Ok so I am not one to feel the need to be the center of attention. I enjoy making people laugh and smile but I don't have to be the focus. So the family gathered at my sisters house which is 3hrs away. I had my surgery Sept 30th. I had seen my parents about 1 week after my surgery (my parents only live about 25miles from me) since then I have been in suclusion so to speak. I worked Thanksgiving so I missed that gathering. So Christmas day I was excited could not wait for everyone to see me. Mom, Dad, my sisters the whole family. When everyone arrived NOT ONE person looked at me and said "wow, you look good" you loook great" NOTHING. NOTHING WAS MENTIONED. Short of me almost in tears I mentioned it to my family I said Do you all not see I look different. Yeah we see.. but otherwise nothing. I really felt let down so to speak. I was not expecting a grand entrance but a little something from my family. A double take, a pat on the back.. I know this seems shallow but I was really hoping they would see changes that my coworkers see and tell me. Maybe this is one of the many reasons I got to the size I did. Being the middle child and looking for validation that I never seem to get. Nope that is not it.. I just ate to much. Maybe next year I'll get that moment I was wanting/wishing/waiting hoping for. Thanks for listening.

Maranda:blush:

So Christmas day I was excited could not wait for everyone to see me. Mom, Dad, my sisters the whole family. When everyone arrived NOT ONE person looked at me and said "wow, you look good" you loook great" NOTHING. NOTHING WAS MENTIONED.

Maranda:blush:

WLS makes the people around us VERY uncomfortable - for different reasons - which have already been addressed by other posters. Validation feels great - but it's not the measure of your success. Only YOU know if/when/how you're succeeding. What I've experienced is that people who don't know I'm banded go out of there way to offer praise. But many of those who know I've been banded (mostly family) won't say a peep. Some think WLS is stupid and dangerous - some think it's cheating - some are jealous - some just don't know if you want to talk about it, especially in front of others. Be proud of the compliments you get, but cherish the ones that are given from yourself.

I feel like the lap band it helping me cheat, and that I am not really loosing it on my own. I know this is crazy, but I can't help feeling this way.

If you've only been banded a very short time - it can feel this way. But as you progress, the "easy" weight loss will be gone and you will have to work your a$$ off to keep the scale going in the right direction. Trust me - you'll lose that attitude.

Both of my good friends started weight watchers while I was preparing to do my surgery, neither of them more than about 20lbs over weight. And they have both done great losing weight and meet their goals. They constantly praise one another, share recipes and talk about what they are doing that works. But if I chime in it's like the conversation completely dies. I feel like they are looking at me like I am cheating.

They may be jealous or perhaps just uneducated about the band. They have more in common with their weight loss plan than you do. If one of them were banded it would be a whole different conversation. But I know a lot people, especially those on traditional weight loss plans, look at WLS as cheating. If they only knew....

Brad

Thank you Brad for the insight. I don't know if it makes them uneasy or what is the case. I also know it is so much easier said than done about finding validation within myself. That just seems to me being self centered and concited. But then again hoping for validation and compliments is also self-centered and concieted. I just want my famly to be proud of me. Yes I did this to get healthy and for me only. I guess I have issues I should look into more. Like 1. Why do I feel I need the validation?... hmm things to ponder.

Maranda

Maranda, I just wanted to give you a hug. Validation from family members can feel SO important, especially if you have been the "big person" in the family for a long time. I wonder sometimes if we subconsciously think we will be more lovable after some of the weight comes off, or less invisible somehow, and so we are looking hard for the signs of that happening...and when it doesn't, it just crushes us.

It is not conceited to value your own opinion. It is healthy and an important part of this journey I think. We are rebuilding our self esteem as we rebuild healthier bodies. We are learning that we do deserve good things in life and as that happens, those who are used to us being a certain way in both behavior and physical form are probably going to be forced to re-evaluate something about themselves and our place in their lives. People often identify themselves by those around them...and when those around them change, nothing quite feels the same.

You are doing fantastic. Don't worry. Continue on the path you are on, and they will have no choice but to notice. Whether or not they comment really isn't the issue. There is no way to gain or lose 25-30+ pounds and more without it being noticable.

I have a lot of guy friends and once we were all out in a group and a female friend of mine was there. She had not been around in over a year and had lost a lot of weight. When she went to the restroom, all the guys asked me, as soon as she was out of earshot, if it was OKAY to mention how good she looked, etc. I think some people really do not know how to handle it. I did not even tell my family I was getting banded- they are all thin and very hard on me about my weight. I can't wait to see how they react in 6 months! I can tell you- I would be just as upset as you if they ignore my loss!!!

Sign in here whenever you feel alone!!!

~Stephanie

I think you've all done wonderfully well... from 10 lbs all the way up to 100 lbs each pound takes a lot of sweat and focus to take off. My thoughts are that people are mostly self-obsessed. Those of us who are bigger are interested in whether someone is gaining or losing weight... but at least my skinny friends/family or my 'fat but don't care' friends/family are so into what's going on in their lives and their heads that they often either don't notice, or can't be bothered to comment on someone else's weight loss. Also, they tend to have a picture in their head of what you look like - and unless it's DRAMATICALLY different... you just look the same to them.

For what it's worth, pat yourself on the back for the effort you've put in and the success that you're achieving. I tell myself that i'm a good girl every time I get off the treadmill - although I stopped being a girl a long time ago - it just makes me feel better.... a bit proud of myself.

good luck and keep on moving.

s

You GO Maranda!! You are not being shallow at all. Some people we will never be able to figure out. It's funny but I have found that some of the same people that will not recognize or acknowledge your weight loss were the same ones that didn't have a problem telling you that you REALLY should do something about your weight when we were FAT.

Ditto for me!

My co-workers have noticed the weight loss and have stated so (they do not know I have the band). However, I spent Christmas with my entire famliy and no one said anything, which I was cool with. My family does not know I had the surgery (only my sister), so I did not want to get into a weight loss discussion.

I have lost 30 pounds thus far and cannot wait to see what my loss will be next Christmas. :wink_smile:

I feel your pain. I have had it both ways, when I went to my families xmas party everyone told me how great i looked and made me feel almost weird from all the attenion i was getting. but at my wifes family xmas party only one person steped up and asked me about how i did it and told me i was looking good. Now maybe because i live near my wifes family and they see me more maybe the weight change isnt that big of a thing because they see me a lot but I my family only see's me once a month, so the change is bigger for them because the see 15 to 20 lbs down at a time. I try not get too upset about it because even I dont see a big change in me sometimes.