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The here and now.

I'm 39! Nothing so strange or rare in that you say. Many people are 39, the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the rich and the poor. Aaah yes but it's my 39! I have been thinking about wls for quite a while I have a friend who had the band fitted about 18mths ago and DH as a pharmacist has seen a few others. I always saw it as a last resort. I wanted to "lose it by myself!" I didn't want to seem weak or a failure and so I tried everything I could think of. At one point I was hardly eating anything and still the weight stuck. Then came the insulin...I have been taking it for about a year and although it helped my sugar levels it most certainly did not help me. After Christmas this year I felt worse than I ever had. I had always managed to do what I wanted before and now I felt everything was too much of a challenge. If I wanted to leave the house I thought about it for ages first - where am I going, can I sit down, how will my back be? I cried a lot too. This was not how I wanted to live out the rest of my life. So one day I decided. I called DH at work and told him that I knew I had said I would wait until I was 40 and then do it, but I wanted to do surgery now...at 39 (t'was my birthday time), so that I could have a life to live at 40. That was that. We went to see a doctor on Tuesday 14th March and he scheduled my surgery (with gallbladder removal 'cos pesky thing had been playing up) for the 20th! No tests other than those I'd already had and just a gentle diet with liquids for 48hrs before going to hospital. And now I'm banded.
A1ikou

A1ikou

2
 

whyohwhyohwhyohwhy..ummmmmmm?

Haven't lost any weight this week...wasn't surprised after 9lbs last week figured my body might still be in shock. I have been walking and eating well but STILL I felt disappointed and in a moment of weakness I succumbed to some chips....felt bad as soon as I'd eaten them and they cost me my bonus on an almost perfect week with the Gone for Good club :phanvan Am really mad at myself now:mad: Oh well..lets start another week of trying! Going away for the weekend and so lots of swimming. I won't eat badly either cos if nothing else...Im determined! The one good from this "bad" moment is my attitude. Before my band I would have immediately thought...oh well diet blown now might as well eat...and now all I want to do is get back to feeling good! :clap2: So not a -complete- disaster then!?!?!??!
A1ikou

A1ikou

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another day in the life of...

My friend Mo wrote that the mood around here has changed and wondered if it was her...no, it's the mood. Shame but it'll change back- I hope. I love it here. I have never been able in my life to be so open about my weight, the struggles and the triumphs. So many people here know my weight and it was my most guarded secret EVER!!!!! :nervous I made new friends and had such a laugh that it became addictive. Now I am just being careful what I read and trying to keep things upbeat. I've had another good day food wise...brekkie yoghurt,lunch two crackers with eggplant salad and dinner mincedbeef with peas and mushrooms in tomato sauce. I put the rest of the meat into plastic bags and into the freezer. I tried doing a low impact aerobics video today but got worried about my ankle and knees part way through and so stopped. Guess I'll stick to walking and keep my ankle strapped up...somethings you just cant seem to win but I aint gonna give up. I want to be fitter and I so want my scale to do down Sunday morning...having scales with kilos isnt fair...we have to wait 2.2lbs for it to go down one notch:confused: Oh pooh bear!!!!!!!!!!!
A1ikou

A1ikou

2
 

Happy Easter

The service last night was lovely as usual. Finally I stayed with my mother-in-law inside but we sat on her third floor balcony and watched the whole thing. Having the square outside is something I love. Athens is so built up, so my own bit of greenery is wonderful. The fountain was working too which was nice. It's like having a garden that I don't have to tend (who can ask for more). I have boxes of flowers on my balcony and they all make me smile :confused: The food after the service is a soup and ham, eggs and cheese with zoureki (kind of a sweet tasting bread...yummy). The eggs have all being painted red and we bash them with each other to see who has the conquering egg...fun:scared: I won!!!!!! I managed to eat an egg and a slice of cheese and a tiny bit of zoureki just for the taste. I love eggs and will be a little sad if restriction means at some point I cant get them down. Still, I figure I've coped with the loss of bread (Booooooooohooooooooohoooooooo) as you see and I'll deal with eggs and anything else come to that, when the time comes! Today the traditional food is lamb and potatoes. We ground a little piece of lamb and with some gravy I ate it fine. Not my favourite food though. What I didn't like was watching all the others tucking in and eating without thinking. When I am alone it doesnt bother me one bit but I think I am generally going to hate eating in company- moreso if my fav. foods are around! I ate and enjoyed my little 9g chocs and feel I had my taste of Easter and that's enough for now. I will try and avoid chocolate for a while and then I can feel justified if I give myself another little treat in the future.:clap2: I went for a walk with DH yesterday and increased my circle that I walk. it's still not far by many peoples standards but it's a step up for me and I am walking a little quicker too so I am proud of this achievement:clap2: My mum is coming for a three week visit Thursday and she likes walking so Im hoping she'll inspire me and motivate me to continue...I know she will!!!!!!!!:phanvan That's the news, I'll be back when there's more.
A1ikou

A1ikou

1
 

soup, soup, and more soup...

Well, I stuck finally at 4lbs up from where I was. I dont know why exactly but there it is. So I gave the soup diet a go for this week. It was a delicious soup but after a few days I confess I got bored of eating the same thing each day. hey ho hum. I dunno how many lbs I'll lose but if I can get back to where I was I'll be happy I've been walking each day and upped my speed and my time so thats going well. I went swimming at the weekend too which always cheers me up very much. I have also been a really good girl and stayed off the scale so far this week...now if I can only hold off til Wednesday!!!!!!!!!!:phanvan I'll let you know how thigns are going by then.
A1ikou

A1ikou

1
 

Sabotaging everything...

I was right...didn't lose anything this week. Now I have to get over a stupid little mind game I play with myself...maybe it sounds familiar? Weight didn't go down so diet not working ....if diet not working why bother....therefore I have to right to eat what I want! I know it's ridiculous and I know my band is working fine...I just need my infantile brain to catch up with this logic! I have been resisting the temptation to nibble...anything and everything ...all day. Not the most positive of days but the weekend is finishing and tomorrow starts a new week and I'm usually pretty good at new weeks :nervous
A1ikou

A1ikou

3
 

Orthodox Easter

It's Easter Saturday here and I have succumbed...a bit! I ate two chocs but they were little individual squares so not tragic. I have two more for tomorrow and refused to be ashamed about them...I decided that when I want to give myself little treats I will thoroughly enjoy them and then not fall off abnd wagon completelyfrom feelings of guilt. I was worried the doctor had damaged my port site by the way he went about trying to find out how it had moved but am more relaxed today. the slight pulling snesation I had whenever I stood up the last couple of days has eased off enormously and so hopefully I was just a bit bruised. DH calls me delicatalison because I have always had very sensitive skin:) I had soups for a couple of days after 1st fill but was hungry today and so had a scrambled egg and later some pureed peas and a slice of ham. Everything seems to be going down just fine and haven't felt any real restriction but am still not worried 'cos am eating fine. I got weighed today and have lost another kilo so that's Ok too:clap2: We are going out just before midnight to the square outside our home for the anastasi...A holy flame is taken all around Greece and spread from one candle to another to announce the ressurection. We take our candles and the priest at midnight passes the flame around. Then we come home and make the mark of a cross on the house door. It's a Greek service I really like. Only thing to spoil it this year might be the rain. Never mind eh!?!?!?
A1ikou

A1ikou

2
 

1st fill today...

I am going to the docs tonight (many Greek docs work 6-11pm cos others work in shops til 8:30 or 9pm) for my first fill. I need it now. Today wasn't a good day and I ate way too much, including some chocolate that I neither wanted nor really liked...why do we do these things!?!?!?!? I have known for ages that I could basically eat what I wanted but respected my band and didn't. Even if this fill doesn't give me the restricition I crave I am hoping that the fear of PB'ing and a general not knowing what to expoect from 'my band' in 'my body', will keep me on the straight and narrow for a while...hopefully til the next fill! Let's see what doth occur...watch this space!
A1ikou

A1ikou

1
 

Bodies do weird things...

What is it with our bodies eh? Last week and this ?I made a few bad food choices and maybe overdid the cals a bit...then I go and lose 5lbs! Go figure! Mums visit and not feeling too good for last few days knocked me off course a little but hope to get back on the wagon tomorrow and be rocking again by end of the week.
A1ikou

A1ikou

1
 

First time eating out...

DH took me away for the weekend. We went to a place called Meteora which was in the mountains and very beautiful. I am 4 weeks post op and have not eaten outside home since being banded. I have been a good girl and done what the doc said - well more or less, I improvised a little because of what I had read on sites like this! He said only do liquids for a week. I did 10 days just to feel better. I wasn't hungry at this point and so was one of the lucky ones who found the whole thing quite easy. Then it was mushies. I got a new multi-processor and went blast crazy. I would have pureed my fingers had they stayed in the bowl a second longer . For the first time in years I was happily watching the scale go down and so the small portions and lack of variety were fine by me. (Greece just doesn't have the choice of foods some of you guys get :confused: ). Moving onto soft foods in week three wasn't so much different. If I think something is going to be difficult I blast it! Anyway, by now I realise I can eat much more and about the same time my appetite kicks in (not fair). I am still being good and have a tiny tupperware that I know is about the right portion size (OK so now I jam it full...ahem) and so the scale still goes down... Then we went away. I took yoghurt for my breakfast so that was Ok. The we went to a taverna. I ordered a burger, chopped it up and ate with eggplant (Aubergine) salad. I felt like I'd eaten loads but it was really only half a burger. Felt weird being in a place like that and not eating tons of gorgeous (boo-hoo-hooo) bread and olive oil, but hubby stuck with me and we did ok. In the night I ate a little toasted bread (first time since banding) with a slice of cheese. So all in all not too bad. It just felt strange. Greeks eat and in Greek tavernas, they eat even more! I don't know where I am going with my relationship with food. It is changing, just dunno into what. I don't think it will ever 'not matter' to me but am working on being more calm and logical about it all and hoping this will effect my choices in a positive way. Now all I have to do is improve my protein intake...
A1ikou

A1ikou

1
 

weekend again

Another weekend! It's also the 2month anniversary of my getting my band. I'm down exactly 21kg or 46lbs so have nothing to complain about there. Only this last week have things come to a halt but then without exercise I didnt expect anything else. Considering how much temptation was in my path when my mum was visiting I didn't stray too far! I might have indulged in a few crisps (potato chips) here and there:eek: but nothing I'd consider tragic! Now my ankle is feeling much better I intend to start walking again. I do have one silly problem..it's gotten hotter still here...I don't do hot:phanvan I can postpone my walks until early evening I guess but that's not my favourite time to go out...ummmmmm?!?!?!?:Banane09: Have put myself on a strict diet for two or three days to try and kick start weight loss again...so far I'm doing OK - watch this space!
A1ikou

A1ikou

2
 

One of those bad days...

Wednesday didn't turn out so good! I woke up with a cold sore as a result of my constantly dripping nose! Decided this must be allergies finally cos I'm much better indoors than out. never had allergies of any kind before :cry How did I know it was a cold sore..my glands in my neck were swollen to drain the fluid from it - always happens to me. Now my nose is sore, my neck is sore and my lip is sore. My foot is swollen from walking in the heat and the left one refuses to go down. Add to that for some unknown reason my blood pressure rocketed last night..from 110/69 to 162/88 and I'm just not a happy bunny :think Today, all is status quo with neck and cold sore...foot is beig rested and BP has dropped a little -down to 140/72 but still has a way to go. Still not a happy bunny :cry
A1ikou

A1ikou

2
 

The games life plays...

I forgot to mention much about me yesterday...well except the 39 bit! I am English (very!) but now through the twists and turns of life I find myself living for the past 6 years in Athens Greece. I still find it a shock most days!!! :faint: There I was in 1999 looking for new friends. This 'guy' in Greece like photography and although only a snap shotter I liked the same and so I said hello. Simple as that! Few days later he sent me a pic and asked for one back...like you do. I always tried to wriggle out of this bit, but I liked him. So I sent a pic. He liked me too :clap2: He sends me a ticket to go see him - for a weekend! "What you doing this weekend Ali?" "Oh not much, just whizzing of to Athens!" - I had that conversation...loved it too The day I got there, he asked me to marry him! I came to live here that December and we married in 2001. I love him to bits and he's my greatest supporter. He adores me as I am but understands I need to do this for my health. So I find myself in a place where insurance pays the majority of your expenses for wls (they don't like paying for the expensive clinics the docs work out of) and where you go and discuss with a doc what you want and find yourself being operated on a week later. If you can't afford to contribute at all you can do it on full insurance but takes longer (dunno what waiting list is). So, next Tuesday I go and discuss my progress and fills. I get free fills for life so I reckon he'll be a plodder and take it a bit at a time - fine by me!
A1ikou

A1ikou

1
 

Another week...

Right well yesterday was the weigh in and I'm down another kilo (2.2lbs) which is fine by me Two more kilos and I'm down 20 which means teart time...designer sunglasses here I come. Actually I'm gonna cheat and get the glasses slightly before the weight comes off. I have a good excuse...honest. See, we are off into Athens tomorrow (don't go often) and they have the best choices there. Anyway, I've been working so hard at this I reckon I deserve the treat regardless of the numbers I ate a ham and lettuce sandwich today..took 25mins but was lovely and I enjoyed every mouthful. When I have more restriction I know bread will be off the menu for good so I treat myself once or twice a week. After her shower I'll take a walk with mum and have to extend my route again so we can stop off at her favourite coffee place. They do a grand cappuccino she adores LOL. I'll just sip my water. That's all folks....
A1ikou

A1ikou

1
 

doc update...

Ha! Went to docs and banged on the door and no-one was home :confused: We called his mobile and he said "Oh, didn't my secretary call you? I have gone away for Easter!" (Easter is this week in Greece). He said, "Another partner will be in the office tomorrow, you can come back then." Bye bye 10euros for 5 mins parking and the Athens traffic going and coming. Charming! Oh well, c'est la vie! Am off to me bed...:notagree
A1ikou

A1ikou

1
 

The moment I dread...

My mum flew back to England today. Actually as I type this she should be just about taking off. The moment I hate is when I come home from the airport and she's not here anymore...the house is so quiet and for a little while it really hurts :think We had such a good time together and because hubby works such long hours, it was lovely to have the company. Don't get me wrong, I was getting to the point where I wanted my house to myself too but that doesn't stop me missing her...I'll be fine in a little while :phanvan just wanna have my little cry out! All the temptation has gone from the house, so things will be easier now...no more chips and cookies lying around waiting for a possible low moment to scream their presence. The bread is finished too and I'm not gonna buy anymore because I know it's my weakness...Hubby can go and eat all he wants at his mums...(She lives two floors above us!). My ankle is feeling much better too and so from tomorrow I can gently kickstart the exercise routine again...another thing I'll miss mum for - walking is so much easier when you have a friend to talk to...oh dear:cry Anyway, I'll go and do some jobs around the house and catch up with you all later...
A1ikou

A1ikou

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