I posted this on my blog, but I thought it might be important to share here because I am sure I am not the only one who is experiencing this:

I know I've been raking on DH a bit here, and usually he's a decent guy, but I don't know exactly what's happening here lately. It's either time for a sit-down or to really get this before a counselor to make it a bit more neutral because, frankly, I don't believe he'll see what he's doing.

Since the "coming to Jesus" talk we had (okay, I had with him) a couple weeks ago, on more than one occasion he has made some bizarre comment when I've complimented him after making dinner. I'll say, "Oh, the chicken was good," and he'll reply, "Nah, it's okay. It's just food." The first time I asked what he was talking about and he said he needed to look at food as just sustenance and nothing else. Um, that's NOT what I said. What I said was that he lives to eat and makes everything about the food.

So that's been going on a few times since that day.

Tonight I said that he needs to stop it, to which he replied that he was only being supportive. I said no, what I feel like he's being is mocking, like he really doesn't get this whole thing I'm going through. I said that it's not bad to enjoy what we eat, it's just that he was so consumed with the act of eating that it was wharped. I said that I wished he was as into me as he is into food, and he thought I was being silly. Uh-huh... *eye roll*

Another thing that just started on Friday is that I'm getting a blow-by-blow synopsis of the weight HE has lost by virtually doing nothing. I'm exercising four days a week and eating good meals, every meal, and he's lost over 20 freakin pounds by just not eating all the junk after dinner -- in front of me. And again, he attributes it to "supporting me" -- almost like, "Look how I'm suffering for you because I'm losing weight too." Okay, he's lost almost as much as I have, and now I feel like he's crowing about it (his weight has NEVER been discussed before).

The problem with DH is, even if I try to discuss it with him, he is totally lacking in personality or person skills (read: he's very immature). He is not always good with other people, and he seems to lack the ability to understand anything or anyone beyond the end of his nose. Compassion is virtually nil. As Jennifer Aniston would say, there's a sensitivity chip missing sometimes. So when you explain something to him that he's doing, he only knows how to deny. Comprehension doesn't seem to be his strong suit -- especially when it comes from me, unfortunately.

I always knew he was going to be the hardest part of this journey, but I guess I never realized just how hard. In the past when I was just dieting, he eventually got his way and we'd start back to eating out again, leading to my weight gain. I'm not blaming him, per se, but still -- if I was doing this only own, I'd have done lost it by now, I feel. But now it's as if he's pulling out all the stops. I dunno, maybe I'm just being sensitive or reading more into it than I should, but I'm not even three months into my journey and we've already had waaaay too many conversations over this.

I think that's why I spend so much time on LBT and here -- because these are the places I get support, these are the people that understand what I'm going through. I find it sad that I can get that from people I've never met, yet a man I've known 17 years is either so self-absorbed or so clueless that he doesn't get it.

Ok, you have already been warned once by Laura, this is the last warning. Take the personal fights to pm or I will close this thread.

Get back on topic. If you cannot have a reasonable, respectable conversation without attacking someone, then perhaps it is best to back off.

Thank you.

Thank you for stepping in, I turned the other cheek as much as possible.

Back on topic, I feel the spouse who chose the procedure should accept responsibility for any changes in the family dynamic. I think to blame the DH is just an excuse for failure.

Dan, I believe the OP said she was not experiencing or blaming her spouse for any failure. She was simply stating she would like him to be a little more supportive of her by understanding what she can and cannot handle in her life at this time. She has not asked him to change his lifestyle, she is simply requesting that he understand and support her in what she must do right now to lose weight. I don't see where she was "blaming" him for anything.

Oh, I don't see that at all! The starting post described her "raking DH" her description

eeegads . . . I just realized that this thread is in general lapband support and not rants and raves.

I have no idea what the newbies might be thinking as they read this thread, but this is definitely not par for the course of the usual LBT support threads.

I have no idea what the newbies might be thinking as they read this thread, but this is definitely not par for the course of the usual LBT support threads.

Well, I'm a newbie and I'm enjoying it!

It's not as if anyone here is knocking the band and how it works/doesn't work. Those are the threads that worry the newbies (in my experience).

This is just a good old fashioned scrap :scared2:

I thought it was quite enjoyable!! sorry :-( towards the end it was sort of flirty almost.. hee hee. like in those old movies where they hate each other, but then they fall inlove and get together!! :-)

I thought it was quite enjoyable!! sorry :-( towards the end it was sort of flirty almost.. hee hee. like in those old movies where they hate each other, but then they fall inlove and get together!! :-)

Who, me and devil Dan? Yeah, um... NO. :thumbup:

:thumbup:

I thought it was quite enjoyable!! sorry :-( towards the end it was sort of flirty almost.. hee hee. like in those old movies where they hate each other, but then they fall inlove and get together!! :-)

I think Beth does dig me. She never will admit it of course ^see above^ I think we should be lap band buddies, PM me for my email Beth and we'll be BFF

Edited February 17, 200917 yr by El Diablo

You hit the nail on the head when you said you are not at your sweet spot. My DH is a chef so his life revolves around food. We bonded over food from the beginning of our relationship. Luckily he puts my needs first and is willing to bend in quite a bit of areas. Now that I am finally (6 months out) at my sweet spot, I am no longer bothered about his love affair with food.

I hear in your tone a real fear of this not working, probably because nothing has worked before. I am sure this translate to stress. Remember you can do this. Your determination is obvious.

Remind you husband it will not be like this forever, compromise like the previous poster suggested, and find some not food activities you guys enjoy so that you can bond again.

You hit the nail on the head when you said you are not at your sweet spot. My DH is a chef so his life revolves around food. We bonded over food from the beginning of our relationship. Luckily he puts my needs first and is willing to bend in quite a bit of areas. Now that I am finally (6 months out) at my sweet spot, I am no longer bothered about his love affair with food.

I hear in your tone a real fear of this not working, probably because nothing has worked before. I am sure this translate to stress. Remember you can do this. Your determination is obvious.

Remind you husband it will not be like this forever, compromise like the previous poster suggested, and find some not food activities you guys enjoy so that you can bond again.

Saying it sounds like fear and stress due to that fear is fair. More than fair, actually, specifically because that has been my downfall in the past. I know my weaknesses, and I think because, for me, this surgery is a last chance, I get scared that I will fail myself again.

It's like if you are doing your best to walk a straight line, you don't need your SO to throw boulders in your path. It doesn't mean I'm still not responsible for walking that straight line, but somebody who loves you should not be tossing the boulders. It's a two-pronged issue.

I did take him out for dinner for Valentine's, but I went to a seafood place that we had never been to before. I made good choices (lost 1.5 pounds right afterward), and the portions were small by restaurant standards, which was just enough for me.

I think maybe soon I could go for us going out every other Saturday or something -- so long as we don't repeat what we have always done in the past.

I think Beth does dig me. She never will admit it of course ^see above^ I think we should be lap band buddies, PM me for my email Beth and we'll be BFF

Can someone PM me? I think it's broken, yeah it must be broken. My PM system is defective. To anyone (Beth) who may have sent me a PM while my PM system was down, please resend, waiting, waiting, waiting....