OK...here goes nothing. I haven't posted in quite a while because I have been dealing with some real shit at home. A month ago I found out that my husband of almost 10 years has been having an affair for the last year and a half. :mad:That's right...while I was losing weight and looking great, that pig went out seeking an affair and here I was scared of how I would act after I started to get attention from others when I started to look nice. I am hurt:crying:, angry:mad2:, sad :cry_smile:, devastated:cursing:, sick and every other emotion (other than happy). I'm now on Xanax for my anxiety and I am completely obsessed with this crap. How can someone go out seeking an affair when they have a wife and two beautiful children? Do people care anymore? Do vows mean anything? What the hell is wrong with people? Of course now all of a sudden he wants the marriage to work. Well damn...you should have thought about that before porking the skank!!!! I want to freaken scream. I want to hurt them both. How the hell do people get on after things like this happen to them? Is it possible? We are in counseling, but should I even bother? Will he do it again? What about my kids? Damn...I need some serious help. This really sucks. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of the chest pains and the anxiety. I want a fairy tale ended but unfortunately my marriage will NEVER be the same. I can never look at him the same way again. Do I give up and start my life over with my boys? Can someone wake me up from this horribe nightmare????? Why me? In the last year I have gone from a size 22/24 to a size 10/12 and I have lost 106 pounds. I thought that my husband was proud of me and thought that I was looking good...guess not, huh? Joke's on me!!!

:confused: Congratulations hun! xoxoxoxo

WHOOT:w00t: WHOOT:w00t: PARTAY!:Dancing_biggrin: Congrats on the divorce.

Congrats Tina. Love the license plate idea! ha ha

Hope your party was a blast!

Suzanne

So....here I go again...it's been a long time since I have posted and MUCH has happened (again).

Well...the honeymoon is definitely OVER with the bf. He turned out to be very controlling and I was not going to have that in my life so I broke it off. Well...he wanted no parts of breaking it off and he went NUTS. He threatened me, called me a whore and an alcoholic. He said that he has pictures and he's calling my ex-husband and he'll make sure that I never see my kids again...says that these "pictures" show me drunk and that he will prove to my ex-husband that I'm an unfit mother. I'm sitting at work right now crying and wondering how did I get my life to turn out like this? Am I that bad of a person?

So...there's more...a couple of months ago I took out a personal loan so he could get a vehicle because his credit is horrible and he wrecked his car on the ice and he didn't have money for another one. Looks like I won't see that money, huh? I did have him sign a promisory note but we'll see how that works out. He has the keys to my house and the garage door opener. I'm actually scared to go home from work...how did this happen?

Well friends...I sure could use some good vibes to be sent to me right now...I NEED them badly!

Call a police officer to do a civil standby while you meet a locksmith at your house to change your locks. The code to th garage door opener should be easy enough to change---ours is a 3 step procedure---holding the clicker part next to the unit in the garage---simple.

Tell the police officer WHY you need a civil stand by, that he has threatened you---they can make a report on that. Then you have documentation, so if he comes banging on the door at 2 AM---he will not simply walk away.

As for his threats with your Ex----the judge will decide any of that in the future---so any documentation you have of him being unreasonable, will play against anything he would have to say anyway.

Call the police, and secure your home is your first step. Sitting and crying is not getting you anywhere---and he will still have those keys when you are home with your boys tonight. Get the locks changed---and if you feel you need it---keep protection nearby.

Good Luck.

I'm at work right now and have no way home to change the locks. My dad is home and he lives right next door so he knows to look out. My boys are not with me this weekend...they are with their dad. I probably will not go home all weekend.

The alarm is set at my house so if he does happen to get in, he can't turn it off and if he does remember the code to the alarm, he doesn't know the password nor is he on the list of people to contact so when he says who he is (if he were to answer the phone when the alarm company called), the police would still go there because he's not authorized.

I just can't believe all of this...after the converstaion on the phone this morning I am still getting text messages from him. I have not blocked his number from my phone because I need these messages as evidence...he has gone nuts. I have told numerous friends and family what is going on too so that everyone is aware. I have some friends that are police officers so I may have one of them escort me to my house. All of this is just so damn crazy to me...he cracked like a whip.

I'm at work right now and have no way home to change the locks. My dad is home and he lives right next door so he knows to look out. My boys are not with me this weekend...they are with their dad. I probably will not go home all weekend.

The alarm is set at my house so if he does happen to get in, he can't turn it off and if he does remember the code to the alarm, he doesn't know the password nor is he on the list of people to contact so when he says who he is (if he were to answer the phone when the alarm company called), the police would still go there because he's not authorized.

I just can't believe all of this...after the converstaion on the phone this morning I am still getting text messages from him. I have not blocked his number from my phone because I need these messages as evidence...he has gone nuts. I have told numerous friends and family what is going on too so that everyone is aware. I have some friends that are police officers so I may have one of them escort me to my house. All of this is just so damn crazy to me...he cracked like a whip.

Kat is right. Call a locksmith and see if they can meet you after work or set up an appt for tomorrow or ASAP. Stay with your dad or a friend until this is done and file a restraining order immediately. The safety of you and your children is too important for this to go on. Be careful and be proactive.

You are NOT a bad mother you are a woman going through a major transition in her life... he is a desperate, pathetic man who is trying to control you with scare tactics. Don't let him! You are in control of your life, change the locks and reprogram your garage controller as recommended and get a restraint order. Trust me, I know what you are going through once he figures out he can't scare you into submission he'll back off!

Hang in there, Tina. Lots of hugs and prayers. Be safe!!!

If you dont trust your SO....get out.

I totally understand the whole "it came out of nowhere" thing. No actually I don't, there was a sign, you know there was, dont deny it, just admit you were an idiot!

Honestly people come on, you listen to their voicemail? check their txts? Call them to to see if they are where they said they would be? virtually stalk their facebook/myspace friends? Set up fake accounts so you can "catch them". Youre not only pathetic...but youre proving it!

Ya'lll take a a simple comment like "i had fun last night!" and turn it into some big scandal.

Youve reached psycho territory, and when you go there...no one wants you. NO ONE!

On another note, if anyone has been threatened, and I do mean ANYONE not just the OP....go to the police, if you dont? Youre setting yourself up and have noone to blame but the person in the mirror.

Betrayalsucks ass...but not when it comes from a BF or GF. If thats all you have...find some friends [preferably ones who WONT kiss your ass] and start living an actual life.

Edited July 11, 201016 yr by MsMackieLee

I agree that in hindsight, she may see "signs" of things to come, as she moves away from teh situation.

Many years ago, I found myself in a terribly abusive relationship. I was blind to it. Were there signs? YES flashing neon signs. But I had never been exposed to abuse in any fashion, I had no idea I was seeing that! Was I naive? Without a doubt! Was I stupid? Not in my opinion. I was totally out of my element! It was like dumping me in a foreign country and expecting me to speak the language and know the customs. But same as if someone did that, full immersion in that life, and I learned quickly!

Much like the OP, my first husband was unfaithful. That too was something new in my life. My grandparents had both been married over 50 years, my parents have too now---divorce was foreign. I had a story book raising. So when the abuser come in my life, and WANTED to be with me 24/7, or showed a higher than normal interest in my whereabouts---I did not see it as a warning, I saw it that he loved me, where my ex, was out with others, this man wanted only to be with me. I played right into it. But not because I was stupid. Needy, and Naive, without question.

I did not make the same mistake twice---I made totally new ones!! And I barely lived to tell about it. He went to prison for my attempted muder!

Yes many people are not trusting, and it does lead to issues. But blaming the victim in most situations, just makes a hard situation harder.

You refer to the line "I had fun last night" and turning it intomore than a simple statement. But in the same post insist there were signs. Relationships and life don't come with detailed instructions on how to tell the difference between innocuous comments, and ones that should throw up red flags.

The life you have lived thus far, colors how you react to the things happening now.

I did stay in the abusive relationship much longer than I should have, than anyone wanted me to. But I had reasons, and they were not expecting him to change. He did not threaten just me! He controlled me by threatening my Grandparents, and my crippled brother. He kept me in line by threatening to hurt them. He proved he would---he put someone I cared about in the hospital, because I would not leave with him when told!

He could get to my aged grandparents faster than the cops to protect them!

I brought him into their lives, it was up to ME to get him away from them, without them being hurt. I could not live with that!

There often is much going on behind these relationships.......we are not all stupid, or idiots. I was scared, and confused, angry, all manners of emotion....but I felt stupid enough at the time, without being called that! Guilt is a heavy thing to carry.

I agree that in hindsight, she may see "signs" of things to come, as she moves away from teh situation.

Many years ago, I found myself in a terribly abusive relationship. I was blind to it. Were there signs? YES flashing neon signs. But I had never been exposed to abuse in any fashion, I had no idea I was seeing that! Was I naive? Without a doubt! Was I stupid? Not in my opinion. I was totally out of my element! It was like dumping me in a foreign country and expecting me to speak the language and know the customs. But same as if someone did that, full immersion in that life, and I learned quickly!

Much like the OP, my first husband was unfaithful. That too was something new in my life. My grandparents had both been married over 50 years, my parents have too now---divorce was foreign. I had a story book raising. So when the abuser come in my life, and WANTED to be with me 24/7, or showed a higher than normal interest in my whereabouts---I did not see it as a warning, I saw it that he loved me, where my ex, was out with others, this man wanted only to be with me. I played right into it. But not because I was stupid. Needy, and Naive, without question.

I did not make the same mistake twice---I made totally new ones!! And I barely lived to tell about it. He went to prison for my attempted muder!

Yes many people are not trusting, and it does lead to issues. But blaming the victim in most situations, just makes a hard situation harder.

You refer to the line "I had fun last night" and turning it intomore than a simple statement. But in the same post insist there were signs. Relationships and life don't come with detailed instructions on how to tell the difference between innocuous comments, and ones that should throw up red flags.

The life you have lived thus far, colors how you react to the things happening now.

I did stay in the abusive relationship much longer than I should have, than anyone wanted me to. But I had reasons, and they were not expecting him to change. He did not threaten just me! He controlled me by threatening my Grandparents, and my crippled brother. He kept me in line by threatening to hurt them. He proved he would---he put someone I cared about in the hospital, because I would not leave with him when told!

He could get to my aged grandparents faster than the cops to protect them!

I brought him into their lives, it was up to ME to get him away from them, without them being hurt. I could not live with that!

There often is much going on behind these relationships.......we are not all stupid, or idiots. I was scared, and confused, angry, all manners of emotion....but I felt stupid enough at the time, without being called that! Guilt is a heavy thing to carry.

Amen to all of that! Life teaches us lessons as we go!

MsMackieLee, you must really be very hard on yourself to be so hard on other people. Don't we all have issues to deal with?

Kat - thank you for that reply - what you went through, NO ONE should have to deal with. I am glad you made it out the other side - but I've told you that before.

Tina - please, please, please get those locks changed! If you have to ask your parents for the money to do so, or have the locksmith go by your house when your Dad is around to let him in to do the work, PLEASE do so.

Take the advice to call the police and have them do a civil standby - I'd never heard of that, and I think it's a great idea! You may even want to call someone OTHER than your friends, because if the idiot ex-boyfriend makes a stink about it, he might try to claim bias on their part because they are your friends.

Continue to document EVERYTHING - print out the text messages. Call your phone company and see if they will archive the messages but not let them through to your phone so you don't have to see them, but there will be evidence.

Present that evidence to the police and send an extra copy to someone else so that you don't have the only physical copies.

I pray you are all right - your last post was several days ago - please let us know that you are okay!

Hi everyone...just wanted to check in and say that I'm alright. I have not seen him but I sure have heard from him. My cell phone blows up constantly and one minute he's calling me a whore and the next minute I'm the love of his life. He has begged for me to take him back but it's just not gonna happen. I have a very good support system and I'll be alright.

He even posted on FB yesterday that I was a ho. He swears that I have someone "waiting in the wings" for me. I never thought that he would be like this. A part of me feels bad for him (although please don't even think that I would go back there because I would never). I think that he has the potential to be a wonderful person but not the person for me. He entered into counseling but unfortunately for him, it was too late to have a shot at a life with me.

I appreciate your comments and concerns. I'm doing well. My boys and I are going on vacation soon and I can't wait. Life is stressful through this time but it's nothing that I can't handle. I have police on standby, if necessary.

Thanks again, ladies...you guys have been here for me through some really tough times and I appreciate you all so very much.