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Unsupportive friends

Sassafras1

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Sassafras1    63

Sassafras1
Posted

Hi everyone!

I had my sleeve 6 weeks ago and have lost 17kg... i'm currently in a stall but that's another matter, it'll fix itself i'm sure :)

I was just wondering if anyone here has someone they're close too who has been unsupportive of their WLS? What did you do about it? Have you lost any friends?

I have a friend who has had nothing positive to say about the surgery at all, just talks about how i will never be able to eat anything and i'll be vomiting all the time after my 2 teaspoons (which is completely untrue).

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futurefinemama    163

futurefinemama
Posted

Surprisingly, my youngest sister was unsupportive. I stopped talking to her about the WLS. She didn't even know the date of my surgery. I figured, this was one decision about my life she did not agree with and I am totally okay with her opinion; because it's just that, an opinion. Now, if your friend is constantly making negative comments about your surgery, you might have to reevaluate if she is a genuine friend. No real friend wants you to fail.

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Lanie992    168

Lanie992
Posted

Pre-WLS I had ZERO support. None. Not one person. Sisters, mother, friends, loved ones -- everyone did NOT want me to get it. My brother was okay about it, but not what I would call supportive.

I got lectured. My mom told me she did NOT want to hear about it - if I was going to do it ...and she told me NOT tell her about it. I had to have my brother tell her when I finally did it, then she waited an entire day before calling me. ( I have a great mother.. I would not trade her for the world. She was just very worried about me having surgery, so I understand her reaction... she's my MOM.)

I was so lonely and sad.

I finally told everyone via email that if they did not want to be supportive, then let's not talk about it, because I had decided it is what I wanted to do... and what I was going to do. And there was no changing my mind.

Since the surgery -- everyone has been nice about it. Not one negative comment.

If I were you - I would put my foot down with your friend and tell her that you need support at this time as you are still healing and adjusting... and for your own mental health, happiness and success - you only want to hear positive things.. and if that is not possible, then she should not discuss with you.

If that doesn't work - I would take a "break" from the friendship. You are going through so much already and don't need that negativity in your life!

PS~ I am 5 1/2 weeks out (will be 6 weeks on Thursday), so we're very close in the healing process! Congratulations!!

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Sassafras1    63

Sassafras1
Posted

I am 6 weeks on thursday too! We're sleeve twins :)

Thank you, I thought this might be the case. It just surprised me since everyone else who knew i was having it done was really supportive, even my brothers who have never said a kind word to me :) :)

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Lanie992    168

Lanie992
Posted

36 minutes ago, Sassafras1 said:

I am 6 weeks on thursday too! We're sleeve twins :)

Thank you, I thought this might be the case. It just surprised me since everyone else who knew i was having it done was really supportive, even my brothers who have never said a kind word to me :) :)

Oh yay!! So glad I met someone who had it done on the same day! Sorry that your brothers haven't been kind to you. 🙁

I stalled for almost 3 weeks! Just started losing again. I had to google KG into LBs.. 😂 The US is one of the few countries that use the metric system, even our neighbors (Canada) don't use it. What a PITA we are!

Anyway, you're doing way better than I am! You are doing fantastic!

I am doing everything by the book but just slowly losing.... Hopefully since I got through the stall -- things will progress a bit quicker.

If you ever need an ear - you can DM me on here.

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JRT Mom    919

JRT Mom
Posted

People use the word "friend" to describe a relationship with another person too handily. A true friend will support you even if they don't totally understand everything you do. We need a new term for those people who like spending time with you but disappear when the going gets tough....maybe "Social buddies"? Sounds like your "friend" is a social buddy instead. A true friend wouldn't worry about what you can and cannot eat, instead they should be proud of you that you are trying to take control of your life and health! Good luck and remember you have true friends to commiserate with here!

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Sassafras1    63

Sassafras1
Posted

8 hours ago, JRT Mom said:

People use the word "friend" to describe a relationship with another person too handily. A true friend will support you even if they don't totally understand everything you do. We need a new term for those people who like spending time with you but disappear when the going gets tough....maybe "Social buddies"? Sounds like your "friend" is a social buddy instead. A true friend wouldn't worry about what you can and cannot eat, instead they should be proud of you that you are trying to take control of your life and health! Good luck and remember you have true friends to commiserate with here!

Thank you! Yes, i agree.. she's never really been one to rely on. Onward and upward :)

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Go To Topic Listing POST-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A

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    • Aunty Mamo

      Aunty Mamo

      Iʻm roughly 6 weeks post-op this morning and have begun to feel like a normal human, with a normal human body again. I started introducing solid foods and pill forms of medications/supplements a couple of weeks ago and it's really amazing to eat meals with my family again, despite the fact that my portions are so much smaller than theirs. 
      I live on the island of Oʻahu and spend a lot of time in the water- for exercise, for play,  and for spiritual & mental health. The day I had my month out appointment with my surgeon, I packed all my gear in my truck, anticipating his permission to get back in the ocean. The minute I walked out of that hospital I drove straight to the shore and got in that water. Hallelujah! My appointment was at 10 am. I didn't get home until after 5 pm. 
      I'm down 31 pounds since the day of surgery and 47 since my pre-op diet began, with that typical week long stall occurring at three weeks. I'm really starting to see some changes lately- some of my clothing is too big, some fits again. The most drastic changes I notice however are in my face. I've also noticed my endurance and flexibility increasing. I was really starting to be held up physically, and I'm so grateful that I'm seeing that turn around in such short order. 
      My general disposition lately is hopeful and motivated. The only thing that bugs me on a daily basis still is the way those supplements make my house smell. So stink! But I just bought a smell proof bag online that other people use to put their pot in. My house doesn't stink anymore. 
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      BeanitoDiego

      Oh yeah, something I wanted to rant about, a billing dispute that cropped up 3 months ago.
      Surgery was in August of 2023. A bill shows up for over $7,000 in January. WTF? I asks myself. I know that I jumped through all of the insurance hoops and verified this and triple checked that, as did the surgeon's office. All was set, and I paid all of the known costs before surgery.
      A looong story short, is that an assistant surgeon that was in the process of accepting money from my insurance company touched me while I was under anesthesia. That is what the bill was for. But hey, guess what? Some federal legislation was enacted last year to help patients out when they cannot consent to being touched by someone out of their insurance network. These types of bills fall under something called, "surprise billing," and you don't have to put up with it.
      https://www.cms.gov/nosurprises
      I had to make a lot of phone calls to both the surgeon's office and the insurance company and explain my rights and what the maximum out of pocket costs were that I could be liable for. Also had to remind them that it isn't my place to be taking care of all of this and that I was going to escalate things if they could not play nice with one another.
      Quick ending is that I don't have to pay that $7,000+. Advocate, advocate, advocate for yourself no matter how long it takes and learn more about this law if you are ever hit with a surprise bill.
      · 0 replies
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    • BeanitoDiego

      BeanitoDiego

      Some days I feel like an infiltrator... I'm participating in society as a "thin" person. They have no idea that I haven't always been one of them! 🤣
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • ChunkCat

      ChunkCat

      Thank you everyone for your well wishes! I totally forgot I wrote an update here... I'm one week post op today. I gained 15 lbs in water weight overnight because they had to give me tons of fluids to bring my BP up after surgery! I stayed one night in the hospital. Everything has been fine except I seem to have picked up a bug while I was there and I've been running a low grade fever, coughing, and a sore throat. So I've been hydrating well and sleeping a ton. So far the Covid tests are negative.
      I haven't been able to advance my diet past purees. Everything I eat other than tofu makes me choke and feels like trying to swallow rocks. They warned me it would get worse before it gets better, so lets hope this is all normal. I have my follow up on Monday so we'll see. Living on shakes and soup again is not fun. I had enough of them the first time!! LOL 
      · 0 replies
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    • BeanitoDiego

      BeanitoDiego

      Still purging all of the larger clothing. This morning, a shirt that I ADORED wearing ended up on top. Hard to let it go, but it was also hard to let go of those habits that also no longer serve my highest good. Onward and upward!
      · 0 replies
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