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About this blog

my journey to gorgeous 160lbs again!

Entries in this blog

 

1/25 MOM SAID

TO NIGHT WHEN I TOLD MOM THAT IMTIAZ & ZULFI WERE SAYING HOW GOOD I LOOKED SHE SAID "THAT MEANS THEY THINK YOU'LL BE LOOKING FOR ANOTHER MAN"... YA MA, THEM, YOU, & EVERYONE ELSE THINK THAT...HIM TOO?
luvlif

luvlif

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1/16/07 size 8 swan jeans, 178lbs YES!!!

:clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: LAST YR THIS TIME I WAS SO HAPPY W SMALL VICTORIES! MY 1ST POST WAS 1/19/06 AND I LOVED THAT SIZE 18 FIT (back then)NOW TODAY A YEAR LATER I'M SIZE 8!:clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: MAKES ME A HAPPY GIRL:clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2:
luvlif

luvlif

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My Darling Love is the gift you give yourself

Love is the gift you give yourself Him: You look really good. How do you feel? Me: Like I got a new lease on life. He nodded like he agreed Then he said "If you hadn't done what you did you would have had a stroke by now"
luvlif

luvlif

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12/22 182.7 2.9cc

182.7:clap2: 185 on Geiss' scale 10lbs dn in 6 weeks...Next apt is Feb 2 @ 2pm 10 dn = 175 YES!!!!:kiss2::youcandothis:
luvlif

luvlif

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bitches

You are gorgeous. We all suffer from insecurity, even those size 4's do. People that talk about you behind your back are not worth a second thought. They are the flawed ones, not you.   Have you ever heard the saying "fake it till you make it"? I bet if you acted as though you had confidence and were proud of yourself, you would soon realize that it is you who is seeing you the way that you do and not others. Walk tall girl, you are very special, you just need to believe it and reflect it.
luvlif

luvlif

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12/9 bitchy women

I can't believe how bitchy women can be... unbelieveable! & I didn't even see it coming When I got out of the car yesterday Marlene from Holb gave me a dirty look & I thought she was just down...didn't take it personally. Later she asked me a qus about Corin's check & I said "Fuck her...we're mailing it to her" turns out she went & told him that I said that. He saw that I didn't even remember ...& chuckled...Then said "Nina people don't like to see people succeed" I said "Yeah but I don't see it that way" I guess I don't see what other people see. Obviously she's a jealous bitch! I told him what I said to Nancy Dillon about Carmela...if she doesn't go to the xmas party I will not be affiliated w her...he melted
luvlif

luvlif

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12/7 yay!

:clap2: I'm fitting into most of my old clothes that still have tags on them...that never fit...yesterday I was wearing my new, unworn silk Jones NY black blouse. Tomorrow I will wear my shiny snake print beige & black shirt that I bought 6 yrs ago! To day I'm wearing my purple tweed blazer that my old assistant Anmarie had given me for Christmas in 2000 :nervous I also weigh less than I have since 2002...to-day I weigh 187.1. Now my journey begins to where I haven't gone since 1989. Now I'm ready to begin that journey, & looking forward to it....the band makes it possible for me to shed more weight.
luvlif

luvlif

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188.4 12/4

I fit in size 8 pants to-day:clap2:... "If you don't know me by now...you will never,never,never know me" has been playing in my mind to day
luvlif

luvlif

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11/27 I look hot!

my grey houndstooth (small) is very loose on me.... to-day I wore my grey suit...w lace blouse...v sexy .... I guess I changed a lot & it's normal for a man to be jealous & insecure when a woman he loves changes as dramatically as I did in 10 mos, especially when he has issues w insecurity like HE does. The need for constant reassurance has not changed...just worsened. The neediness is worsened too!:omg:
luvlif

luvlif

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11/25

"you are my lady,you're everything I need, you're all I'm looking for" that song is haunting me
luvlif

luvlif

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11/22 189.5

hello 180s:clap2: goal 181 by 11/30..7days & 8lbs to goal! he looks sad & tired came to see me by himself w light bulbs...
luvlif

luvlif

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11/15 191lbs 2lbs to go into 180s

went & saw powers yesterday....he pulled out all the saline in my band...2.1cc NOT 3.4!...so he put in another .05cc... so now I have 2.6cc! I have to stay on liquids for 48 hrs & then mushies for 48hrs And then go to solids
luvlif

luvlif

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11/3

CAME IN BY HIMSELF....LOOKED SAD....W MY CHECK
luvlif

luvlif

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Being fat is lonely.

Being fat is lonely. It wasn't enough to be publically tormented and laughed at throughout school, but the effects later on are painful. As a kid I was not hurt badly, but enough to add emotional scars. I was always the fat girl friend, the one anyone can talk with and hang out with, but never get close to. My friends never called me fat, but those backhanded comments like, "you'd be so pretty if you were skinny (or not so fat... yeah I got that one)". The laughter when sitting down on chairs, that used to creak and moan under my weight... it just killed me. I hated myself, eversince elementary school. I begged my parents to send me to a fat camp when I was in 3rd grade... they finally did the summer before 5th grade. I cried many times after school, just due to people talking about me behind my back. What? Like I didn't know I was fat?   I'm now 133 pounds lighter... but I still feel like people are staring at me, judging me, laughing at me. The only place I feel comfortable is at the hospital and at the gym. Students are more accepting of me now that I'm skinnier, but I'm still the largest person by far. Going out with them, means me and several girls in size 4 hang out... while they get hit on and I'm lonely in the corner. Some of my friends went out (and to be honest, I have to get up at 5:30 am and I couldn't go)... but the thought of being isolated brought back all my self-loathing feelings. I would have gone, but I would have been uncomfortable... especially since they get all dolled up in cute clothes that look good on them and I'm in frumpy jeans/T-shirt that try to cover up my flaws.   It's lonely in the sense of dating. It just doesn't happen, either because I write F*ck Off on my forehead or that my body is that repulsive (or that I convy my self-loathing without words). The guys that I'm attracted to DO NOT like large girls... I know that based on their previous girlfriends. I would never change myself for another person, but it's a shame that a guy I like isn't attracted to me physically... which you need that in addition to the personality component.   Sorry for the sad post. I just feel isolated, still... even though I do "fit" in society better. My perception still gets in the way of my happiness...   I know others can relate, but I just had to vent or share or whatever.Alyssa, sweetheart I can relate. We all can. No one gets to be as big as we are and does not know how it feels to be tormented and hurt and rejected. People always say, "When you lose weight, you are just a smaller version of the person you are right now, so love yourselve for the person you are right now, big or small." Well, that is true and great advice, but how do you love yourself now, when you never loved yourself...ever???!!! This is how, you step away from yourself and approach this as if you were a friend of yours. Okay? So you are not Alyssa, you are a friend of Alyssa's. What are the things you love about Alyssa? Why is she your friend? What do you think is beautiful about? And so on... Sound corny? Beleive me, it works. I swear. It gets you to focus on something other than what YOU don't like about yourself and start to see what OTHERS do like about you. Now, regarding men, babe they have super sensitive radars to woman with low confidence. Some of them pray on that and are like preditors waiting for an easy mark. Others don't want to get involved because they don't want to hurt you. So, they stear clear. Let me say, some men are just plain intimidated by a tall, curvy Goddess. ( happens all the time to me...lol ) Nothing and I mean NOTHING, not perky big boobs, bootylisious beyonce booty, not legs for miles, is as sexy as a confident woman. So, don't beat yourself up. Take this time to learn yourself all over again. Learn to love yourself, care for yourself and respect yourself. If you do, he will too. If you don't, you will attract every doornob from here to East Jabip!!! Think about some therapy. It can (in a very short time) work miracles. Okay and my last thought....you are never alone. God loves you Alyssa and so do we. WE are here when ever you need. Just reach out....
luvlif

luvlif

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10/22

When you feel in your gut what you are and then dynamically pursue it - don't back down and don't give up - then you're going to mystify a lot of folks. Bob Dylan
luvlif

luvlif

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10/22

I MET RICH JACOBY @ THE COLONY....FUNNY HE SEEMED TO KNOW WHERE I WAS, & WHAT I WAS DOING....FUNNIER....HE'S ALL GREY & BALDING, I LOOK YOUNGER THAN HIM!
luvlif

luvlif

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ARE YOU TAKING LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY?

There ain't much fun in medicine, but there's a heck of a lot of medicine in fun.   - Josh Billings, 19th Century Humorist Are You Taking Life Too Seriously?   When was the last time your doctor told you to stay home and watch "Seinfeld"? Or suggested a night out at the circus? Or told you to play fetch with a dog? It probably hasn't happened, but the day may not be far off. Laughter and fun are great ways to break down the walls of stress, preventing both mental and physical damage. Play time loosens up joints constricted by tension and poor posture. It brightens your attitude and is a healthy outlet for the most troubled thoughts. Even during our time off, it seems like we still spend a lot of time working- as a handyman, chauffer, mechanic, negotiator, therapist, cook, activist, or whatever is called for. Next time you're starting to feel the strain, think about how long it's been since you just played for the fun of it. It might be longer than you think. Then go buy yourself a toy.
luvlif

luvlif

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HANG IN THERE NINA!

I don't know about you, but some days I just feel like giving up..... watching what we eat, sometimes even portion control if the restriction is not there yet, exercising, the band rules............   But guys, don't give up, because at least we have already lost some weight, and we only have the rest to lose, imagine where we would be if we had never started this journey!!   I hope you are inspired by the quote below:     "When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." By Harriet Beecher Stowe
luvlif

luvlif

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10/21 HURTFUL PEOPLE

I feel your pain hon and I am so sorry that your spirit is sore. You have all that any man could and should want, but humans are stupid creatures. Never knowing what they are looking for till it has passed them by. Within you is a light that shines thru the darkest days and somewhere there is a man who will see that light and know he has found something magical! I know that does not erase the pain you now feel, but I also know it is the truth. God made each of us in different strengths... for different reasons, some of us may never know why...but you have so much to offer the world I can not help but believe that your strength is a gift meant for wonderous things. Be strong hon, feel the pain if you must but believe in the light as well! No one as beautiful and caring as you can go un noticed for too long. Be proud of who you are and what you have done!   You are gorgeous. We all suffer from insecurity, even those size 4's do. People that talk about you behind your back are not worth a second thought. They are the flawed ones, not you.   Have you ever heard the saying "fake it till you make it"? I bet if you acted as though you had confidence and were proud of yourself, you would soon realize that it is you who is seeing you the way that you do and not others. Walk tall girl, you are very special, you just need to believe it and reflect it.     and remember that you are never alone, even though you may think it..... you are never alone! I am so sorry to know someone else - esp. someone as beautiful and special as you, NINA- feels this same way. I agree with those who say we need to learn to project confidence (and NOT the f*ck off/not-interested/available vibe) - not saying I know how to do that, just that we need to learn...   For you, a truly Phenomenal Woman, I dedicate this poem to inspire (hopefully us both):       PHENOMENAL WOMAN by Maya Angelou Pretty women wonder where my secret lies I'm not cute or built to suit a model's fashion size But when I start to tell them They think I'm telling lies. I say It's in the reach of my arms The span of my hips The stride of my steps The curl of my lips. I'm a woman Phenomenally Phenomenal woman That's me. I walk into a room Just as cool as you please And to a man The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees Then they swarm around me A hive of honey bees. I say It's the fire in my eyes And the flash of my teeth The swing of my waist And the joy in my feet. I'm a woman Phenomenally Phenomenal woman That's me. Men themselves have wondered What they see in me They try so much But they can't touch My inner mystery. When I try to show them They say they still can't see. I say It's in the arch of my back The sun of my smile The ride of my breasts The grace of my style. I'm a woman Phenomenally Phenomenal woman That's me. Now you understand Just why my head's not bowed I don't shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud When you see me passing It ought to make you proud. I say It's in the click of my heels The bend of my hair The palm of my hand The need for my care. 'Cause I'm a woman Phenomenally Phenomenal woman That's me.
luvlif

luvlif

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10/15

LISA O CALLED I TOLD HER HOW CARMELLA & NANCY DIDN'T SAY A WORD ABOUT ME IN MY CROPPED PANTS & BOOTS & SHE IS RIGHT SHE SAID "THEYR'E NOT GOING TO ...THEY ARE JEALOUS!   MY SIZE 10 PANTS FROM NY & CO ARE LOSE!
luvlif

luvlif

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