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long time gone...

well, I have fallen off the ww wagon...actually I fell off about 2 weeks ago when I went in and the scale said I had gained back 3 of my hard lost 7.5 pounds in just 1 week! Even though I had my period that week I was crushed. I was also getting bored with the counting and journalizing even though thats the only way i can ever loose weight. I did not go for my weigh in last Tuesday and I missed today also so if I do go back next Tuesday it will have been three weeks. I only lasted for 6 weeks. That seems to be my limit with ww. I don't know why. I am going to go back to it as of today though and hopefully the scale wont be completely horrifying next week. The fat dietician (me) meets with the skinny dietician this week to get my dose of why I am fat and how to get skinny from a sweet innocent size 5, 23 year old. She really is rather nice though so I won't be catty just because I am jealous!! The irony of the entire situation really gets to me though. I am just going through the motions because of hte whole insurance BS. Getting real old too. I have decided on how I am gonna do all of my surgeries though and that has eased my mind some what. Hopefully I will get the go ahead from my insurance company in January and I can have the band procedure done in February. Then in July I will have bilateral skin sparing mastectomy with implant reconstruction and an oopherectomy or possibly a full hysterectomy at the same time if they will do it all at once. I am waiting for my BRCA 1 results to officially come back...just a technicality since I know I have the mutation...well theres a 1 in 10000000000000000 chance that I don't but...I'm not holding my breath. My sister lucked out and she tested negative Thank You God. Now my greatest prayer will be that both of my children are spared. If my daughter has the mutation she says she wants to have the bilateral mastectomy soon. I hate for her to have to face such a decision so young. She is only 22. Chances are that she won't have to worry about it for another 10 or 15 years, but the chances of me getting breast cancer at 37 were less than 3% of all breast cancers. So I don't trust odds. I won't try to influence her decision because I could never live with myself if she waited because I advised her to wait and then ended up with breast cancer. Please God..please spare my children from this disease. I ask this in your Son Jesus name. Amen.
chameleon

chameleon

2
 

I hate Medical Mutual!

I am soooo sick of jumping through hoops of fire for this stupid --- insurance company!!! They sent a letter back to my surgeon that they now want a 6 month clinically documented weight loss attempt for me within 12 months of approval. Guess what??? I don't have one! I have only been on diets all of my life, but none that have been "clinically" supervised by a Doctor or a Dietitian, even though I am one. Can I document my own weight loss attempt????....Hmmmmm. Something tells me they wont go for it!! Anyhow, I did see the dietitian in March when I started this journey, then I saw her again two weeks ago, and I will be seeing her again in two more weeks, and she has been "counseling" me on what I should be doing to take off the 24 pounds they would like me to take off prior to surgery...and I have been getting weighed each time....soooo I am wondering what parameters does the insurance company hold for clinical documentation of a weight loss attempt??? Does the attempt have to be moderately successful?? What if it's "too" successful...like what if I can lose 20 pounds in 6 months? Will they then say Oh Look, she can loose weight without surgery so we aren't gonna pay....I can loose some weight...I can alwasy loose some weight...10 or 20 pounds, but never 140 pounds and it never ever has stayed off and I always always gain it back plus some more! So what the hell does a 6 month documented weight loss attempt proven....not a damn thing thats what! I can attest to that as both a dietitian and a fat chic! What it proves is that the entire insurance process is a racket and I am gettin quite pissed about the whole thing. Maybe they think idf I get frustraated enough that I will go away...FAT chance....If I get denied I will hire an attorney and I will win, so they might as well suck it up now and save us all some irritation! Ok I'm done now, and yes I do feel a little better! Thanks!:violin:
chameleon

chameleon

3
 

I cant wait....

I am very excited abou the work shop on Wednesday. I am hoping to get a surgery date during the Easter break...that may be unrealistic...I don't know how far into the future my dr.'s are scheduling right now. I have found that some of these journals inspire me like Lynns and some make me nervous. There are a number of people who seem to cheat all the time and others who listen to their bodies and stay on track. I hope I am in the second group. I would hate to go through all of this and fail because I am weak willed and I wnat to challenge the surgery to fail! oops I walked away and now it's the next day....more time to post later...bye:heh:
chameleon

chameleon

1
 

Bad news...

Yep, very very bad news. The pain is not arthritus or a herniated disk, it's bone cancer. I started radiation 2 weeks ago and I will start chemo on April 12. The prognosis sucks..2-3 years maybe up to 5 if I'm lucky. I pray for 5 as long as I'm not in excrutiating pain. I need to see my 15 year old son graduate High School. I need so much more than this..... I'm sorry to be writing about this on here, but I am so sad and I try not to cry too much at home because I don't want my kids to remember me like that. My family is very supportive but its just hard to get a death sentence. I wanted you all to know that I love you and I appreciate all of the wonderful help and support you have always given me. I'm gonna ask for one more thing though. Please put me on your prayer chains. I believe in the power of prayer and the power of love and of human compassion and I know that if a miracle could happen that your prayers might bring one on. Here's my info:   Donna Cartwright 11696 New Buffalo Road North Lima, OH 44452   Love, Donna:help:
chameleon

chameleon

1
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