I lost 7 pounds last month, so in no way has my weight loss stalled. However, as you all have come to know, I'm a very impatient person. I want to see a little come off on the scale EVERYDAY! Obviously, that is unrealistic and I need to learn to appreciate life without one eye focused on the scale.
One way I'm doing that is through pictures. As horribly hard as it was for me to have pictures taken of myself at my biggest, I'm now very glad I did. The physical transformation I have gone through is instant inspiration to me when I have any low feelings at all.
Another way I focus OFF the scale is focusing on how my clothes fit. I'm wearing a size 16 NY&Co pair of pants today that I bought when my mom was in town. Less than three weeks ago, I could get them on, but they were too snug to wear. Today, they look perfect!
I remember the way I felt when I weighed 285 pounds. I still went places with my friends, but I felt withdrawn. I wanted to fade into the woodwork. I wanted to hide myself and my body. I was so hard on myself for every little thing because I felt insecure because of my fatness.
Now, I'm much more confident with my body. I practically flirted with a guy in the elevator this morning. Ha! I will catch a glace of myself in a mirror or window reflection and I can hardly believe it is me. I worked out twice yesterday and didn't feel like I was overworked. It's absolutely incredible.
As you also have been able to tell, I love having my picture taken now. I still have a long way to go, but I just feel so darn good! No need to put off living while I finish the job. :confused:
Tonight I'm going with one of by LAP-BAND® Support Group buddies to see Shrek. I have made friends with two girls from the group. I'm so grateful to have folks face to face that are going through what I am going through. Plus, they are super fun!!
Happy Wednesday!
I wear jeans to work so I have a ton of them. 9 pairs, I think. Which seems crazy until I think about the fact that I literally wear them everyday. I remember a time when I didn't even OWN a pair of jeans!!
I have had to retire a few pairs this week and I noticed that others were getting a little baggy. Last night I was running early for my dinner with a friend, so I stopped by Cato. I am now the owner of 2 new pairs of size 14 jeans!! (And a $6 slim fitting size 14 skirt which is still a little snug...but $6! And I know it will fit in a few weeks!!)
I have gotten smaller a couple times in my adult life. I graduated high school around 185 and by the end of college I was 250. Around 1999, I got to 197 for a short time and in 2005 I got to 203 for a short time. Interestingly though, I don't think I ever bought size 14 jeans. I think 1999 was around the time I just didn't wear jeans and 2005 I didn't stay small long enough to get a proper fitting wardrobe. I know I won't be in these jeans long, but it is nice to know that this time it is because I will be heading for size 12s!!
I was trying to remember when I bought my current size 16 jeans and I think it was only a month or so ago. And I know that I didn't fit into the 14s at that time. I only lost ONE POUND in the last month, so it just goes to show you that you can't always go by the scale. :-)
I'm having such a feel good day! It is such a rush to wear something new and SMALLER!
I'm out tomorrow and the weekend for the NASCAR races getting my redneck on, so have a wonderful weekend, my LBT friends!!
Beth
Today I RAN my first 5K. YAY!! My first goal was to finish...check! My second goal was to RUN the whole thing and not stop or walk...check! My third goal was to finish in 45 minutes...close. I saw the clock hit the 45 minute mark but I wasn't quite there. I'm pretty sure I finished before 46 minutes though. I will have to check the website tomorrow to be sure exactly.
My SIL was AMAZING! She is a runner and could've made it in half the time, but she was with me every step of the way. My nephew took off at the start and finished in 27 minutes. He is 10 yo and is SO AWESOME!
It was so discouraging at the beginning because it felt that the whole crowd flew past us and I felt like my chest was about to burst open. The first mile seemed hard for me but I figured out at the first mile marker that we did it in 12:54...considering I usually run a 14 minute mile, no wonder I was tired!!
The second mile started with a hill that was about 1/3 mile long. It was when I really wanted to walk. I kept thinking that I could walk faster than I was running. In fact, some walkers passed me at times. HA! But Gretchen kept encouraging me and even at one point jogged ahead and came back to report on where the hill ended. Once I got up that, I KNEW I HAD to finish the race running. The 2nd mile (with the hill and the fast first mile) was REALLY slow, but I made it. The 3rd mile is a blur. I only remember seeing each hill and saying "Oh my God, Gretchen" every single time. And every single time she would say "You can do it!" or "You are doing awesome!" or "You have a good pace, keep it up!" In fact, she carried water for me and would uncap it and give it to me whenever I wanted something.
I honestly keep getting tears in my eyes thinking about it. When we hit somewhere mid 3rd mile, I hit a brick wall. We were passing over a bridge and I remember thinking that I could die. My chest felt like it was going to explode, but I was SOOO close. When we saw the finish line I heard a girl's voice yell "Go Beth!" Later I realized that my SIL's sister was there. Then my brother was at the finish line to cheer me in and take my picture. I have NEVER in my life loved my brother more than in that moment.
When I crossed the finish line, I burst into tears. This was MY marathon. Four months ago, I couldn't run a mile. I am so blessed that all those who love me didn't tell me I couldn't do it. They just supported me along the way.
I did it!! And now I just want to do it again and better! Well...as soon as I can feel my legs again. :confused: You all are also part of my inspiration network and I THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!
I'm finishing this day by taking my soon to be 7 yo niece to get a manicure, then to the mall and dinner. Can't think of a better way to spend the day!!
It's Monday! Jax and I are starting to live in harmony again. Last week was a real eye opener as I discussed in my Friday post. I typically gain weight over the weekend, so I'm proud that I was able to lose a little bit this weekend. Maybe I'm actually learning!
I have a lot of fun things coming up! I'm visiting my brother and his family Labor Day weekend, my parents are coming to visit in mid-September, I'm going to New Orleans the first weekend in October, I'm going to visit a friend in NC mid-October, I'm going to the NASCAR race the first weekend in November, then next thing I know the holidays will be here!! That doesn't take into account all the local things I have going on.
Speaking of visiting my brother...my SIL emailed me yesterday and asked if I wanted to enter a 5k that weekend with her and my nephew. I had mentioned when I visited them in May that I wanted to do it and made it my goal. I have been slacking off on the running though because of my aching feet. I said yes, so I better get on the stick! I've never gone more than 1.85 miles at once. I still think I will be able to do it though. Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment!! :mad:
In preperation, I'm not going to do a ton of running because I don't want to mess up my feet. So, I'm going to do A LOT of cardio. I plan to do Jazzercise 4 times this week. I also plan to run twice. We will see how that goes then make a plan for next week.
I feel detoxed and ready to go!! Happy Monday, my friends!
Although I haven't been banded, I attended my first support group meeting yesterday. The people there were amazing and gave me so much confidence that I'm making the right choice. I decided that it is full speed ahead!
My first doctor's visit is next Tuesday and honestly, I can't wait! I know that there are going to be frustrations and struggles. And I certainly know that not everyday is going to be rainbows and daisies. However, I will be DOING something. I am ready.
Since I'm self-pay, I wonder how soon I will be able to do it. I will certainly do anything that my doctor requires or suggests, but I suspect I won't have to go through months of anything like some insurances require.
I'm looking forward to meeting with the nutritionist. On every diet I've had, my goal was to figure out how I could eat as much as possible with the diet's calorie/fat/point/etc. limitation because I was always SO hungry. It is almost unreal to think that I would be able to eat a child's portion lunch and be satisfied. I have to reprogram my entire mindset!!
I've started the small bite and chewing process now. It is quite a bit harder than I thought, but I think it will help me to practice.
I'm crossing my fingers that I found out WHEN on Tuesday!!
That pound I lost during vacation seemed to find me this morning. But I don't care, because I feel GREAT!!
I'm not too concerned because I ate fine yesterday and I ran at lunch. I'm sure it is just a body fluctuation that happens from time to time.
Yesterday, I went SHOPPING. I was SUPPOSED to be getting a pair of jeans since I'm down to only one pair that fits well and a pair of dress pants. ALL of my dress pants are too big. My company switched to jeans when we downsized, but we have to dress business casual when investors come calling. We have one coming in today and I wasn't sure what I was going to wear.
I started at Lane Bryant. My plan was to get a size 1 Blue pair of Right Size jeans. Imagine my surprise when the sales girl told me they have switched sizing yet again. Sigh. So I grabbed pairs of 14s & 16s and headed for the dressing room. I tried the 14s first and they were too tight. Not just jeans tight, but ill-fitting tight. In retrospect, I think they might have been petites. I tried on the 16s and they were loosey goosey. Ugh.
So, I moved on to Ross. I was picking up all sorts of dresses (not on the list) and a couple of shirts (not on the list) and a pair of jeans (yay!). I LOVED the dresses. I tried on 6 and ended up buying 4 (!) of them. I also bought the size 16W (woohoo) jeans. On impulse, I bought a shirt. It is sleeveless though so I fear it is one I will never wear.
Next I went to TJ Maxx. As soon as I walked in I realized that I had never been there before. Who knew? Anyway, their selection of Womens sizes left a bit to be desired, so I quickly moved on.
Dress Barn was on the way back to my car, so I stopped. I picked up a few pairs of jeans to try from the Womens side. I moved to the Misses side and on a mannequin was a dress I had tried on while shopping in Florida with my mom a couple of months ago. At that time, I tried on the XL and although it "fit" my body, the words "stuffed" and "sausage" came to mind. I picked that up to try on as well.
ALL of the jeans I selected were too big. WHAT?? YAY!! I went out and got a 14W and they looked great! I tried on the dress and although it is still too tight to wear, it actually fit! It was 50% off so I bought it as my inspiration. I will wear that dress when I go visit my brother's family in Louisville Labor Day weekend!!! I ended up with the jeans, the dress, a short sleeve jacket type cover-up thing, & two pairs of capri leggings. I'm on a big kick of wearing dresses (a little shorter than I might normally wear) with leggings.
The jacket I'm wearing in one picture is my "skinny" jacket I bought several years ago. It doesn't quite look super buttoned up yet, but it looks good over the dress.
I'm feeling like one hot mama today! Ha! I still have a LONG way to go, but it is so nice to feel good along the way.
I'm looking foward to my Volleyball road trip this weekend. Maybe I will find a cute Wichatan. :smile2: Have a great weekend everyone!!
Good morning everyone!
Last night I was still not to my pre-Chinese fighting weight. I was beyond frustrated and quickly coming to the realization that a little Mandarin chicken is NOT going to have that LONG of an effect. When I don't know what in the heck is going on, I go to the numbers.
Accoring to Jax (as many of you know, Jax is my BodyBugg), I should have lost roughly a pound this week thus far...give or take. Seeing that I have only lost two tenths, that is A LOT of TAKE!
I went back further. Last week was my overfill, allergy, emergency unfill debacle. I lost 4.4 pounds last week. Well...according to Jax, I should have only lost 2.3 pounds last week. So at the end of last week, my scale was 2 pounds "ahead", which I'm sure was an effect of dehydration from the overfilled period.
Meaning, I would have to gain 2 pounds this week for me to "break even". Make sense? The fact that I'm down AT ALL is a sign that I'm having a great week! This is why I'm glad I spent the money to buy Jax. I would have been very frustrated this week to work so hard and be at a standstill. However, he has given me the INFORMATION to make me realize what is going on with my body.
Goal track: I still have 2 pounds to lose by next Thursday to reach my mini goal of hitting 210 by my New Orleans trip. But I'm still well on track with my semi major goal to be 199 by Thanksgiving and the major goal of losing 100 pounds (185#) by 1/31/11.
New stuff: I was a little less creative today. I have on an old shirt, but this is the first time I have worn it. I bought it about 5 years ago on the way up. It was tight at the time, but it was on sale. :thumbup: Plus, just a few pounds and I could fit into it! Haha! Anyway, now it looks quite nice. I also have on my new black flats. They aren't fancy, but everyone needs a basic pair of black flats! My jeans are a size 18 and it is apparent that it is time to retire them. I have 9 pairs of jeans (keep in mind that I wear jeans to work) and over the last 2 weeks, I have had to retire 5 pairs! I think if I try on a 6th pair, they will have to go as well. Looks like someone is going jeans shopping!!
Have a wonderful, wonderful Friday! And a safe and happy weekend!!
I had a wonderful Christmas vacation with friends and family. I'm so fired up for my pre-op diet (starting Jan. 12th) and my surgery (Jan. 27th)!!
I see my parents several times a year, but I only see my brother's family 2-3 times a year. In 2009 we went to Disney World in January, but then I didn't see them again until September. So seeing them again in December seemed quick, plus I stayed over a week!
I had planned to tell my (adorable, thin, runner, supportive, wonderful) sister-in-law about my surgery, but when I got up there I just decided to wait. I felt sure that she would be supportive, but I wasn't sure how my brother would react and mostly I just didn't want to bring it up.
All was fine, but I guess I never told my mom that I wasn't going to say anything. I'm not exactly sure of the conversation, but she indicated to my SIL that I had something to tell her. I told her that she could just tell her and so she did. I was alone in the car with SIL yesterday before I left and she asked me about it. She was lovely and wonderfully supportive. **The Shocking Part** My brother is a good brother, but he is not always the nicest of guys. He is an atheletic popular type and people just LOVE him. He can be very mean, but then gets mad when you call him on it. One day he was just so grumpy that I left the house. I'm sure it was just having us all around, but gees...deal, we do. Most of the time he was great, so a blip every once in a while is fine. I'm sure I get on his nerves too, so there you go. Anyway, he took me to the airport yesterday and was very nice. When we stopped, he went to the back of the car to help me with my luggage. He hugged me and said "Good luck with your procedure. We'll be thinking of you." That was huge, people. I mean...just huge.
My SILs sister is having a baby in March and we were sitting around the living room talking about baby names. We started teasing about what I would name my baby. My 6 year old niece got so excited because she thought I was pregnant. She was jumping around and said..."That's why you're so fff..." I smiled and laughed and said "..fat? No, we are just teasing." My SIL was slightly mortified, but I took it in stride.
The most horrific moment of the trip was when I got on the plane to come back. The seatbelt didn't fit. I had one on the way that fit with spare room. I feel confident that I didn't gain that much over the week, but it didn't matter. Maybe it was a different kind of plane. I asked the guy attendent and he was super nice and quiet about it. I think if this would have happened before I had made my decisions and plans, I would have broken down. Instead, I let myself get teary eyed for a few minutes, then I just let it go. It is just another not-so-fun reminder that I have a plan that is right for me and things WILL change.
28 days to surgery!!
Jax, my new Body Bugg, came today. YAY! I can't wait to get home tonight to get it all hooked up and ready to go. I have PROMISED myself that I will do a few productive things before I start. Ha!
I fully expect this thing to make me lose 30 pounds in the next 3 months! Just kidding! I know it won't do the work for me, but wouldn't it be nice?
Yesterday was my 2nd full day of logging calories consumed. I worked SO hard and what was my reward?? No movement on the scale. It must be broken. Surely if I'm doing something I don't want to be doing, the earth would shift, the heavens would shine down on me and I would get what I want, right? Apparently, the universe begs to differ.
Off to do some work. I will post some pictures of me and Jax tomorrow.
What a productive weekend!! So far, Jax (my new Body Bugg) is having quite an effect on my life. I can tell that I'm making better choices, especially regarding activity to make sure I reach my target numbers. Color me surprised!
Friday I chose to go to Jazzercise which is something I don't usually do. Especially when I get up and go on Saturday morning, which I also did! YAY me! :closedeyes: After class on Saturday, I ran some errands. I had a quck lunch then got started working around home. I had gone through all of the clothes in my closet last week, so this weekend I decided to tackle my drawers. Dresser and chest of drawers...well, other kinds of drawers too, I guess.
I got rid of two bathing suits, a ton of pajamas and some work out pants. The happiest thing I found is that there are only 3 items left in my "too small" drawer...one pair of Old Navy jeans and two tank tops. I feel sure they will fit next month!
I kept myself busy most of the day and only sat down for a little while in the late afternoon. Then I got ready and went to my BFFs birthday party. It was at a pizza place and I'm entirely to tight to eat pizza. Luckily they has some delicious lasagna which I was able to eat. It was a LOVELY evening with friends. And I don't think I thought about being fat all night!
Sunday I went to church then continued my productivity around the house. I wanted to burn more calories!
This morning I got up and did yoga. I HATE mornings and honestly can't believe I did it. I'm a sucker for a challenge though. I'm a part of a Facebook group that has a bunch of friends from high school where we encourage each other to exercise. One of the guys (which honestly I feel sure I never spoke to in high school) has become quite inspiring to me. He battles weight too and works very hard. He threw down a challenge that if I got up to do yoga, he would do sit ups. Well...okay then. I did my 22 minutes of easy going yoga. It is mostly stretching, but I notice that when I do it, I have more energy throughout the day.
We are having a celebration today at work and there will be cupcakes. I may eat one, but I will also log it so Jax can tell me what I need to do to work it off. Tonight is Jazzercise and I'm up to 10 pound hand weights! The only move that gives me trouble is an over the head tricep dip. Everything else I can do well. I don't think I will ever go over 10 pounds though...it seems like a good weight.
Not to bury the lead, but I lost 8.4 pounds & 8.75 inches this month. Most excitingly, 2 inches off my hips! I would love to lose 10 more pounds before my trip to Louisville. If I listen to Jax, I just might!!
I had a hard time getting to sleep last night since I was anxious about the run. When I did get up, I felt ready to go. Liz picked me up at 7:15am and we were off. It was a chilly morning, so I wore long pants and a sweatshirt over my Tshirt along with some gloves. When we got there, I didn't want to carry my sweatshirt around, so I shed it and just wore my Tshirt but I kept the gloves. Brrrr...
We got there about a half hour early so we tried to keep moving to keep warm. Finally it was time for the race to start. We lined up at the back and followed the herd. There was a lengthy and kind of steep hill to start. At about the half mile mark, I was wondering why in the heck I was doing this!! I muscled through it and around the mile mark, I was able to settle in a bit. The start of the 2nd mile was a shorter steep hill which I was able to take easily. Liz kept up conversation for both of us which helped keep me distracted. About halfway through the race, I ditched my Target $1 gloves.
Once we hit the two mile marker, I knew I was doing well. The third mile had one more medium hill and then it was time for the end which was down the hill that started the race. The last couple tenths I kicked to the absolute delight of Liz, ha! Liz timed us finishing at 45:14 and the official results showed 45:12. Since my last one was 48:03, I am very excited! My ultimately goal was 45:00, so I was REALLY close!!
After some coffee, we made our way home. I'm so happy and proud of what I am accomplishing. My next run is on 12/04, so just over a month.
Halloween is an evil holiday. People keep giving me candy and I just keep eating it. At least I'm logging it...
Have a wonderful weekend!!
After reading many stories on this site, I thought all weekend about what exactly caused me to choose this path now.
At the beginning of this year, my doctor put me on Topomax as a weight-loss drug. That isn't its standard intention, but there has been some good results with it. Unfortunately, I had a bad reaction to the drug and that combined with stress made my anxiety shoot through the roof. February-April is kind of a haze for me. By June, although I had gained 15 pounds, the doctors had determined that I was quite healty (for an obese person) and that made my anxiety go away.
Now what? I went on a trip with my friend and the airplane ride was so uncomfortable. During the trip she also mentioned that my CPAP mask was making noise through the night. I think I had gained enough weight that my CPAP was no longer effective. It did explain why I was so tired all the time. That was when I started thinking about LB. Although I still felt that I wasn't "that fat".
My friends and I have a monthly dinner group that has been meeting regularly since 2004. Each month we take a picture of the group at whichever restaurant we choose. At this particular dinner, I knew with the way we were seated, it wouldn't be very flattering of me. When I looked at the picture I could hardly control the sob. I excused myself and went to the restroom before I made a scene. Once composed, I came back out and my wonderful friends had figured it out and suggested a new picture without making me feel horrible. I love my friends. But I knew now that I was indeed "that fat".
My friend & I scored free tickets to the Mavericks game. They were excellent tickets and I was on the end of the row. However, the end wasn't open, it was at a fence-like wall. I was so cramped and uncomfortable. I didn't want to be there and I knew that I would probably not do it again. There it was. I was making decisions about what to do because of my weight.
I never wanted to be the person that sits at home because I'm more comfortable there than getting out into the world. But that is exactly what I am becoming.
I struggle EVERYday with my weight. My feet hurt, I don't sleep well, and my blood pressure & cholesterol are rising. I MUST lose weight. If I am going to struggle this way, I should do it in a way that is going to get some results. That is why for me.
I was having a very "is this really the right answer??" sort of day. I'm freaking out about the pre-op diet. I'm worried I won't be ready to come back to work when I need to. But most of all I feel fat. I stopped and thought about it and realized it has been almost 2 weeks since I posted to my blog. I realized that I just need to take some time and figure out what is REALLY bothering me.
What is really bothering me is that I feel fat. I tried on a pair of fat pants this morning and they were too small. So I had to wear my fatter fat pants. Sigh. I feel guilty, because I should be eating better in anticipation of this life change, but so much of me wants the tastes of things that I'm going to have to give up. I know I can do this when it is time. I'm very good about sticking to it when I have made that decision. But I just can't get myself to do it now. That's when I realized it...I want to do this now. I want to do this so much and I can't seem to do it on my own.
My banding date is still 56 days away. I know I had no choice (financially) but to schedule it in 2010. Since I'm a corporate controller, I had to schedule it after the year-end books were closed which puts me at the end of January. So, I had no choice and that is that.
56 days... Of that I will be spending 8 in Louisville with my family. I have two nephews and a niece, so I feel sure I won't have much time to dwell on much of anything!! :wink2: That leaves 48. I have 3 sets of theater season tickets (yes, I have a slight addiction) so 5 nights between now and then, I have wonderful shows to see! 101 Dalmatians tonight, next week is Christmas with the Rat Pack, the following week is South Pacific and I have August: Osage County and a Broadway "spoofish" show in January. Each of those days, I have something FANTASTIC to look forward to!
That gets me down to 43 days. I have two LAP-BAND® Support Group meetings and my pre-op appointment. That leaves 40 days! I have 4 parties in December (including one I am hosting!) and a trip with friends to the Gaylord Texas ICE exhibit. Also, some friends from work and I are going to volunteer at an assisted living facility one day which will be fun. I should probably throw New Year's Eve in there too! I'm now at 36 days.
If I really think about it, I will be on my pre-op diet for 14 days and even though it is going to be super hard I will be DOING something that is moving me toward my goal.
All of that gets me to 22 days. That seems more reasonable. I can get through 22 days! And during that time, while I may not be "dieting", I'm doing things that will help me later. Like I've been trying new protein sources, especially liquids. I have also experimented with not drinking while eating. I'm cutting down on Diet Coke. I was drinking 7-10 a day and I'm currently at 1-5 per day. I will get there! I'm also trying to find non-caffeinated drinks that I like. I am researching how to cook, what to order at restaurants, & what I will need to moderate/give up completely/learn to like.
So, I guess I am doing okay! Whew.
:biggrin:
Although my CPAP is not yet completely effective (it will take another 20 pounds for that, I think), I'm feeling really great! Tomorrow morning is my one week weigh in and I know that I have done great, so far. I was thinking this morning that I wish this diet was only one week, but I know that if I can do one week...I can do two weeks!
I'm going to go have a popsicle. Have a great day everyone!
Oh - can anyone tell me how to make my ticker automatically insert itself when I post something? I'm not sure how to do that. Thanks!!
I attended my 2nd LB support group last night. Even though I'm not being banded until January, they are so inclusive and helpful.
It is so wonderful to sit in a room with people that are going through, have gone through or will go through what I'm going through now. They also do things together outside of group, so it brings in a whole new social element.
One of the veterns (she was banded in Dec 2008, met her goal of 84 lbs lost in July and has been maintaining since) gave me her phone number and email address just in case I have any questions that come up. I mean really...how sweet is that!?! She looks FABULOUS, by the way.
I also met some girls my age and they seem fun to get to know. One of the girls talked about how she lost 150 pounds but then she had a band issue and had to empty it. She then went on a bender and gained 15 pounds before she was able to get back on track. 15 pounds?? I don't want to belittle what I'm sure was a difficult time for her, but I can gain 15 pounds over the holidays! It was another example to me how this can be such an effective tool, not only for weight LOSS, but especially for maintaining.
No one, not even the girl with trouble, regretted or didn't like their band. There was a newbie, banded in late October, that was having a little trouble adjusting, but still willing to work at it.
It is interesting how passionately people feel about the time prior to surgery (diet vs. pig out.) People certainly can argue adamantly one way or the other!!
Bottom line is that I love my support group and plan to be a part of it for a long time!!
I love my LapBand support group! We had our monthly meeting last night. I have made good friends with two of the ladies in the group. I email back and forth with one (Ann) most days. We are accountability partners and share tons of information and experiences. The other (Debi) and I text each other to share SVs and NSVs. We also do things together, like tomorrow night we are going to see Dreamgirls. These two friendships alone make Group worthwhile, but it is even much more than that. Hearing the questions and experiences of so many other people is invaluable to me. My friends and family are SOOO supportive, but no matter what happens, they can't understand it completely because they haven't done it. Our group has a lot of newly banded people, a few waiting to be banded and a few old timers. It is amazing to hear their words of wisdom!
Group night also means updated photos for me. I put all of the new ones in my albums, but this angle was particularly great for me. I have attached the "before" picture and then last night's "current" picture. What a difference!!
Wowzaa...Friday sucked. Flat out one of the top (bottom) ten work days I've ever had. In one decision, I cost my struggling company about $40k that it sincerely doesn't have. I was a basket case on Friday and it took me long into the weekend to get a grip on my mood. Objectively, I knew about 2 hours in that it wasn't truly my fault and about 4 hours in I had determined that with the information I had at the time, I would make the same decision every time. But it took me about 24-30 hours to adjust back from my bad attitude. I was mad at EVERYBODY although I did do my darnedest not to show it. I slipped a little, but my truly awesome friends rallied and even tried to cheer me up with crazy You Tube videos. :thumbup:
But by Sunday, I was all better and today is just another new workday. I have a lot of responsibility in my job and a lot of high expectations. Occassionally, I'm going to make a mistake and that is just part of life. The good news is that we may have legal rights to retrieve the money so that would be even better!! Regardless, we have all learned a lot from this experience.
Moving on to Sunday...I went shopping. (Sidenote: finallyincontrol, I think you were the one that said that I love to shop? I thought of that repeatedly during the day. HA!) I now have plenty of clothes to get me through the next 20-30 pounds, I think. One of my friends here at work told me I look very SLENDER in the outfit I'm wearing today. ME...slender? Uh, okay. Huh. I will take it!!
I figured out last night that I wasn't going to be down this week at my Monday morning weigh in. I even had a fill this week...a teensy weensy one, but a fill nonetheless. I ALWAYS lose a couple of pounds at least on a fill week. But I guess I have reached my first dreaded plateau. Y'all know I'm not one to sit around and find out. So...yes, I have a plan!
I ordered a Body Bugg last night and it should be here sometime this week. I'm committing to a new 8 week plan. I'm not technically starting until next week since I don't have the bug which I have already named Jax (after the badass biker on Sons of Anarchy). I was going to name it Bicho (meaning bug in Spanish), but I was afraid that everyone would think that I was calling it a bitch. :smile2:
I will use Jax to accurately determine calories burned during the day as well as log my calories consumed. I'm committing to using Jax for calories burned for 8 weeks. I'm committing to recording calories consumed for 4 weeks, because I honestly don't think I can get myself to do more. Hopefully after 4 weeks it will become habit, but committing to 8 weeks for something I absolutely hate to do is too overwhelming.
Additionally, I'm committing to doing 20 minutes of beginner yoga 4 times per week. At least 3 of those times must be in the morning before work (because I think it would be really beneficial).
Honestly, using Jax for calories burned is a no brainer. Once I got over the thought of spending $300, using it will be no big deal. Getting myself up (just 20-30 minutes) earlier in the morning is going to be a little more challenging, but I used to do it all the time. I know that once I get through a couple of weeks, I will be able to do it. Recording my calories consumed is going to be the real challenge here.
Technically, it was supposed to be part of my first 8 week challenge, but I gave it up after a day and decided that I would only do it if I gained weight. I'm such a sucker to myself!! But I thought if I lowered the committment to 4 weeks, I might at least get out of the gate.
I'm going to visit my brother and his family for Labor Day. They know I'm doing this and saw me at the highest at Christmas and then again 40 pounds lighter at my grandmother's funeral. There are over 5 weeks until that vacation and I would very much like to lose 10 pounds. That is a lot for me since I typically average 1.8 pounds and I seem to be slowing. BUT it is very doable. That would put me at around 70 pounds lost and only about 15-20 pounds from my lowest weight ever as an adult.
I can do this! Thank you all for your good wishes and support. It makes ALL the difference in the world!
When I visited my surgeon, he said that he felt that with hard work, I shoud get to around 145 lbs. I laughed out loud...with disbelief and delight.
I currently weigh around 275 which is more than my dad. And my dad is a hefty dude! I gained quite a few pounds this year, about 15-20 from quitting smoking and 5-10 from being lazy. My "normal" weight is around 250.
My lowest point which I hovered around for a few months two different times (once in 2000 and the other in 2006) was 200. I felt downright hot at those points! I was wearing clothes from "normal" stores. I really felt that I looked good, but I just couldn't stay there.
In college, I was right around the 200 mark as well. In high school, I remember lying on my driver's license that I was 155, but I was really 165-170. By the time I graduated, I think I was around 180. I found some high school sennior pics the other night that I have posted to this entry. I remember thinking that I was SO fat, but at this age, I think I look great!
If I were to get to 175 (100 lbs. lost) and maintain it for the rest of my life, I think I could be quite content.
But before I make that goal, I'm going to make the goal of the doctor's goal of 145. Maybe with the right help, confidence and focused work, I can get to that weight and maintain it.
I'm willing to keep my mind open and set small goals as I go. I don't want to frustrate myself or set too lofty goals, but I also don't want to close my mind to an amazing possibilities.
Shortterm goals for now...but the mind stays firmly open!!
I forgot to measure Wednesday night. That's not like me to forget a checkpoint.
Drum roll, please...
I lost 13 inches total this month! I measure each upper arm and wrist, neck, bust, waist, belly, hips, and each thigh and calf (13 spots in total). That is the 2nd most yet!! I lost 3.5 inches from my waist and 3.75 inches from my belly just this month. Other big losers were my hips (1.5") and my right thigh (??!!?) (1.25").
My biggest loser thusfar...I have lost 9.5 inches from my waist since mid-January. Whoa! Total inches lost from the beginning...53.25". Wow.
Just in the last week or so, I moved to my Lane Bryant size 1 jeans since the 2's were getting a little baggy. I'm not joking when I say that these are not going to make it very long. I have only 3 pairs of jeans that currently fit and no other pants. I think I will absolutely have to go shopping for real in 30-60 days. YAY!!
I told you all about the fabulous book I'm reading...The Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl. This chick is AWESOME!! I have some more "me" quotes for you:
Quote #1: "All this cold hard data is strangely comforting. If I don't like my weigh-in result, I can manipulate the data and spit out a statistic that will make me feel better."
Quote #2: "This whole love-hate relationship with my body is exhausting. How do you tame that negative voice? How do you learn to like yourself? I'd settle for mere tolerance, just enough to make me believe I'm worth all this effort. But I can't run away this time, I'll go back to the class next week. I'll keep on going and I'll get better at it. These days, I'm not the kind of girl who gives up.
Quote #3: "Some days I'm positive and proud to have come this far. But some days my confidence and resolve feel flimsier than those string bikinis, ready to come undone at the slightest hint of a breeze.
Did I mention that I LOVE this book??
Sorry for the horn tootin', but I was just so darn happy! I'm off to Louisiana, so I will talk to you all next Wednesday!!
As I have mentioned previously, I have my first visit with the surgeon on Tuesday. I'm self pay, so I'm hoping to schedule the procedure as early as possible in 2010.
That said, I have been on a bender lately. I haven't been binging or anything like that, but I have been just eating whatever I want and I haven't been exercising a lot. I was holding steady at my "highest weight ever" through May of this year. Then, I quit smoking. Don't get me wrong...YAY! Completely quit. Done. Finito. However, the 15-20 pounds I have gained since then have just been horrible. I am uncomfortable like I have never been before. I am actually changing what I do because of my weight. Unacceptable!
But...when it comes to food, I think..."I better enjoy this since I'm not going to get it after I'm banded!" Bad! And when it comes to exercise, I've gotten to the point where my feet hurt, my knees hurt and I'm just so freaking out of shape. Pathetic! I have been Jazzercising regularly for 6 years...how is it even possible that I got to this point? By only going 1-2 times per week, apparently. I guess just paying for my classes doesn't actually contribute to keeping you in shape. Oops.
I stepped on the scale today and HOLY MOLY!! I am the biggest I have ever been. It's like everyday is a new record. I had had enough!
I came to work and had my bowl of cereal instead of a bagel. And we went to a salad place for lunch where I had a nice healthy veggie filled salad. Good me!
I had been back to work for 30 minutes after lunch and I was hungry. I tried to decide the ratio of stomach to head hunger. I made a goal to drink 16 oz of water and if I was still hungry in 10 minutes, I would have a 100 calorie pretzel snack. After the water and 10 minutes, I was still slightly hungry, but didn't feel my stomach was going to growl at any second. Yay for me not immediately eating more. It's a start! Although after another 20 minutes my stomach started to growl so I ate the pretzels. I ate each pretzel slowly one at a time and paused after each to assess my hunger. I also tried to take a big drink of water in between each pretzel (which I know you aren't supposed to do when your banded, so maybe that is the wrong strategy.)
I really want to try and learn to disguish the head/stomach hunger. I'm afraid that I will get banded and still be "hungry" all the time.
I know I'm not going to be perfect between now and band day. But maybe I can at least get started.
I KNOW that the band is not magic and it will still be hard after. But I just keep thinking that it will be a wonderful tool to help me make it less hard than it is now.
Keep on keeping on.
Last I spoke to you all I was battling a sinus/ear infection. Tuesday night I decided to go to my session with Master Bruce (my trainer) anyway. That was probably a mistake. I felt better short term, but by the time I went to bed I had a full on fever. I went to the doctor Wednesday, was diagnosed with an infection and got some antibiotics. By bedtime I was starting to feel myself. Yesterday, I felt better but work was crazy since I had stayed home the day before. That's why I always hate to call in sick! :smile:
I was disappointed when I weighed this morning because I was up to the weight I started the week. I had lost some earlier in the week, but I was tight while I was sick. And the high calorie liquids I was drinking during the height of it didn't help. Oh well, my goal of losing 2.8 pounds this week isn't going to happen. But I will keep a bit of the goal and see if I can lose a little something...anything...just something lower than last week. I will be happy with that.
I'm not working out today and I'm going out to eat for two meals. I will have to be careful. For lunch we are having Mexican. I usually do okay there if I stay away from the tortilla chips. Goal step #1: no tortilla chips. If I eat the protein portion of my meal supplemented with some salsa, I will be good to go. I don't know where we are going tonight, but I'm sure I can steer it to something healthy...maybe in the seafood family.
After dinner tonight, we are going to Painting with a Twist. It is BYOB and they teach you to paint a picture. I'm not very artistic, so this should be interesting. I will post a picture of my picture next week. :tongue2:
Have a wonderful weekend!!
My smoothie this morning was great as usual, so no issues there. I even started my morning with some hot tea as recommended by the nutritionist and I really like how it cleared my throat.
About 10:30 I started getting hungry. At 11:00 I ate a sugar free jello cup which is allowed on the plan.
I told a friend that we could ride together to grab lunch. There isn't a Smoothie King by there, but there is a Jamba Juice so I decided to try it for the first time. I have to say that I was quite dissappointed. They had some good choices, but their protein powder is only 10g of protein. Not enough for my plan, but I decided to go with it this one time. I got a Mega Mango (all fruit) with the protein. I honestly almost can't drink it. It doesn't have much flavor and I can really feel the protein powder coat my tongue. It is going to take me 2 hours to eat the darn thing.
In the end, I guess it is a good thing. Won't be tempted by something that doesn't really fit in my plan.
I brought a jello cup and a pudding cup for afternoon snacks. I have theater tickets tonight so we are going to dinner somewhere I can get some soup and I have another pudding cup for dessert.
It will feel good to have one day on the books!! I'm hungry, but psyched up enough to keep on track.
I had an interesting and meaningful experience this morning. It is a little outside my normal blog feel, so I’m posting separately. But it meant a lot to me and I wanted to share.
As a child, I looked up to my older cousin Tammy. In a big family, she was the oldest girl and hung out with all the older boys. There were 13 of us cousins and growing up we spent a lot of time together on my grandparent’s farm. We were so blessed to have that time together. I remember idolizing Tammy when I was in elementary school…she was probably in high school around that time. I thought she was so beautiful. I caught the bouquet at her wedding to handsome Mike. She was radiant that day.
Several years later, Tammy was attacked at her job. I was somewhat young and wasn’t privy to the details, but I know it wasn’t good. From that point on, she was never able to pull out of the spiral that began. She was in unsuccessful therapy, on too many pills and lived with her enabling mother. She lost her husband, her job, her friends, and her happiness. She was terribly obese. At our family get-togethers, she would eat and eat and eat. It was devastating to watch. I understand now that Tammy always had an eating problem…just like everyone else in my family, including me. I honestly believe it is hereditary. We all have weight issues, although some have a better handle on it than others. She had just gotten to the point where she couldn’t or didn’t want (or didn’t have the energy) to control it. Several years ago, Tammy passed away in her sleep. I’m not sure if they every actually figured out the true cause. But in my heart, Tammy just gave up on life.
This morning, I was dreaming about Tammy. I was having a conversation with her and her two sisters (sisters that do not exist in reality and I’m not sure what/who they symbolize). I don’t really remember that conversation, but I do know that it was a positive and happy one. Still in the dream, I called my mom. I told her about the conversation and although she didn’t mention the sisters she did remind me that Tammy had died so it couldn’t have been her. I told her that I forgot Tammy had died, but I KNEW it was her. Of that I was sure. The conversation ended.
Still in the dream, I was standing at a bathroom mirror. I laid my hands flat on the counter and bowed my head. I said to Tammy that I know it was you and I know you are here with me now. I asked her to give me a sign that she was with me. I looked up into the mirror with my hands firmly on the counter. My reflection was there pointing straight at me. It startled me, but then my body became warm and I started to wake up. Before I completely let go, I told her that “I knew it.”
Whether I believe that Tammy’s spirit was truly with me or whether I believe it was simply a dream is irrelevant. I know that Tammy would be behind me and appreciate what I am doing to change my life. It also helps reaffirm what I am fighting for. Although I am not Tammy, I do think that we share many similarities. I could very easily follow her path. But I’m choosing something different. I’m forging my own way and I WILL be successful. I love you Tammy and I promise that you will always be in my heart.
Beth
It is hard to believe that another month has gone by. It is interesting because I struggled a bit this month and felt like I was at a plateau. However, I lost 7.4 lbs this month which is around (albeit the low side) of what I tend to lose monthly. So, no plateau. I was very happy that I hit the 50 pound mark this month!
I read a book last week called Thin is the New Happy. Although the author didn't have the exact same issues I do, reading about how someone overcame similar struggles is interesting to me. So I bought a few more books in the same genre. Now I'm reading The Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl. I haven't gotten that far, but so far, it is great!
She isn't a LAP-BAND® patient. She is dieting...but some of the thoughts are the same. Plus, haven't we ALL been through times like this???
Quote #1: "...I worried that it just wouldn't work. I've been fat for so many years-what if my body isn't capable of shrinking? What if the blubber plain refuses to budge? What if my fat cells have mutated into a strain of super evil fat cells that laugh in the face of celery sticks and lean protein? What will I do then? Hack at my belly rolls with a chain saw?"
Quote #2: "I'm getting obsessed with points. It's not enough just to count my own, now I'm snooping at my colleagues' lunches and mentally calculating the damage. At the supermarket yesterday i was peeking in people's shopping trolleys and crunching their numbers."
Oh Lordy, I was SO that way. In fact, I still have thoughts about the first quote. I've only been below 200 lbs once in my adult life. Can I even weigh 185? Or 165 like my nutritionist thinks? Or , 145 like my surgeon predicts?? I can't imagine that, so it is hard to have the faith that it can happen.
One thing I do know is that I am starting to have a more normal (or healthy anyway) relationship with food. I went out to dinner with some friends and I had the Lobster Ravioli, in fact I split it with one of my friends. I would have NEVER ordered that because it is so rich and high in calories. All my life, I have either been on a diet or totally not dieting. But when I was off the wagon, I tended to hide my hoarding. If no one saw it, it didn't really happen, right? But now, when I'm out for something special, I order what I want. I just don't eat much. At my dinner, I had 2 1/2 raviolis and 1/2 bowl of soup. It was absolutely DELICIOUS! But the best part was that it was SATISFYING!!
Not sure if I will get another post done before I leave on vacation tomorrow. So, I hope you all have a WONDERFUL holiday!!
After my run yesterday morning, I was SO hot. I even took a cold shower to help cool me off. I was fine most of the day until the afternoon. My office is always cold, but since I'm so hot natured, I never needed anything more than a fleece jacket. But yesterday, I was freezing. I made it through the afternoon (SHIVERING!) and went to Jazzercise.
While I was warm through class, I wasn't ridiculously hot like I usually am when I work out. After class, I felt chilled to the bone. When I got home, I turned my heater on 74 (it is usually on 68-70 in the colder months) and wrapped up like a burrito in my blanket. I finally warmed up in time for bed. But then I was so hot I couldn't sleep!! HAHA!
This morning I tried to dress appropriately. I'm wearing a long sleeved T-shirt. Over that I have on a short sleeved sweater. Over that I have on a boiled wool jacket. That should be enough layers to take care of any situation!! :-) Right now with all of these clothes on, I'm comfortable.
It's possible that I've not been this small as an adult in cold weather. Or at least not for long. It will be interesting to see if at 36 I turn into a cold person after being hot all my life or if this was a one day phenomenon.
Happy Wednesday everybody!
