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Normal people just don't get it!!!



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Just got off the phone with an old friend whom I haven't seen in years (since I was normal weight), and he was telling me about his current life plans/ projects (quitting drinking and smoking). I should have listened to myself and not mentioned my surgical plans, but I did. Silly me. He had a lot of opinions about it and how I should just do the diet and exercise thing again (knowing I have debilitating back issues that preclude me from doing a lot of exercises, though I do try.) I didn't tell him just how much I have to lose because I'm rather sensitive about it in my in person life. (I live away from my "home" area now and don't have too many in person friends anymore, so I just haven't posted any pics of myself publicly in a while.) He was well-meaning, but he claimed that regular slow diet and exercise means you won't have loose skin.... he has NO IDEA wtf he's talking about. He has a super fast metabolism and has NEVER been a BMI over 24.9 in his entire life. He recently lost 30lbs going from 24.9 to like a 22 and thinks that the reason he doesn't have loose skin is because he did it by being active... I tried explaining that 30lbs doesn't really cause loose skin, but he was insistent. I even explained that I was already saving $ for my PS surgery after but he was insistent that if I did it HIS way I wouldn't need it- even after I reminded him about when I lost 95lbs THAT way (working out about 2 hours per day) and still had loose skin anyway! Thankfully, he picked up on my frustration and changed the subject, but UGH!!! THIS is why I don't tell people- SO. DAMN. FRUSTRATING. Also, mansplaining, wtf?

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I made the choice not to mention this to others. I avoided the negative feedback. I am doing the bypass for my health and live a healthier lifestyle with this bypass as a tool to help me. I tested this out by saying, what do you think of my friend who is going to have a bypass to help her lose weight for her health? All the response was negative.

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The only people who know about my surgery are my immediate coworkers. I've not told anyone else: family, friends, nada... precisely for this very reason. People who may be well-intentioned but don't realize that we don't need the lecturing or coaching.

I figure I'll let the results speak for themselves, and they can bring it up as they notice I've lost weight. At that point, they don't really have a leg to stand on, whereas talking about it before the fact or in the early stages leaves you open to recrimination at worst or "helping" at best.

Note: That's my personal approach; others' will vary.

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if people have 100+ lbs to lose, they're almost certainly have some loose skin regardless of how fast or slow the weight comes on. It gets to the point where it's so stretched that it's just not going to bounce back. You're right - he's never dealt with this, so he has no idea what he's talking about.

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Yeah, I have an entire person's worth of weight to lose, that doesn't just bounce back. (I already have a PS surgeon in mind even!) I should have kept it to myself, but I like being open with people I'm close to and we used to be close and recently reconnected. Thanks for the support and letting me vent. ❤️

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On 7/24/2020 at 4:50 PM, Suzi_the_Q said:

Just got off the phone with an old friend whom I haven't seen in years (since I was normal weight), and he was telling me about his current life plans/ projects (quitting drinking and smoking). I should have listened to myself and not mentioned my surgical plans, but I did. Silly me. He had a lot of opinions about it and how I should just do the diet and exercise thing again (knowing I have debilitating back issues that preclude me from doing a lot of exercises, though I do try.) I didn't tell him just how much I have to lose because I'm rather sensitive about it in my in person life. (I live away from my "home" area now and don't have too many in person friends anymore, so I just haven't posted any pics of myself publicly in a while.) He was well-meaning, but he claimed that regular slow diet and exercise means you won't have loose skin.... he has NO IDEA wtf he's talking about. He has a super fast metabolism and has NEVER been a BMI over 24.9 in his entire life. He recently lost 30lbs going from 24.9 to like a 22 and thinks that the reason he doesn't have loose skin is because he did it by being active... I tried explaining that 30lbs doesn't really cause loose skin, but he was insistent. I even explained that I was already saving $ for my PS surgery after but he was insistent that if I did it HIS way I wouldn't need it- even after I reminded him about when I lost 95lbs THAT way (working out about 2 hours per day) and still had loose skin anyway! Thankfully, he picked up on my frustration and changed the subject, but UGH!!! THIS is why I don't tell people- SO. DAMN. FRUSTRATING. Also, mansplaining, wtf?

some people dont understand the struggle obease people have depression is a huge part of the process at least it was for me the head work is as important as the exercise and food intake keep you chin up and you have plenty of support here we are all in this together on this site please reach out to the vets we all have alot of experience with the process dont be shy we are here for you and your success cheers !!!!

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Thank you, I really appreciate all of you folks. I feel very connected and supported on this journey thanks to the great people on this forum. ❤️

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Ugh I know that feeling not about the surgery as I don't really talk about it much but I get that same response about depression people tell me I just need to go for a walk get some air or excercise like really you think I havnt tried that in the last 30 years give me a break lol trust me I wish a walk cured depression and PTSD lol ugh

Sent from my moto g(7) play using BariatricPal mobile app

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9 hours ago, pointlessneedles said:

Ugh I know that feeling not about the surgery as I don't really talk about it much but I get that same response about depression people tell me I just need to go for a walk get some air or excercise like really you think I havnt tried that in the last 30 years give me a break lol trust me I wish a walk cured depression and PTSD lol ugh

Sent from my moto g(7) play using BariatricPal mobile app

those are all real feelings that dont go a way with a walk or exercise the head work with a group or individual counseling has been amazing for me as well as a few support people i reach out to who have been through the same thing along with this board the board brings inspiration and hope for those getting started and answers for those in the beginning and transition and then for the maintenance phase we are all on a road to better heath and happiness for our self (best thing i ever did for ME) only you can choose whats best for you!!!

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