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Today

Well, today I didnt lose anything...I think that I went under my regular calorie count yesterday and messed up my bodys way of thought...So today I started counting my calories today to make sure that I got all of them in today...So far I am about 620 calories for today and still have dinner to go...I might end up having to have a little snack before dinner so that I can get a few extra calories...I just dont understand how my surgeon expects me to keep to about 1200 calories a day with just 3 small meals and no snacking...It just dont add up to me...Well, I have several girls at work on a diet now and they are doing a grapefruit diet along with a regular diet..So, its basically eating a grapefruit before each meal but if I were to do that I wouldnt be able to eat my meal...So they let me know that they had read that I could do the sugar free grapefruit juice or find some grapefruit pills to do before I ate my meals...So I will go out tomorrow and find me some sugar free grapefruit juice (if there is such a thing) and try it for several weeks and see how it does me...Something new to try and there is just telling if it will work or not but it never hurts to try
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Falling Off Again

This past week has been good for me...The weight has started coming off .5-1 lb at a time...I am getting excited and hope that it dont stop again, knowing that it will of course...I guess that my body just needed a little break and now has kicked back into gear...Since my last fill I have only been able to eat 4-5 ounces of food at a time and I am trying to get everything in that I need...I guess my dr knew what he was talking about when he said to not worry about getting in 1000 calories a day and to stay under that as much as possible...Its working again and I couldnt be happier...I have been working out most days and drinking all my water and just in general feeling really well...Only problem that I have is that none of my clothes are fitting me anymore, but I am going to wait until I absolutely have to to buy anything new so that I dont have to spend so much to replace them when I outgrow them...I want to get the smallest size possible so that I would be able to wear them when I am at goal...Even at goal I will be wearing XL shirts so if I order 2X here before long I will still be able to wear them too later on cuz I like my shirts big anyways and around the house they will just be comfy...Cant wait till the day that I can say that I have lost 100 lbs total so far....Only about 42 or so more lbs and I will be able to say that..One of my goals is to be under 200 lbs by my 1 year bandversary...but that would mean another about 58 lbs before June...I dont think I can do that, but I am going to try my hardest...At even 1 lb a week thats only about 21 lbs...So I might actually have to do this 1.5 year goal thing if I have to...Just as long as its still working I will be fine with it
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Celebrating PreOp

Ok, I dont know if anyone else has done this before or not....So, I just thought that I would write it down...Here we go, open and honest....I have been "celebrating my surgery date and insurance approval"... Basically I have been eating everything and anything just to be able to have one last great full enjoyed meal of each one...I know that I am terrible:phanvan , but some of you know exactly what I am talking about....I know that I am big but I also know that I am doing something next week to change my life and i want to go out with a bang:faint: !!!! I have enjoyed the last week since I found out that I was approved, not having to count calories or starving myself but enough is enough...haha...I have noticed that I have gained about 5 lbs and my uniforms for work are getting a little uncomfortable, so thats it....No more going crazy, atleast not until the dinner the night before my surgery, that night I will be having shrimp linguini from red lobster (my all time favorite!!)....Its going to take alot of work and an entirely new mind set starting the day of the surgery...Its going to be a hard, terrible, wonderful, life chaning experience and I have been waiting on this moment for years....On June 22nd I will be starting with my weight loss journals and will be notating them aleast every month or so just so that I can look back at my long journey if I ever feel like falling off the wagon to remind myself on how hard the road has been to get to where I was and how much I never want to revisit where I am now...I will never return to where I am now as long as GOD and the LAPBAND are on my side....and damn the day that the later turns on me...haha..:Dancing_biggrin: :angry :faint: ....It wont happen!!!
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I dont get it

Ok, I dont get it!!! I have been on liquids since Thursday night and here it is Sunday and all I lost was 1 lb total for all of that!! I was just so sure that I would lose about 2-3 lbs during that phase...Oh well, I will take it as it comes but that sure is discouraging
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Grapefruit Diet

Today is my 4th day on the grapefruit juice diet...Just drinking 8 ounces of grapefruit juice 30 minutes before each meal...I cant really tell any difference in my weight at all from my scale...But of course the official weigh in will be on Wend when I get back to work...But as of right now drinking the grapefruit juice just adds extra calories to my diet that I dont really want to add...I did finally get my little computer thing working on my gazelle and found out that I have been going about 1.25 miles a day in my 30 minute workout 6 days a week which adds up to 7.5 miles a week...which I guess isnt that bad but I am glad to finally be able to add it all up and figure out what I am actually doing...I would like to get it up to about 10 miles a week if I can...I ought to be able to do that by just adding about 5-10 minutes a day here and there...Today I also found some lipton green tea with honey and lemon to go with 0 calories and added antioxidants...Anything to help me along will be good...By wend if I dont see a conderable difference from the week I may give up on the grapefruit juice cuz all it does is burn my tummy....We will see how it goes in the long run!!!
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day after 4th fill

So far so good with my 4th fill...Of course I am still on liquids and they seem to be going down good...I have truely dedicated myself to lowering and seriously watching my portion intake and we will see how it goes once I start on solids tomorrow...So far it looks like I might have lost a little weight with me being on liquids since Thursday night...I even have lowered my standards and went and bought some diet salad dressing (man, I hate the taste of those)...and whats even worse I bought some diet mayo too (and thats just as bad)...We will see what I can accomplish and will do an official weigh in in the morning for my week...I dont plan on working out again till Monday afternoon or maybe even Sunday afternoon when I get home from work to give myself a needed break...I have been working out hard this week and my body is sore and is screaming for a break but it wont get much of one before it has to get on that god forsaken machine again!!! But I have a new mindset and am staying as low as I can on my calories and drinking lots of fluids...Im gonna be good, Im gonna be good
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4th fill

Ok, I just got back from getting my fourth fill...I am filled to 2.75 now...The dr said that I could not get another fill until after I had lost about another 30-40 lbs...Said that he had me as tight as I could go right now and that the opening was only about the size of a pencil lead...I asked about the green tea and if it could be counted as water intake and he said for sure that anything this is water based can count as water...I asked him if I was in the slow range for my weight loss right now and he said that I was actually right above normal...Said that normal for right now is about 45 and I am at 52...So I guess that I wont be going to see the dr for quite a long while...Another 30-40 lbs would put me about 80-90 lbs for a loss so that would be great...He said that my pouch was looking great and to not worry about my calorie intake as long as it stayed under 1000 a day...Said the more that I put into my body that the more that I had to work to burn it off...Also said that the "starvation mode" was a myth and to not worry about it...So, this was a different dr that I saw today and he had different things to say than my regular dr...I guess I can go ahead and try his ideas and see how they treat me...
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Night of 3rd fill

For the first time since I have had the band I am actually feeling real restriciton with liquids even...This has never happened before...I have heard lots of people talking about having to sip sip sip their drinks and it taking an hour or 2 just to get down their protein drinks in the mornings...Well, now I know what they are talking about...I just had a protein drink for dinner and after 2 small drinks I had to actually take a break before I could drink anymore...There was no room left for anything else...And a couple hours ago I almost got sick off of a half cup of small curd cottage cheese...I am really feeling it now...I guess its a good thing that I am finally to this stage and finally have real real restriction...I am totally scare about what is going to happen when I start back on solids on Sunday...If I was having PBs before on my last fill I can just imagine how much I am going to have to slow down on my eating and how much more I am going to have to chew...I think that I might have to add a couple snacks between meals now just to make sure that I am getting enough calories cuz right now I get real full real quick...Will just have to wait and see how it goes in the days ahead...Hoping for some real weight loss this time!!!!
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.5 lbs away

I have been waiting and waiting to hit the 50 lbs mark on my loss...Today I got to .5 lbs away and ruined it by having 2 slices of pizza...Oh well, I will get here in the next couple days and I will be totally excited...Its really hard during the holidays to actually lose weight but thank goodness for the band or I would totally be gaining alot during this time...I have been averaging about .5-1 lbs a week so I guess that I ought to be happy with that because that mean eventually its all going to come off
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I did it!!

I finally did it!!! I finally passed my 50 lb mark that I have been having an issue with for the last month...I am now at 52 lbs...I am so excited!!
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Bessing in disguise

Well, I guess that today was a blessing in disguise...I got to work for my first weigh in for 2 weeks after being off for vacations and the scale was out of batterys...Will try to get out today for some batterys and will try to weigh in tomorrow
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Ouch

Well, I dont know what got into me today...I woke up and took my son to Mcdonalds for breakfast...I did really good by picking the real small breakfast burrito for myself...When we got home I ate the insides, egg, sausage and cheese...If I had stopped here everything would have been fine...I thought the tortilla looked pretty good with all the melted cheese still on it so I ate that too...By the time I finished I was hurting so bad up in my chest...I thought by getting a drink of water I could make it go away cuz it even hurt to breath and to move...But I ended up infront of the toilet getting rid of the top layer of whatever was in my pouch which ended up being the water i had drank afterwards and a vitamin...It wasnt like throwing up at all, I cant really describe it. My pouch and chest just felt very very painful until everything finally filtered thru...I dont know what in the heck this was but i know that i never in my life want to go thru this again cuz it was miserable...I should have stuck with the inards!!! Could this have been some type of PB, I just dont know..
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Weigh In

Ok, my official weigh in after the holidays and 2 weeks vacation of being at home and snacking is a total of 49 pounds...Which in the long run is great cuz that is only a half a pound gain over the holidays, but I was hoping to be a little over the 50 lb mark...But I am excited that I didnt gain more than I did...I started working out last week every day and that probably helped out alot...
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Poor Pitiful Me

:violin:Well the day started out with a gain of 1 1/2 lbs for me..Dont know what happened, was doing what I was suppose to so I guess it was suppose to happen...Did great all day today doing what I am suppose to be doing...Was really sore all day from digging and laying out a dog shocker wire all around my backyard last night so the dogs would stop digging out, so I came home and mowed the front yard and was too tired to do my workout, but atleast I got some sort of a workout while I was mowing...Made a meatloaf, vegitarian beans and for the boys also added garlic bread and mac and cheese (they have to have the extras)...Well, the bread looked really good so I started out with just a pinch of garlic bread and started trying to eat my meatloaf then bam, PB hit and ended up having to recover from it for about 20 minutes in the bathroom before I could return to the dinner table...This was the first time I have tried any type of bread since my first fill and it didnt go well...So now I am totally terrified of bread which I guess is good cuz I shouldnt be eating it anyways...So, Now I am going to refuse to weigh until maybe a week from now (its going to very hard to break that habit but I have to do it) DAMN SCALES!!! But 1 bad day out of as many good days as I have had isnt bad and I cant really complain...Its just been one of those days!!:phanvan
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Getting Hungry

I have been on the clear liquids for 3 days now and havent had anything to eat in 4 days...I am just now starting to notice that I am getting a little bit hungry..I finally get to start on mushie foods in the morning and am actually looking forward to it...I have gotten off the extra pounds that I gained in the hospital and have actually started on losing my weight...5-6 lbs lost from the hospital and 2 of my own...Its all exciting...I feel very little pain today and havent had to take any meds...I got up and did some laundry, took a nap and actually made the boys some dinner tonight...Hamburger helper has never looked so good...1 confession, I had 1 noodle to make sure it was cooked all the way and thank goodness that it wasnt or it might have actually tasted good too...But I have a great morning planned when I was up with some egg beaters with cheese and chives...It looked really good at the store...But of course, only 2 ounces...then I have to start on some protein drinks tomorrow and I am sure that it will help alot with my hunger...Maybe some yogart for lunch...yummmm...I am still scared about putting anything that doesnt come out of a straw into my mouth, but it will take time...I am ready to be back to normal and be able to sit down and eat with my family in about 5 more weeks, but within reason of course...Was having a little bit of chest pains over the last couple days but I have pretty much figured out that it was from drinking too much at a time cuz I have slowed down on my intake and am feeling better today...Its all going to be a learning experience to last a life time:confused:
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Guess I lied

I just cant break myself from the scale...I guess I will just have to deal with it for now...My family gets much humor out of me now about the scale and about me being totally happy that I am getting 2 ounces of food and totally excited about it...I am not having much luck on staying on the mushies either...I was craving a salad so bad today that my husband went and got me a grilled chicken salad for dinner...I was very careful to weigh everything out and did not dare go over my 2 ounces...I was able to seperate out what was left for 4 more meals and used my new vacuum sealer food saver thing (hope it stays good)...I just felt the total need to chew my meal for a change I guess...They also (for now) are getting a kick out of me just asking for 1 bite of what they got for dinner off their plates, but that wont last very long..lol..They are kinda stingy with their food...Well, I am at 14 1/2 lbs today and am happy about that of course...I gotta go back to work in the morning, its terrible with Sunday being my Monday...But I already have my protien drink mixed and ready for breakfast and my 2 ounce salad is ready to go...I just am dreading all of the questions about it when I get back there...I tried only telling a few of my closest friends and my supervisor since I was needing off early the day of the surgery...But I let them know that I didnt want anyone else to know about it...But I guess it went over a few of their heads and everyone basically that I work with knows...So I will just deal with that tomorrow...Each day brings a new challenge!!
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Working Out

I finally started working out again since I am on vacation and trying to get back on track..I worked out Monday, Tuesday and Wend then rearranged a room in the house on Thursday (which I consider a workout) then worked out today...I am doing 30 minutes a day on my gazelle...I have been trying to eat right and paying close attention to my portions...Of course from my scale at home I really cant get an accurate reading on whats going on with my weight since its different from the one that I actually go by at work...So, until I go back to work on the 31st I guess its all going to be up in the air on how I am doing considering any loss...But I am going to keep on doing what I am doing and hope that its doing me right!! I will have an official weigh in on the 31st and hoping that I will be dancing around the room at work that day!!! Hopefully I wont be in tears!!! I want a total of atleast 53-55 lbs that day!!! Today is my 6 month banversary and I cant help but to be a little bit depressed about my loss, but I guess I should be exstatic about "lets say 49.5 lbs) in 6 months...Lets see, that breaks down to about 8.25 lbs a month...so I guess thats not really that bad...I was actually adding up on the calendar how much I actually lost each month and I dont believe that it feel under about 4 lbs a month when I was being kinda bad...This is alot more than I would have been losing without the band...If I look at it day by day or week by week I depress myself totally about it all, but in the long run if I look at the numbers I ought to be totally happy, so why cant I be happy??? I guess that is just something else that I need to think about and work on...Nothing seems to excite me or make me happy anymore...I would say it was just the holiday season giving me the blues but its been this way for a while now and I cant officially blame the season...I guess that I could do the antidepressants again, but they never seem to help any...I have been on many different kinds at many points in my life but everything just stays the same for me...I need to find some happiness
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Yuck

:hail: Hale to the band!!!!:yield:I give, I give!!!! I guess that its true about what they say about the band having a mind of its own and how the band can change within the first 2 weeks of your fills...I have PB'd once a day for the last few days and it hasnt been pleasant...Its always been on a pinch of bread, taste of pizza or this morning a corner of a flower tortilla...I have learned my lesson about my band "Sybil" not liking any type of bread...And I hate that cuz my family has always been bread lovers...I have been good and just taking a pinch every once in a while and for some reason or another the last few times have just about killed me...I tried it the first time and got sick thinking maybe i ate too fast or didnt chew good enough so tried again...Second time thinking maybe it was the other thing that I didnt do the time before...Third time, I was just stupid..:faint:...Well, I am pretty sure that I have learned my lesson and am trying to move on...Its going to be hard since tonights menu holds chicken fajitas...lol Oh well, i still havent weighed in and am staying off the scales...I almost caved in this morning and jumped on those things, but i was thinking it wont be accurate anyways cuz its so far into the morning and already tried to eat breakfast and already pb's so I talked myself out of it thinking I would have negative results...So so far so good on the not weighing in thing...But the 27th wont get here soon enough...The 27th really holds no significance to me, just a date that I picked off the calendar then I picked every 5th week after that and wrote it down to weigh...Will just have to wait and see how it goes...There should be a good loss this time around because I have been doing every bit even more of my water, all my protein and working out every day (well, not today...its my 1 day off to r&r lol) but it should still be great cuz anything that i wasnt suppose to stick in my mouth lately has come back up anyways...lol...I just feel like I am doing good!! Cant really tell in the tummy that I have lost anything, most of my loss is in my butt and legs but I can deal with that for now I guess...Sooner or later the rest of me will catch up, after all they are attatched...lol:bored
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My First Fill

Well, I had my first fill today...It wasnt bad at all...I got 1.75 cc in my 4 cc band, so I guess thats good...Of course I cant tell how well its working yet cuz I am going to have to be on liquids for 48 hours...But they were very excited with my 22.5 lb loss as was I...My weight has been up and down and up and up all week and I was able to get it back down to my lowest before my appt today and was happy with that...The dr said that I wouldnt need to schedule another fill until I stop losing weight or go below a loss of 4-6 lbs in a month...Now to me 4-6 lbs in a month is really not enough so I will start pushing it now that I have my fill and hopefully some restriction...The only difference is that my water goes down alot slower and I have been having issues with getting in all my water today but it will be better with time...So, thats it about my fill...On to another new stage in life:drum:
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Boo

Well, today I just feel down in the dumps and I dont know why...Just a bad attitude and everything...I have been sabataging my diet all day and eating things that I shouldnt, I guess comfort foods...I dont even think that I am going to work out today...I just want to go sit on the couch like a lump for a change and wolly in my own self pity...I havent felt like this in a long time...I made a dr appt today again for my continuous undying bleeding and cramping that is really bringing me down, but I cant get into the dr till Friday morning...I have been so good since the beginning of this journey I guess that a day or 2 to get back to myself wont totally kill me...So off to the couch I go with my pillow, just feel so depressed!!
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No Luck

Ok, so I guess that adding more food to my diet really didnt work...Well, it did get 1 pound off but that was about it...So I am just flat out going to give up on my hopes of losing anything else until my first fill...I have really high hopes for after my fill tho...I am just wanting more to happen alot quicker than it is...I know, my weight didnt come on over night and it wont go away over night....I just need to work on keeping the right mind set for the next few weeks before my fill...Its really depressing tho
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Thanksgiving leftovers

Well, I still have my few extra pounds from thanksgiving on me...I have been trying desperately to get them off but they just keep hanging around...I figured with this last fill that I would just be dropping weight, but I guess not...Right now its just driving me crazy...Since thanksgiving dinner I have really been trying to be good and do whats right, but we have the dreaded leftovers in the fridge...I have been trying to stick to the turkey, green bean cassarole and the pea salad that I had made...I thought I was making some good choices...Maybe it will just take a few more days for my body to get back together and figure out what its suppose to be doing...Dang holidays are the worst!!
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Night before

Well, I am due for my follow up in the morning...My ob said to not worry if they didnt call me before then cuz that would mean that nothing was wrong...Well, when I got home from work I had a message to call the nurse for some results...Of course I called back and got a machine and they never called me back so I guess I will find out in the morning..I am hoping that its nothing of course and that they were just not aware of what the dr had told me...Its still driving me crazy not knowing tho...I havent lost anymore weight lately...I have been kinda stress eating, guess its time for my next fill if I am capable of doing that...Usually just the smallest amount of food fills me up to a point of feeling ill and lately have been able to eat more food...So the next fill wont get here soon enough for me!! I am keeping my fingers crossed for my appt in the morning and hope that everything turns out well, right now I am really worried about it tho...Will check back in tomorrow with the outcome of that visit!!:phanvan
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Scheduled Fill

Oh and to just plan ahead for my gain and getting back on track I went ahead and called in and scheduled an appointment for my 4th fill on January 19th...Maybe I can lose a couple pounds before then so I dont feel so bad about weighing in for them that day...I always feel insecure about my weight loss and like they are looking down on me if I havent lost enought during my fills or not (not that they actually do or not or make me feel that way, thats just the way I feel)...So, come on 4th fill...I hope 4 is my lucky number
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