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About this blog

my journey to gorgeous 160lbs again!

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10/22

When you feel in your gut what you are and then dynamically pursue it - don't back down and don't give up - then you're going to mystify a lot of folks. Bob Dylan

luvlif

luvlif

 

JESSIE AHRONI

No liquid calories (except up to 2 servings non fat milk) No soft foods (after the healing phase) XX grams of protein (based on your ideal body weight) (I aim for 60) Eat the protein first, then the vegetables Avoid high glycemic index foods (bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, etc) 20-25 grams of fiber (fruits, vegetable, beans, whole grains) No carbonated beverages 6-8 glasses of fluid daily Do not drink with your meals or 1 hour after eating No carbonated beverages Slow down, chew your food, take tiny bites, cut things up Build up to exercising 30 minutes or more almost every day Eat real food Eat a balanced diet from a wide variety of foods 2 fruits, 3 veg, 6 oz protein, 2 NF milk, 5 grains Have fun You only need to eat every 4 hours No negative self talk Practice mindful eating Pay attention to what you are eating, read the labels Use a small plate 3 oz of protein and 1/2 cup veg is a meal Follow most of the guidelines most of the time Just because you can doesn't mean you should If you want to be 130 pound person you have to eat like 130 pound person You can't measure it if you don't manage it Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels Don't eat cheap meat, don't date cheap women You don't get to just eat what's easy Failing to plan is planning to fail Don't eat crap I'd rather be thin than eat that Keep your eyes on your own plate I'm watching what I eat so you don't have to Hang out with successful people No whining - or at least not much, not often Stop, breathe, reflex, chose It's all about choices Simplicity, patience, compassion Simple in actions and in thoughts Patients with both friends and enemies Compassionate toward yourself and others If it's not broken, don't fix it Trust it or adjust it Don't try to polish a turd Is that an excuse or a reason? What do you really want? What do you really need? The answer to my problems is not in the cupboard/refrigerat or/freezer Calories in, calories out Eat less, exercise more Distract yourself from food Perfect isn't good enough Let it be Never say I can't If you get the chance to sit it out or dance: dance, dance, dance! Keep the BS tolerance meter set at zero Don't blow smoke up my skirt Honesty, responsibility, commitment, inner strength I am responsible for the choices I make I don't need to have an opinion on every thing What would I have to do to make this different? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result =insanity Even crazy people deserve a chance to be thin  

luvlif

luvlif

 

Being fat is lonely.

Being fat is lonely. It wasn't enough to be publically tormented and laughed at throughout school, but the effects later on are painful. As a kid I was not hurt badly, but enough to add emotional scars. I was always the fat girl friend, the one anyone can talk with and hang out with, but never get close to. My friends never called me fat, but those backhanded comments like, "you'd be so pretty if you were skinny (or not so fat... yeah I got that one)". The laughter when sitting down on chairs, that used to creak and moan under my weight... it just killed me. I hated myself, eversince elementary school. I begged my parents to send me to a fat camp when I was in 3rd grade... they finally did the summer before 5th grade. I cried many times after school, just due to people talking about me behind my back. What? Like I didn't know I was fat?   I'm now 133 pounds lighter... but I still feel like people are staring at me, judging me, laughing at me. The only place I feel comfortable is at the hospital and at the gym. Students are more accepting of me now that I'm skinnier, but I'm still the largest person by far. Going out with them, means me and several girls in size 4 hang out... while they get hit on and I'm lonely in the corner. Some of my friends went out (and to be honest, I have to get up at 5:30 am and I couldn't go)... but the thought of being isolated brought back all my self-loathing feelings. I would have gone, but I would have been uncomfortable... especially since they get all dolled up in cute clothes that look good on them and I'm in frumpy jeans/T-shirt that try to cover up my flaws.   It's lonely in the sense of dating. It just doesn't happen, either because I write F*ck Off on my forehead or that my body is that repulsive (or that I convy my self-loathing without words). The guys that I'm attracted to DO NOT like large girls... I know that based on their previous girlfriends. I would never change myself for another person, but it's a shame that a guy I like isn't attracted to me physically... which you need that in addition to the personality component.   Sorry for the sad post. I just feel isolated, still... even though I do "fit" in society better. My perception still gets in the way of my happiness...   I know others can relate, but I just had to vent or share or whatever.Alyssa, sweetheart I can relate. We all can. No one gets to be as big as we are and does not know how it feels to be tormented and hurt and rejected. People always say, "When you lose weight, you are just a smaller version of the person you are right now, so love yourselve for the person you are right now, big or small." Well, that is true and great advice, but how do you love yourself now, when you never loved yourself...ever???!!! This is how, you step away from yourself and approach this as if you were a friend of yours. Okay? So you are not Alyssa, you are a friend of Alyssa's. What are the things you love about Alyssa? Why is she your friend? What do you think is beautiful about? And so on... Sound corny? Beleive me, it works. I swear. It gets you to focus on something other than what YOU don't like about yourself and start to see what OTHERS do like about you. Now, regarding men, babe they have super sensitive radars to woman with low confidence. Some of them pray on that and are like preditors waiting for an easy mark. Others don't want to get involved because they don't want to hurt you. So, they stear clear. Let me say, some men are just plain intimidated by a tall, curvy Goddess. ( happens all the time to me...lol ) Nothing and I mean NOTHING, not perky big boobs, bootylisious beyonce booty, not legs for miles, is as sexy as a confident woman. So, don't beat yourself up. Take this time to learn yourself all over again. Learn to love yourself, care for yourself and respect yourself. If you do, he will too. If you don't, you will attract every doornob from here to East Jabip!!! Think about some therapy. It can (in a very short time) work miracles. Okay and my last thought....you are never alone. God loves you Alyssa and so do we. WE are here when ever you need. Just reach out....

luvlif

luvlif

 

7/15 213.2 on ww scale

Rubu fixed the ww scale...more accurate! Threw out the old Healthometer This scale is more like Geiss scale. I weighed 224 on his scale 6/21...so I've shed 11 lbs since. Should be interesting to see what I weigh on the 21st of this month! Fawzie weighed herself on it...157 now that's a # I'd like to see...I'm taller than her!

luvlif

luvlif

 

3/15 232lbs yea!

:clap2: :nervous :clap2: OOOOHHH BABY! WOKE UP W BURN IN THE BUTT, THIGHS & BACK LIKE I HAD A FULL BODY GIRDLE (FROM SUNDAYS WORKOUT) TO-DAY I WEIGH 232LBS ...HAVE TO WATCH THE SALT AT NIGHT... PERIOD OVER... WILL WEIGH MYSELF DAILY AND WALK DAILY...I DONT CARE IF ITS ONLY 20 MINS... MY SCARS ARE SMALLER...THE 2 THAT ARE ALMOST ALIGNED, AND FUNNILY ENOUGH SEEM TO BE MOVING CLOSER. NOW I HAVE A DEFINITE WRINKLE GOING DOWN MY ABS. USED TO BE IT WAS ONE ROUND BLOB. SO I TRIED ON MY GREY LARRY LEVINE ...WAS 2" APART LAST WEEK WHEN I TRIED IT ON, TO-DAY THE TOP BUTTONS CLOSED AND THERE WAS A 2" GAP AT THE BOTTOM ONLY! YEA BABY! HAVE TO WEAR MY GREY SUIT TO THE AWARDS DINNER ON MONDAY THE 27TH....11 DAYS AWAY... HILLARY CLINTON ON 23RD...8 DAYS AWAY! FAISAL'S GRADUATION....34 DAYS AWAY I PB'D MY CHICKEN DINNER LAST NIGHT 2XS THEN HAD EGG DROP SOUP THIS AM WASN'T RESTRICTED! ATE THE LEFTOVER CHICKEN

luvlif

luvlif

 

11/25

"you are my lady,you're everything I need, you're all I'm looking for" that song is haunting me

luvlif

luvlif

 

3/16 232LBS

THIS BAND IS UNBELIEVEABLE! I HAD 3 BITES OF CORNED BEEF IN A.M. & NOW IT'S 1.15PM & I'M STILL NOT HUNGRY! LAST NIGHT I WAS STILL V RESTRICTED W MY CHICKEN. WOW OWWW HAD GROUND CORNED BEEF FOR LUNCH & FELT RESTRICTED! DINNER IS GROUND ROAST CHICKEN SALAD I GUESS I'M BEST ON THE SOFT MUSHIES I'LL BOIL POTATOES IN PRESSURE COOKER TOMORROW : BFAST:TURKEY SALAD LUNCH: GROUND CHICKEN & EGG SALAD DINNER:TUNA & CORNED BEEF SALAD NO MORE CANDIES OR POTATO CHIPS OR HUMMUS... I'LL MAKE MY OWN HUMMUS I'M SO DRAINED FROM THE ROSALIE BS BUT I HAVE TO WALK TONITE

luvlif

luvlif

 

My Darling Love is the gift you give yourself

12/6/07Went to Pru affair... Bart came up to where I was sitting & hugged & kissed me.... he still can't get over how Chris & I split up after all these years. I miss him....Yesterday I woke up from a dream where he was holding my head in his arms with his cheek on top of my head...there is not a day that goes by that I do not sense him wanting to kiss me. 11/27 I still miss him... there isn't a day that goes by that I do not think of him. Last night I dreamt of him & I called him "my darling" & he smiled happily, told me he drove the Bonneville to work, because he had to meet me,I smiled & mentioned the Bayport office & he rolled his eyes & shook his head. then i told him about the sign...I was v tired after the Stratus class...went to sleep & woke up @ 1.30am. somehow it came to me that Arindel & Vizzi broke up too before they got married...another needy guy!strange but true thought. I want to desperately hear his voice but I will not call him...let him think this one thru.....I saw his pic in the libor mag w Mohsin Zandehieh he looked very angry   A few weeks ago I dreamt of him & when I saw him I ran up to him held his face in my hands & kissed his mouth. Somehow I know we will end up together...I'm sure he's missing me just as much as I'm missing him. We are souulmates...we were and are meant for eachother!

luvlif

luvlif

 

2/6/06

UGH AUNT FLO SUCKS! B 1 EGG 70 L S CHILLI 220 + 1/2 POT + 5 NUGGETS =645 D ENG MUFFIN 100+ 2 CHEESE 50=795 WATER WALK WEIGHT:phanvan

luvlif

luvlif

 

12/22 182.7 2.9cc

182.7:clap2: 185 on Geiss' scale 10lbs dn in 6 weeks...Next apt is Feb 2 @ 2pm 10 dn = 175 YES!!!!:kiss2::youcandothis:

luvlif

luvlif

 

My Darling Love is the gift you give yourself

Love is the gift you give yourself Him: You look really good. How do you feel? Me: Like I got a new lease on life. He nodded like he agreed Then he said "If you hadn't done what you did you would have had a stroke by now"

luvlif

luvlif

 

finish each day

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can.   Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your own nonsense.- Ralph Waldo Emerson

luvlif

luvlif

 

2/7

I LOOK GOOOOOOD!!!!!! TODAY SEAN SAID I LOOK LIKE I LOST WT. AGAIN I SMILED & SAID "YUP" KUTTI HAD TO HEAR IT IN THE NEXT ROOM HE HE HE! WENT HOME 4 LUNCH @ 3.30. HERE I'M BITCHIN' THAT I HAVE NO RESTRIC BUUUT! I HAD TO SLOW DOWN WHILE EATING MY LUNCH & COULD'NT FINISH MY COTTAGE CHEESE HA! THEN, I LOOK @ MY REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR BY THE DOOR, MY SHOULDER BLADES SAID"HELLO!". (I GUESS I SHOULD SHUT UP) THEN I TRIED ON MY BL LEATHER JACKET... IT FITS..I BUTTONED IT UP! B.1 ENG MUFF 100 + CAPONATA 30 = 130 L.3/4C COTTAGE CHEESE 135 + 5 CRACKERS 60+1 SLICE BOLOGNA 20 +1 HOT DOG 50 = 245 = 395 SUMMER IS ONLY 3 MONTHS AWAY!

luvlif

luvlif

 

6/13

my size 14 chelsea campbell houndstooth fits!

luvlif

luvlif

 

2/7 LUVLIF

"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life.   What is it you would let go of today?"   - Mary Manin

luvlif

luvlif

 

2/8 240!

SUPPORT GROUP MTG WAS GOOD...BANDSTERS GET JEALOUS TOO!

luvlif

luvlif

 

I WANT A HONEY! 9/12/06

I WANT SOMEONE TO SHARE MY LIFE WITH SOMEONE TO DOTE ON, SOMEONE TO CUDDLE WITH SOMEONE TO HOLD HANDS WITH, SOMEONE TO KISS & SNUGGLE UP TO AT NIGHT SOMEONE TO HOLD ME SOMEONETO BE POSSESSIVE & PROTECTIVE OF ME SOMEONE TO COOK FOR SOMEONE TO KISS, CARESS & HUG SOMEONE TO SHARE MY DEEPEST THOUGHTS WITH, SOMEONE TO ADMIRE,& ENCOURAGE SOMEONE TO BE TENDER WITH SOME ONE TO LAUGH WITH SOMEONE TO WATCH TV & GO TO THE MOVIES WITH SOMEONE WHOSE LAP I CAN GO SIT ON WHEN I WANT TO SOMEONE WHO KNOWS ME SOMEONE TO DISCUSS THINGS WITH SOMEONE TO CHERISH SOMEONE TO LOVE SOMEONE TO BE #1 IN MY LIFE, TO BE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE SOMEONE WHO OPENS DOORS FOR ME, SOMEONE TO PLAY WITH IN A HOT TUB SOMEONE TO COOK FOR ME SOMEONE TO MAKE PASSIONATE LOVE WITH

luvlif

luvlif

 

2/5/07 size 6!

LEE size 6 jeans fit to day yes! I'm very restricted...Powers gave me a great fill my next apt is on the 26th @ 3pm

luvlif

luvlif

 

2/22 I FIT IN A SIZE 16 TO DAY

:biggrin1: OOOOH! I'M SUPER HAPPY & DOIN':D THE HAPPY DANCE! I FIT IN A SIZE 16 MISSES! YES YES YES!:clap2: I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT... I WENT TO FASHION BUG FOR A SUIT MY SIZE 18 ARE BAGGY SO I TRIED ON MISSES SIZE 16 AND THEY FIT. 3 MONTHS AFTER SURGERY I'VE GONE FROM A 22 TO 16! BOY AM I EXTATIC!:clap2: I COULDN'T EAT MUCH @ THE BUFFET... SPIT UP SOUP... THEN I TOOK MY SORRY ASS INTO FASHION BUG (STILL CRANKY) LOOKED @ PLUS SIZES, FELT SORRY FOR MYSELF(DID NOT WANT TO BUY THEM) THEN I REMINDED MYSELF THAT I WAS WEARING SIZE 18 PANTS THAT WERE BAGGY SO I WENT & TRIED ON 16 MISSES & THEY FIT! OOOH BABY!   I'M SUPER RESTRICTED! COULDN'T EAT CHICKEN KEBOBS IN AM.... WILL TRY VEGGIES & YOGHURT... CAN'T EAT A LOT OF MEAT PRODUCTS. MY BLACK PANTS ARE SUPER BAGGY TODAY! MY LEGS LOOK SLIMMER!

luvlif

luvlif

 

3/22 SIZE 16

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :cool: :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D I'M ON MY WAY TO BECOMING A SUPER HOTTIE I KNOW I'LL BE THERE IN ANOTHER 3 MONTHS :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2:

luvlif

luvlif

 

11/27 I look hot!

my grey houndstooth (small) is very loose on me.... to-day I wore my grey suit...w lace blouse...v sexy .... I guess I changed a lot & it's normal for a man to be jealous & insecure when a woman he loves changes as dramatically as I did in 10 mos, especially when he has issues w insecurity like HE does. The need for constant reassurance has not changed...just worsened. The neediness is worsened too!:omg:

luvlif

luvlif

 

walking log

thu 8/2 elip fri 8/3 walk sat 8/4 walk sun 8/5 walk mon8/5 walk:whoo: tue-- wed--:rain: thu walk to holb fair fri-- sat 8/11 walk:scared: sun 8/12 walk mon 8/13 walk:clap2:

luvlif

luvlif

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