Hey all,

I have some bad news. I am admitting myself to a mental hospital and won't be able to be around for some time. The reason is, is because I've been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and have been having panic attacks all month.

I'll make this story somewhat short, so bear with me. I was home schooled all my life, until I begged my parents, to let me join a regular high school. Freshman year was okay, but my sophomore year was hell. I was stalked, sent death threats, was in verbal and physical fights with three girls from this school. Not only that, but the school administration told me it was my fault. The reason these girls picked on me? I was talking to guys and they said that I shouldn't even look at guys because

a) I was fat,

I was ugly

and c) the guys I hang out with are just humoring me because they feel sorry for me.

I couldn't take it anymore and I was seriously thinking of suicide. My parents pulled me out, but damage was done; I had severe (now upgraded to chronic) depression, general anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder.

This was a little more than four years ago and I'm still feeling the aftershocks. This year however, I enrolled in a community college and was a full time student. But as the days and weeks went on, I started having panic attacks and deepening depression. I keep thinking that everyone hates me and wants me to go. I really want to do well in my classes, but I can't concentrate and I just feel so...lost, confused and angry and hurt.

I'm thinking of death and how wonderful the world would be without me. I just want to disappear and the world can move on. These thoughts are what prompted me to get help. I need to get better and not let these thoughts invade my mind anymore.

I just ask that you think of me so I can get better. I'll be around tonight anwsering some questions on other boards (like, mineral make up:tongue2:).

God bless and I wish everyone well,

Katie AKA JoeyRamonesGirl

Hey, Katie, do what ya gotta do to stay healthy. I would tell you that the world would not be better off without you....but you're a smart girl and I think on an intellectual level that you already know that, despite what your anxiety disorder is wispering in your ear.

So, go......feel better and come back to us when you're ready. I don't get to chat with too many 19 y/o's, so if nothing else, check in from time to time and humor a pathetic old fart like me, mmmmm ' kay?

Katie,

I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time right now. I'm VERY glad that you recognize that you need help and are taking steps to get that help. Good for you!!

Lots of prayers and hugs are headed your way. Hang in there and get better. Take care and come back as soon as you can!

Katie, my heart goes out to you! What is important is that you have recognized those feelings and are seeking the help you need. When you are ready, we will all be here for you waiting to help you continue on your journey.

Katie...good for you for being proactive and doing what you need to do for yourself. At least you recognize what is going on and are able to name it. Take care, sweet girl, and all the best.

I am sorry to hear that you have been going through bad times. High school has been a hellish experience for many of us. It seems that if you are the least bit different from the herd you will be tormented by bullies. My own high school days were lousy but I sure do enjoy my life as an adult! I trust that you will be getting the help you need and that you will soon be feeling better.

Katie, go get the help you need, but keep in mind, there is a whole group of people here who will be thinking of you, and sending good thoughts ans prayers your way!!! Please check in and let us know how you are doing.

As has been said, High School, and things that happen there can be seriously traumatic, but with getting help, and growing further away from that age....will change your perspective a lot I think!!!

Hang in there, the world would NOT be a better place. So glad you have the strength to take care of this in this way. Good Luck to you!

Kat

Hey all,

Thanks for all the encouraging posts and private messages I've received over these past two weeks. It made me cry for the all outpouring of support I got. Thank you! *HUGS*

I'm back. I just popped in to give you guys an update: I didn't go to the mental hospital like I wanted, but I went into an Intensive Outpatient Program (a day psyche war if you will) and I'll probably be there for a couple of months. I'm trying not to go on the computer as much because I believe that holds a lot of reasons why I'm depressed: bored, anxious, tired (and more. It's not just the computer either. It's sleeping, reading and non-social activities).

For me, I'm still recovering and I just want to be mentally healthy. I'm still trying to take it one day at a time.

Hope everyone is okay and love ya lots!

Katie (AKA JRG)

Good luck hun. I wish you lots of luck with getting into a better state of mind. I understand you completely and hope you can join us again on here soon. Love you.

I'm so GLAD you checked in to let us know how you're doing! I've been wondering how you are.

And Katie, take all the time you need. We're not going anywhere!

Lots of hugs and prayers still coming!!

Do what you have to, use the supports that are available, and take care.

We will still be here when you are!