It's been 9 weeks since my surgery. I live in AZ & had my surgery done in Mexico with Dr Ortiz. I felt very good about my decision & didn't feel I needed to let everyone know about where I was having my surgery because they just wouldn't understand. I told everyone I was traveling to San Diego & having the surgery near there. (Which is the absolute truth!!!!)

3 weeks ago I told my in-laws that I had my surgery done in Mexico. (I only told them because my 9 yr. old daughter mentioned it briefly.) They didn't speak to me at all after that. Last night they came over to our house for a very "special" conversation. They proceeded to tell me that I was a liar & a very dishonest person for not telling them I had my surgery done in Mexico. They were here for over 2 hrs. going on & on about it. I have felt so upset over this. I have had very good results with this weight loss surgery & would just LOVE for someone to be proud of me for doing something for myself. Why do people have to be so mean & hateful?

This is my life & I am not required to tell ANYONE about my surgery, much less where I had it done. Why would my in-laws even get involved to the point that they have to come to my house & insult my integrity? I am a grown adult who can make decisions for myself.

I hate my in-laws!!!

WOW that is crazy. Are they crazy? Was this out of the ordinary for them or they usually deranged? Where was your husband, what did he have to say?

Try to let it go or send them a nice letter stating as to why you made the decision not to tell them. Maybe you didn't want anyone to talk you out of it.

You know what, you are grown and for them to come and do that they already had underlying issues with you. Good luck in your journey to a healthy, happier you and being a better mother, wife, woman, human being by loving you.

Hi Teresa,

My husband went to Mexico with me & agreed that it was a great place to go. He has lived with his parents & knows they go overboard about a lot of things & is so easy to just push things to the side. He thinks they're a little crazy!!! At the 2 hr. meeting, I explained EVERYTHING to them. I told them I didn't want them to worry about us or to talk us out of it. They didn't care. They just kept saying over & over -"You deceived us & lied."

By the way, my mother-in-law weighs over 400 lbs. You'd think she'd be a little understanding with the weight issue. I think that deep down she doesn't want me to lose weight because it would make her look worse.

Any other Mexico Bandsters have someone get so upset at you having surgery in Mexico?!?

I am sorry you have such nasty in-laws.....I, too, live in the land of idiot in-laws. Next time they bring it up.....I would simply tell them "this has been discussed in our previous TWO hour conversation, thank you very much". IT IS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS.....

I am proud of you and you should be too....everyone here is proud of you......

I suppose that it hasn't occurred to them that if YOU are a "liar & a very dishonest person" then so is their beloved son.... And, of course, you did NOT lie. You told them you were having the surgery near San D and so you did.

I am sorry - they are clearly insane. And you're probably right about MIL being jealous or not wanting to look any worse.

You are doing GREAT! Keep up the good work. One assumes you are doing this for yourself, first, and your immediate family, second. You and they are the only ones that matter.

Take Care!

Oh no, Diane, that was your mistake, thinking she would be really supportive.

You see, this forces her to focus on her weight. You were not even close to her size, yet you "took the easy way out." You didn't have the strength of character to lose weight the "right" way. You were bad, naughty, naughty.

Suddenly your M-I-L has to face up to the fact that she's got a serious problem. No one likes having their shortcomings displayed to the world. I'm not saying that this is waht you had in mind when you got your band, but it might be what she is feeling at some level. (my mother's generally a nut job too...)

Please don't let anyone berate you again for this, and certianly don't subject yourself to an emotional beating again. You deserve much better. Tell you husband that you want an appology from them. If your husband didn't stop them from calling your names, you want an appology from him too. He should have stepped up to the plate, as it were.

I don't know what makes people think they have the right to forgo all sense of manners when they deal with their children or the SO of their child. My mother thinks she has the right to take thinkgs from my hours, like photograps. (my Grandma, her mother, had given me several old family photos. My mother decided that she was going to take them and give them to my more deserving jerk-wad younger brother....)

I'm so sorry you are having such troubles with your in-laws. I really am.

diane, i am so sorry you were treated that way . did they help pay for it ? even so that doesnt give them the right. once again i am so sorry all you can do is pray for them. sandie

Don't you just want to tell them to "stick it"! I'm not gonna suggest it, but don't you wanna! So sorry you had to go through that. Support means a lot no matter where it comes from, but it means even more when it comes from family. I hope they come around! But if they don't, it's their problem! Sounds like they have issues anyway! We're here for you!! (((((((HUGS))))))) And I'm proud of you!

Congrats on being banded!! Don't give her the power to dampen your happiness! You took a big step - be proud of yourself-we are!!

Personally,

I'd give my mother-in-laws a plane ticket to Mexico for Christmas and just smile when she opens it.

I bought my mother in law a gift three years ago and have not gotten her one

since. She never used the cemetary plot I bought her.

Sorry you have to go through this. Just keep on losing and smiling and life will get better. Celeste

Grinning from ear to ear here at some of the suggestions given. I also have a whack job of a MIL, and we get along most of the time, but God help that woman - sometimes she can get on my last nerve.

I agree with everyone else to not let his parents ruin your happiness. Focus on your success and how great you feel, and that'll make her even madder. LOL

You're doing a fantastic job, and don't let her bitterness rain on your hip happity parade. *this is the part where you smile wide*

Dear DianeChef,

Don't let negative comments spoil your joy at doing the right thing for yourself, it seems to be human nature to bring a dark cloud to every picnic. Just put up your "umbrella" and shield yourself from the rain. There will be other people to react in a negative manner due to jealousy, envy or just plain mean spirits. The way you described their (your in-laws) reaction to your situation, it sounds like just maybe your mother-in-law might suffer from one or more of these emotions. Is she struggling with excess weight too? That might be a possible explanation but certainly not an excuse for the hurtful way in which you were treated! Please allow yourself to heal and forgive because anger and bottled hurt will act as a daily dose of poisonand serve as a self-defeating illness that you don't deserve. Most of us banders have learned to eat when hurt and now we will learn to heal and to help others as well. I wish the very best to you and I know you will succeed.

Rose in Texas

Diane -- it is a tricky dealing with family. I guess I would try to keep peace for your husbands sake and for the marriage. In the long run hostility never helps anything, regardless of who is right (and clearly you knew the reaction which is why you said San Diego).

I think I'd go with the letter, it won't allow them to dominate the conversation. Tell them that you didn't tell them initially that you were being banded in Mexico because you thought they would worry, and you didn't want that. Explain the price different (maybe in % if you don't want them to know the dollars). And leave it at that.

But don't expect support -- it sounds like they don't have the skills.

And if there is anything (more) that makes me glad to be divorced it's reading things like THIS!!

I was married for 17 years and did my best to make nice to my ML for about a dozen of them. Finally she did somehting that angered me so much I couldn't even talk about it. Believe me, I usually have no problem talking. I just seethed. For weeks. Finally everyone got that I was not going to be conciliatory and they seemed to gain a new respect for me.

If it's at all possible for you--just REFUSE to discuss it--AT ALL. If they bring it up (either MX OR the band) just say "Since you are not going to be supportive, I'd rather we talked about..." and just bring up something else. This is REALLY HARD for some of us to do, but believe me, it works.

Okay, I may get bashed for what I'm about to say, but I feel I have to say this.

I don't know you or your in-laws so I'm not taking sides.

But let's put ourselves in their crazy ass shoes for a moment.

1) They are probably worried. True, you've been to MX and back already but they are dealing with delayed worry. They care about you and I assume you have kids? They are probably worried about the health and well being of their son's wife and the mother of their grandkids.

and

2) They feel like they were left out of a very major decision in your life. I'm sure they don't like the feeling of being excluded. They seem wacky close to your DH and maybe they don't like the idea that you two have things between you that they don't know about. This is *their* problem but they are taking it out on you. But you can understand it's hard for parents to feel left out. I'm sorry you have to suffer their issues.

and

3) I think Vines hit it dead on about your MIL's weight issues. She sees this as now you are going to get healthy and she doesn't want to face facts.

So maybe if you see through their eyes for a moment there can be compassion? I don't condone how they treated you but maybe I can understand at least.

Stay strong. You made this decision for yourself with the added support of your husband. I'd just hate to see this cause a rift between you and your inlaws with your hubby caught in the middle.