OK...here goes nothing. I haven't posted in quite a while because I have been dealing with some real shit at home. A month ago I found out that my husband of almost 10 years has been having an affair for the last year and a half. :mad:That's right...while I was losing weight and looking great, that pig went out seeking an affair and here I was scared of how I would act after I started to get attention from others when I started to look nice. I am hurt:crying:, angry:mad2:, sad :cry_smile:, devastated:cursing:, sick and every other emotion (other than happy). I'm now on Xanax for my anxiety and I am completely obsessed with this crap. How can someone go out seeking an affair when they have a wife and two beautiful children? Do people care anymore? Do vows mean anything? What the hell is wrong with people? Of course now all of a sudden he wants the marriage to work. Well damn...you should have thought about that before porking the skank!!!! I want to freaken scream. I want to hurt them both. How the hell do people get on after things like this happen to them? Is it possible? We are in counseling, but should I even bother? Will he do it again? What about my kids? Damn...I need some serious help. This really sucks. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of the chest pains and the anxiety. I want a fairy tale ended but unfortunately my marriage will NEVER be the same. I can never look at him the same way again. Do I give up and start my life over with my boys? Can someone wake me up from this horribe nightmare????? Why me? In the last year I have gone from a size 22/24 to a size 10/12 and I have lost 106 pounds. I thought that my husband was proud of me and thought that I was looking good...guess not, huh? Joke's on me!!!

2009 is going to be 1,000% better than 2008.

Guess when I'm having it done???? April 14, 2009...that is my one year anniversary of finding out about his affair. I figured...make a horrible memory (the day of finding out) into a good one (changing my appearance forever).

Woo Hoo 2009!!!!!

Tina, what a fabulous date! I love that you are taking charge and overriding a bad memory date and replacing it with a gift to yourself! You go girl!

So...what do you guys think? Have I made strides?

Oh hells yeah!! w00t!!

Plain, yer avatar is slipping.......

I just wanted to say..."I LOVE 2009"...I feel like a different person and I'm diggin it!!! Whatever happens, happens!

YAY Tina!!!!

:laugh::thumbup::ohmy::thumbup::wink2::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

I'm just on a high today and I am feeling like I will never come down!!!! I'm loving it...I can't explain what has come over me but I figure...I can't change the past and I really can't change the future...he's gonna do what he's gonna do, therefore...I gotta take care of me and that's exactly what I'm gonna do (and my kids). You guys rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:w00t:

That's right Tina. You can't control what he does, so live your life and if he fits in, he fits, if not, then he needs to find his way to the door. As long as you are happy with yourself, the rest kind of takes care of itself.

Tina I am so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I found out about my husband's affair 1/22/08 and needless to say last year I felt much of what you felt....I feel that you HAVE made significant progress and have been an inspiration especially to me as it seemed I was walking with you through your journey. I feel like you do about 2009 and I am so excited and so happy about this year!!!!! I'm halfway to my goal weight, almost done with grad school, and will soon have a new job. My husband has made some progress (not as much as yours so give him a high 5 lol) but I know that whatever happens will be for my benefit.

I think you WILL be able to get over it, the thoughts won't be as frequent, and your view of them won't be as sad as much as it will be insightful. Each day gets easier...it's a marathon not a sprint though. So I'm happy we're here for you and I'm happy you have been here for me to read your story!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, it looks like your anniversary is coming up (not a good anniversary though). I'll be thinking of you on that day. I hope that you get through the day alright. Luckily I will be knocked out on mine.

It truly is amazing at how I am these days. I have people wondering what has happened to me. I am full of life and don't worry about things anymore. In fact, I "pushed" my husband to go out with his friends the other night. I wanted to see how I would feel about it while I was sitting at home and he was out. Guess what...I didn't care. I have found inner peace within myself and to be honest...I don't know if I will get past everything that he has done but I do know that with or without him...I'm going to be just fine. I finally love myself and I am excited to wake up in the morning. I have great friends and family to help me and support me no matter what comes of this.

On another note...this morning I weighed 147. Can you believe it...147...I was probably in the 9th grade the last time that I saw that. Boy oh boy...I can't believe it. Keep up the good work everyone...thanks for being here for me...continue to pray for me and keep me in your thoughts...you guys truly ROCK...

WOW - 147! That's great, Tina. and what's better is knowing that you CAN do it. If you can do that, you can do anything...and you have. You have gone through hell, and are to be congratulated for your new found love of self. That's what it is, an acceptance, and love of yourself....that is the real achievement!!

You certainly do have my prayers, as well as my heartfelt congratulations.

I have found inner peace within myself and to be honest...I don't know if I will get past everything that he has done but I do know that with or without him...I'm going to be just fine. I finally love myself and I am excited to wake up in the morning. I have great friends and family to help me and support me no matter what comes of this.

On another note...this morning I weighed 147. Can you believe it...147...I was probably in the 9th grade the last time that I saw that. Boy oh boy...I can't believe it. Keep up the good work everyone...thanks for being here for me...continue to pray for me and keep me in your thoughts...you guys truly ROCK...

Tina, you are doing so great with all that you have been through. I am so happy that you have found that inner peace. It helps a lot. I am going to open up a little about what I went through with my ex. He was an abusive alcoholic. Had my scared to leave him cause he would kill me. Not only was he cheating (women would call and argue he wasn't married) he finally pulled a Hell No ..I came home from work early 1 night and found him on the couch with a man! He left for 2 weeks after that. I packed all that I could fit in my car and sold everything else. I was moving down here. (My parents had been living here for about 4 yrs.) I could stay with them 3 weeks. 15 min. before I left Oh. he walked in and said he was coming with me. He did and left within 3 weeks. I was scared but getting stronger. It took awhile for me to get to the inner peace. But it is such a beautiful place.

:tt2:

I can hardly wait to get to 147. I have such a long way to go. You are an inspiration for me.:crying:

I am so sorry for your heartbreak. Only you can make the decision to stay or go. Lay everything out pros and cons to your relationship. Dig deep down in your heart and find out whether you are going to be able to go on with him because if you are not this is not going to help the children. But if you are truly able to forgive and trust that he is not going to ever do this again then I say go for it. If not then don't let this ruin your health. Don't ever let a man break you down that you start gaining your weight back. You know how you felt before it is not worth it and then who wins? Pray about this God is the only one who can help you at a time like this. Turn to him and listen to your heart and don't jump to a quick decision. Be happy and your children will be happy. Good Luck!

Cheryl

Tina, you are doing so great with all that you have been through. I am so happy that you have found that inner peace. It helps a lot. I am going to open up a little about what I went through with my ex. He was an abusive alcoholic. Had my scared to leave him cause he would kill me. Not only was he cheating (women would call and argue he wasn't married) he finally pulled a Hell No ..I came home from work early 1 night and found him on the couch with a man! He left for 2 weeks after that. I packed all that I could fit in my car and sold everything else. I was moving down here. (My parents had been living here for about 4 yrs.) I could stay with them 3 weeks. 15 min. before I left Oh. he walked in and said he was coming with me. He did and left within 3 weeks. I was scared but getting stronger. It took awhile for me to get to the inner peace. But it is such a beautiful place.

:scared2:

I can hardly wait to get to 147. I have such a long way to go. You are an inspiration for me.

Your husband sounds like a low-life and a bully. I am proud of you. It is cool that you have made your escape from him. It is also cool that you have the band. I am certain that if you stick with your decisions - to leave him and to abide by the band rules of eating - that you will find that your life is much changed within a surprisingly short period of time.

A long time ago I was briefly married to a man who was a cheater and a manipulative bully. I divorced him and ended up having an extremely interesting and rewarding life. He and I stayed in touch. In fact, his replacement woman and I became best friends. He cheated on her. And I can swear to you that had I stayed with him, my life would have been very limited compared to the life I actually have led.

As for the band, after I went through an early menopause I started gaining weight and could not control this. Back in 2006 I got the band and easily lost weight. The band cut my greedy ways because I got full quickly.

Good luck to you. It sounds like you are on the right path.

Green---I do not mean to hijack this thread, but I just wanted to tell you that I am sooooo glad to see you posting regularly again, and hope that it means you are feeling much better. I was worried about you! So glad to see more of you!

It is a strange feeling to look back and realize what we would have lost had we remained in the bad relationships.....and at the time we felt like we were losing everything.

Kat

Green---I do not mean to hijack this thread, but I just wanted to tell you that I am sooooo glad to see you posting regularly again, and hope that it means you are feeling much better. I was worried about you! So glad to see more of you!

It is a strange feeling to look back and realize what we would have lost had we remained in the bad relationships.....and at the time we felt like we were losing everything.

Kat

Awww, thanks Kat. Well, the tumor is gone and my hair is growing back. It is thicker, and both darker and greyer than before. And it is really curly on the back and sides!!! It looks like I have had a perm. Now, I am waiting to hear if the cancer has moved into my bones or not. I had a bone scan and there is a weird spot on my left set of ribs that was not there before. Ugh!!!

And, yes, you are so right! It is a strange thing to think how much we would have lost had we stayed in those bad relationships. This is why I wanted to post an answer to gone4. I remember that when I first left my ex, I found myself feeling lonely and scared at times. I wondered whether I was doing the right thing. Better the devil you know, I thought. But I went on to have a fabulous life, so did you, and I am sure that gone4 will have a great life, too.

And of course the lap band is a great weight loss tool. Cancer has been as well. lol I guess that is the hidden upside to the disease.