Non-scale Defeat

[Madeline's mom 0]

:cry

I asked my husband last night if he was proud of me for loosing 35 pounds! He had the audacity to tell me no! He said he was happy for me to have lost some weight but that I did not accomplish this "own my own"! He said if I had dieted or exercised with out getting banded that he would be proud of me. That really hurt espcially since he is aware that for the last 7 years I have been unable to loose more than 15 pounds by dieting and exercising.

Am I crazy for thinking my husband should be proud of me? Has anyone else ever had this kind of reaction from their spouse?

[Marimaru 7]

Wow... just... wow...

In all honesty, the first thought in my head when I read your post was "what a jacka$$", but I don't know your husband, and he's your husband, so he's probably okay for the most part

I really don't know what I would do in a situation like that. I would think that anyone should be proud of you for losing 35 lbs, not matter HOW you did it. And certainly proud of you for realizing that you can't do it on your own, and getting the tools you need to help you!

Besides... it's not like this thing is easy. I guess some people don't get it, huh?

I'm sure that everyone HERE is definately proud of you!!

[Kimber-lilly 2]

No, you are not unreasonable for expecting your DH to be supportive and kind regarding your weight loss (and woohoo! to you for the minus 35 pounds!). Unfortunately, some people don't "get it" and you can talk till you are blue in the face and they might not ever get it......so it's good you came here for support! Everyone here is great, very helpful and behind you 100%!

You have alot to be proud of and while it doesn't take away the sadness that you feel from your DH's words, know that I am doing a happy dance for you!

xoxoxo

Kimberly

[Madeline's mom 0]

Marimaru and Kimberly- Thanks so much for the kind words- I really appreciate it. I would never say that to anyone muchless someone you are supposed to love and cherish. I guess I don't need to dwell on it because I am proud of myself even if he is not!

[Mita 2]

Happy Happy dancing here for you WOO HOO 35lbs that is an accomplishment.

Sometimes People just do not get the concept that the weight does not magically dissapear with the band it is a work in progress and we can tell you are doing your part.

Congrats:)

[Lu Ann 0]

Well, WE are all proud of you! And, for your husband...most men don't have a clue how hard it is of some of us, they can cut down to 3 meals a day, and lose weight.

Pat yourself on the back, and keep your chin up!! You are doing great.

[the best me 6]

I just don't know what to say either! I would be terribly dissappointed, too. Then I'd be mad, then I'd lose even MORE weight and turn into a real SNOT! That would be really hard for me to let go. I seriously would have a hard time not bringing that up again and again and again...pithy little comments every month or so...for years!!!! until he relented, if ever. Aw man, it's no way to live, really, holding on to his comment. I'm getting so mad just thinking about it!!! Shame on him.

I'm going to ask my hubby and see what he says...I'll post his reply and he better do better than THAT!

Good job on your 35 pound loss. I know you have worked hard for it, and you have every reason to be proud! Humph.

(I'm mad at your hubby.)

[La_madam 20]

I guess I don't need to dwell on it because I am proud of myself even if he is not

You are absolutely right...you do not need any one to validate you. You did not do this for him right? You did it for you

[Kimber-lilly 2]

Living well is the best revenge......

[Guest Washingtonmom]

Have you thought about a counseling session with him so that maybe he could understand what you are going thourgh......I would be so upset... the more wieght I would lose the more upset I would get...Knowing that my spouse felt that way I would be so resentful... I made my husband go to every pre-op appointment and take care of me after surgery so that he would have a clear and personal view of what I had to go through...I was a self pay so I put enough guilt on myself for not doing it "on my own"

but then I think about ALL the money I have spent on diets, books, gyms and I realize I'll be ahead of the game eventually. Besides I am exercising 45 minutes a day and am dieting...It's my out of shape butt on that treadmill everyday. I am the one that goes to parties and watches everyone else eat and drink what they want...the band really just keeps me from binging and having seconds etc.... WE ARE DOING THIS ON OUR OWN!!!!!!!!!!! I am a Dr. Fox patient I need not say more about how restrictive my diet is.....sometimes I dream about food!!!!!!!!!

[DeLarla 22]

There are hundreds of clichés that cover this topic. People are often judgmental by nature, and unless they walk a mile in our moccasins they'll never understand what our obsession with food is like. Next time he changes a tire, tell him he should have done it bare handed like a real man. What kind of weakling needs a crow bar? Geeze, what a wimp.

Does your husband own any tools? The band is just a tool to assist us in losing weight. We are not super humans. Tell him to throw away all his tools before opening his mouth again.

[Madeline's mom 0]

I was a self pay also and you know I think he resents us spending the money on my surgery. I spent months trying to find a surgeon that was qualified as well as reasonable because I did not want to "break us". I have really reduced my eating out and have tried to spend less money but I am quite sure he resents that we had to spend money for me to loose weight.

[La_madam 20]

20 years from mow when you are still alive and enjoying your grandkids and retired together and enjoying life and did not die from obeseity related problems like diabetes, heart attack, or a stroke from high blood pressure, Im sure he will think differently about resenting spending the money to lose weight.

[I'llsucceed 1]

Next time he changes a tire, tell him he should have done it bare handed like a real man. What kind of weakling needs a crow bar? Geeze, what a wimp.

The band is just a tool to assist us in losing weight. We are not super humans. Tell him to throw away all his tools before opening his mouth again.

I TOTALLY SECOND THIS QUOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU ALSO- JOB WELL DONE!!

Sounds like your dh may need an attitude check in the compassion area.

Like someone said earlier some people, that includes family "JUST DON"T GET IT". By the way that includes members of my own family has well.

[vinesqueen 2]

Oh. My. Gawd. I am sooo sorry he said this to you! What an unmitigated jerk!

You have done a kick-ass job so far. It is so very difficult when we need to be able to count on the total support of someone who is supposed to love us unconditionally.

Please, please do not let this be a defeat for you! You may want to find a mariage councelor sooner rather than later, becuase of the high incidence of divorce. (okay, there is a high rate of divorce in almost every segment of the population.) Don't let this fester, I know it would eat away at me.

Yeah, real men don't need jacks to change tires! And they should be able to pull nails with their teeth...

Tool use is one of the characteristics that separate the higher developed beings from lower ones.