going to start again.   Let me know what you think.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

1
 

A Struggle...

Last night, while crunching numbers with Ty, he asked if maybe we should wait until I came home from Japan (May 2013) to have the surgery done instead of at Christmas time, since by then we would have all the money saved up, instead of 10 grand and financing the rest, then paying off the credit card with my per diem from Japan. It only took me a moment to answer, and I knew it wasn't a good idea. If I have to wait for a year to have the surgery done, then I wouldn't get it. I'm already in the wrong mind set now, "why work out when I know that I'll have the band in 6 months?" "No it's ok, we can eat out tonight, in December is when we will get strict with food." I know that I should still be taking the healthier steps in life, but it's growing more difficult to do when I know that the surgery is actually going to happen. I would probably gain a hundred pounds if I waited a year for the surgery.   On the topic of Japan, I have the thought in the back of my head that it might be a bad idea for me to leave a few weeks after getting the surgery. I'm worried Ty won't be able to stay on the strict diet by himself and that he will need some sort of support system close... instead of me being in Japan, face-timing him when we have the chance. I hope that I am just not giving him enough credit and that he will be fine. He just isn't as open about it as I am. I'm addicted to saving money and researching as much as I can, and he thinks I'm being silly. But I know that if I don't do it then it won't get done. Hopefully everything just works out as it should. I'm getting excited about the upcoming seminar in two days, hopefully that will make it more real for Ty and he will get more involved. He likes looking at everyone's Before and After pictures on this site with me, but not reading the forums. (He's more visual then withthe written). Well, these were just some of my thoughts that I had from today. I'm in four days of training, so I have a lot of time with my thoughts.   I'm getting my Nuclear Qualification for work... and if you don't know anything about Nuclear work, I'll tell you right now, it's not as dangerous as one may think.... it's almost boring once you learn how it works. Nothing really special.   Good night LBT.com, I hope everyone finds themselves happy in the morning.   ~Shel
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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And The Wheels Are A Turnin!!

So I have set up the first 4 appointments needed to start everything! And I'm so happy about it!   1st appointment: Novemeber 28th (nutritionist) 2nd appointment: Novemeber 30th (doctor for recommendation letter) 3rd appointment: Decemeber 20th (nutritionist <--- this one is tentative because of work, but I'm surveillance be able to go) 4th appointment: January 25th (nutritionist)   I may have another appointment after that, but I won't know until my first appointment on Wednesday, I have already seen this nutritionist, but it was in July and the person I was talking to to make all these appointments wasn't able to tell me if it would count. I hope it does. If it were to count then I could possibly be banded at the end of February, if not.... Then march. Which I'm ok with, because this is all happening about a month and a half faster than I though it would happen. Eeep!   Well I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!      
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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Again... It's Been Awhile :/

It's been a while since I blogged anything and I think that is becasue I kinda gave up on the idea of getting banded. I just found out this morning that BCBS covers the surgery! So I will be switching proptly! And Next year re-starting my journey of getting banded, because I have been trying things that keep failing. It feels good again to be hopeful. We shall see. HAve a great day everyone.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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Either This Or That...i Hate Not Knowing......

This was how it was all planned out: June 29th--Ty and I go in for our dietion appointment and surgeon consultation July 2nd--Ty leaves for San Diego for almost 6 months All the time in between would be us saving to put as much down on our surgeries as possible December 14th--Ty comes home and we see the surgeon again to start our Pre-Op diets December 26ish--We get banded...   Well all of that has a huge chance of changing, Ty might have to stay in San Diego until February. He then told me if that was the case, I might as well go to Japan for 6 months starting in November, and have the surgery when I get home. That way we won't have to finance anything, we would have saved enough for both surgeries.   As much as I like the idea of not having to finance anything, I hate the idea of having to wait a year to get banded. I'm having a hard enough time waiting 6 months, let alone a whole year. Ty doesn't understand. He just keeps saying, "What's another year?"   1 Year = Me hating what I look like for another year
Not being able to do all the activities that I want for another year
Feeling terrible about myself for another year
Not fitting in my clothes for another year
Running the risk of gaining more wait for another year
Giving up on everything and not wanting to be banded in a year
Depression.
  This whole situation is depressing to me. So now I don't know what to do. Should I cancel the appointment that we have on the 29th of this month and wait the year or keep the appointment and hope he doesn't get extended. All of this makes me sick to my stomach. Any advice or encouragement would be appreciated.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

2
 

It's Refreshing To See...

That its possible to live without food running your life. I am in a very veryy small town visiting family in Pennsyvania.....Bobtown, PA. Ya, go ahead and look that up on a map. Anyway, it's been a running joke in my family that if you need to loses weight, take a trip back home to Bobtown. Growing up and even in my younger adult years I never fully understood why this worked. See, the family that lives here, my aunt and uncle and my pap pap and a few other random older relatives, and all my cousins, they are all skinny, and fit, and beautiful. They have always been like this. They are very active and play sports through college and maintain a good workout schedule. THEY RARELY EAT! This is no exaggeration.... I have been here for over 48 hours, during the parts of the days where if I was at home I would have eaten probably 11ish times (breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner, dessert) and since being here, I have eaten 4 times. FOUR. When I was younger, I used to think that it was because they couldn't afford food like my parents. (This is a very poor old mining town, just like the little towns that surround it) and that made sense to me.... But now, as I visit them during the begining of my lap band journey, after learning the things that I have learned and after seeing my nutritionist amd practicing the skills I'll need after surgery, I realize that my family here in Bobtown have had it right the whole time. It wasnt necessarily because the didn't have the financial means to eat like I always have while growing up and now (to much and terrible food)... It's because they EAT TO SURVIVE not survive to eat. Food isn't a priority, it isn't an emotnal blanket, it isn't a pass time here. They don't keep massive amounts of food in the house because its unneeded. And that is the way that I need to start living.  
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

1
 

It's Been Awhile.... But I'm Good....

I just have to first start by letting you know that I am commiting my guilty pleasure... Listening to a song on repeat.... I am a huge music fanatic. I don't like a particular genre, I like what I like. Sometimes, it's the beat or the hook that makes me fall in love with a song, or even a voice. Or a duo.... I'm IN LOVE with the soundtrack from Pitch Perfect (if you haven't seen this movie, stop what you are doing right now and go get it, if you don't fall in love, or at least like it, I will personally buy your copy from you) Everytime Ty and I watch it (which is at least once a week... I know, I'm a geek) Ty has to remind me that the character "Fat Amy" was supposed to be my star role. The song that that I'm jamming to is Since U Been Gone, sung by Ester Dean and Skylar Astin. ***side note.... If you want a good booty shakin song to; workout to, dance/party to, get yourself happy to, make yourself feel incredible and sexy to, download Drop It Low by Ester Dean ft. Chris Brown*** *warning, there are swear words... So cop the edit version cause even for you ladies and gents that keep it clean you'll still want to shake it to this song (and I commend you on keepin it clean, but you can argue dancing! ~unless you're from Bomont ~ ) But this duo from Pitch Perfect is soooo good. (lol I switched to Drop It Low for a sec cause it got me wantin to hear it) As you can see I am most certainly distracted from waiting for my final appointments. The time is passing by nicely. There were a few days that I became a little obsessed with researching people being approved on my same insurance and I have yet to find anyone anywhere who was denied, but I still have it in my head that I'm going to have to fight the first decision. This is what I get for working for the government for the last 7 years, I have doubt in everything now. 12 days until my last appointments, ad luckily I have been keeping myself occupied pretty well.... MUSIC! And riding my bike. I'm such a nerd.... Oh well!! Sorry I was so random on this blog... I'm just HAPPY! So! A three day weekend is coming up for most of us, I hope no one has to work, cause that will give you time to: -go rent or buy (you'll wish you bought it of you rent) Pitch Perfect and if you have already seen it.... Watch it again! -hit up iTunes and download songs from the soundtrack, they'll make you happy. - then either download or look up on YouTube Drop It Low and shake that booty! You know you wanna! Happy losing to everyone!!
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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It's Gonna Be A Good Day...

Found my engagement ring this morning!!!! Right where it was supposed to be.... weird, but so happy that that is over. Scary feeling! So now I going to clean my house, then wait until 4 so that I can see the new Twilight, then go to bed. Then tomorrow I'm going to make my last few calls to figure out this insurance thing and then.... COMMIT! I can feel it! less than 6 months and I KNOW that I'm going to be banded!! Now to just start working on changing a few habits to get ahead of the game. Like eating slower and not drinking while eating. those are going to be two hard habits to break. If anyone has any advice on how to start to break these habits go ahead and let me know!
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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And My Night Keeps On Getting Better!!

Even though Ty is staying 2 hours away from me, he couldn't have been a better fiance' than today! After I called him with our amazing news about being able to start the process, he went and bought my Christmas present so I could have it early! A brand new Canon camera!! So that I can take photos of my journey and start recording a continuous vlog of everything! I'm soooo happy today! Nothing could bring me down! (Except this sad episode of Catfish ) I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving eve!
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

1
 

Light At the End of the Tunnel...

is fast approaching. Today I had an appointment with my nutritionist as part of my supervised diet. It went pretty smoothly. We mostly talked about how I would need to take supplements to insure that I am getting all my vitamins and nutrients after surgery. And the rest of my appointment was spent talking about my wedding and my nutritionist wedding. I like her very much. I wish it was awkward to try to contact her to be a friend. We have so much in common. I also talked to the insurance coordinator about everything that I needed to do in the final month of my supervised diet so that I could be completely finished at my next appointment and ready to turn in my case to the insurance company as soon as possible. I need to get the last 2 years of my medical records faxed to the insurance coordinator. I should have done this last month because I switched insurances and now it might be difficult to get them from Group Health, because Group Health is terrible.
Complete a Pysch, questionnaire.
Have a Physch. evaluation done on the same day as my last appointment. (I'm slightly confused on this one... are they going to deny me if I'm to depressed or not depressed enough?)
One last nutrition appointment, on February 26. (I feel like making a count down, out of like construction paper. With the loops that make a chain. I'm just so excited to start my new life)
Tyler had his first appointment today. I'm excited that he has started. I just have this looming fear that I won't be approved and he will be. Waahh!! That would be terrible!   Anywho, I'm off to bed, I'm so tired today.   Happy losing everyone! Shelley
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

1
 

And So It Begins

Woke up this morning and went swimming with my sister and my cousin. It felt good to be back in the water, even if I felt like a dying whale. I just hope that I improve fast and get back into the swing of things. And at 4:30 in the morning, it is nice to know that I have two other people to hold me accountable... but I found out this morning after we swam and were getting dressed that it is an equal trifecta of accountability... we all got up to go because we knew the other was. I feel like if one had faulted in not coming the rest of us would have stayed in bed. Not going to lie, I had to give myself a 5 minute pep talk to get out of bed. Which went something like this, "Get up get up get up get up." <-- Me "Get up." <--Ty "Awe! Thanks for the motivation!" <--Me "It's not motivation, it's a request. You're annoying me." <--Ty So I got up and left. Rude boys.   So the plan for right now is swimming 3 times a week M-W-F and Zumba in the evenings 5 days a week and an Ab workout on Saturday, and Sunday, if I haven't skipped any days to rest my booty.   Have a great week everyone! Happy losing! Shells
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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It Feels More Real Than Ever Now....

I am still doing the research on switching insurance. But I found out that the surgeon and facility that we orginially went to is accepted by the new insurance. It is the most amazing feeling!!   My only problem in life right now?? I miss placed my engagement ring... I need to find that thing!!
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

1
 

A Stressful Beginning To the New Year....

Back to work...boo Still dealing with the switching of our insurances (Did you know they charge to print out your OWN medical record??) My grandpa that lives across the country is dying...triple boo Dealing with trying to figure out when to fly to PA to deal with that, but last night I remembered that Tyler and I have an emergency savings account that we have a little money from every paycheck go to and that was a huge relief! Finding out I won't have to worry about how to pay for my ticket and ect. Everyone needs a secret savings account that you put in just a little bit, it adds up and you forget about it and then Bam! You have money.   My next appointment is at the end of the month. I need to work harder on meeting my goals. I have been eating on a smaller plate, which is still weird, such a mind game.   Good luck everyone and have a great weekend!
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

1
 

And So It Begins...

About a week ago, my boyfriend and I decided that this is our option and choice, Lap-Band surgery. The path that we will take to better our lives and selves before getting married and having children. I have tried so many ways to lose weight, but what ever small amount I lose, I always gain back, and now I am at my heaviest. I blame myself though and my lack of self control. I was in Japan for the first two months of the year and I went without a vast variety of foods that we take for granted, so when I came home from Japan I ate everything I didn't have for two months. So now I'm 275 pounds, almost pullin 3 bills, and it makes me sick. Tyler says that he is the heaviest that he has ever been, over 300 pounds, but he refuses to exercise, he's lazy that way. He thinks it's all about his portions, and that with Lap-band that will be the jump start he needs. I believe him, I feel like if he knew that he had a helping hand that it would be what he needed. Same for me too.   We are planning on getting the surgery in December (Tyler is going on a 6 month trip to San Diego for work and will be home close to Christmas). We are self-paying so I want to save up as much as we can so that we don't have to finance the whole thing.   My biggest issue right now is that I know for sure this is what we want to do, now I just have to wait 6 months, but it's completely changed my thought process. Now when I'm working out ( I do Crossfit, extreme cardio and weight lifting) it feels so hard and difficult and I find myself saying, "This shouldn't be so hard." And when I am making meal choices for me and Tyler, I sometimes go with the unhealthy choice with the back thought, my life will start anew in December. I need to get out of this mind set. I know that eating healthy and working out I'm not going to lose enough weight to not need the surgery in december, My goal weight is 165. Tyler says his is 200. These I feel are good goal, and obtainable once the surgery is complete. We shall see.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

1
 

Some Odd, Yet Hopeful Changes....

That will happen affect being banded; - no more waking up in the middle of the night feeling sick to my stomach or having "a heavy tummy" because I made the wrong choices st dinner - no laying awake after going pee in the middle of the night, an able to fall back asleep because of Ty's sleep apnea and snoring   That's about it for now... Lol, it's 1am and Ty won't stop snoring.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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It's Been A Few Days....

It's taken me a few days to even look at LBT let alone my blog. Thank you to everyone for your kind words and prayers. It was an emotional weekend for me, dealing with the idea of not being able to get Lap Band until next year and with having to pack Ty up to leave for Diego for 6 months.   I took Ty to the airport this morning, and on the drive home I decided I wasn't going to let this get me. I'm not going to feel sorry for myself. I was denied by Care Credit because of the mistakes I made in the years past. I can't blame anyone but myself. It just sucks that I make enough money to make the payments, just can't get the whole 16000. So I started more research. (I swear... I should work in a college... I'm good at figuring things out) I figured out that I qualify for No Patients Left Behind. ( nopatientsleftbehind.com ) It is a program that helps those of us who have less than perfect credit get the medical loan we need. You just have to be able to put a downpayment down. Which I can do. Which Ty can do also. I think I found my solution. So now I wait for their phone call. I have a half hour before I need to go to work. ( I took half a day off to take Ty and to collect myself before work)   I hope everyone has a glorious Monday. And thank you again to all my "family" here on LBT Shells
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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Just Ready For the Rest...

Of the week, and month, and the next two months to be over so that I can move on with the next part of my life. The last few days have felt to long. Starting my Zumba regimen today, excited about that. Not much after that.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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A New Day Has Come....

It's kinda cheesy, but I kinda set myself up for success this morning. I set my alarm so that it would play "A New Day Has Come" By:Celine Dion. I feel like it's just the good juju that I'm going need to undo yesterday.   TODAY is the day that I change health insurances! Then I just have to wait until January. Which is fine since I've already waited 6 months already.   So now I'm off to work. Easy day today. Then just work tomorrow, then Thursday off. So really an easy week.   Have a great day everyone!
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

1
 

I Feel Like I Fell Off The Grid

I haven't posted in a hot minute, but I have a good reason for that. I have been TDY in Everett for the last week on 12 hour days. It takes a lot of you... and week has kinda blurred together. But I go home on Monday (tomorrow). Which I'm pretty happy about. Ty is also here TDY too and on the same schedule and that adds to the stress and draining feeling. Don't get me wrong, I love that boy, but it's a lot to be around eachother at every waking moment.   So, on Thursday, November 28th, I started my supervised diet, so hopefully surgery will happen in the begining of March. So right now my goal for the month is to start eating more protien at breakfast and to start getting 30 minutes of excerise 2 days a week. It's all about small changes to make a big lifestyle change. My next appointment is Decmeber 20th.   I got my camera! So stay tuned for my vlog! I'll let ya know!   Time for bed, work in the morning! Yippy.   Night!
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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