Hi all. My name is Ruth and I'm in the beginning stages of getting the lap band. I'm waiting on insurance approval so hopefully, before the end of 2008, I'll be able to have the surgery.

Has anyone else ever felt uncomfortable talking about these plans? I'm okay on a board where 'everyone's doing it', but not very comfortable talking about it with friends.

Anyone else struggle with that?

Ruth

i just didn t talk to anyone except my Pastor who had the gastric bypass....he helped so much.Moral support.

Hi Ruth! I'm pretty new here, and have really found alot of very useful information. Everyone is very helpful and supportive. I'm waiting for approval from my insurance company. Hopefully they will take the last year of LA Weightloss for my 6 months of physician approved diet plan. If not, i'll have to do that. What I do is just read the posts that I find I have questions about.

I have elected not to discuss this decision with my family or most of my friends. I just don't want to have to justify my actions. I have a few friends (and my husband) that are very supportive of me, and at this point that is all I'm telling.

good luck to you

Molly

I have my very supportive husband and my supportive younger brother. My middle brother is not supportive at all. You just need to go on a diet and not eat so much he says. Like he really knows. Not! I have read a lot of posts about of the subject of who to tell. Many people including myself are telling very few people. Some tell none. On these boards you can tell all what is in your heart of hearts and what is on your mind. Everyone is so great here. It's amazing how many unsupportive people are out their. I mean family and friends etc. I do hope you have at least one supportive person. But in the end remember we are doing this for ourselves. I have my surgical consult and my psych eval today and I'm looking forward to having that behind me. I will post tonight and let eveyone know how it went. Good luck in your journey. Remember here you are amoung friends.

Welcome Ruth! The decision is truly yours to make if you want to discuss it with family, friends, coworker,etc. I didn't tell anyone but my husband and my kids until last week when my father came by for a visit and my husband and I were having a little rough patch did I share it with my dad. He assured me that he wouldn't tell anyone else which I believe. I'm sure my dad doesn't have a clue what the band is so he could probably care less. I didn't want to have to deal with all the negative responses or the long stares or the dumb questions. It just basically depends on what kind of support group you want to have or feel that you need. My kids support me 110% which I'm truly greatful for. My husband was also being very supportive until he got a little jealous streak in him in the past couple of weeks but we've discussed it and I've assured him that my losing weight will have no bearings on our marriage as he is the one I love and I don't plan on leaving him. I'm only telling you all this because again when we do share our WLS decision with others these are some of the things we may encounter. Best of Luck! Continue to read other threads here as it is about a 50/50 chance in most cases here of who kept it a secret and who didn't. Just remember that we always have this site to vent to ask question and lean on. We are all one big (little) happy family here!

so, i'm not going to suggest that everyone go out and shout their surgery to the world, particularly if they aren't comfortable with telling other people. i understand where you are coming from. however, i have no problem telling people about my surgery if they ask, and i wish i would read about more people that felt this way (i know many do, but many others don't).

many people don't know anything about WLS, or that they might have the option to have it. i thought about surgery for at least a year or two before i called my insurance on a whim. i never thought that it would actually by covered! that's 2 years that i spent gaining even more weight, and worrying about losing weight, and spending my money on jenny craig and weight watchers, when i could have spent that same amount on my surgery. perhaps if i had heard more about it from real people, i might have asked about it sooner.

i also think that WLS today has a stigma attached to it. this is the reason that i hear so many people say that so and so isn't supportive of them having the surgery. at first, even pushing 300 lbs, i thought that having the surgery was admitting failure. it was admitting that i couldn't conquer my weight problem on my own. but the more familiar i became with the surgery, the more comfortable i became with the idea. if more people knew that people they know or are friends with have had this surgery, the more comfortable they will become with it.

i also think it's important to tell people positive stories to counteract the negative ones that are out there. everyone probably knows someone that heard it thru the grapevine that so and so had a bypass and lost a lot of weight but is sick and can't eat anything. or so and so has problems with their band. you hear these stories because it's hard for people with problems to hide it. you don't hear about the ones that are healthy and happy, and these are the majority of people.

so, my point is, don't worry about the people that don't support you. once you lose some weight and they see how happy and healthy you are, they will come around. worry about the other ones that might benefit from a positive example of WLS, or know someone that might. because if you went on weight watchers and lost 100 lbs, you wouldn't be ashamed to tell anyone about it.

The only person I didn't tell beforehand is my Mom, because I didn't want her to worry about me. But, I find that the more people I tell, the more accountable I become. I think in my mind I know people are looking at me, watching to see me gain or lose weight and therefore, I can't "pig out" in front of them. Then, once I lose the weight (which I will), I'll be a great example for the surgery, hopefully inspiring someone else who is looking for an answer to their weight problems. That's my ideal goal.... until then, I'll probably regret telling the world on those days when I just want to be bad!

Either way, do whatever you think is going to create a strong support structure around you.

Hi. I've told everybody. I'm so excited that this is something that I'm finally about to have. When you go from feeling hopeless and then find hope, how are you able to not shout it out to everybody!?!? It's the best thing I've every done. The more people I tell, the more support I find. And those people who show me disdain and call me weak - well, I tell them that they don't know the facts and ask if they want to hear. Many of them walk away with plans to call their own docs!

Never, ever be ashamed of who you are! You should be PROUD of yourself for taking this step. I'm proud of me and I'm proud of you!

Barbara

I haven't mentioned my surgery to very many people at all.

I told my husband and kids (21 and 17) about the surgery. My husband is very supportive, my daughter (17) is "OK, mom, whatever," and my son's comment was, "Well, if you think you need invasive surgery, OK." I know they won't nag me about what I will be eating or not eating, but will be there if I need them.

I have mentioned it to my three neices, and all three are supportive, and I've told my best friend. She was the hardest one to tell, since she's one of those skinny people who must have a tapeworm. She can eat and eat and eat and never gain weight. But there's a reason she's my best friend and that's because she's supportive.

After I start to lose weight, I might tell more people. Or I might not. I haven't decided yet.

I think for most of us, there is a vunerability that we just don't want to deal with. Personally, I'm nervous, excited, scared, happy and every other emotion. I will be more than happy to discuss my decision with my family and friends as I start to lose weight, and change my eating habits. It will be pretty obvious that I'm not chunking down food and drink. Right now, I just don't need any negative responses, or anyone doing the old sabotage techniques. I work with some women whom are nice as such, but can be catty behind your back.

Everyone has their own thing, and way of dealing with it. You have to find your own way, but this is a killer place to help find it!

Molly

Thank you all so much! I am so encouraged that my emotions are normal and you've all given me something to think about.

Vulnerable is a great description for how I feel about talking to folks right now. My husband is very supportive and so are my 3 daughters (27, 28, 29).

Now that I've found support from folks who understand, I don't know if I'll feel the need to tell others.

Can you hear me taking a big sigh of relief? :biggrin2:

Isn't it cool! I was just freaking out before I found this site. I was grieving for all the food I would never eat again.. and pigging out on everything. I gained 4 pounds! Now I'm a bit more stable, and quit eating everything in site. I've actually started a "semi" liquid diet and watching my food, plus starting to practice chewing (i'm a gulper). I count 27 times for each bite I eat.. very very hard!!

glad to help out.. we'll keep in touch!

Molly