I posted this on my blog, but I thought it might be important to share here because I am sure I am not the only one who is experiencing this:

I know I've been raking on DH a bit here, and usually he's a decent guy, but I don't know exactly what's happening here lately. It's either time for a sit-down or to really get this before a counselor to make it a bit more neutral because, frankly, I don't believe he'll see what he's doing.

Since the "coming to Jesus" talk we had (okay, I had with him) a couple weeks ago, on more than one occasion he has made some bizarre comment when I've complimented him after making dinner. I'll say, "Oh, the chicken was good," and he'll reply, "Nah, it's okay. It's just food." The first time I asked what he was talking about and he said he needed to look at food as just sustenance and nothing else. Um, that's NOT what I said. What I said was that he lives to eat and makes everything about the food.

So that's been going on a few times since that day.

Tonight I said that he needs to stop it, to which he replied that he was only being supportive. I said no, what I feel like he's being is mocking, like he really doesn't get this whole thing I'm going through. I said that it's not bad to enjoy what we eat, it's just that he was so consumed with the act of eating that it was wharped. I said that I wished he was as into me as he is into food, and he thought I was being silly. Uh-huh... *eye roll*

Another thing that just started on Friday is that I'm getting a blow-by-blow synopsis of the weight HE has lost by virtually doing nothing. I'm exercising four days a week and eating good meals, every meal, and he's lost over 20 freakin pounds by just not eating all the junk after dinner -- in front of me. And again, he attributes it to "supporting me" -- almost like, "Look how I'm suffering for you because I'm losing weight too." Okay, he's lost almost as much as I have, and now I feel like he's crowing about it (his weight has NEVER been discussed before).

The problem with DH is, even if I try to discuss it with him, he is totally lacking in personality or person skills (read: he's very immature). He is not always good with other people, and he seems to lack the ability to understand anything or anyone beyond the end of his nose. Compassion is virtually nil. As Jennifer Aniston would say, there's a sensitivity chip missing sometimes. So when you explain something to him that he's doing, he only knows how to deny. Comprehension doesn't seem to be his strong suit -- especially when it comes from me, unfortunately.

I always knew he was going to be the hardest part of this journey, but I guess I never realized just how hard. In the past when I was just dieting, he eventually got his way and we'd start back to eating out again, leading to my weight gain. I'm not blaming him, per se, but still -- if I was doing this only own, I'd have done lost it by now, I feel. But now it's as if he's pulling out all the stops. I dunno, maybe I'm just being sensitive or reading more into it than I should, but I'm not even three months into my journey and we've already had waaaay too many conversations over this.

I think that's why I spend so much time on LBT and here -- because these are the places I get support, these are the people that understand what I'm going through. I find it sad that I can get that from people I've never met, yet a man I've known 17 years is either so self-absorbed or so clueless that he doesn't get it.

You'll get there............

Take the best of what you've heard here on this post and ignore the rest. You know what works (and doesn't) for you.

I think for me right now, the issue is I am not at my sweet spot and am still working a lot on willpower. Like right now, I'm starving. I ate breakfast, but I'm starving. When the time comes (and sinks in) that my stoma is thisbig and can only hold thismuch, I know it will eventually be a matter that I CAN'T overdo it too badly. But right now, it's sheer willpower and no restriction, which makes it harder for me at this phase.

This is definitely the hardest part of the journey - working your way to your sweet spot, still starving, but having to do it on willpower.

I found when I was in the stage - my husband and son started avoiding me and the last thing on earth they wanted to talk about was food, diet or anything related. If I was upstairs, they were down and vice versa.

When I realized what was happening, I asked them about it and discovered I was frustrated, struggling, moody and being a real b*tch to everyone. My husband said it is hard to be extra supportive to a hormonal, raging, hungry women on permanent PMS. I could have written threads on why he wasn't being supportive and given examples that people would have said he is terrible . . . but the other side of the coin was that I was being unbearable.

Anyways, all I am saying is that I played a role in the support I received in the early days, lol. I am not saying you are moody, but I was definitely moody.

Later it gets easier, you aren't hungry, you and your dh establish roles and patterns and you just learn to live with it. In the early days, following the plan and needing support take up almost every thought that used to be occupied by food, (in my case that was a lot of time, lol). Afterwards, life takes over and your need for support diminishes. As long as you establish good habits and do the occasional recheck to stay on plan . . . it's all good and not too difficult.

This is definitely the hardest part of the journey - working your way to your sweet spot, still starving, but having to do it on willpower.

I found when I was in the stage - my husband and son started avoiding me and the last thing on earth they wanted to talk about was food, diet or anything related. If I was upstairs, they were down and vice versa.

When I realized what was happening, I asked them about it and discovered I was frustrated, struggling, moody and being a real b*tch to everyone. My husband said it is hard to be extra supportive to a hormonal, raging, hungry women on permanent PMS. I could have written threads on why he wasn't being supportive and given examples that people would have said he is terrible . . . but the other side of the coin was that I was being unbearable.

Anyways, all I am saying is that I played a role in the support I received in the early days, lol. I am not saying you are moody, but I was definitely moody.

Later it gets easier, you aren't hungry, you and your dh establish roles and patterns and you just learn to live with it. In the early days, following the plan and needing support take up almost every thought that used to be occupied by food, (in my case that was a lot of time, lol). Afterwards, life takes over and your need for support diminishes. As long as you establish good habits and do the occasional recheck to stay on plan . . . it's all good and not too difficult.

Good way to put it. I have been VERY careful not to let my hunger make me moody or lash out. I am very moody today (starting last night), but it has nothing to do with food/hunger/dieting.

Even during my pre-op and other liquid phases, I said I would NOT complain, NOT gripe, and NOT lash out because I really, really want this. I felt if I acted nasty about only having liquids that I was telling myself I wasn't worth this little bit of pain.

It doesn't mean I don't feel frustration by some of the challenges I've been faced with that are brought about by others, but I have been holding true to myself and standing my ground. Our foodie friends asked us out for the umpteenth time a couple weekends ago, and though DH had a migraine and didn't go, I finally said yes because I've been saying no so much I didn't want them to think we don't like them (they don't know about my band). I said I would go if I could choose the place, because then I would know ahead of time what I could get and still be safe. And it worked.

So, to clarify, anyone who doesn't agree with you, or join in the husband bashing, or is not yet banded is a; quote, troll, fuckwad, window licking bottle squatter, troglodyte, or stupid, unquote.

Seems the moderators agree with you or it's just acceptable in this forum.

You seem like a lovely and charming lady and your DH clearly should be put to death because it's his fault. Have a nice day:biggrin:

Oh my, quite the thread.

Sounds simplistic... but why not compromise?

Tell him you'll go out to eat with him once a week, and make a list of restaurants that you both like and where you know you can make a reasonable choice, and let him pick which one and who you go with.

He gets the pleasure of dining out with his wife sometimes, which sounds important to him. You're not going out 3 or 4 times a week, facing temptation, and spending big bucks.

Maybe he feels that his needs haven't been completely subjugated to the surgery (which he didn't have!) and gets more cooperative.

Attack the ideas, not the person ya'll! And attack is so harsh, how about 'gently nudge' the idea?

K, thanks!

Back on topic before I get my ruler...

No worries, I'm ignoring the troll.

So, to clarify, anyone who doesn't agree with you, or join in the husband bashing, or is not yet banded is a; quote, troll, fuckwad, window licking bottle squatter, troglodyte, or stupid, unquote.

Seems the moderators agree with you or it's just acceptable in this forum.

You seem like a lovely and charming lady and your DH clearly should be put to death because it's his fault. Have a nice day:biggrin:

Until you've been called a "feck'n whinger" here you can't join my club!:crying: And by the way what is a "window licking bottle squatter"?

No worries, I'm ignoring the troll.

No worries, I'm ignoring those who are "finding themselves" and have switched sides, not that there's anything wrong with that. Just accept responsibility instead of blaming DH and men in general. Ultimately it's your fat little fingers that stuff the danish down your throat, not his.

Edited February 12, 200917 yr by El Diablo

No worries, I'm ignoring those who are "finding themselves" and have switched sides, not that there's anything wrong with that. Just accept responsibility instead of blaming DH and men in general. Ultimately it's your fat little fingers that stuff the danish down your throat, not his.

Wow, you are a piece of work. I never said I hate men, YOU did. I never said I blame DH, YOU did. I never said I don't accept responsibility, YOU did.

You sound like a woman hater who is just bound and determined to make a dick of yourself, and you succeed mightily. Were you born that way or do you practice in the mirror daily?

Fucking troll... blow up your boyfriend and tell it to him.

Edited February 12, 200917 yr by BethFromVA

So, you aren't going to ignore me? :laugh::mad2::lol::crying:

Until you've been called a "feck'n whinger" here you can't join my club!:crying: And by the way what is a "window licking bottle squatter"?

It's the fat little doughboy who seems to have nothing else in his life to do other than live the life of pond scum. Oh, and he puts up pictures of his mama too. No wonder he's single. *shudder*

I think your analogy to alcoholics is close to the issue. He's probably reacting to the fear of how his life will change because of your lap band. He needs to learn how to adjust, eventually he'll realize that you can still go out to dinner and he can normally even though you will eat differently. He may feel "pressured" into dieting with you, but if he doesn't want to diet, he'll go back to his old eating patterns soon enough.

Look at the bright side, if he's loosing weight, your band has worked for both of you. Would he have the initiative to loose weight if not for your decision?

Stay positive and give time for him to see that you're only changing your own eating patterns, and I bet he'll calm down soon. i.e. ignore negative comments for a little while and hopefully he'll tire of making them. If that don't work... good luck.

So, you aren't going to ignore me? :laugh::mad2::lol::crying:

What is your problem? Seriously? You really should be on meds because you have a major MAJOR mental issue.

woot woot, ignore me!