I was banded in April, 2008 and have lost about 130 lbs so far (I think I say this in every post- it makes me so happy I want to shout it to the world!). I have between 50 and 60 lbs to go. When I look at myself in the mirror, I’m incredibly happy with what I see. I’m more slender, I have a face with actual bone structure, and my eyes just pop right out (in a good way).

But now that I’m losing weight, I’m concerned. Until very recently, I considered myself wholly unfazed by the way some people (not all people) treated me when I was heavy. Now, however, I’m beginning to second guess myself. It seems, some time while I wasn’t looking I became acidic and cynical. I don’t trust people or care about people or really even want to be around people. I’m not shy or reclusive, but I never allow myself to develop friendships because of an underlying opinion that no-one truly wants to be around me.

I want to fix my attitude. I want to stop being the b**ch that no one wants to be around. I’m pretty sure that my attitude toward people played a big part in why I now have very few friends. What can I do now, before I lose all of my weight, to begin adjusting my attitude and developing a healthier way of viewing others and communicating with people?

Baby steps. By baby steps, I mean it's one word, one sentence, one conversation at a time. It's also the expression on your face and your body language when you're around others. This isn't something that will get fixed overnight but if you make a conscious effort each and every time you are around other people, eventually, it may even become second nature to be pleasant to others.

Plenty of smiles:smile::hurray: ....You can't be Bitchy with a smile on your face!:hurray:

Or can you...hmmmmm:glare:

Have you pinpointed what triggers your withdrawal from others? Do you start out open-minded and then suddenly shut them out, or do you shut people out before you even get a chance to know them? Maybe sitting down and really defining where the disconnect is can help you sort out why you feel that way all of a sudden.

The first part of your message said to me that you had a great self image and lots of confidence that you stopped worrying about what others thought... but then you ended your post sounding more like you are insecure that people don't want to really know you. Something happened in the middle there, and I hope that's where you will find the key to your frustration.

Every day, I try to find a nice thing about each person I come in contact with. Sometimes I compliment them on it, and sometimes I just keep it to myself, but give them a smile. It helps me overcome my sometimes stubborn, "You're in my way or wasting my time" mentality that I sometimes get. (Especially when driving. LOL) It helps make some difficult people seem more human and likable. It gives me a reason to connect with them, and makes me less likely to get frustrated with them. For me, focusing on the positive in others helps bring out the positive in me.

I hope I've helped you a little bit. The world is missing out on your friendship, and I hope you will find the answers you need to let them back in again. Take care!

Hey there!

My suggestion is God and prayer. With God all things are possible. Once you have him you have such joy you really can't be a wench. ( well- maybe once a month) Congrats on your weight loss!!! I have lost 42 and it just makes such a change!! I love it. You are awesome!!!

My self-esteem is and always has been very high. Its not that I care what others think, its more that I want to begin to change who I am for the bettrer. I believe in being honest with myself. Honestly, I can be kind of a mean person. I'm not a bad person, just mean and rude and apathetic.

I'm the team lead for a very high profile Help Desk in Dallas and I simply cannot continue to grow in my career or as a person if I continue to act petty and immature.

I am going to take everyone's advice into considation. I've got to do something about my personality flaws so that I can really begin utilizing this new life style to its fullest.

Maybe try to start treating people as you want to be treated. Before saying something acidic or cynical stop and take a deep breath and think about it for a few seconds before just blurting it out. If you are sending emails at work, try to re-read them and see if there is any content that could be misinterpreted.

Finally, learn to let the small stuff go and really pick your battles and if everything is a battle, then that is probably another sign that you are not in the right place.

Best of luck to you and I think it bodes well for you that you are seeking this information and have recognized that this is a growth area for your life. That is half the battle!