First, let me say that I'm happily married to a great guy. I'm not interested in making any significant changes in my life. But, I'm kind of blown away by the attention that I receive by other men. I've been fat 90% of my life, and my ego and libido are loving the attention. I assume this is why so many wls patients end up in divorce court. I don't want to be a statistic! Any thoughts? {{Kicks in the ass welcome!}}

Tami:

You said you're married to a great guy. Count your blessings and don't do anything you'll live to regret. I'm sure your great guy would probably love to share in your increased libido.

I am also 5'7" and hope to be 160 next year.

Good luck.

Sue

IMHO----any guy you would find who would willingly help you explore your new found desires, while knowing you are married, is not going to end up being the great guy you already have.

When you close your eyes, your DH can be anyone you want him to be!! He might be willing to pretend to be anyone you want him to be...or to try some new and daring things.

Take into serious consideration what you stand to lose---and in the end if it still seems worth it, then it doesn't sound like there is much to worry about.

If it is NOT worth it, then work on spicing things up between the 2 of you----step outside the box---liven things up FOR him---make your sex life new to the both of you again. Make a sexy video for him---surprise him! Make a weekend getaway plan, and never leave the room--well maybe the balcony??!! The list can go on and on---and should.

The point is, if you are happy, and love your husband---things with him, will be far superior to anything you could get on the side, with the guilt, and the knowledge of what you are risking.

I would suggest instead of risking my marriage, I would risk my comfort zone, and spice things up--it would be a win/win.

Kat

Thanks so much for both of your replies. You're both right. *I* know what's right, but sometimes the mind wanders, ya know? I assume that women who've been thin their whole lives have also learned the skills to deal with this kind of stuff. I think this is all caught up in a small mid-life crises combined with regret for giving up the best years of my life to obesity.

And, trust me, hubby is reaping the benefits of my active imagination right now. :eyebrows:

Tami

Well, I am very open minded. I have a good friend having affairs to make up for what she feels she lacks at home. Although she intelligizes her decisions, I worry about her safety. I also know a 'swinging' couple. I don't judge either of these friends, although I can say at least the 'swining' couple are honest with each other.

When I was 98 pounds heavier, I thought I could have been a nun, if you know what I mean. I too have noticed my libido return and with the weight loss, I feeling beautiful again. I notice attention too, but I take it as ya, some men would 'do' anyone. lolol....

I told my dh, that we only have each other, so we may as well make it good. We have both made an attempted effort to make each other feel desired again. Not easy with 3 young kids, but we make sure we have alone time, every day, and date night at least once a week.

I guess it depends on where you stand with regard to your values. But I suggest you start within. It has been good for me.

Hey, you are feeling attractive and desirable again and I think that is wonderful. Bravo the band!

1. Fantasize all you want. It's better than what the reality would be.

2. Enjoy yourself alone.

3. Feel sexy.

4. Rent a room, and have a mad passionate affair with your husband.

1. Fantasize all you want. It's better than what the reality would be.

2. Enjoy yourself alone.

3. Feel sexy.

4. Rent a room, and have a mad passionate affair with your husband.

Great advice.

I get a lot of male attention now that I never used to. Often DH is right there watching it, he thinks its hilarious. But I dont view it as a lost opportunity at all. I've got no real desire for anyone else but DH but its nice to think about.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jachut

Great advice.

I get a lot of male attention now that I never used to. Often DH is right there watching it, he thinks its hilarious. But I dont view it as a lost opportunity at all. I've got no real desire for anyone else but DH but its nice to think about.

My hubby definitely gets off on it. He'll actually point out guys checking me out. I think it's an ego boost for him. I know I'm very fortunate that he takes it well. And, so far, this new "energy" is being channelled in the right direction. (We had an awesome weekend!) I don't *really* want anyone else. But it's a real ego boost to me, too, and I sometimes worry that at some point I might be tempted. I wish I could play the game of "attraction" without the consequences!

Tami

I feel the same way, but I have been with my dh for 12 years and he loved me no matter what. He is having a hard time right now, things are going through his head. He freked out when I changed my style of clothes. I said well, before I couldn't wear it now it fits so look out. I am sure he enjoyed looking at girls in cute clothes but new where he had it made...lol. I like all the new attention but I think of it like ya... you wish you new what my dh and I share...lol.

I recommend anyone with a good man to stay with him because most men or dogs behind your back, exspecialy the ones trying to get your attention. Watch those!

I am glad to be single right now. I am getting attention from men and i am enjoying it. Sadly i have not met any yet that i want to date. Who knows what the future holds. Donna

I am just getting ready to :rainbow::rainbow:start my journey, and these same thoughts have run through my mind. What if I like the attention that other guys give me? What if I have the opportunity to find something better? But the truth is that my husband has loved me through thick and thicker. The first time he met me I weighed nearly 380 lbs. We started dating when I was at my "low weight" of 304. Where were the other guys? My husband has looked at me with those "come hither" eyes when I was looking at myself and thinking "yuck!"

Most days he does things that annoy me, and occassionally that makes me wonder what other opportunities will be out there, but then I think about the fact that he loved and accepted me, and has been attracted to me when other men would let a door swing shut in my face.

What if I do lose weight, jeopardize my relationship with my spouse for someone that became interested in my at a "normal" weight... then heaven forbid I gain all this weight back again. The man who wouldn't look at me while I was this way before isn't going to be too interested in me if I go back to that.

I am lucky for what I have and I hope that I never lose sight of that no matter how "smokin" I get!

I am lucky for what I have and I hope that I never lose sight of that no matter how "smokin" I get!

I totally agree with what you say.

I am in a place where I don't even know that men are flirting with me. I will chat it up with anyone and I just think people are being nice. My friends are the ones who have to point these things out to me. I feel almost socially retarded because I spent my teen years grossly fat. I am glad that I am married because frankly I don't even think i could handle the dating thing.

OMG raching my goal weight of 160 was amazing I have men out my ears now. One guy was so taken aback by me that his heart was pounding. He said that I left him breathless and my eyes were amazing. Never in my life have I ever gotten so much attention and to have a man want to walk behind you to check you out . totally loving life now BTW I have been divorced for 11yrs

I am actually having some big problems dealing with this. I think it is hard even if you were skinny before to get the attention. It bothers me alot, and at the same time I LOVE IT.

I agree if you have a great guy, keep him! Like Kat said any guy that would be with you knowing you are married would be a smuck.

I am single and I have noticed a difference in how men respond to me (although I have not come across one that I actually want to date). They look at me and acknowledge me. I actually see their beady little eyes sizing me up in a good way-like lust. And they actually speak and hold the door open for me. At first I thought it was my imagination but it has happened too many times now to not be true. Makes me kinda sad though. I was never ugly or bad looking and I have always dressed well.