At first I was sad, crying; now I'm just plain mad! Bear with me, this story does have to do with my lap band!

I was banded mid-June, my husband is the only one that knows and he has been so supportive. My family is just way to judgmental, and would be watching everything that went into my mouth, asking why I wasn't losing weight faster, saying I took the "easy way out", etc.

My mother is elderly and doesn't drive and needs to be taken to many appointments every week. As a stay-at-home Mom of 2, that job always fell to me, even though I have 3 siblings that have felxible schedules. I or my husband have taken my mother to almost all of her appointments for the past 5 years. Because we have been busy this summer, and I have been helping my husband with his business, I asked my sister to take my mother to a couple of appointments. All week long she said she would, no problem, she had next Wednesday off. Tuesday morning, my phone rings. She just has to talk to me. She wanted to know why I'm not living up to MY responsibility concerning my mother. Now, I do all my mothers bills, shopping, pay the extra if she runs out of money for the month, am her power of attorney and health care proxy. I love my mother, but this can be burdensome sometimes. Anyway, my sister decided that since we were "already in an argument" it was time she got a few other things off her chest. She decided to tell me that I look "disgusting" to her and have completely let myself go weight wise. As I stated, I had lap band surgery last month and have lost 25 pounds, down to 211. I was just starting to feel good about myself and she comes out with this! I have been kind of avoiding her since the surgery because when I went into the hospital for my "ulcer surgery" (that's what we told her and I was home same day) she said "oh please I hope you're not having gastric bypass, that would be ridiculous and stupid". I sad "no", which was true. She never once asked me how I was feeling, or if she could help me out.

After she called me "disgusting" the conversation went down from there. She had found out that after a long and agonizing time we finally decided to try medication for our daughter's ADHD. She is a great kid but has struggled greatly because of her ADHD. We decided on a trial of medication, and we can always stop the meds if we don't like the outcome. My sister proceeded to tell me that ADHD meds meant lazy parenting, and that's probably why I am so disgustingly fat and I just want to drug my child to avoid watching her, to basically make her into a zombie. I was shocked! We agonized over the meds for her and just want to help her be the best she can be! My older daughter is a straight - A student, and to be honest my sister has always acted jelous of that, because her kids aren't, but I always look at all the children as individuals with their own strengths and don't make comparisons. Finally, my sister said that because I hadn't called her in a couple of weeks, it must mean that I am just sitting at home, watching tv and eating. I told her that my life didn't evolve around her, and that I had other things to do and people to do them with. I really think she's losing it!! She said because I didn't have a job outside the home I basically had no life. This coming from a person who has three kids, goes through a boyfriend every few months and makes her older kids babysit so that she can hang out at a local dive bar, and I have no life? I then later find out she's been calling mutual friends and telling them that I called her "crazy", her son "abnormal" (I did mention that he may have adhd to) and that I am no longer welcome in her home or at any family events she holds. I have always been close to all my siblings, but this blew me away! She's also telling people that my other sister and brother refuse to talk to me (not true I talk to them at least twice a week, my brother and husband work together and we are very close.) It seems to be a pattern that she trashes people to make herself look good, she never takes any responsibility for her own actions. She plays people against each other. Did I also mention she thinks she's gods gift to all men (she's thin), which is why she lost her best friend since HS, telling her that because she was looking good (my sister) that she thought her friends husband wanted her?!

Sorry to rant on and on, but with this surgery I've tried to become an all around better person, to learn to forgive, to improve my health and I felt I was succeeding until this!! She made me feel absolutely horrible. I should have known what she was thinking, I lost 75 pounds about 10 years ago, and she said "Thank god you lost some weight, you were looking reallly bad." I gained it all back, so like I said, you know what she's been thinking and saying to people. My other sister and brother both weigh much more then me, I don't dare tell them what she said, I wouldn't want to make them feel bad. But I'm sure she's called them and made me look bad...

Do I turn the other cheek and try to get past this or cut her out of my life for a while? Her two older children are more then just neices to me, she had them when she was 18 and 20 and I watched them most of the time, they even spent entire weekends at my house. I still see them daily as they can and do walk to my house (we live close to each other) and they've remarked that their mother goes into nonsensical rantings toward them all of the time, which other people have witnessed. Could my sister be having some sort of mental problem or is she just mean? What should I do? I just don't want to talk to her anymore, but I feel for her kids and she is my sister. She did tell her oldest to tell me if I apologized for causing 100% of the argument, she would "consider" talking to me. Of course after she's already trashed me around town and has such a bad opinion of me. I really feel deep down this is how she feels, because I am college educated but my husband and I decided I'd stay home and because I am over weight I am a loser. I don't think this opinion will change. Knowing her, as I lose weight she'll probably take credit becasue she gave me "tough love"....

I must have done my first comments wrong because I am getting emails intended for Jeeter. I commented on her post, I guess at the wrong place? and now I'm getting all her emails. I'll try to contact the webmaster and figure this out.

Good Morning Jeter2,

I REALLY empathize with you. I have a younger sister and it sounded like you described her to a tee! What I have done in all of my dealings with her is turned it over to the Lord. Prayed for her mental well being and asked GOD to work in her life. I have distanced myself from her and so has my other sister and brother. We just can't take all the drama in her made up world. We all have full lives with work and other activities and she is home alone, NO friends (seriously, she has fought with anyone who was ever her friend and has no one to talk to anymore). I do feel sorry for her and have talked to my brother-in-law about getting her some medical help but he just puts his head in the sand and sees nothing wrong. (But I know why he works like he does and is only home an hour at night before bed) so he doesn't have to deal with it all. So just do as I have, put it in GOD's hands, distance yourself and live your life for your husband, yourself and your children. LIfe is great once you do this!

Sorry, I'm not Jeeter. I replied to her post the first time I commented and I must have done it in the wrong place. Now I'm getting all of her messages. By the way, I just got called to meet with the surgeon on August 15. I'm 'bout there.

Momffive, when you responded to Jeter, you "subscribed" to the thread. It may seem like they are all writing to you, but I don't think they are. You can unsubscribe and you won't be getting notes about all of the responses, if you prefer.

Jeter, they've said it all. (Family or not, people like that have no place in my life. What they say and how they act says everything about them and nothing about me. Surely everyone who knows her, sees her pattern of lies and trashing people and takes it with the respect such trash deserves.)

Blessings,

Orea

I am so sorry that you have to deal with such ridicule and degrading comments from your sister. She totally seems like she has a mental issue to be so cruel to her own sister., she sounds border abusive to me. sounds like she should get checked out for depression, causes, anger, frustration all types of issues that you have nothing to do with. I would cut her out of your life for now, until she realizes why, and changes her ways toward you, this journey is hard enough, surrounded by loving, caring family and friends, forget the negative people, you are bettering yourself, why dont you tell her you dont need her negative energy in your life, (she might call tough love) she is abusive and needs to be stopped and only you can do that. she plainly is insecure, thin or not, she has issues. keep doing what your doing, this site is so amazing, i am so happy i stumbled on it.

banded 7/29

I'm trying to give her time to think about how hurtful the things she said were, and if she apologizes then maybe I can talk to her civilly. But I don't know. She really pi**** me off. I've spoken to some of her ex-friends and my brother and other sister and they all agree something's just not right w/ the way she acts and treats people. She seems to "go off" on people and then later not understand why they're mad at her (although I made it clear I was not happy). We took her kids camping these last few days and she didn't speak to me when I picked them up and dropped them off, didn't thank us, nothing. My older sister is trying to keep an eye on her, make sure things are ok.

Sorry about your sister troubles. I have 5 sisters and two brothers and sisters are by far the harder to deal with. I apologize for not remembering, but have you been banded? I have a physical appt. with the surgeon on Aug. 15 and I'm stressing. I'm so tired of this body; I'm SOOO not comfortable and I want to feel like the OLD, OLD me. All the thoughts are going through my mind...will I be able to adjust to less food...will I eat right and avoid pain, etc? ...School starts ( for me) on Aug. 19th...wish I could do it today and maybe be on the mend by then. Just thoughts. Thanks for listening.

Wow, she is really sick. She sounds like my sister in-law. We had to cut all ties with her, she just tried to make everyone miserable. We are grown people and do not have to be treated that way. You must refuse to be treated like that as you better yourself. I am not having this surgery just to lose weight, but hopefully to live longer and have a higher quality of life. I won't stand for any emotional bullying. I'll kick ass and take names because I'm fighting for my life. You deserve credit for taking the bold step of getting the help you need. That is strength not weakness. Best of luck in your physical and emotional struggle.

BRAVO, TPB!!! That's the attitude!

Orea

There's a wonderful book you can probably get at your local library titled Boundaries by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It's a lifesaver for people who are in toxic or otherwise damaging relationships, including relatives. It will help you deal with just such a situation.

Hope you find relief soon.

Jan

BRAVO, TPB!!! That's the attitude!

Orea

ok can i just say that you need a new name!!!! everytime i read a post of your i read oreo!!!!!

LOL