When I went for my sugery no one knew I was getting this except for my husband and boss. Since the surgery I had decided to tell just a few select people. My oldest son, 2 of my 3 step daughters, another co-worker, and a close friend. So now a total of 7 people know I have had the lap band surgery.

I have since lost 54 pounds. Not near my goal but still what I think to be a significant amount of weight. I don't expect people to compliment me every waking hour, but not one person except my husband has even mentioned that they notice any weight loss. No I didn't do this for anyone but myself, but it just seems that now that I have, people are afraid to say anything or just don't want to.

You know, I "only" had a BMI of 35 when I had the surgery and I had to lose 30lb before anyone even noticed - and even then it was just a bit of "oh, have you lost a little weight". The really spectacular changes only really came in the last 50lb, not the first 50. I was still fat and I think to people, they dont necessarily notice that you're "less fat" until you really start to get some of the features of being thin - like a neck and collarbones!

Dont be disheartened, you have to get through this stuff to get to the good bits, where your weight loss shows with every 10lb.

And I think people do notice too but are often reluctant to say anything until its beyond doubt that you HAVE lost.

I can see why that might be discouraging, but I think I'd prefer that to everyone being in my business all the time. I haven't had surgery yet (appointment with surgeon tomorrow!!), but I have only told my husband and one close friend. I've lost (and regained) a good amount of weight in the past and had been very open about it. This time, I'm just doing it for me and don't really want anyone else to know. I guess at some point I'm going to have to tell my boss, though I'd really rather not.

Some people do not know what to say? I personally do not feel comfortable when people commit on my weight thin or fat and I have been both. So maybe they don't know what to say. Maybe you should say “Haven't you notice a change in me”. Then they will know you are okay talking about it. If you and your husabnd notice that is the most important! You bring it up. Congratulations 54 lbs. is GREAT!!!!!

YES! It took FOREVER for anyone who didn't know about my surgery to notice my weight loss. I was walking up to the front of the building where I work one day a couple of weeks ago and the receptionist said, 'hey, you're losing weight'. I laughed and said, well it's about time someone noticed, I've been working my ass off! She laughed. Since then a couple of other people at work, both of whom had not seen me in several months, commented on it like the change looked dramatic to them. I think it's harder for people who see you daily to notice. But, when you run into someone who hasn't seen you for a while, it's immediately noticeable to them.

I totally understand, I have lost over 40 and no one at work except the one friend who knows I had the surgery has mentioned it. I saw my brother last week who had not seen me since right before the surgery and his first words were WOW. I think in this politically correct world sometimes people are afraid to mention something like weight, in fact in managers training we are cautioned not to as it can lead to all kinds of misunderstandings. Dont worry about the comments or lack thereof, just enjoy your wonderful success.

If it makes you feel anybetter, I told everyone and wish I didn't. I actually hate the constant comments (they are good) I just want to move on and let this happen without constantly being asked how much have you lost????? Or the being called "skinny minnie" DON'T CALL SOMEONE THAT NEEDS TO LOSE 160 POUNDS SKINNY MINNIE... I know it's being nice and just trying to make me know they are noticing, but its annoying. Especially when it's said in front of someone that does not know I have had the surgery... You know that person that doesn't know is thinking WTF???

So enjoy your pounds that are slipping away with the few people that do know... It's a lot easier!

Thanks everyone for the advice. I guess I never really thought of compliments as being annoying but I guess they could be. I guess there's two sides to everything. One thing that does bother me is these are the same people who commented on my weight before the surgery. Comments such as "You're so pretty if you would just lose some weight you would be a knockout" or "that much weight can't be healthy" or even suggesting that I try weight watchers or Atkins. It's like HELLO! Don't you think I already have? It's just amazing to me I guess. Some people have no problem cutting another to pieces but have a very difficult time complimenting. My own mother is guilty of that exact thing.

People are funny, aren't they??!! I don't know why people think fat people never try to lose weight. My husband's great aunt, who turns 100 tomorrow, told me last time I saw her that I was too fat and that I'm too pretty to be this fat. What could I say, she's an old lady. I think the very old and the very young are the worst/best about saying just what's on their minds.

Take this and learn from it...you might decide to be mindful of complimenting others when they do something (non weight related) that might otherwise go un-noticed.

People are funny, aren't they??!! I don't know why people think fat people never try to lose weight. My husband's great aunt, who turns 100 tomorrow, told me last time I saw her that I was too fat and that I'm too pretty to be this fat. What could I say, she's an old lady. I think the very old and the very young are the worst/best about saying just what's on their minds.

Take this and learn from it...you might decide to be mindful of complimenting others when they do something (non weight related) that might otherwise go un-noticed.

Yes they sure are funny. I think people think those of us who are heavy never try to lose weight because in their mind if we did try, we wouldn't be heavy. I wish others would realize it really is not that easy to drop the weight especially when you get older. Thanks for the advice. I'm also from North Carolina.

I think some people just don't know how to say something and not imply that they thought you were huge before. I run a summer camp, so I only see my staff for 6 weeks every summer. Two summers ago I was down about 50-60 pounds. No one said anything. This past summer I was down 115 pounds. Still, no one said anything. However, at a funeral this summer, two different mothers of staff members both told me that their kids (who work for me) couldn't believe how different I look and how much weight I've lost. I think a lot of people just don't want to offend us, so they say nothing. Take heart, you didn't do this for them. :mad2:

I agree with Luv - some might not want to offend. I see you're in the mountains; I'm in Wilmington.

My boyfriend, friends, immediate family, and coworkers knew about the surgery. They are the only ones to compliment me. I recently went to a bridal shower for a cousin, and NOT ONE person said anything to me. I was a little devastated. As you said, I've done this for myself, but a little recognition would be nice. I mean, before I wore super baggy clothes and looked so bloated. Now when I saw them this time, I wore figure flattering clothes and I can at least tell a big difference in my face. I was annoyed. But that's ok. I'll still keep plugging along. My family and friends tell me they can notice and my boyfriend tells me everyday how proud of me he is and how beautiful I look {even though I think that's a lie!) So don't get discouraged. Keep doing this for you!

People are reluctant to discuss weight loss. They are afraid that they will say the wrong thing.... like, what if you DIDN'T lose weight and they ask you how much? Or if they somehow make you think you look good now which might imply you looked really bad before....

Eventually, they will say something. You can even open the door for them, at least those you'd like to have acknowledge the loss so far....let them "catch" you pulling up your baggy pants or go out and buy something new that really shows off your loss!

Until you bring up your weight loss in conversation, it is proper etiquette for another person not to comment on it. They are only being polite. You have to keep in mind that you know why you are losing weight; they don't. Imagine the following conversation:

A: Wow, you sure have lost a lot of weight!

B: Yes, chemotherapy tends to do that to you. (cue crickets)

How uncomfortable would that be? If you want more feedback from others, you may need to drop the "D" word (DIET... not that other one!) in conversation to give them a hint of why you are looking so different.

I went to visit my mom about 3 months after surgery after 40lbs and she didn't say a word.

I think that has more to do with my mother then my weight loss!

I rememebr an old "joke" about when someone says "My GOD, you've lost a ton" that means that you had a ton to lose. Not exactly a compliment.

Still, would be nice if someone said something nice:rolleyes: