I haven't told anyone about my surgery. And it is set for January 15th. Don't get me wrong- I am SUPER excited! But I am terrified of what my friends and family would say.... " You don't need surgery.", "You are beautiful as you are." "You could do this on your own."

I decided to get surgery in Mexico because I would not be approved by my insurance company here. I am about 80lbs overweight and have been overweight my whole life. And it has been a secret struggle. I know my friends and family- they will say, "you can do this on your own!" and be super supportive. But they don't know the struggle I have felt since age 13.

So what do I do?? I have chose not to tell anyone.

Is that crazy?? I don't question my decision at all! But I think others would. So what do you think???

To tell or not to tell.... that is the question.....

I haven't told anyone about my surgery. And it is set for January 15th. Don't get me wrong- I am SUPER excited! But I am terrified of what my friends and family would say.... " You don't need surgery.", "You are beautiful as you are." "You could do this on your own."

I decided to get surgery in Mexico because I would not be approved by my insurance company here. I am about 80lbs overweight and have been overweight my whole life. And it has been a secret struggle. I know my friends and family- they will say, "you can do this on your own!" and be super supportive. But they don't know the struggle I have felt since age 13.

So what do I do?? I have chose not to tell anyone.

Is that crazy?? I don't question my decision at all! But I think others would. So what do you think???

To tell or not to tell.... that is the question.....

I totally understand how you feel. I spoke with the Physcology in the Surgeron's office about this. She told me it is a very common reaction from friends and family. For them to say, "You can do it without surgery", etc. And that may be true. However I see the lapband as a long-term tool to help me to take in less calores and be satisfied. So I have told only told some friends and family and asked that whether they agree with it or not, to pls be supportive of me and my decision. And they have. I've also run it past 2 friends who are super against it. So I'm not sharing this info with them at this time. However, I believe in order to have long-term success with the lapband, it's very important to have a strong support system around you. After all, we have all tried losing weight on our own, only to gain it back. It will require major changes for us to have long-term success. I believe it's very important to have supportive people around us. Honestly, I"m kind of looking at those who are against it, as people I may not need in my life in the immediate future.

Edited November 22, 200916 yr by michelleintheoc
spelling

I haven't told anyone about my surgery. And it is set for January 15th. Don't get me wrong- I am SUPER excited! But I am terrified of what my friends and family would say.... " You don't need surgery.", "You are beautiful as you are." "You could do this on your own."

I decided to get surgery in Mexico because I would not be approved by my insurance company here. I am about 80lbs overweight and have been overweight my whole life. And it has been a secret struggle. I know my friends and family- they will say, "you can do this on your own!" and be super supportive. But they don't know the struggle I have felt since age 13.

So what do I do?? I have chose not to tell anyone.

Is that crazy?? I don't question my decision at all! But I think others would. So what do you think???

To tell or not to tell.... that is the question.....

Totally understand where you are coming from... I have told no one...the only ones who know are my GP who referred me

and the specialist. Not my family... that includes husband and kids... or friends. My rationale for this is that I have always been a very private person. I have battled with weight since I was 8 and have failed every single time. I have married a man who has never had a weight problem and views it as being a simple problem that just needs will power which clearly I do not have. He gave up smoking in a day as he puts it I just said no more. He has been a watcher on every single weight loss program that I have been on and cant understand why I cant stick to it. It is the only thing that he is blinkered about. He is a lovely man in every other respect and if I do eventually lose the weight I will tell him then. I just dont want to fail in his eyes yet again.I guess I feel superstitious that if I do it will fail like all the other times. While the kids are busy with their lives and dont really notice what Mum is doing. And funny enough no one has said anything. Everyone is too busy looking at their own lives to be to concerned with what I do with mine. I went in for surgery in March and told hubby it was for a hernia and he has never questioned it. He just thought I had to have smaller meals because of the op. My only concern is if I have an accident and am taken to emergency and they dont contact my GP - im in trouble.

I'm in the super-secret camp as well--and it's working out just fine!

My mom (leery at first but supportive) and very best friend (skinny and 100% supportive from the start) and significant other (the one that sees the scars on a regular basis!) are the only ones who know. Significant Other was always 100% supportive, but I have to say the improvement in an already awesome sex life hasn't hurt :thumbup:.

My boss knows I had surgery, but was told hiatal hernia repair (as it turns out I DID have an undiagnosed significant hiatal hernia that was repaired during LB surgery). I requested that the surgery be kept to "need to know" as I felt uncomfortable having people talking about and inquiring about my condition. My boss respected that and no one is the wiser. When the weight loss was noticed I did let my boss know that the doc recommended a little weight loss to increase safety in the surgery and since it was not an emergent issue I took advantage of the excuse to drop a few lbs. (I lost 25 lbs pre-surgery).

I agree with the recommendations to have one or two close folks know about it, but with the exception of my significant other I rarely discuss the band. My mom and best friend are supportive and inquire as to my general well-being just as they always did before surgery. I subscribe wholeheartedly to the concept that the bulk (excuse the pun) of this weight loss journey is going to be my own responsibility and that the band is just my constant aid/reminder.

I do have some sense that once I get to my goal and maintain for awhile I may be more inclined to let more folks know. I can see that my journey could be an inspiration for others....but I'm not quite comfortable yet with revealing. I've heard WAY too often about all the folks everyone knows who had WLS and put the weight back on. I'll be much more willing to talk about it when it is EXCRUCIATINGLY obvious that the LB can be a successful tool.

My husband knows. He is my best friend and soul mate of course he know, and also he was banded last month. His parents and my parents know and thats it. No one else will ever know, when they notice my weight loss it will never come up. I dont need anyone elce's opinion, I have had enough oppinions about my weight from other people to last me 10 lifetimes!

I think you just gotta do what feels right to you and timing is very important. I am someone who tends to tell everyone everything and early on in this process, that kind of bit me on the butt. I started getting more negative comments than I could deal with. At least everyone who is really important to me (DH, my parents, inlaws, and best friends) were all super supportive. It really surprised me how supportive my MIL is on this. I thought my DH's side of the family might think it was 'crazy' since none of them are fat, but they have been great. BUT, many of my not-as-close friends and random people feel compelled to tell me how the surgery didn't work for this person or that person. Normally, I'm a really strong person and don't let ignorant comments get to me, but this whole process has been so emotional that it just got to a point where they were making me doubt myself and worry too much. So, I stopped telling any new people for awhile.

I was fairly secretive about the surgery until after it was over. Before I went in, only a very small handful of people at work knew about it. I did tell my husband, daughter, mother and brother. They were super supportive. The coworkers were supportive. When I came back to work, we had a large office meeting and everyone was asking me why I had been out. I just told everyone right then what I had done. I was surprised that there were two women in the office who were considering the surgery and had a lot of questions. I made the decision to tell everyone on my terms. Let them know straight from me, and then there is no reason for rumors or whispering behind backs.

Mandyfsc

OMG I feel exactly the same way. I have been so torn about - should I tell or not. I am afraid they are going to say that it is crazy. One minute I want to tell evryone and the next I am almost ashamed I couldnt lose weight on my own.

I too am about 75b lbs overweight with sleep apnea and high BP and I am scheduled for Jan 15th.

I think besides my husband in the early part I am not going to tell anyone. I am proud that I am doing this but I really dont want anyone elses opinion. Good luck to you and lets keep in touch.

since i have had surgery i have told anyone who will listen. just like anything i do, i try to live my life honestly. and it has worked out for me. i have gotten so much support.

also, since my parents knew, i could not ask them to keep a secret. that is just not how we work. so my mom tells anyone who will listen -- including our mutual friends. and it is fine. it is not like at 310 pounds it is a surprise to anyone that i need a dramatic weight loss.

going through this process -- i did not realize how much my weight and being morbidly obesed affected those around me. from family, friends, co-workers to business contacts. the most common reaction i get is "i am so proud of you" and what i am coming to realize is that my weight has been a concern, and burden -- if you will, for those i choose to have in my life. and my decision to do something about it is a gift not only to me but to them --- these people who would be sad to lose me (and i had no idea until i went into this process.

the only person who has never supported me -- even when this was just an idea i was exploring 3 years ago -- is my only silbling...my sister. but this is a reflection of her and her miserable life. she has never supported me. not when i came out in college. her words: "i am going to tell mom and dad that i am dating a guy so they like me more".... ironically her miserable and low self-esteem has landed her in her mid-30s with no relationship with her parents or her only sibling.... i digress, but what i am saying is her lack of support is HER problem and not a reflection of my decision...and has no bearing on my success. and of course, the fact that i will be the skinny sister one day does not help HER psyche.

btw, i even showed off my scar in a business meeting! lol.

. I went in for surgery in March and told hubby it was for a hernia and he has never questioned it. He just thought I had to have smaller meals because of the op. My only concern is if I have an accident and am taken to emergency and they dont contact my GP - im in trouble.

this make me sad for you... i wish you had the relationship with your husband to share with him a wonderful and life changing decision.

Mandyfsc

OMG I feel exactly the same way. I have been so torn about - should I tell or not. I am afraid they are going to say that it is crazy. One minute I want to tell evryone and the next I am almost ashamed I couldnt lose weight on my own.

I too am about 75b lbs overweight with sleep apnea and high BP and I am scheduled for Jan 15th.

I think besides my husband in the early part I am not going to tell anyone. I am proud that I am doing this but I really dont want anyone elses opinion. Good luck to you and lets keep in touch.

JGF- We have the same surgery date! How cool is that? We MUST keep in touch since we are looking to lose the same amount. Keep me updated on everything! :biggrin:

I totally understand what your saying. Most people just don't get it at times. Good luck to you.

Well as you can see you are not the only one with that secret. I too have a old fashion mom but we are the best of friends so i am not sure why i am having trouble telling her and i should be scheduled for surgery in dec. 09 so i took am struggling with who to tell. One of my co workers know because she and i are doing it together and one other person who said he loved me just as i am so wish me luck on letting my family know when i get approval. Good luck to you also

I'm erring on the side of caution with how many people I am telling. My big thing is I can't untell them, so until I am sure I want them to know, I am not saying anything.

I've told DH, my parents, two close friends, and one friend who had gastric bypass a few years ago (and is doing great - lost 149 lbs - kept it off - not one issue along the way - so I knew she'd be supportive.) DH, my parents, and one friend have been wonderful. The other close friend is having some issues with it, which surprised me. Even told me "As long as you don't get skinnier than me." Sigh. It's going to be a journey.

Amy

I have pretty much told everyone - it's not secret that I'm over weight and I've been UP and I've been DOWN they are going to see a good weight lose this time around and see that it's going to stay that way. I just don't listen to the negative and I think those who have negative thoughts are jealous or don't want to see you succeed. But I don't care ~ this is my life and I can't wait to look great and feel great - which is most important! For the most part I have TONS of support. :biggrin:)

For me, only my Husband, Mother, my boss, and two friends know that I am considering this surgery other than my doctor. It is on a need-to-know basis right now. One of the friends that I told that I was considering lapband is a nurse at the hospital that I would have the surgery at. She schedules the surgeries and who is going to be in which OR, so it is definatly to my benifit that she knows! She has been wonderful with me so far with all of my questions. The other friend I told I work with and I would have to either lie to her or tell her what I am doing. I don't want to lie, so I told her. That way when I leave work early for appointments and such, she already knows.

I'm not telling anyone else right now because I don't know if I am going forward with it or not. If I decide to go forward with it, I still don't see me telling many more people unless I have to.

I keep most things like this private, so this is normal for me.