I am on the verge of a divorce and I wanted to find out if anyone else has been divorced after being banded? Please tell me your story.

I may eventually, but it has nothing to do with my band. I recently found out that my wonderful husband has cheated on me (more than once) during our marriage of ten years. I'm crushed but we are both currently trying to save our marriage but there are not promises made to him. It's a very difficult time and I'm trying to hang on. I'm sorry that you are going through what you are going through...Hugs to you.

I love my husband like a brother but nothing more than that. That is why it is so hard on me. Now that I am feeling better about myself I day dream of meeting someone I am more compatible with in a sexual way, connected way. He is also emotionally abusive to the children so that is another subject. We are going to go to marriage couseling again. We have just about done everything, This is the second time in 3 years for couseling.

I am in the middle of my divorce, my husband was 5 years younger than me but he was very bad about not wanting me to lose weight he seems to like chubby women which is okay but I wasnt chubby anymore so after I lost most of my weight I kicked him to the curb and then 7 months later I got my plastic surgery. The best thing I could of done.

Good for you. I told my husband that I have changed now that I am thinner and he said I haven't changed at all. What does it mean when you no longer like the same things, feel better about yourself and are no longer attracted to your husband? BTW this has been going on for about 4 years. My transition started way before being banded.

Mine did to but after I started lossing weight it was getting worse because he has self esteem issues. I am so happy by myself.

In January I found out about my husband cheating on me...physically with one person, and emotionally with another. Neither of us has filed, and we are "working" on reconciliation and staying together, but I honestly don't know where we will end up. I think he also has self-esteem issues and I'm only about 1/3 of the way with my weight loss, but he talks about how will I act when I lose all the weight.

It's a hard time, and I know nothing we say can really comfort, but know you are not alone and we're here to help you and talk with you if you need it.

Sorry to hear about the infidelity. It can be overcome so be patient. My husband told me this a.m. that you don't change when you lose weight. My physical attraction to him has definitely changed that is for sure. I daydream about finding someone healthier that can live my lifestyle with me. I dream of better sex and everything. I haven't been in love with him in probably 5 years.

My husband told me this a.m. that you don't change when you lose weight.

So he's trying to tell you how to feel/how you do feel? Sounds like he didn't get much from the counseling you did. :tongue_smilie:

I'm a mother of 4 kids, 3 from my second husband. We've been separated for about 6 months now. Ever since he left me he's been trying to get back with me, but I've said no all this time. I don't blame him 100% of leaving me, it's my fault too. I was always in a bad mood, didn't wanted to go out anywhere. And all of this because of my overweight. so he got tired and left me. I do want to get back with him but I don't know if I want to do it now or wait till I loose more weight. He's a good father, he's good looking. I just don't think I'm ready for him right now. I want to look and feel better about myself. I still love him but I don't want to be like I was before with him. I want to be a more active and attractive person so he'll be happy with me.

My overweight has made me an unhappy person all my life.

Juliegeraci, is he overweight himself?

Not that it is right or anything and I am not here to defend myself but I had an affair 3 years ago my husband is aware of. He quickly lost about 70 lbs. Since then he has gained most of it back now that he thinks things are okay. I stopped smoking, I have lost weight and I am stopping all alcohol to lose the last 20. I am not in love with him and that is the problem. He is such a great friend that it tares me up inside. I hope I can make it through this okay. I got a new counselor for the both of us. Wish me luck.

Julie, I think I could have written your post myself. Though my DH & I are not in any counseling at the moment and he currently has no idea how I'm feeling. I just don't know how to break his heart by telling him I'm just not attracted to him and never really was. He was just the "safe guy" after a string of bad relationships.

To make things worse we have a wonderful son who will be turning 5 soon and I can't bring myself to put him through the trauma of divorce just because I don't have the "hots" form my DH. Still it is hard not to long to experience feeling a mutual sexual desire with someone. The more I lose weight and regain my lost self confidences the harder it is becoming to live without those feelings.

Don't get me wrong I don't think all marriages should have some eternal sexual spark if they did I think the divorce rate would be over 90%. Still I'd like a spark to make an appearance just once in a while as opposed to the never that I've had with my DH, not even when we were dating.

Ghost, thank you for the post. It is so good that I am not alone in my feelings. I have only had sexual chemistry 3 times in my life. Once with my high school sweetheart. Another with a man I dated who was separated from his wife and my affair a few years ago. I really miss that connection. I have tried everything to bring a spark into my life with Paul. I have tried therapy, marriage encounters, weekends away, etc. I really miss that part of my life. I hope with my new life and therapy I can reach some decisions. Paul is one of my dearest friends and I hate to lose him. They say you can be married to your best friend but its just like kissing a stranger. Weird.

At the psych. evaluation prior to surgery, they ask me alot of questoins about my marriage. When I ask why, they sad they were conducting a study and would I like to be part of it. Turns out that if you were heavy when you married and then lost weight there is a 50% increase in the rate of divorce at the 3 year mark post WLS. I was always heavy, and at the three and 1/2 year mark we are still together, but things are rocky. I can't really blame him, I am the one who has changed. I lost weight, quit smoking, went back to school and the most dramatic change of all is the confidence I have now. He hasn't cheated on me, but he did say sleeping with me was like sleeping with a stranger. I'm sorry you have to go through this and hope you can find yourself in a place where you feel the love you deserve.

Nora - Very interesting. I'm just coming up to the 3 year mark next month myself.

I've always felt I would never cheat on my spouse no matter what, even though I had friends who did and had even understood the whys and hows that had led to it. But neither your comments or my acceptance of my friends infidelities have made it any easier now that I'm on the verge of doing something myself.

Logically I don't want to hurt my husband, son or my overall life situation but emotionally I'm struggling almost minute by minute to keep myself in control. I keep finding myself daydreaming about ways to get out of the house to a club or bar and see if someone might make a pass at me. I've even fantasized about random men I've seen walking down the street or mowing their lawns.

Worse yet there is one guy in particular that I've been feeling a chemistry with the last couple weeks. He is completely the wrong kind of guy for me and I have no illusions of love for him just pure lust. There have been nights I've barely slept just thinking about the possibilities (good and bad) of something happening with him. I actually spent over half of Church last week thinking up ways to get some alone time with him on the chance he would try something and the other half praying and bereting myself to stop thinking such horrible thoughts (especially in the middle of Church!)

What is wrong with me?!!!