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About this blog

This is what I go through, think, feel, and think I know...

Entries in this blog

 

A New Fill - A New Resolve

Yesterday was a fill day. I am going to make this my last fill. This is the fill that will get me to Onderland. I weighed in this morning at 232.8 and I know for a fact that my scale is two pounds off so I am actually 230.8. So this fill has to help me lose at least 31.8 pounds. My goal was to be in Onderland by July 4, 2010. That’s 10 lbs a month including this month. I really tried to be 220-something by March 24, 2010 (my two year bandiversary). Well, obviously I was not successful with that. That’s okay though. I still have my main goal and I am still determined to get there. I am kicking up my physical activity. Every day I have to do something (walk, exercise video, clean up, cut the grass, play Wii – I don’t care… as long as it’s something). I want to join the gym, but I’m waiting for EKG results. Since my blood work and chest x-rays came back great I am almost sure that my EKG results will allow me to begin working out. I really just want to be able to master the elliptical machine; use the abductor and inductor equipment; and use some sort of arm machine to try to tighten up my flabby upper arms. I’m praying that the elliptical machine will not only help me build cardio strength, but will also lift my sagging thighs. I love losing weight, but I hate that I allowed myself to get so fat that my skin is loose. I saw a woman at the hospital the other day. She was wearing short sleeves and her arms led me to believe that she has lost quite a bit of weight. Her skin was loose and covered with shrunken stretch marks. But she was wearing those short sleeves with confidence. Who could blame her, aside from her arms, she looked great (fully covered in her shirt and long pants) but great. So, I’m increasing my activity so that even if I end up with “loose meat” I can still look decent in clothes. I’m also doing it because I’ve had a few weird episodes of chest pains and burning sensations from my jaw line down to my chest. That’s why I had all those tests done. Heart disease runs in my family. I need to everything I can to avoid any kind of heart disease. So this morning I am drinking my protein shake – very slowly because I am very tight. Usually after a band it is recommended that I do liquids for 24 hours. I think I may do 48 hours. We’ll see it may be longer, I really am tight. All I can do is sip. But that’s the norm for me right after a fill. Anything more and I’m asking for trouble. So I’ll be checking in later to record how I’m doing.
enjoylife

enjoylife

3
 

5/20/08 The Day After the Seond Fill!!!

WARNING – this might get gross and will definitely be long….:thumbdown: Be very careful of what you ask for – you just might get it. My goodness, I just posted that that yesterday and already I have been blasted twice. Here’s the real kicker – I wanted restriction – oh boy do I have restriction. I may be too tight. I have no clue how to determine this. Yesterday I got 2ccs added to my band. That makes for a total of 5cc in a 14cc band. My surgeon said, “If this doesn’t do the trick, the next one definitely will.” Yesterday was horrible. I was hungry – I forgot to eat before I got my fill – actually I forgot that I could not eat for three hours before my fill. I tried to sip water on the way home – it was not going down smoothly at all. I called and left a message at the surgeon’s office. I got home, made some cream of chicken soup, but decided to wait until after I cut the grass to eat it. So I cut the grass, took a show and sat down to savor my soup – WRONG!!!! First of all I stupidly took an orso (sp?) pill (for gall stones). I did not crush it – I bit it into pieces. I also took a pill to keep me from throwing up – but I got that right after surgery so I though it was tiny enough to not have to bite. Well let’s just say that soup was not going down smoothly. AND it tasted like cream of chicken and pill soup. I eventually gave up on that – the lump in my throat should have deterred me sooner, but the growl in my stomach kept egging me on. I tried to lie down and get some rest – or at least fined a comfortable position. That’s when my five year old bundle of joy decided she needed some Mommy time and came to plop down on my stomach. Well I finally got her in a position (off my belly but still cuddle close) that SHE was comfortable with and was able to nod off. My slumber was abruptly interrupted by a horrible burning sensation in my nose and a retched taste coming from my throat. I immediately got up and called my surgeon at home (Yes I said I called him – no between man answering service. Isn’t he wonderful?). My surgeon asked me questions about coughing and saliva. He then told me to try to sip water and if I didn’t feel better tomorrow (now today) to come in and he would take some of my fill out. I then walked around and tried to calm my nerves. I got my bed all comfy like and slipped in the finally get some sleep – WRONG AGAIN… Within 4 minutes I was up and heading to the bathroom. I knew it was coming – I could not fight it so I simply prayed that God would make this as gentle on my stomach as possible. I usually throw up from my toes – but this time was much milder. I got foam, bile, and a few retches but no soup. I think those pills were sitting on top of my stoma opening. Afterwards I felt much better and was able to sleep. Today I am doing better. I have been able to get some water down and I even had black bean bisque for lunch. However, my surgeon’s nurse wants me to go back to clear thin broths for the rest of today and to sleep with an extra pillow so that I get a little assistance from gravity tonight. For once gravity is working in my favor (this does not make up for what it is doing to my breast). Hopefully the worst is over and my band just needed some time to loosen up. If I am not feeling back to normal by tomorrow I will be making that 2.5 hour drive up there and back. There’s no way I am going through this weekend feeling like crap. That’s my soap opera… what’s your’s?
enjoylife

enjoylife

1
 

5/19/08 - The Day of the Second Fill

I am scheduled for fill #2 today. It was originally scheduled for the 21st, but my surgeon added another surgery so the office had to change my appointment. I'm not complaining; I would want someone to change their fill date so that I could get the band. I'm just glad that it was moved up instead of further away. I seem to be stuck. I am hungry. When I'm hungry I eat. I try not to eat too much, but I'm not one of those people that can walk around hungry. My stomach has a notorious growl - its so embarrassing....   I received 3cc during my first fill. I'm hoping for at least another 3cc this time. That would put me at 6 cc in a 14 cc band. I hope this offers a lot more restriction that I have now. I'm getting a little desperate - I am 2 months (on the 24th) post op and I am only down 1 lbs - heck I lost those 18 lb within the first two - three weeks post op. Since then I've been struggling to maintain. I'm glad that I am not gaining - boy am I happy about that - I just want to lose more.   My goal was/is to be 280 by June 13th. That may not be possible at this point. If I lose 2lb a week from now to then that would put me at 288 lb. I guess that will have to do. I'm going to have to buckle down - really monitor what goes into my mouth so that I can drop those 8 lbs by June 13th. Then I'll start working towards my July 4th goal - originally I wanted to be 270 lb by then. I'll settle for 278 lb. I'm putting this in writing here because I need some accountability to someone other than myself. No one (except my immediate family knows about my band) so there's no one to push me to try harder (and no one to monitor every morsel of food I eat or whisper about me doing this the easy way - which is why I have chosen to keep this to myself). There are a few people here who have had the band - the conversation that some people have about them is ridiculous. I just don't choose to open myself up to that kind on intense scrutiny and ridicule - I feel like a gay woman whose afraid to come out of the closet - but then again I guess not - I have no idea what that kind of pain feels like and I don't want to compare my petty problems to that.   Anyway.... If you guys don't see my ticker going down soon - BLAST ME!! Since that's the last thing I want to see here I will be doing my best to make that dag gone scale move!   NSV - I have officially left size 4x behind. I had a peasant blouse that I waited all winter to wear. I put that gorgeous thing on and I was swimming in it!!!! My coworker - who is losing weight, gave me a brand new linen peasant shirt that she is now too small to wear (size 3x) it fit perfectly :thumbdown:. WHOOO HOOO!!!! That’s right - I'm celebrating being a size 3x. Do the happy dance, do happy dance - spin it around and shake your body down - doing the happy dance :thumbup:! __________________
enjoylife

enjoylife

1
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