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Blog 82010

A blog by SoccerMomma73

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Dating?

So, I had my first "skinny date" last night. My first date in over a year and my first date not as a morbidly obese person since I was, err, a teenager? I actually enjoyed it and was just sort of chilled out and had a good time. I felt like a girl, not a fat girl. A first for me. I didn't sit and worry about sucking it in or trying to show my good side. Or worry if I was eating too much or eating something that made me look like a pig...I just was...and I loved it. We strolled around the park after dinner and I kept catching my shadow from the street lights and thinking, wow, look at those curves...she's got boobs and hips and, well WOW. I don't know if anything will happen with this particular gentleman but I'm no longer absolutely terrified of dating. A feeling I never thought I'd feel. I guess since I no longer hate myself and am not constantly putting myself down I'm not so worried about guys doing the same. Whew. I hate that I've spent my life not liking myself. I hate that I let myself get so obese and let it take over my life. But I thank God for y lap-band and that I got this surgery (remind me of that the next time Steve is acting up and I'm wanting to rip him out). Oh AND...I came clean about the band before our first date...just talking about our history and blurted it out, it was not an issue. Glad I got it out of the way so I don't have to obsess over it. Look our world, here I come!

October 3, 2010

6

Home sweet home

I have been travelling to the ends of the earth this weekend (or at least the back roads of rural Kansas) for my grandmother's 80th birthday party. It was my first real public outing with family since band day. I should insert here that I come from a family of feeders (and eaters) when we get together we eat. If we're happy, sad, whatever, we eat. Our vacations revolve around eating. So I was curious how things would go. Things went fine. I ate like a normal person (normal as in not related to my family) I essentially ate small portions of whatever I wanted. I stole 2-3 bites of birthday cake from my son so I didn't feel deprived. I ate a small meal, stayed satisfied until the next meal and didn't feel the need to snack at all (except driving...driving long distances are a snack hell for me but the answer to that is just don't have anything to eat in the car!). So, all in all a successful weekend. I didn't feel like a circus freak because I couldn't eat what everyone else did (the exception to that being a breakfast burrito that didn't like me so much, I ended up picking out the eggs and cheese and tossing the evil, vile shell in the trash). I feel good! Now, curious to see what the scales have to say in the a.m. While I ate fairly well, I'm sure I was protein low for 2 days and positive I didn't get enough water in (well water, bleh, and sodas...plus we were 30 minutes from civilization so once the bottled water was gone I resorted to sipping nasty well water in tiny amounts). Hope you all had a great weekend!!

March 1, 2010

1

Slap upside the head...

Just when I start thinking I look GOOD damn it, someone asks me when the baby is due? What the hell??? Almost 80 pounds down in 8 months and they ask me when the baby is due. Excuse me while I go sit in the corner and eat chocolate.

August 10, 2010

10

Comments!!!

So I've been doing this about a month and just realized last night that people are actually leaving comments on my posts. Obviously I'm a little slow! BUT!!!! Thank you so much for your comments and support. My friends, family, and co-workers have all been awesome supporting me through this but they just really don't have a clue...about the being fat part, or the struggles, or the sheer joy of actually starting to lose weight. It means so very much to me to have you all here to whine, grip, complain, and laugh with. We are in the midst of an ice storm, it's gorgeous outside and work and school are cancelled for the day so, during a break in the sleeting this morning, Connor (my 5 year old) and I went out and took his sled down the hill we live on. It was a blast. A-I could actually hike up the hill, repeatedly, it's a road but steep, B-that I felt good enough to actually go out and play, and C-that I had SO much fun, even when we crashed, and I landed butt first in mushy slush, freezing and soaking wet....One of my big deciding factors in getting a band now was my boy, I do as much as I can with him but I felt like I was missing so much...the memories we made today, both of us screaming and laughing as we sped down the hill totally out of control....made every penny I spent on the surgery so worth it, (although I'm fairly certain the neighbors thought we were nuts). It's a very good day

January 29, 2010

6

I want a cookie

I'm ready for Friday. Very ready for Friday. My clinic "went live" with a new computer system yesterday and holy smokes batman, it sucks! So much for efficiency! The crankiness is making us all more cranky. I tossed and turned all night with dreams of the person in charge of the big switch last night (and no, not THOSE kind of dreams, she's not my type). Forget a cookie, I want a margarita! One of my least favorite things about Arkansas is that I've yet to find a good margarita up here, Texas spoiled me I suppose. On a lighter note, my recently retired parents fly off to Costa Rica tomorrow. I am very excited for them and so very glad that they've planned for their retirement and can afford to go do things like this. I am, however, REALLY FREAKING JEALOUS, but my turn will come some day too (I hope!). I have inherited their adorable and really spoiled rotten dogs for the next 2 weeks so keep your fingers crossed the weather holds and we can all get out in the evenings for a walk. Now it's time to go snuggle under the covers with the 2 really spoiled dogs who also think they belong under the covers...at least I can keep the heat turned way down while they're here! Hope you are all having a great week!

March 4, 2010

5

Snow-cream (healthy-ish)

I was whining earlier today about not being able to make snow ice-cream that I could eat, sooooo...here ya go. 1 large bowl fresh clean snow 2 cups skim milk 1 package sugar free instant pudding Mix the pudding and skim milk until well blended but before it thickens, quickly mix into the snow. Tada! Low fat, sugar-free, and mostly water. We used chocolate...interesting after after the conversations last weekend with the five year old about yellow and brown snow, but still fairly tasty.

February 10, 2010

3

Hi!

So, I'm new here, just found this world earlier this week when I googled "2 weeks post lap band and starving" and boom, here you are, and 'lo! Apparently everyone 2 weeks post surgery is starving right along with me!!! I was starting to have my doubts, "oh my God, I"m going to be hungry forever?!?" but now am on mushies and while not full or satisfied, no longer starving and anxiously awaiting my first fill in 11 days. I lost 12 pounds in the 2 weeks pre-op and now have lost 12 pounds post-op, so 24 pounds since Dec. 3, not too shabby! I jumped up to get something off the ceiling at work earlier this week and almost lost my pants (much to my co-workers amusement). Oh, and a little about me in case you're curious. I'm a divorced single mom to an amazing 5 year old boy. My ex was verbally and on a few occasions physically abusive. But we got out and never looked back and our lives are amazing. I've been overweight forever, in fact, my mom got yelled at when she took me to my 6 week check-up because I'd gained too much weight...My mom had a gastric bypass almost 30 years ago, I think I am a combination of genes and learned behavior. My family loves to eat, it's what we do to celebrate, it's what we do when we get together, it's what we do to show our love...and we can cook too...bad combination to be a good cook and a great eater! So...I'm cruising right along, feeling great, little to no pain unless I do something stupid (lift something too heavy, etc), hungry, but not starving, exercising/walking 4-5 times a week, and happy and excited about my future (something I haven't felt in a long time), not to mention well on my way to a healthier me. I'm happy to be here and thrilled to have someone to ask my millions of questions to when I need to! Best of luck on your journeys! :smile2:

January 2, 2010

2

I'm an attention ho!

So, I typically shy away from compliments...I'm that girl that always blows it off when someone says something nice about my looks. BUT!!! I'm discovering I love, love, LOVE it when people comment on my weight loss. I'm at 30 pounds since Dec. 3, I've officially retired 1 pair of work pants and am having issues with a couple others but when I look in the mirror I don't see that big of a difference but it must be starting to show. And, for like the first time ever, I love it when people comment on it, absolutely love it. And, it makes me want to behave and eat well and get more more more off!! I'm shooting for 15 more pounds before I break down and buy a few new things. By then it will be warming up a little (unless the weightloss fairy visits and magically makes me thin over night) and I'll be able to start getting stuff to make it through spring and summer. I am determined that nothing I wear this spring will fit me next winter so, darn the luck, I'll have to go buy more then too!

January 28, 2010

6

Six months and counting...

Six months ago right now I had been in my room at the hospital for about an hour and was savoring my first ice chips and anxiously awaiting the future. I thought long and hard about a band before I finally jumped in. I HOPED that I'd be a reasonable success and hit the 1-2 pounds a week my doc looks for.... I was aiming for 75 pounds that first year and hoping for about 50 the second. I'm 1/2 way through the first year and at 73 pounds down now. I feel better than I have felt in years. I'm within a couple pounds of what I weighed when I graduated from high school 19 years ago. I am a success. ME. I. ME ME ME ME ME! My band has helped, I NEVER discredit that. I could not do it on my own. But with a little, okay, a lot, of help from Steve and Eileen I AM a success. I feel great. I feel like, for the first time in my life I am actually in control of my body and my weight. And I cannot wait to see what the next 6 months has in store. Life is good.

June 17, 2010

4

Mini victory!

I hit 34 pounds yesterday so now I only have 100 to lose! I know it sounds horrible but I'm so excited I've only got 100 left to get to goal:drool:, it sounds so much better than 134! Woohoo!!

February 20, 2010

4

Chinese buffet-1, Christie-0

We got brave and hit the local buffet last night (my son's night to pick), so I paid twice as much as my 5 year old only to eat about 1/3 what he did. It just felt so wrong!

March 13, 2010

5

And yet another first

I went roller skating today!! The last time I went roller skating I was 12, playing a stupid game, fell and had a nasty break to my left wrist which caused all kinds of freakish problems and eventually lead to 2 corrective surgeries.... Today was also my son's first time on skates. I'm sure we were a sight, but we were out there, laughing hysterically, and loving every minute of it. I can already tell my behind and thighs are going to have nasty things to say to me tomorrow but, still, well worth it! I can honestly say 30 pounds ago I would have given up after going around the rink once....if I was brave enough to even put on skates. So yay! Loving life! (and, importantly, no broken bones!!! WOOHOO!!!):biggrin:

February 7, 2010

5

Fill 'er up!

Fill #3 today, no problems at all. I'm now at 8.2 in a 14 cc band, much to my surprise. (She pulled out everything and I had an extra 0.5 cc no one has mentioned yet). But whatever, as long as it keeps working! I love my band, I love my band, I love my band!!!!

March 16, 2010

1

Bleh

I've got a cold. I've got a cold and a fairly tight band. Food is not my friend (well, unless it's junk food, which is just not fair, junk food should stick, not real food!!!). So I'm sitting her nursing my hot tea and whining to anyone who will listen (or read), just had to share my misery. Done whining now.

February 24, 2010

4

Cha-cha-cha-changes...

Banded life is not what I expected. No, the weight doesn't fall off but I also don't have to obsess about every bite that goes into my mouth or go insane with exercise. If I eat a relatively healthy diet and stay active then I slowly and consistantly drop. How could I be so lucky?!?! I've noticed recently however that my taste in foods is changing. I have always been a meat eater but these days I could go without it and not miss it. Weird, and again, unexpected. Luckily my love of beans has grown ridiculously as my love affair with meat has dwindled so I can live off the beans for protein. I, err, may never have a good dating life again given the, umm, "side effects" from the beans, but for now it'll do. Another unexpected...I've had a really tough week emotionally. Bad things have happened (they won't kill me, I will survive, but in the grand scheme of things it's a pretty big deal) and rather than sit on the couch and eat potato chips, I sort of just don't want to eat. I guess my old buddy "comfort food" is no longer my best friend and companion...again, not a bad thing, just, well, surprising.

July 21, 2010

3

Dreams, volume II

So I have the recurring dream that my BMI gets down to 40 and they (still not sure who "they" is) kidnap me and remove my band because I no longer qualify for the surgery. Weird eh? Also have had several dreams lately about a guy I dated 20 years ago and haven't seen in 20 years, naked. THIS one is MUCH more disturbing than having the band removed! Therapy here I come.

February 13, 2010

4

You know you're a bandster....

When you're having 4 million cravings and you end up eating greek yogurt with a hand full of crushed almonds on it....

August 9, 2010

3

Woohoo!

I got the call today confirming my first fill next Tuesday. I have to be healed, healthy, and cold free....I'm going to lock myself in the closet until then so I'm not exposed to anything! (I'm a family practice physician assistant and sick all the time from the crap I pick up from work...keep your fingers crossed I can be germ free for 5 whole days!).:thumbup:

January 9, 2010

2

Oh Crap.

So that's what "stuck" feels like. O-U-C-H String cheese as you're running out the door in a hurry and not paying attention is a bad combo, luckily it passes momentarily, after scaring the poo out of my 5 year old son...but I don't want to ever play that game again thank you very much.

January 17, 2010

2

Fill number 1 is in the bag...

Or in the band as the case may be. That was one of the weirdest things I've ever felt! It was a piece of cake but felt very very odd. I apparently have a 14 cc band now complete with 4.4 cc of saline. I'm on liquids for 2 days then mushies for 2 days then I get to take the next step up and start MEAT...ground meat but still, meat, woohoo!! I have restriction today and would love love love it if it stayed with me but am guessing I'll be like most everyone else and lose this wonderful feeling of fullness in the near future. Next fill (if needed) scheduled for Feb. 15, my doc will not fill before 4 weeks, even if you're starving won't do it. Life is good, on to the next stage of the journey! WOOHOO!:w00t:

January 13, 2010

2

I'm off to see the wizard...

Fill Number 2 in 4 hours....fingers crossed this gets me a bit more restriction! I've only lost 4 pounds in the last 4 weeks and have this horrible feeling my doc is going to nag (he's a good nagger). I know, I know, the band is designed for 1-2 lbs weight loss a week but I still feel like he's going to give me hell. Wish me luck!

February 15, 2010

4

Dreams dreams dreams

I have been having the most graphic and vivid dreams for the last couple weeks. The type where you wake up with a jerk and a start thinking "WTF????" There's a general theme. Ex-boyfriends, and nudity. There is not an ex-boyfriend in my life that I regret being my ex and it is very very bizarre for me to dream about them. Nudity is another thing I'm not real comfortable with. I've been fat FOREVER and have never liked showing off the flab and seriously doubt I ever will...In last nights dream I decided to go swimming in this huge pool after it closed...and naturally, since it was closed, I decided to go butt naked. Right after I get in a million (okay 20) people come out of nowhere to go swimming and I decide to go out in the deep end and just tread water until they all leave so they'll never notice...but they never leave and eventually I just have to get out in front of all of them. And not a single person noticed. I tend to think dreams are mostly silly and meaningless but I'm taking this one to mean I need to chill out and not be so hard on myself, maybe other people don't see the imperfections like I do. Of course my closest friends are of the opinion that I need a man..ah, gotta love 'em! Or maybe the decreased calorie intake is rotting my brain!!! (to make up for that I have 1/2 a slice of turtle cheesecake today...hey, it's got cheese and nuts right? It should be considered health food!)

January 29, 2010

2

Getting there, 1 pound at a time

Eight pounds until I'm no longer morbidly obese and move down to "super obese" WOOHOO!!!!

March 18, 2010

1

Things I've learned

If I eat less than 1000 calories, I don't lose weight. If I eat more than 1250-1300 calories, I don't lose weight. If I don't drink at LEAST 64 ounces of water, I don't lose weight. (AND, apparently eating has always been my signal to drink, now I have to remind myself constantly throughout the day to GO GET MORE WATER...I just don't think of it until it's time to eat, live and learn) If I sit on my butt, I don't lose weight. Damn, I have to eat right, exercise, and drink water to do this?!?! I'm joking, I'm joking, it's still easier than pre-band, and I don't feel like I'm starving to death so it's all good, just interesting how everything has to line up just right to make it all work. Not surprisingly, I've started losing hair. I'm okay with this since I have enough hair for 3 heads. Surprisingly, at least to me, my nails are the best they've been in years, I can only assume it's the increased protein/vitamin/calcium combo but just something I didn't expect!

February 11, 2010

1

Testing 1,2, testing...

So, shake=good Cracker=not so good. Water=good pureed soup=good cheez-it (sp?) stolen from son at dinner=not so good. I guess he wasn't joking when he said liquids today.

February 17, 2010

2

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