Massachusetts could become the first state to make it illegal for parents to spank their children. Today, at the Massachusetts State House, the hearing for a bill to ban the practice was standing room only - From ABCNews.com

I personally think spanking is child abuse, but I have a friend who insists that it is the best way to discipline his son. When he was a child he was beat quite severly by his mother but still insists on using this method of discipline.

gadget that was humorous! I mean it. I'm glad to see you have a lighter side since we usually only link up in more serious areas. :biggrin2:

Glad you caught the humor in it

Just remember "spanker/hitter/smacker" parents that these children that you choose to discipline in this manner will be the same children that will may have to make the decision one day to take you off life support (a little early), put you in a cheap nursing home versus a nice one or take you into their nice "loving:confused:" homes.:lol:brandyII

My parents spanked me, and I love them dearly. I'm not "pulling the plug" or sending them to a cheap nursing home when the time comes. I spank my kids, and they love me dearly as well. I don't think method of discipline is a determining factor. Abuse? Yes. Spanking? No.

My parents spanked me, and I love them dearly. I'm not "pulling the plug" or sending them to a cheap nursing home when the time comes. I spank my kids, and they love me dearly as well. I don't think method of discipline is a determining factor. Abuse? Yes. Spanking? No.

I'm glad you know the difference between abuse and spanking but I feel it hitting a child is abuse. I've been in the situation where out of five children the three older boys being spanked by my father none of which would have anything to do with him while he was at a point where he needed that extra assistance. I was always spanked by my mother and I was the only one willing to fly down and take care of my dying father. I'm so glad you know that your children love you even though you hit them. I know my father was hit by his father and I've learned there are more intelligent ways of dealing with children. There's always positive reinforcement versus negative!!!!!

I'm glad you know the difference between abuse and spanking but I feel it hitting a child is abuse. I've been in the situation where out of five children the three older boys being spanked by my father none of which would have anything to do with him while he was at a point where he needed that extra assistance. I was always spanked by my mother and I was the only one willing to fly down and take care of my dying father. I'm so glad you know that your children love you even though you hit them. I know my father was hit by his father and I've learned there are more intelligent ways of dealing with children. There's always positive reinforcement versus negative!!!!!

If I'm not mistaken (I haven't gone back to look at the whole thread), didn't you say that your dad whipped you with a belt across the legs? If that was you, that's not spanking. That IS abuse. My children understand calm, rational, disciplinary spanking because we talk about it. They know which actions result in the consequence of spanking. After spanking, we talk about the cause and discuss where they went wrong. They have no doubt but that we love them and we don't spank in anger -- ever.

I'm glad you know the difference between abuse and spanking but I feel it hitting a child is abuse. I've been in the situation where out of five children the three older boys being spanked by my father none of which would have anything to do with him while he was at a point where he needed that extra assistance. I was always spanked by my mother and I was the only one willing to fly down and take care of my dying father. I'm so glad you know that your children love you even though you hit them. I know my father was hit by his father and I've learned there are more intelligent ways of dealing with children. There's always positive reinforcement versus negative!!!!!

I hear what you are saying, but i would be willing to bet that there are deeper issues aside from spanking that has caused a divide between children and parents that would not see your siblings want to be there to take care of your father as he passed on.

I certainly don't mean to say you are not telling the truth, but spanking alone should not cause a rift like that. Beatings from a father perhaps ... a few light smack on the bottom with an open hand, no.

As i have said earlier, i was spanked a few times as a child but those memories fade in comparison to the awesome times i had with my mother, the loving and caring times. I have never felt resentful for being spanked, because i knew my mom loved me.

Just remember "spanker/hitter/smacker" parents that these children that you choose to discipline in this manner will be the same children that will may have to make the decision one day to take you off life support (a little early), put you in a cheap nursing home versus a nice one or take you into their nice "loving:confused:" homes.:lol:brandyII

What does that have to do with spanking? I was spanked. I am not going to take my parents off life support "a little early". That's ridiculous. Since when did spanking equate to murder?

Spanking actually benefits the parent because spanking is used as a means of control. It is a way for a parent to quickly and literally get the upper hand when the child has done something that the parent finds unacceptible.

It brings to mind the way that some pet owners discipline their dogs; believing that the best way to control and teach a dog sometimes is to hit it. Everyone by now should know that dogs do not understand what you want (nor do small children) when you hit them. Yes it does make them fear you, they usually cower and submit to you and stop the offending behavior. But it often does not teach them the lesson that you are wanting them to learn. Let's face it, pets and children get conflicting messages when they feel pain from the person they put their love and full trust in. And after a spanking, children are often not really listening when we're preaching because they're preoccupied with the pain and fear and conflicted emotions that they're still reeling from.

The question of learning is what we should deem the most relevant factor of this issue: is hitting a dog or a child the most effective way to teach them the lesson that you are wanting them to learn? If the lesson is: "fear me and always obey", then yes it probably is the most effective way to teach them. If the lesson is: "that is unacceptible behavior because that behavior is dangerous or offensive", then no, it is not the most effective means of teaching them what they need to learn.

Many people say that they were spanked and they've turned out well and so that is indicative of the fact that spanking worked in their case. I believe that some people learn in spite of being spanked, not because they were spanked. Just as in the case of dogs who wind up doing the right thing.

What many children learn from being hit is that their parents cannot be trusted and that their parents don't have as much control of their temper as they should. They often wind up having little respect for their parents and sometimes they even dislike them so much they want to have nothing to do with them as adults. Those are the ones who grew up to think that although spanking was bad, it was done to them and so by golly it's what you have to do to get control of their dog or child. Thus the cycle continues.

All of this is IMHO, of couse! It's definitely a hot issue and one that is very personal. Of course when a country or state outlaws it, it ain't so personal anymore.

If I'm not mistaken (I haven't gone back to look at the whole thread), didn't you say that your dad whipped you with a belt across the legs? If that was you, that's not spanking. That IS abuse. My children understand calm, rational, disciplinary spanking because we talk about it. They know which actions result in the consequence of spanking. After spanking, we talk about the cause and discuss where they went wrong. They have no doubt but that we love them and we don't spank in anger -- ever.

No that was not my thread! So when you spank I assume everyone is jovial about it at the time, how is anger never involved in spanking that's BS and you know it! brandyII.

What does that have to do with spanking? I was spanked. I am not going to take my parents off life support "a little early". That's ridiculous. Since when did spanking equate to murder?

That's why it should be illegal everyone has different ideas of what crosses the line. There are plenty of children that end up in the ER or worse because of "spanking". Just because a parent is okay with spanking their child doesn't mean the child isn't suffering from it in ways they're not aware of. Why is being able to hit your child so important to you people?

"Spare the rod, spoil the child", there are plenty of strange/odd verses you can pull from the Bible that you would never consider doing aren't there?

Mixing love with physical pain can cause some strange reactions in people and it's not necessary if you choose to use your head instead of your hand! brandyII, not very popular at this moment:thumbup:

Spanking actually benefits the parent because spanking is used as a means of control. It is a way for a parent to quickly and literally get the upper hand when the child has done something that the parent finds unacceptible.

It brings to mind the way that some pet owners discipline their dogs; believing that the best way to control and teach a dog sometimes is to hit it. Everyone by now should know that dogs do not understand what you want (nor do small children) when you hit them. Yes it does make them fear you, they usually cower and submit to you and stop the offending behavior. But it often does not teach them the lesson that you are wanting them to learn. Let's face it, pets and children get conflicting messages when they feel pain from the person they put their love and full trust in. And after a spanking, children are often not really listening when we're preaching because they're preoccupied with the pain and fear and conflicted emotions that they're still reeling from.

The question of learning is what we should deem the most relevant factor of this issue: is hitting a dog or a child the most effective way to teach them the lesson that you are wanting them to learn? If the lesson is: "fear me and always obey", then yes it probably is the most effective way to teach them. If the lesson is: "that is unacceptible behavior because that behavior is dangerous or offensive", then no, it is not the most effective means of teaching them what they need to learn.

Many people say that they were spanked and they've turned out well and so that is indicative of the fact that spanking worked in their case. I believe that some people learn in spite of being spanked, not because they were spanked. Just as in the case of dogs who wind up doing the right thing.

What many children learn from being hit is that their parents cannot be trusted and that their parents don't have as much control of their temper as they should. They often wind up having little respect for their parents and sometimes they even dislike them so much they want to have nothing to do with them as adults. Those are the ones who grew up to think that although spanking was bad, it was done to them and so by golly it's what you have to do to get control of their dog or child. Thus the cycle continues.

All of this is IMHO, of couse! It's definitely a hot issue and one that is very personal. Of course when a country or state outlaws it, it ain't so personal anymore.

Ditto, brandyII:thumbup:

BrandyII: Sometimes it isn't very popular to state your beliefs here. Especially when you state an opposing viewpoint to the majority of posters at a particular point in time. But if you feel strongly about an issue, you should just state your case. Hopefully everyone will have an open mind and heart and not "shoot the messenger." Because having a certain viewpoint is not something that can accurately define you as a certain kind of person.

I have found that most of us here have more in common than we think. I hope that we can all separate our posts from who we are as human beings. There's no way that we can actually know each other personally just by reading what we post. Anybody can say anything here. Sometimes I think that some people post things just for a reaction, not because they care one way or another. Sometimes that generates lively and enlightening discussions.

I believe what you've said on this thread is right on!

No that was not my thread!

Sorry. I wasn't sure which is why I indicated such.

So when you spank I assume everyone is jovial about it at the time, how is anger never involved in spanking that's BS and you know it! brandyII.

No one in our family is jovial about spanking. However you are 100% wrong; in our family, anger is absolutely not involved when we spank. If we're angry, WE take a "time out" first so we don't spank in anger. Your family didn't behave that way but that doesn't mean it's universal.

Different perspective:

I was never spanked - NEVER & that is because my father was abused by his mother on a daily basis. He has the scars on his chest where she would put out her cigarette & the emotional ones that go far deeper. But that was abuse - not spanking.

In some ways, I "wish" I was spanked because the "emotional let down lecture" that took place lasted WAY longer than a crack on the hand/bum. The "I'm so disappointed in You" talk would result in my Dad (because he was downright afraid to spank) not capable of communicating w/one of me or my siblings for days it seemed like - and that was in my opinion DEVASTATING.

He obviously had issues that he and my Mum had to work through over the years; but it was well past the point when we were all too old to be spanked - that did he resolve his own demons. Now he is Grandpa on Steroids and a Far better "parent" / "grandparent" , emotionally available than ever before.

I have no idea, not being a parent how I would handle a situation. I'd like to think I'd take after my mum; but I'll likely not know that - my dealings are w/my animals & I'm just an all around push over; but I'm not raising the next generation - I'm just raising a bunch of furry friends.

I'd like to think that parents can make their own decisions as to how to discipline their children w/out interferrence - I think making this a law is a bad thing in MO.

BrandyII: Sometimes it isn't very popular to state your beliefs here. Especially when you state an opposing viewpoint to the majority of posters at a particular point in time. But if you feel strongly about an issue, you should just state your case. Hopefully everyone will have an open mind and heart and not "shoot the messenger." Because having a certain viewpoint is not something that can accurately define you as a certain kind of person.

I have found that most of us here have more in common than we think. I hope that we can all separate our posts from who we are as human beings. There's no way that we can actually know each other personally just by reading what we post. Anybody can say anything here. Sometimes I think that some people post things just for a reaction, not because they care one way or another. Sometimes that generates lively and enlightening discussions.

I believe what you've said on this thread is right on!

Thanks BJean, I give up, I know I'm just wasting my time but sometimes I feel I have to take it further because it affects innocent children. I don't consider myself to have been abused by my mother by her spankings but I've never seen a person who hasn't spanked without any anger, abuse of power or control. But like I said before, I've given up on this group of people as they only seem to care about that one judgement day in the end. Thanks brandyII:shades_smile:

I was never spanked - NEVER & that is because my father was abused by his mother on a daily basis. He has the scars on his chest where she would put out her cigarette & the emotional ones that go far deeper.

luluc, I'm so sorry for what your father went through and how that impacted your relationship with him. Whenever I hear about such things they literally bring tears to my eyes. How someone can do that to a child, much less their own child, is simply beyond me.